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AW: Embarassed about IF meltdown (**child mentioned**)

wanderlust508wanderlust508 member
edited December 2014 in Trouble TTC
I've gone to LA for the weekend to attend an old family friend's wedding. Since I don't have to be at work til Monday, I came down early yesterday morning to spend the day with my close childhood friend and her 3 year old girl. Her daughter is so adorable ... friendly, super girly (loves everything purple and playing with her princess Lego set and dolls). From the moment I arrived, she got attached to me. She kept pulling me to play all her games with her and insisted I nap with her when it was her nap time. I just fell in love with her.

This morning, my brother's girlfriend came to pick me up from my childhood friends place. I explained to her 3 yr old daughter that I had to go. She got tearful and told her mom "I don't want auntie to go." I promised I'd come back soon and we'd play Legos. She grabbed me in a big long hug. And I ugly cried. My childhood friend (although I know she loves me dearly) didn't know how to handle my emotional outburst and just said "Its OK, auntie will be back soon."

Even more embarrassed that my brother's girlfriend who I don't yet know very well saw that. I want a little girl :( ..... IF sucks.
**Formerly EastBayBride508**

Me 34   Him 33

Me - Left salpingo-oophorectomy at 19 due to large cyst/torsion  and 2 large uterine fibroids found at age 30
Him - Borderline low sperm count (correcting through Fertility Blend supplement)

Married 8/20/2011
TTC #1 since Jan 2013
First appointment with RE 10/2013.  
April 2014 - Clomid 100mg CD3-7.  HCG shot CD10 IUI #1 done on 4/12/14 (CD12) ....BFN
May 2014 - Break cycle to repeat saline sonogram and re-group.  Travel to Kauai 5/7-5/12 (Yay!!)
June 2014 - Clomid 150mg CD4-8.  HCG shot CD14.  IUI#2 done on 6/9 and 6/10 (CD15-16) w/ Prometrium suppositories during TWW .... BFN
July 2014 - Clomid 150mg CD3-7.  Ultrasound CD12 - 4 mature follies! HCG trigger shot CD12 AM.  IUI#3 on CD13 w/ Prometrium suppositories during TWW ....BFN
July 2014 - Repeat ultrasound done to measure size of fibroid - 8x9cm (the size of a grapefruit!) Surgery referral made.
August 2014 - MRI done which revealed 2 fibroids: a 13x15cm fibroid as well as an 8x7cm one.  Super freak out mode over surgery plan.  OB-GYN/surgeon said surgery would most likely have to be a laparotomy (open abdominal surgery)
August 2014 - After a 2nd opinion, plan to take Lupron x 2 months to shrink fibroids then laparoscopic/robotic myomectomy.  Surgery date is set for Nov 21st!  
November 2014 - Robotic myomectomy done (2 large fibroids removed, mild endo found).  Benched x 3 months

PAIF/SAIF welcome
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Re: AW: Embarassed about IF meltdown (**child mentioned**)

  • TTCBabyJTTCBabyJ member
    I'm so sorry IF meltdowns are the worse. And it is really hard to be around cute, little friendly children. Just be kind to yourself and try to enjoy your trip.
    Me: +35 DH: +35
    TTC: Since January 2013 
    DX: PCOS. Severe Endometriosis, Unicornuate Uterus w/only left tube and left ovary, Pedunculated fibroid (on the outside of uterus) and Anovulation. All conditions diagnosed 8/13
    TX: Metformin
    DH DX: MFI - low morphology, low motility
    Ultrasound shows both kidneys in spite of UU. 
    HSG showed clear tube on the left side. 
    Lap Surgery performed 1/9/14 to remove fibroid and endo (Stage 3)
    • IUI# 1 June 2014 started 100 mg of Clomid - 7dpiui Progesterone: 13: BFN
    • IUI#2  July 2014 started 100 mg of Clomid - 7dpiui Progesterone: 5.75: BFN
    • Natural Cycle - so shocked to be in 2WW - 7dpo Progesterone: 15.5: BFN
    • Working with new RE starting injectables in late August.
    • IUI #3 August 2014  w/ Menopur: BFN
    • Finally ovulating on my own!!
    Waiting to start IVF hopefully
    **********All Are Welcome**************
    3T January Siggy Challenge: New Year's Resolution
    image

