WWYD - moving and leaving daycare

kareik01 · December 2014

DH and I officially sold our house and bought a new one in a town 45 minutes away. While we both continue to work where we do, I plan to make it work to leave DD in the daycare she's in because she LOVES the provider and the provider adores my LO. It's so sweet...this lady is literally ripping DD from me the second she's out of her car seat, and says she loves her as DD and I leave at night! I couldn't be happier that she loves my daughter so much because I know DD is being taken care of exactly how I would take care of her myself.

But the point of our move is for me to be closer to the bigger city and hopefully find a job utilizing my college degrees, and DH is opening his own business in the town where we are moving, which will hopefully officially open in March or April.

So my issue is, how do I tell my daycare lady that DDs time there is limited? As long as we both work where we do, she'll stay in this daycare. But as soon as I find a new job or DHs business opens, she will no longer stay in that daycare. I've been putting off telling her! But now that we're just under a month before the move, I figured I had better tell her soon.

Do I just tell her face to face? I WANT to, but I'm such a coward and feel SO bad telling her since she's only had a few short months with DD. So I wrote a nice little letter up and stuck it in her Christmas present that I plan to give her either tonight or Monday. But I'm second guessing myself because a letter seems so insincere even though I put as much love and thought into it as I could.

This seems like such a silly thing to ask for advice on, but it's personally such a difficult conversation because of how much love there is between the two of them.

Thoughts and advice, please!

IceHide61313 · December 2014

I think that should be a face to face convo.

JadaBlue · December 2014

I'm a little confused by your timeline, but it sounds like you're not sure when she'll leave the daycare? It could be months? I would wait until you have a clearer idea when LO will be leaving so it isn't hanging over everyone for what could be months (if I understand correctly). Then I would suggest a conversation which begins with "I have some family news (new job/business/house) I'm excited about but sad to share because it will affect how we're taking care of LO. You have have been such a blessing to our family and LO and we value you so much, but..." Be direct and show your respect and appreciation and she'll understand even if it hurts.

kareik01 · December 2014

It's in home, only 7 kids total there I think.

kareik01 · December 2014

@peripatetic14 you're correct, the timeline is uncertain yet. But considering it would be 2 weeks notice at the most if I were offered a new job, I feel like I should inform her now rather than wait and only give her 2 weeks notice.

I feel like an idiot for asking for advice on this now. I'm such a wuss.

JadaBlue · December 2014

@kareik01‌ Don't feel like a wuss, most of us would rather avoid uncomfortable conversations.

abnelsen22 · December 2014

I'd just wait until you are giving notice. It's not like she can do anything about it now. It's great she loves your LO, but she's still a business provider. Stuff happens, she'll deal with it professionally.

becominggold · December 2014

I would wait and give notice. Remember, as much as she may love on your baby, at the end of the day it is her job that you pay her to do. Also, as wonderful as she seems, she may give you notice if she knows you are leaving anyway and an opportunity comes along to fill the spot. I would hope not, but it is always a possibility. When the time comes I would definitely tell her in person.

MandMLeona · December 2014

My daughters are in a similar in home situation. I'd raise the possibility in person. Drop offs and pick ups can be so crazy, that I'd probably raise it multiple times...just so I know she has heard me. Just in conversations about my day...I'm going to interview today...I'm so nervous! If I get this it will be so different for the whole family...yada yada yada.

That gets her used to it without it being a huge deal. Then give it to her in writing when you have a date.

kareik01 · December 2014

becominggold said:

I would wait and give notice. Remember, as much as she may love on your baby, at the end of the day it is her job that you pay her to do. Also, as wonderful as she seems, she may give you notice if she knows you are leaving anyway and an opportunity comes along to fill the spot. I would hope not, but it is always a possibility. When the time comes I would definitely tell her in person.

So what do I do about telling her we are moving?

becominggold · December 2014

@MandMLeona‌ made a great point. If you go ahead and tell her you are moving but that LO is going to remain with her "for now" and then make casual conversation about all the goings on, the whole thing won't come as a great surprise, but then you protect your spot by not officially giving notice until you have to.

shevaCC · December 2014

I agree with PPs to share the news of your new house just like you'd share other good news. I would also say you're keeping DD there for now since she's getting such good care. I wouldn't discuss the possibility of moving your DD until it's a done deal.

ETA - some people love babies, the tinier the better. They make great daycare providers but they will love the next baby that comes along as much as they love your DD now. You don't want to lose you r spot.

kimberlybethh · December 2014

‌@kareik 01, did you sign a contract? If so, I would give whatever notice your provider indicated in the contract. We gave 30days notice with our first in-home since that is what the contract required. I also had a difficult time with telling the provider and switching to another since DD had been there for 1.5 years. We were moving across town though so it wasn't feasible to keep her there. It's hard to find someone who genuinely cares/loves your child so I understand where you are coming from. I did tell the provider that I would be happy to act as a reference if any prospective parents wanted to call since I had been so happy with the care she provided DD. Maybe that's an option? I wouldn't worry about it too much though. I'm sure your LO isn't the first to ever leave and she won't be the last. For now, I would mention moving but leave it at that until you have a more concrete timeframe.

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