TTC Check-in (12/15)

channe9 · December 2014

Good Morning!

How is your/your partner's TTC journey progressing, where are you at, and what's next?
*Reminder - If you have a BFP to announce, please do so by creating a new thread for everyone on the board to see. Thank you!

QOTW: What's your favourite film to watch at this time of year? Do you have a tradition?

channe9 · December 2014

I'm 10dpo/11dpiui with blood draw on Thursday. (This was IUI#3 after 4 at-home ICIs.) Temps have been spectacularly low but above cover line -- acupuncturist says maybe you're just cold? Oy... Pretty much counting myself out and thinking about next steps. With my clinic closing in February, I think we might have two more attempts depending on when AF arrives. We're all out of donor sperm so it looks like THAT will be our biggest Christmas present. (Ugh. The joy -- and expense -- never stops!) Although maybe wife and I will chat more about known donors with the clinic closing...?

I wish I had more hope. Would IVF make me more hopeful? I'm not even sure it would. This hope light TWW has been a lot easier. I haven't obsessed nearly as much. I feel more sane as I've been able to get on with everything else that needs to be done. But there's a voice that says if you don't actually believe this CAN work, why do you keep doing it? Has dropping more than £1000 each month along with getting blood drawn and having a rather uncomfortable procedure become a weird habit? Is my this can't possibly work getting in the way of this ever possibly working? I tend to tone down my moaning as I know there are people here who have been trying longer and spent more so I almost don't feel justified in complaining and/but... Yuck.

QOTW: Less Christmas-y, more Thanksgiving-y but I LOVE Home for the Holidays. It helps me reframe for the hilarity and challenges of family at this time of the year.

Karlamo · December 2014

I debated about checking in since I am feeling pestamistic but you all have been so supportive of me that it wouldn't be right to not check in. Also I need to climb out of the dark space I've been living in the past few days. Where did my zen speech go????

I'm 5dp5dt, and feel nothing. I know all to well how symptoms present or not present can mean nothing, it's just that I thought I would feel something. There are moments were I am so busy I even forget we did it. I have already cried over it not working and I haven't even tested yet. I know I feel this way for many reasons. The first being that we've been done this road too long and know how long it can take to actually get a baby. Secondly, we only transfered 1 which makes me think ours chances of sucess are less likely and thirdly, I'm not confident the stars have aligned for us on this try.

I've been dining alone at my pity party table because my wife is being positive about the whole thing, which for some reason is aggravating me. I just want to test and then drink some wine and move on.

@channe9, Good luck!!! Managing expectations for IVF is tricky. On the one hand you know that there is at least an embroyo in there, it just needs to implant. On the other hand, there are no gaurantees. With that being said I personaly will never do another IUI ever again. 12 was enough for us

I'm sorry I'm being a grinch about all of this.

bfonz619 · December 2014

@channe9, As someone using a known donor, I have to admit that it has made the process for us much easier than when we were considering IUI. Everyone's situation is different and without having experience outside of at home AI, I can't really offer an opinion on which I think is better, but wanted to send positive thoughts and wish you GL that this is your lucky cycle!

@karlamo, The emotions that go along with TTC are quite real and very intense, more so than I prepared myself for in the beginning. When I got my BFP last month, I didn't feel anything at all until I was right around 12 DPO, and even then my symptoms were minimal. FX and GL that this is your lucky cycle as well!

So, as we head into our first try after last month's cp, we are doing our absolute best not to put too much pressure on ourselves. I am just entering my FW and having to share this time frame with another recipient has me a little on edge. Our donor will be flying out to make an IUI donation today or tomorrow, so until we know exactly when that will be taking place, we are hanging onto the hope that it doesn't conflict with our goal of -2, -1 & O inseminations. My journal is getting lots of use in helping to keep my concerns out rather than pent up, and we are just focusing on being as positive as possible.

StacyLH24 · December 2014

@channe9 - IVF does give you hope. As @Karlamo said, it's tricky to manage that. During my entire fresh cycle, I was excited and hopeful but also kept reminding myself that it doesn't always work. Even with keeping that reality in mind, it was an immense blow when that first cycle didn't work. Part of me did think that IVF was our answer. I hope that I'm right.

This whole process is a tricky thing when it doesn't work. It truly is a roller coaster of emotions. You're excited to cycle and for the chance of it producing a take home baby and then if it doesn't work, you're upset, angry, disappointed, devestated, etc. Then you have to gear up to try again - if you choose.