     
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  • katers79katers79 member
    (Hugs) IF sucks. Meltdowns happen. I'm sorry you had a hard time. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your weekend! Lots of wine for you at the wedding :)

    ***SIGGY WARNING***

    Our Story

    Me- 35, mild hypothyroidism

    DH- 29, low count due to a chromosomal abnormality, only option is IVF/ICSI with PGD.

    Married 5/13

    TTC since 8/13

    IVF/ICSI #1 ER 9/14 - 14R, 6M, 6F, 5 blasts off to PGD- 1 normal female, 2 balanced males

    FET 12/8 of 2 frosties - 1 male/1 female - stick babies stick! 

    Beta #1 10dp5dt 444! Beta #2 14dp5dt 2,340!  U/S 1/5-- TWINS!!!  EDD 8/26/15

    "You'll never see the rainbow if you can't survive the storm"

     image    image

    Pregnancy Ticker

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  • FluffydamnFluffydamn member
    ((Hugs)) I hate IF and all the ugly cries it makes me have. I had a total meltdown when my brother had his little girl. I also had to walk out and ugly cry outside when they had their baby shower. IF sucks
    Report Reply
  • BunnyBerryBunnyBerry member
    I'm so sorry.

    But hopefully that wonderful experience helps remind you that you will be great with your own kid(s)!
    January 3T Siggy Challenge - New Year's Resolutions
    image
    imageimage

    Me (29), DH (30) TTC actively 54 55+ cycles | All BFNs
    MFI (low everything) | Endo Stage 1 & Stenotic Cervix (treated) | PCO
    Married - July 2008 | Started TTC - Jan 2009 | RE Visit #1 - Mar 2014 
    IUI #1 ICI #1 - June | IUI #1.1 Laparoscopy - Aug
    IUIs #1.2, 2, 3 - Sept, Oct, Nov (Letrozole) - BFNs 
    IUI #4 - Dec (Bravelle) | IUI #5 - Dec/Jan (Bravelle) - 5 follies + TI - BFNs
    IUI #5.1 - Jan (Bravelle) Cancelled 
    Planning to start IVF in March!
    ***All Welcome***
    Report Reply
  • SewfieSewfie member
    edited December 2014
    I'm sorry that happened, and I wish you didn't feel embarrased. I think we (3Ters/IFers) have every reason to have meltdowns like that, and I hope that your friend and brother's gf understand it on at least some level, even if they didn't know how to help in the moment.  <<<hugs>>>


    ****Loss in Sig****
    3T Sig Challenge: New Year's Resolutions
    image
    "Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less."
    Marie Curie

    Married 2010, together since 2006. TTC for #1 since March 2012, actively charting since November 2013
    March 2014 - HSG left tube blocked, right tube partially blocked bilaterial partial obstruction; onward to the RE in April
    May 1, 2014 - Lap surgery and chromopertubation; Dr removed a bit of endo, but everything looks healthy & tubes are clear!
    May 2014- First medicated cycle, 2.5mg femara+TI; BFN
    June 2014- 2.5mg femara + hCG + IUI     on 6/18= BFP on 6/28!; C/P on 7/3
    July 2014- 2.5mg femara + IUI #2 on 7/18. Starting progesterone 7/23, bfn
    August 2014- 2.5mg femara + hCG + IUI # 3 on 8/15. BFN
    Tx break
    IVF #1 -
    12/1 - TOT & SIS- RE found a polyp
    12/15 - Hysterscopic surgery to remove the polyp; additional polyps found and removed
    12/29- Good baseline u/s, 12 antral follies
    12/30- Started stimming
    1/10 - ER: 17 retrieved, 14 fertilized!
      My Ovulation Chart - No data,  just meds
    image
    Report Reply
  • dancersposedancerspose member
    HUGS to you
    Me: 31 (PCOS) possible right tube issues DH: 36 (SA normal) 
    Started dating in 2006, Married 2012 
    TTC since November 2013 
    First RE visit due to irregular periods: June 2014
    Lap/Hysto to remove polyps, cyst and tube blockage 11/6
    Cycle 1 (Dec. 2014) TI with Clomid, Trigger, & Progesterone CX due to no response
    Impatiently Waiting CD1 to try again with Fermara Back on the bench due to giant cyst,
    who know I'd ovulate on my own after a cancelled cycle and end up with a mega cyst :(
    All Welcome
     
