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May 2015 Moms
jrayl84
member
Devastated and confused
jrayl84
member
This past Wednesday we attended my 18wk anatomy ultrasound. I get them more frequently due to my diabetes. We were overjoyed to learn we were having a girl but that joy was short lived. The tech quickly made up an excuse and hurried out of the room. We waited and waited for her to return to finish "finding the right kidney" but instead she returned to turn on a telemed promoter, connecting me with the Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist. He stated that he doesn't have the best of news and informed me that the baby has a occipital encephalocele. Now I had no idea what that was. I held back tears trying not to think the worst. They moved us to a more appropriate room and that's when it was explained. I am devastated! I was immediately scheduled to travel to the MFM the next day and have a second ultrasound to verify. After, we had another consult with the genetic specialist and neonatal neurologist. They told us that this is the worst they have seen. They told us that baby Charlottes entire back of her skull is missing and that her cerebellum AND brain stem are not in her skull. We received sonny pics, even 3D to show the mass and facial deformities. They told us that she will not likely survive to term and if she does my some miracle, she is unlikely to survive minutes past birth. I haven't stopped crying and am completely crushed. They urged me to abort and I have refused. I've decided that all I can do is let God and her own strength number her days. Just give her all the love I can. And she is strong! Which is so confusing because she is constantly moving in all the ultrasounds I've had, I even feel her every couple of hours and it is unmistakable! They told me that she would not have these functions because of the brain damage. How can something so strong have limited days? I try to block it out. Not think that my next weekly appointment could reveal she has passed. My head is a fog and this is NOT supposed to happen! Not to anyone! They called this the worst case scenario for birth defects. I'm having trouble coming to terms with it. I thought I took all the precautions: controlled my diabetes, took all the prenatals, went to all the appointments, opted for the NT scan. I mean how is it with ally ultrasounds, this was only caught now? Even the NT scan revealed nothing abnormal, but then again, they forgot to do the second blood draw. I'm not looking to blame anyone, they wouldn't have been able to do anything then either... I'm just a scared and devastated mum looking for answers.
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Re: Devastated and confused
DX: Septate Uterus. Septum resection 6/4/13
TTC #1: June 2014
BFP: 09/07/2014 EDD: May 18th, 2015
Me: 27 DH: 30
Married: August 31, 2012
BFP #2: 7/24/13, MC: 8/28/13 @8weeks, 3days
EDD: June 10th 2015 ~ Aussie Bumpie~FTM
** June 2015 ~ January Siggy - Pinterest Fails**
Thoughts and prayers to you and your darling baby girl
May '15 January Siggy Challenge.....You had one job...
One thing I wanted to mention is that as things like this happen we try and look for answers and reasons. Sometimes very bad things happen to good people no matter how much we try and prevent them. Please don't blame yourself as you try and seek answers and some understanding. This isn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself. It will wreak more havoc than you can possibly know.
Continue to Love your baby as much as you can for as long as you can. Know you did the best you could do. Lean on your family and SO during this difficult time. Also don't be afraid to feel what you are feeling. It's alright to cry and be pissed. (((Hugs))) I'm keeping you in my T&Ps.
THE DARK SIDE IT IS
and GBCB
BFP 8/2/12 EDD 4/9/13 Addie was delivered 1/4/13 at 26 weeks due to Eclampsia
BFP 9/15/14 EDD 5/28/15 Please be our R A I N B O W take home baby BOY
~All AL always welcome~