I'm having a hard time not getting excited for this fresh cycle that we're heading into now. The closer we get to stimming, the more excited I'm getting. I didn't want to, but with all of the pills and shots, I have to have some positive in this. My frozen cycle was barely tolerable because I was still depressed from the fresh cycle failure. Feel free to ask IVF questions to the whole board - there are many of us who have done it and we all have very different experiences.

@Karlamo - I'm sorry you're feeling the way you are. After all that you have been through, it's understandable. I hope that your feeling about it not working is wrong. We're always here when you need to vent!

@sdfonz619‌ - I hope all of the timing works out for you this cycle. Journaling is a great idea!

Karlamo · December 2014

Thanks @sdfonz619

@StacyLH24, I'm happy to hear you are getting excited for stimming and trying again in general. It means you have hope and you're not ready to give up. At least that's how I always saw it. I knew if me or my wife ever went into a cycle feeling like what's the point, then that was our clue it's time to stop trying.

StacyLH24 · December 2014

@stringy813 - FX for a BFP! It sounds like things did align for you, hopefully that's a great sign!

Ok...here's my update -

I am continuing on BCPs until 12/29, which means refilling my script to take just two extra pills. I'm guessing maybe it has to do with timing around the New Year? I'm not really sure. Also, I started an antibiotic on Friday (and now I want a glass of wine more than anything!). I'm on that up to transfer I think. I'm up to 9 pills a day at this point and I'm going to be adding in Vitamin E as well. Right before transfer I'll also be taking Benadryl daily and another medication that I need to pick up. I have zero tolerance for Benadryl type drugs, so I'm going to need to figure out the timing for that one so that I can still function clearly every day.

We go up next Monday for the saline u/s, mock transfer and endometrial scratch. The blood work and ultrasound fun starts in full on 12/30, stimming starts on 1/2 if all goes well before that. The nurse estimated that ER would be the week of 1/12. Last time I stimmed for 13 days I think. She said that I'll be starting with 450 iu of Gonal-F which will mean two injections per night since my pens don't go that high. My official calendar should be in the mail. It will be nice to see it all in writing instead of trying to keep it straight in my head right now.

I still need to reorder my Ganirelix, Ovidrel and PIO....holy meds batman! Not to mention the Valium for transfer and pain meds for after ER. This is one heck of a medicated cycle!

QOTW: I don't really have a favorite holiday movie or tradition. I used to watch the Wizard of Oz when that was on. I can't remember if it was Thanksgiving Day or Christmas Day that it used to be on tv. I didn't see it on for Thanksgiving this year.

StacyLH24 · December 2014

@CrazyAunt84 - I'm not sure about my pens. When I originally started using them, the script they called in for me was for 300 iu pens, so that's what I have. I forgot to add that I also use diluted HCG that my RE's office gives me. So at some point I'll be up to 4 shots a day - two Gonal-F, HCG and Ganirelix and who knows how many pills per day at that point.

StacyLH24 · December 2014

@CrazyAunt84 - I want a glass so bad tonight! I haven't taken my antibiotic yet, so I might drink the wine and then wait and take the pill. I'm afraid that the mixture will make me sick.

healz413 · December 2014

(Trigger warning: loss discussed in a reintroduction type of post)

Hey folks. I don't know if I'm ready to be back but we are cycling for our first FET (frozen embryo transfer) and it feels really weird not to have this check-in. So I'm popping in; maybe I'm staying, maybe I'm not. I hope that's ok.

For those who don't know me, my partner (Manada) and I lost our twin daughters Tavin and Casey at 21 weeks gestation to premature birth this summer and have been grieving and taking time away from the board.
M has diminished ovarian reserve and I have stage IV severe endometriosis and had to have both Fallopian tubes removed. After 7 IUIs with M, we moved on to IVF with my eggs and M's uterus. We got 3 day 3 embryos, put 2 in, and got our twins! It was a miracle after a long road with infertility and then we lost them.

We are now trying again. We still have one embryo left (Rocky 3) and will be transferring it to me on Friday. I have been taking estrace, did an intralipid infusion last Wednesday, and I start PIO, medrol, and doxycycline tomorrow.

We haven't told the specific timing to anyone in our "real" lives (except a couple people in our loss group).

If this doesn't work (which, of course, chances are it won't) then we plan to start a fresh IVF cycle in the new year.

It feels both good and bad to see some familiar names on this check-in. I'm so sorry you're still here but it feels more like home to have you here.