    image
    Report Reply
  • BandM14BandM14 member
    I'm so sorry you had that happen. I'm sure I would have reacted exactly the same way. I hope you are feeling a bit better today, and are being kind to yourself (with lots of wine if necessary!).

    Me: 27 DH: 35

    TTC #1 Since July 2013

    Started RE Testing July 2014

    2 HSG tests: Right tube is blocked, possible endo.

    TSH elevated, started Synthroid 25 mg daily.

    October, 2014: Femara 5 mg + TI ---> 3 follies on blocked tube side ---> BFN

    November, 2014: Femara + Ovidrel + IUI#1--2 follies (on the good side), 46 mil. motile sperm=BFN

    Nov-Dec 2014: Femara + Ovidrel + IUI #2 (1 follie, 76 mil. motile sperm) + Endometrin=BFN

    January, 2014: Femara + Ovidrel + IUI #3 (1 follie, 38 mil. motile sperm)=???

    New RE appt. scheduled for 1/14.


    3T January Siggy Challenge: New Years Resolutions

    Mine: Lose the weight I put on from booze and cookies over Christmas.

    image


    Report Reply
  • wanderlust508wanderlust508 member
    You ladies are so sweet. Thank you so much for the hugs and support.

    I'm feeling much better today .... And I definitely will have lots of wine at the wedding today! Yesterday was so hard though because I had to fight back tears through an entire lunch with my brother's girlfriend after we left my friends place. It was tough too because she was showing me pics and videos of her 1 year old niece. And Ilooked at them for a bit but then I felt myself choking up again .... so I changed the subject. Sigh*

    Thanks again....you ladies are the best!
    **Formerly EastBayBride508**

    Me 34   Him 33

    Me - Left salpingo-oophorectomy at 19 due to large cyst/torsion  and 2 large uterine fibroids found at age 30
    Him - Borderline low sperm count (correcting through Fertility Blend supplement)

    Married 8/20/2011
    TTC #1 since Jan 2013
    First appointment with RE 10/2013.  
    April 2014 - Clomid 100mg CD3-7.  HCG shot CD10 IUI #1 done on 4/12/14 (CD12) ....BFN
    May 2014 - Break cycle to repeat saline sonogram and re-group.  Travel to Kauai 5/7-5/12 (Yay!!)
    June 2014 - Clomid 150mg CD4-8.  HCG shot CD14.  IUI#2 done on 6/9 and 6/10 (CD15-16) w/ Prometrium suppositories during TWW .... BFN
    July 2014 - Clomid 150mg CD3-7.  Ultrasound CD12 - 4 mature follies! HCG trigger shot CD12 AM.  IUI#3 on CD13 w/ Prometrium suppositories during TWW ....BFN
    July 2014 - Repeat ultrasound done to measure size of fibroid - 8x9cm (the size of a grapefruit!) Surgery referral made.
    August 2014 - MRI done which revealed 2 fibroids: a 13x15cm fibroid as well as an 8x7cm one.  Super freak out mode over surgery plan.  OB-GYN/surgeon said surgery would most likely have to be a laparotomy (open abdominal surgery)
    August 2014 - After a 2nd opinion, plan to take Lupron x 2 months to shrink fibroids then laparoscopic/robotic myomectomy.  Surgery date is set for Nov 21st!  
    November 2014 - Robotic myomectomy done (2 large fibroids removed, mild endo found).  Benched x 3 months

