AW: vent: I give up having a decent pregnancy.

Lezzie82 · December 2014

It's just evidently not going to happen for me. Everyday I wake up optimistic that this will be the day, the week... that I finally stop fucking puking. Nope. Evryone here pretty much knows I have a horrible thing called "Hyperemesis Gravidarum" and one of the worst cases my OB has ever seen.

To shorten a very long story I'm a stupid moron and planned out this ridiculous weekend (that we normally do every holiday). Friday I was in Chicago with DH, Saturday in Peoria with him and his family.. Sunday I somehow entered into the ninth realm of Hades and haven't managed to get out yet. I started heavily puking sometime Saturday night after a Christmas party we went to... and I just haven't stopped. SO we get to the airport, and I got sick in a trash can because I couldn't find a bathroom in time... which led to airport officials bringing me into a little clinic room and giving me the third degree. I vomitted twice in there, Im sure out of sheer nervousness... and they told me I couldn't fly today. They said you can only get sick a certain number of times on a plane before they have to do something about it, so as a preventative measure they told me no. That's when it really gets fun. They of course were pushing for me to go to a hospital, but DH rented a car instead and we decided to just drive it. I wanted to be home and I thought maybe if I could pass out in the car I would be able to sleep it off. Well that was a failure too. I puked the entire way back. Dry heaved, blood, blew out an eye vessel and completely stopped up both ears. I must say finally stepping into my shower has been the sweetest relief I have ever felt, I just sobbed for an hour. Tomorrow first thing I am going into L&D for a day on the IV pole.... if I don't end up going tonight.

I can't stop crying. Sobbing. Just wanting to transcend out of my body somehow. I can't do this much longer I just can't. I'm so scared. I just wish I could be fucking normal. I haven't and won't announce my pregnancy because it doesn't even feel like a real one, it feels more like me trying to desperately keep a baby alive inside my horrible body. DH is passed out now and I don't blame him. He had to do EVERYTHING including help me walk in and out of gas station bathrooms all day. Our son acted horribly, he always acts out of nervousness I think when "mama sick and then she naps". He is with my parents for the night.

End of vent. Im sorry to be a Debbe downer and I'm sorry if this was hard to read and made no sense. I am at my wit's end.

brose1117 · December 2014

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this

hopefully you find relief soon! Good luck.

Lezzie82 · December 2014

I have good day now finally, which I keep thinking is a light at the end of this tunnel...

But my bad days knock me back really far.

Lezzie82 · December 2014

Haha @smilez4782 that cracked me up. Yeah I wish!

With my luck it would probably have the opposite effect this time and I'd get paranoid and totally freak out lol.

looloo44881 · December 2014

I'm so sorry to hear that:( I would be sick of it too! I hope you feel better soon!

AidanMarlene · December 2014

I'm very sorry that you're still dealing with this. I tried to get off Diclegis and I had an extremely bad week and a half with severe nausea/vomitting. I can only imagine how you feel and I wished this on no one. I don't have HG, but I somewhat understand. I really wished medicine worked for you, but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that this will pass and pass soon.

loloyoyo26 · December 2014

@Lezzie82‌, I hope things get better and you feel better soon! This can't be easy- my T&P go out to you.

ElleMuffin · December 2014

My prayers are with you. I hope that you're feeling better tonight and hopefully better days are ahead. Im so sorry you had such a difficult weekend.

samiamagirl · December 2014

Oh HUN! What you're going through sounds agonizing and miserable! Your venting is more than neccessary, I feel so bad and wish there was something we could all do. I really hope this ends soon. Keep venting away, we're here for you!

Lezzie82 · December 2014

I should be grateful that my baby is still healthy and okay.

I read other stories here that really put mine in perspective. I just need to get ahold of myself and get through this. Im halfway there anyways.

Aajay · December 2014

Hope you get better soon. Prayers

.

Unknown · December 2014

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mpower0606 · December 2014

Oh man this sounds terrible!! I'm sorry you have to go through this!! Hoping the rest of your pregnancy gets better!!

sthrncharmer · December 2014

I'm so sorry that this has been such a tough journey. I hope that it gets better so you finally feel like a human again. I had horrible vomiting at the beginning and that is all I wanted to feel like.

Lezzie82 · December 2014

Hahahaha @AlwaysLastZZ !!! Damn thighs.

Speaking of thighs I'm sure mine are really turning DH on considering I haven't shaved in probably two, maybe three weeks lol. Whoops. TMI.

Thank you guys so much for the positive support. A good word is needed to be heard sometimes. I don't think made much sense but you know what I mean lol. It feels good to be able to talk without actually having to use my voice also, my throat is on fire.

Snapdragon750 · December 2014

I am so sorry. That sounds like a nightmare. T&P, I had no idea you had it so bad!

lakingsfan2015 · December 2014

T&P. Hope tomorrow gives you some relief.

growingbelly0515 · December 2014

Sending you thoughts and prayers! I have been dealing with HG this pregnancy and it is awful. I'm in tears every day because I just want to feel better and function like a normal human being. Like your husband, mind has been doing EVERYTHING for me and keeping the house together which makes me feel guilty but there is really nothing I can do. I can't even walk to the bathroom without throwing up. My doctor also sounds like you and she hasn't given me much for relief and Zofran has just been a joke.

