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Guilty Feelings

Morena MamaMorena Mama member
in Late Term and Child Loss
I hope all of you are having a good evening. I had a question that has been bothering me and I was wondering if anyone had similar feelings and/or coping strategies?

I have felt a tremendous amount of guilt since my angel baby passed. It has been one of my main feelings. I feel like I failed at protecting him and it eats away at me everyday.

The doctors, nurses, and my husband said it wasn't my fault, but I feel like if I would have gone to the doctor just a day or so earlier, he might still be here.

I hope I'm not being an attention w**** or bringing any negative emotions during this holiday season. I sincerely apologize if either of these is the case.
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Re: Guilty Feelings

  • msunshine123msunshine123 member
    @Morena Mama - your feelings are normal. I think guilt is something every loss mom feels at some point after loosing their child. But you know in your heart you would have done everything and anything you could have for your child - if given the choice, but you had no choice it was out of your control. You are a great mom and you have so much love for your child. ((hugs))
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  • Mel&John2013Mel&John2013 member
    You are not an AW, and I completely understand. The guilt causes so much pain sometimes it's unbearable. For me, the guilt and "what ifs" come and go, but when the feelings are there they are very real. Not just feelings of "I wish I could have done something, but in my heart I know I couldn't". When the guilt comes it's a very real, unshakable feeling that I didn't do enough. That if I had done something better, done more, pushed more, my son would still be here.

    I can't offer advice on how to make those feelings go away because that's still something I'm working through. But I can say that usually a good cry and a good night's sleep clear my head and let me see things a little more rationally. And I've noticed as time passes the feelings seem to be coming to me less frequently. 

    I believe that at some point we'll come to a point of peace and understanding that events weren't our fault. In the meantime, feel free to vent here any time. That's what we're here for.
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  • CC1017CC1017 member
    Guilt is a very normal feeling right now. As mothers we feel responsible for protecting our babies and bringing them into the world safely. I know that losing my daughter was not my "fault" - I didn't go out and do something on purpose to harm her or my pregnancy. But the reality is that my body failed, and I will always feel responsible for that. I also feel guilt for not connecting with my pregnancy more. I wish I could go back and make more of an effort to establish that connection. I'm not exactly sure what else to say other than it's normal. I still having feelings of guilt and I'm still working through them. I will say that the more I talk about it the more accepting I am of the situation and my feelings. So come here to talk/vent anytime you need.
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    BFP #1 DS born 10/16/12 at 39w6d
    BFP #2 DD lost 11/17/14 at 17w2d
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  • mrslucidmrslucid member
    I think it's hard not to feel guilt.  There are so many what if's.  I know I ask myself all the time, "what if I'd checked on her before I left for work that day", among others.  I sometimes feel like I could have done something different and she would still be here but others remind me that I did everything right.  It's so hard. 
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  • Morena MamaMorena Mama member
    Thank you everyone for the support and advice. I'm working through my feelings of guilt a little each day and hoping they disappear somewhere down the line. @flutterfly88‌ I really love that article you posted. I read it a couple of times today to help me feel better.
    @Happyin14‌ thank you so much for your advice! The way you phrased it with not knowing a moment before I was aware of the problem really hit home. I would've done anything in this world or the next for him. Thank you.
    @mrslucid‌ , @CC1017‌ , @Mel&John2013 , big hugs to all of you and I'm praying for peace for you on your journeys as you work through your feelings also. @Mel&John2013 described the feelings precisely and it felt a little better to know I'm not the only one who feels like that. I'm glad @dadalou‌ suggested this group to me. I hope we can all help each other find peace.
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