    PAIF/SAIF welcome
    Report Reply
  • TTCBabyJTTCBabyJ member
    @EastBayBride508‌ I'm glad your feeling better. I thought about you this morning while I was at my nephew's Christmas pageant. When the preschoolers did their song I almost lost it. Thankfully I had an overzealous grandmother sitting next to me yelling and trying to get every picture she could...so I was able to transfer my sad feelings into contempt for her. I'm sorry your brother's girlfriend didn't pick up on the earlier meltdown and still was showing you videos of children. But anywho it is supposed to be a really pretty nice day to day in LA....welcome to my neck of the woods. So have fun at the wedding. I love winter weddings.
    Me: +35 DH: +35
    TTC: Since January 2013 
    DX: PCOS. Severe Endometriosis, Unicornuate Uterus w/only left tube and left ovary, Pedunculated fibroid (on the outside of uterus) and Anovulation. All conditions diagnosed 8/13
    TX: Metformin
    DH DX: MFI - low morphology, low motility
    Ultrasound shows both kidneys in spite of UU. 
    HSG showed clear tube on the left side. 
    Lap Surgery performed 1/9/14 to remove fibroid and endo (Stage 3)
    • IUI# 1 June 2014 started 100 mg of Clomid - 7dpiui Progesterone: 13: BFN
    • IUI#2  July 2014 started 100 mg of Clomid - 7dpiui Progesterone: 5.75: BFN
    • Natural Cycle - so shocked to be in 2WW - 7dpo Progesterone: 15.5: BFN
    • Working with new RE starting injectables in late August.
    • IUI #3 August 2014  w/ Menopur: BFN
    • Finally ovulating on my own!!
    Waiting to start IVF hopefully
    **********All Are Welcome**************
    3T January Siggy Challenge: New Year's Resolution
    image

     
    Report Reply
  • deelopi9deelopi9 member
    :::hugs::: i teared up reading your post. IF sucks. Especially right before the holidays, it's even harder. I started to ugly cry yesterday when my god-daughter found out about this month was a failed cycle~ she said to my aunt...what kind of Christmas are they going to have now? My heart just melted. 
    image
    3T January Siggy Challenge: New Years Resolutions 
    TTC since 10/2010 (Rhythm method since 2007)
    Me (33) Sept 2012 - DX Low ovulation/progesterone, Luteal Phase Defect. HSG 5/2012: both tubes are open, cervix and lining look good;
    September 2014 DX Hashimoto's; November 2014: PCOS IR
    ***
    DH (37) Sept 2012 SA Normal; October 2014 Mild MFI count 42 Million, Motility 36%, Morphology 2%. Clomid 50mg,
    ***
    2004 Cyrosurgery, LEEP
    May 2012 - HSG Clear; June 2012 - Appointment with RE
    July 2012 - October 2012 - Clomid 50mg W/ TI & Progesterone 3 mature follicles- BFN
    January 2013 IUI #1 (900,000 post wash) Clomid 50mg, TI & Progesterone 2 mature follicles - BFN
    February 2013 IUI #2 (1.3 Mil post wash) Clomid 50mg, TI & Progesterone 4 mature follicles - BFN
    March 2013 IUI #1-3 (2.5 mil post wash) Clomid 50mg, Baby Aspirin (lining thinned) TI & Progesterone - 2 mature follicles BFN
    April 2013 Benched due to cyst, May 2013 WTF appointment
    June 2013 DH SA mild MFI break for 2 months to re-test; August 2013 - DH SA 36 Mil count, 36% Motility, Morp 2%
    September - December 2013 - Mental sanity Break
    January 2014 - IUI #4 switches to natural due to scheduling conflict Femara TI & Progesterone - 1 mature follicle - BFN
    May 2014-June 2014 - DH Appointment w/ Urologist to check Bi-lateral Varicocele; 2nd opinion w/ another urologist - bi-lateral varicocele dx is slight no surgery
    July 2014 DH starts clomid 25mg daily SA 53.8 Mil count, Motility 37%, Morph 3%;
    September 2014 DH Repeat SA after being on clomid for 3 months 42 Mil Count, Motility 36%, Morph 2%
    October 2014 Me: Hashimoto's DX, DH taken off clomid;    November 2014 Me: new RE PCOS IR Diagnosis
    December 2014: IUI #4 Follitism 75iu 7 days, TI, IUI & Progesterone, BFMFN
    January 2015: IUI #5     Gonal-F 75iu 7 days, TI, IUI & Progesterone, Another BFMFN onto IUI #6
       image