I'm glad you shared because I sometimes feel like I'm going crazy because everyone I'm surrounded by had or is having decent pregnancies and doesn't understand. I love your positivity about being thankful your baby is doing, but at the same time I've learned it's okay to hate what you're going through. Doesn't mean we love our little ones any less. I also think it's amazing how you are parenting another child while going through this, I can't imagine! Hang in there and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

Sorry for the book, just comforting hearing from someone who can relate (although I wish you weren't dealing with it too)!

headovaheels · December 2014

Sorry you are feeling so sick hun. I've been there done that and got the T-shirt x3. I wouldn't wish that type of sickness on my worst enemy. I pray you will soon find some relief.

allisong1187 · December 2014

So sorry you're feeling this way! I hope everything starts to get better! That's no way to spend 9 months

Lezzie82 · December 2014

Well I am packing up to go on in. I was hoping to be able to sleep even for a few hours but I can't. I know I have re-torn a spot in my esophagus, really bad this time, and the blood is getting heavier with each barf, and I'm dry heaving convulsively.

UGH this is a nightmare of epic proportions!! I can honestly see how some HEG women choose to terminate.

@Headovaheels I had no idea you suffered from HEG too, so sorry! Awful. @Growingbelly0515 thank you for your story, only us HEG women can truly relate! I was probably unclear in my OP but my OB is actually great! She is a high risk OB and deals with things like this all the time..! I credit her with keeping me, not to sound overdramatic, but alive during this thing! We love her.

emilyanimals15 · December 2014

I'm thinking of you @Lezzie82‌ ! I'm glad LO is doing well, but, man, you have every right to feel frustrated and done!

rivers714 · December 2014

I've seen it in the ER im sorry you're dealing with it

lladymack · December 2014

Awe, this sounds just so terrible. I hated puking. I can't imagine what you've been going through. I hope the fluids help and one day you get that light at the end of the tunnel.

Brannykaye · December 2014

Sending prayers your way! So sorry for what you're going through. ❤️ hope you feel better soon!

alleycat39 · December 2014

So sorry you are going through this

animaldoctor12 · December 2014

You sound like one tough mama! You can do it!

Pintobean39 · December 2014

I'm so sorry. I really hope you get some relief.

RedCherry1109 · December 2014

Hope you can get some relief!

VeganOnTuesdays · December 2014

I am so sorry you are going through this! I am praying that you find relief soon. It is a total mind fuck feeling that sick because you know that you aren't going to sleep it off and feel better in the morning like the flu. It is physically and mentally draining. Keep us updated! <<hugs>>

alaw0729 · December 2014

Sitting here reading this I feel like a total jerk for moping around thinking I'm tired of feeling sick still. I'm so sorry, even though I don't think you are looking for sympathy. T&P's for you for even just a little bit of relief. I'm so sorry.

staccajaye · December 2014

As a FTM I cannot even imagine what you are going though.
All I suggest is take your phone charger/laptop/iPad, go in to hospital, get on the drip of magic fluids and relax, and sleep.
Wake up, read, go back to sleep again and just get better mama.
T&P's

melissak1q · December 2014

This sounds absolutely horrible! Here's to hoping for a better tomorrow.

jbj 7497 · December 2014

That sounds so terrible! I really hope you get some relief soon. I'm so sorry you're going through this!

obimom · December 2014

Sending positive thoughts your way. I hope you find some relief soon and are able to get some sleep while at the hospital. You're one amazingly tough woman! I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Lezzie82 · December 2014

deziniki said:

I am so sorry your HG is making life difficult. My friend had it that badly for two of her babies and this 3rd is almost as bad. I hope your body will at least calm down a little and soon. I don't know if you have tried it, but try lavender essential oil. After I suggested it it was the only thing that helped my friend not get sick for any and every smell. Maybe it could help? It is supposed to be calming at least.

Having three is truly brave! A lot of women choose to give it up after the first, second or third time... I know I am. I am going to go to great lengths after this to ensure I never get pregnant again. It's really sad too in my IRL HEG support group I know a woman who recently gave up ever having any kids.. her HEG caused her to have uterine hemorrhaging with each pregnancy and a miscarriage. She recently decided she just can't try again and has given her dreams of having a child. Very depressing.

mpiemont · December 2014

I am so sorry you have to deal with that. I hope someday soon you find some relief!!!

heaterb12 · December 2014

I am seriously bowing down to you for powering through such a rough pregnancy. Reading your post broke my heart, especially the part about not being able to be excited. I hope you can get some relief very soon!

littlecookie · December 2014

I'm sorry hon. I'm glad you decided to go in tonight and hope that it will help you at least get some rest tonight. Big hugs.

Lezzie82 · December 2014

Thank you all so much for the love! I am home now thank god!

I was there from about 6 to 2:30ish... They IV bagged me, nutritional and regular saline. I got four total bags! I am peeing like a racehorse now. My body sucked the first one up super quick I think lol, I don't really know I finally passed out when I got there. Then I saw my OB, she gave me a follow up this Friday where they may or may not put the zof pump back in, hopefully not because it came out partially last time and was shitty and painful. Then they unhooked me and made me eat and keep down a bowl of dried cheerios and some sprite... I did thank god. Then they let me go!

dj99 · December 2014

This sounds awful! So sorry that you are dealing with this, I hope you get some relief soon.

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