StacyLH24 · December 2014

@Healz413 - You both, as well as Tavin and Casey, are on my mind every day. I am glad to see you are in a place to move forward with the FET. We will certainly be rooting for Rocky 3. This is always a safe space for both of you. Please participate as much as you want and feel able to.

Amber&Reva · December 2014

@Healz413 I think of you and @Manada often.

healz413 · December 2014

Thanks, @StacyLH24 and @Amber&Reva. We think of both of you often, too.

Karlamo · December 2014

@stringy813, I feel like this is a good omen for you!!!

@healz413, I'm sorry you have to be back here but I am glad to see that you are continuing your dream of having a baby. Good luck to you.

I just did a FET last week. I did the whole before/after acupunture, pineapple core, and meditations. For the day of and the day after the transfer I tried only eating warm/hot foods and liquids, to help blood flow to the uterus. I have no idea if any of this helped but it gave me something to do.

Manada · December 2014

Thank you guys so much for your welcome back. I'm not sure how much I can be on the board (I still really struggle with triggers and bad days) - but thank you so much - and I am sending you guys love.

The support and outboarding of love from this board after our loss is something that we think of often -- we were just looking at the book made for us from the photos/messages from the vigil for Tavin & Casey the other week.

I just gave @healz413 her first PIO shot this morning, and being on the other end of that plunger is a totally different experience, it's brutal knowing what it feels like to get those shots and then to be the one giving them and knowing everything you're doing wrong that makes it sting more!

Officerofthelaw · December 2014

To everyone above....I'm sorry about your doubts and/or your losses. Both are so hard to deal with and overcome. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for all of you and hoping a successful conception without a lot of emotional pain involved.
I am heading into my 6th IUI. Tomorrow I go for another sonogram, Sunday I had 6 follicles all in the high teens. If tomorrow I have at least one at a 22 I will take the trigger shot tomorrow night and insemination will occur on Friday and Saturday morning. Hoping my 6th one is my lucky one. I've notice the further I get in this process the less excited I am. Mainly because of the negatives that have come along with the 5 other IUI's. The idea moving to IVF that costs $13,500, makes my stomach hurt. I would much rather the IUI work:)

My wife and I always watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation and decorate the tree together. Christmas is my favorite holiday!

mrstie · December 2014

I want to wish everyone TTC in the upcoming weeks and days lots and lots of love and sticky dust!!! I am sorry for those of you experiencing loss, I can't imagine what you are going through but you all are in my prayers!

At the end of this week, I will be going in for my first day of monitoring and hopefully we will trigger at some point this weekend. My wife and I are both excited and nervous especially since this will be our first time TTC through IUI. We have been working up to this for almost a year. Last year, I was told I had fibroids that were so large they needed to be removed in order to successfully get pregnant, I went in to have them removed laparoscopically, but my doctor could not do it because one of the fibroids was attached to a blood vessel and he did not want to risk me bleeding out and my wife was unsure about cutting me open so needless to say it did not happen. Fast forward to July, my doctor at Shadygrove was adamant about removing them so we prepared our selves for a myomectomy, which we were EXTREMELY nervous about. However, the myomectomy was completed successfully and they removed 8 fibroids. Our next step was waiting 3 months for healing. We went to the doctor and thought we were ready to get started but I had to do more testing to make sure that there was scar tissue or polyps left behind...And Finally, we were ready to go. NO SCARRING OR POLYPS...WOOOHOOO !<:-P

Now our journey can begin. I'm excited about being on this board because everyone seems to support one another and have a genuine interest in everyone's happiness!! Have a very happy week!!!

QOTW: I don't necessarily have a favorite christmas movie, but I love to watch All of The Santa Clause movies with Tim Allen

LolaBelle515 · December 2014

I'm late, but having just read through everyone's posts journeys this month...it appears this is exactly where I belong. Is TTC harder during the holidays? It is really hitting me right now, and I'm so emotional. After our loss, it feels like when it doesn't work....we're losing that baby all over again.

We inseminated on Sunday after a positive OPK and all the body signs, but DW told me this morning her temp hasn't risen. Perhaps her post-miscarriage body is doing everything to ovulate, but isn't. Or, perhaps the temp was wrong. Or perhaps it's coming tomorrow. But, it's so defeating to not have that obvious, "yep, we timed that right" and feel like we're robbed of 2 weeks of hope which would have been so helpful right now.

I'm sending all of you a virtual hug for the various frustrations/hopes/griefs/anxieties each of you is dealing with right now. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it perfect for each of us. I really, really do. Take care in the meantime to all of you!

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