    Report Reply
  • wanderlust508wanderlust508 member
    @TTCBabyJ - I forgot that you live in LA! The weather is great this wknd. I'm sorry about the feelings the Christmas pageant brought up. :( But thank goodness for the annoying grandma for somewhat distracting you haha. I didn't blame my brother's girlfriend really .... when I think back to when I was her age I don't think it would have occurred to me how painful IF is. I only really learned that when I went through it. Before that, for all I know I might have said and done some insensitive things (unknowingly) to women going through IF.
    **Formerly EastBayBride508**

    Me 34   Him 33

    Me - Left salpingo-oophorectomy at 19 due to large cyst/torsion  and 2 large uterine fibroids found at age 30
    Him - Borderline low sperm count (correcting through Fertility Blend supplement)

    Married 8/20/2011
    TTC #1 since Jan 2013
    First appointment with RE 10/2013.  
    April 2014 - Clomid 100mg CD3-7.  HCG shot CD10 IUI #1 done on 4/12/14 (CD12) ....BFN
    May 2014 - Break cycle to repeat saline sonogram and re-group.  Travel to Kauai 5/7-5/12 (Yay!!)
    June 2014 - Clomid 150mg CD4-8.  HCG shot CD14.  IUI#2 done on 6/9 and 6/10 (CD15-16) w/ Prometrium suppositories during TWW .... BFN
    July 2014 - Clomid 150mg CD3-7.  Ultrasound CD12 - 4 mature follies! HCG trigger shot CD12 AM.  IUI#3 on CD13 w/ Prometrium suppositories during TWW ....BFN
    July 2014 - Repeat ultrasound done to measure size of fibroid - 8x9cm (the size of a grapefruit!) Surgery referral made.
    August 2014 - MRI done which revealed 2 fibroids: a 13x15cm fibroid as well as an 8x7cm one.  Super freak out mode over surgery plan.  OB-GYN/surgeon said surgery would most likely have to be a laparotomy (open abdominal surgery)
    August 2014 - After a 2nd opinion, plan to take Lupron x 2 months to shrink fibroids then laparoscopic/robotic myomectomy.  Surgery date is set for Nov 21st!  
    November 2014 - Robotic myomectomy done (2 large fibroids removed, mild endo found).  Benched x 3 months

    PAIF/SAIF welcome
    Report Reply
  • wanderlust508wanderlust508 member
    @deelopi9 - Aww, that would really get me (what your god daughter said). (((Hugs))). I'm happy that we (the women of 3T) have this group and can find support in each other. Without that, the holidays would be much harder
    **Formerly EastBayBride508**

    Me 34   Him 33

    Me - Left salpingo-oophorectomy at 19 due to large cyst/torsion  and 2 large uterine fibroids found at age 30
    Him - Borderline low sperm count (correcting through Fertility Blend supplement)

    Married 8/20/2011
    TTC #1 since Jan 2013
    First appointment with RE 10/2013.  
    April 2014 - Clomid 100mg CD3-7.  HCG shot CD10 IUI #1 done on 4/12/14 (CD12) ....BFN
    May 2014 - Break cycle to repeat saline sonogram and re-group.  Travel to Kauai 5/7-5/12 (Yay!!)
    June 2014 - Clomid 150mg CD4-8.  HCG shot CD14.  IUI#2 done on 6/9 and 6/10 (CD15-16) w/ Prometrium suppositories during TWW .... BFN
    July 2014 - Clomid 150mg CD3-7.  Ultrasound CD12 - 4 mature follies! HCG trigger shot CD12 AM.  IUI#3 on CD13 w/ Prometrium suppositories during TWW ....BFN
    July 2014 - Repeat ultrasound done to measure size of fibroid - 8x9cm (the size of a grapefruit!) Surgery referral made.
    August 2014 - MRI done which revealed 2 fibroids: a 13x15cm fibroid as well as an 8x7cm one.  Super freak out mode over surgery plan.  OB-GYN/surgeon said surgery would most likely have to be a laparotomy (open abdominal surgery)
    August 2014 - After a 2nd opinion, plan to take Lupron x 2 months to shrink fibroids then laparoscopic/robotic myomectomy.  Surgery date is set for Nov 21st!  
    November 2014 - Robotic myomectomy done (2 large fibroids removed, mild endo found).  Benched x 3 months

    PAIF/SAIF welcome
    Report Reply
  • j&j620j&j620 member
    Buttmonkey34 said:
    Hugs.  It's happened to me before too.  I've decided it's normal :)
    Thank goodness for that because I had one today.  It involved baking Christmas cookies, which didn't come out the way I wanted and I felt like I had no control...much like how I cannot control my damn ovaries.  I felt like a crazy person.

    @EastBayBride508 - Hugs to you!
    TTC #1
    Me 30, H 30
    1st RE appt. - July 2014

    Testing
    HSG, Sono - normal
    SA - normal
    Diagnosed with "mild" PCOS - Sept 2014

    Treatment
    TI Clomid Cycle - October 2014 - no response to 50mg, started 100mg - 1 mature follie; BFN 11/12/14
    IUI Clomid Cycle - Canceled 12/2/14, no response to 100mg
    IUI Letrozole Cycle - Started meds 12/23/14
     
    Report Reply
  • cateyes543cateyes543 member
    Hugs and all the wine for you! IF sucks and the meltdowns make it feel even worse. I am so sorry you had the pain of an IF meltdown. 
    Me: 30   DH:31 
    Married 9/2010
    TTC 10/2013
    RE Help from 10/2014-10/2016 (11 failed IUIs, a corrective surgery, and a donor embryo cycle)
    9/2016-transferred two donor embies
    BFP 9/29/26 EDD June 11
    BabyGaga BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • junerosesjuneroses member
    What a cute girl - it sounds like you two are going to be great friends. :). It is so hard bonding with kids sometimes with that little voice in the back of your head thinking 'you could have been mine'. Hugs, wine, and I hope the wedding was awesome!
    Me (33), PCOS. Bloodwork normal, AMH slightly high, HSG clear 
    DH (40) SA good 
    Trying since 1/2012, RE 6/2014 
    Letrozole & TI June 2014-September 2014 -BFN
    October 2014 - IUI #1, lertozole - BFN
    November 2014 - IUI cancelled due to holiday, TI & Lertozole - BFN
    December 2014 - TI 
    January 2015 - IUI #2 - ?

    Report Reply
  • meredithcarolemeredithcarole member
    I'm sorry EastBay. I almost cried reading your story. ((Hugs)), I hope the myomectomy has given you some renewed hope.
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge: Animals in the Snow

    image

      
    About Me: 

    AMA 35 :  DH 33
    BFP#1 1/26/14 (EDD: 10/7/14).  MMC 3/10/14 D&C 3/14/14
    RE Consult 11/3/14 - AMH 2.25 "great" . FSH 7.10 . Low Vitamin D
    Myomectomy 12/17/14.  Benched until March.

    image

    My Ovulation Chart
    Report Reply
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