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Mother stole my big news...

hmarconetthmarconett member
in 2nd Trimester
My husband and I are very excitedly pregnant with our first baby, and have been keeping it a secret so far due to a previous miscarriage. As of last week (12 weeks), we told his sister (both of us are very close to her). On sunday, we decided to tell my mom and dad, but asked to keep it a secret since we were saving my husband family's until Christmas... He has 8 siblings and the only thing I wanted was to tell them all at once. His parents have also been struggling, so we were super excited to tell them and see their faces. I'm very very close to his mother, more so than my own. 

However, my mom decided to post on Facebook not 30 minutes after we told her it was a secret... and who saw but 3 of my sister in-laws and my mother-in-law. So now his entire family knows, our baby reveal idea is ruined... which I've been working on for over two months... and my mother-in-law is very very upset with the fact that she found out on Facebook, understandably so. My husband called around and we tried to smooth things over with his siblings and parents, but his mom is just really unhappy. 

I'm devastated because my mother always seems to do this. She feels the need to "share people's news" before they get to. She didn't even ask if I had wanted to post to my Facebook friends before she decided to make a big announcement for me. She's done this same thing several times. In my opinion, it's My News To Share... and she completely ruined it for me. She took away my whole right to share my news before anyone else did.. I just think it's so rude and disrespectful.

I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to smooth things over with my mother in law, and if I'm being to emotional about my mother or not. I feel bad because I don't want to get mad at her, but she seriously took away something special from me, AGAIN. She did the same thing with my engagement, and my first pregnancy which ended in an 11 week miscarriage. I don't know. Really I guess i just need to vent and get it off my chest. I feel like she took something specal from me, and I'm really upset that I wasn't able to tell my husbands family. It really was unfair. 
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Re: Mother stole my big news...

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  • jamiesc58jamiesc58 member
    It is sad that you would have to not be able to tell your mom things that you don't want others to know. Your mom is supposed to be the one person in life that you can go to with anything and trust with anything. I am sorry this keeps happening to you. :-(
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  • amandamarie2amandamarie2 member
    I agree with PPs, it sucks but especially since this isn't the first time, I think you just need to realize your mom simply isn't going to keep quiet and therefore she needs to know after you've already told anyone you want to share the news with personally.
    My younger brother may have lost his early knowing privileges, we told our parents and siblings about our pregnancy quite early but wanted to wait a couple weeks to tell extended family and close friends and certainly didn't want it on facebook. Little brother respected the facebook request but told my cousins right away. It wasn't the end of the world, but in the future he may not get to hear things quite as early (although he's young and respected a similar request about my engagement so I may cut him some slack since it was only once).

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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    The solution is to stop sharing news with her that you want to keep secret. She's proven she cannot control herself & AW tendencies.

    I feel for you, but I have to ask-- what possessed you to tell her when she's shown you that she's can't be trusted?! Like, really man, she's done this before. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. I think you made an error in judgment here & now have drama. Stop that.

    It sucks ass & she's definitely wrong. Explain to your MIL that it was beyond your control & you didn't intentionally exclude her side of the family. That this was done without your permission. If she still has sand in her vagina about it then that is her issue, not yours.


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  • christmasstreechristmasstree member
    I agree that you should wait to tell your mother things. I know it's hard but maybe you should tell her when you tell everyone else. As for your mother in law, have you explained to her that you had no idea your mother would post it on Facebook and how that is not your fault.
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  • jess412lovejess412love member
    I agree with previous posters, learn from your mistake and stop telling your mom shit you don't want the world to know. That and I would make it clear to my mom that she opened her big mouth one too many times and from now on you won't be confiding in her at all.

    And as far as your MIL just be honest with her and tell her the truth.
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  • peanutbuttervibespeanutbuttervibes member
    Fuck me once, shame on you. Fuck me twice, shame on me. Fuck me three times, I asked for it.
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  • WhitfryWhitfry member
    etoille said:

    "Mom, this is the last time where I tell you a secret in the hopes that you will listen to and respect my wishes.  From now on you will find out things when everyone else does."


    Follow through (stop fucking telling her shit).

    Done.

    For bonus points with your MIL post the above on your mother's FB and add "You ruined a very special moment for us with my husband's family and you owe them an apology."
    This. If you want to get the message across, public shaming is the most effective way to go. No joke. Comment on her FB status and publicly air your disappointment.

    And stop telling her shit.
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  • 3JTMom3JTMom member
    Can you tell your MIL that you had something really special planned? It means a lot to you to share the news with her in a special way. Love on her and let her have time. She will come around. It is hard when you have to navigate feelings and boundaries like this. But you are doing a good job mama, and oh - CONGRATULATIONS!!!!   Cookin'Quiltin
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  • MrsGonzales2014MrsGonzales2014 member
    My husbands ex wife spoiled it for us. Its my first but almost his also since the ex didn't allow him to really participate in the pregnancy they had and we were so excited to tell everyone. I had to tell my work early on due to the fact I sometimes do female searches and can't. A co-worker told her and she posted it on Facebook. All other co-workers found out along with his family. Only people I got to share it with was my family.
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  • ldmwldmw member
    I'm so sorry this happened to you. I have issues with my ILs and it's taken us awhile to come around that no matter how many conversations we have they will never change. Some people just can't be trusted with information, which is sad because we should be able to go to our parents.
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    MrsGonzales2014 said:

    My husbands ex wife spoiled it for us. Its my first but almost his also since the ex didn't allow him to really participate in the pregnancy they hadand we were so excited to tell everyone. I had to tell my work early on due to the fact I sometimes do female searches and can't. A co-worker told her and she posted it on Facebook. All other co-workers found out along with his family. Only people I got to share it with was my family.

    I take issue with this statement. Your husband has a child that loves him. It's not an "almost first pregnancy" for him at all. WTF?! :|

    You also make it sound like it was somehow a big let down to "only" share it with your family.

    Holy shit. Listen to yourself.


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  • ruemorganruemorgan member
    etoille said:

    Also, if you are finding out the sex the very first people you tell should be your inlaws.


    And let your mother find out from FB.

    +1

    She needs to learn how it feels, let her learn from facebook.
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  • LadymouseLadymouse member
    I also agree with telling your mother the s***storm she caused, asking her to apologize to MIL, and letting her know that due to her repeated inability to keep a secret, she will be the last person to know any big news to ensure that others' feelings are taken into account, and not just her own.

    I know I always tell my mom big news ASAP.  Of course, it was my mother who taught me that it's common courtesy to not tell news others have told you unless they've specifically said you can.  
    DS born 12/2012
    Little Squeaker due 6/2015
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  • kcebelingkcebeling member
    Let your mom find out on FB that you delivered the baby the week before. Boom.
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  • FuturemrschebbiFuturemrschebbi member
    I'm laid back about most things but this would make me LIVID
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  • taahirataahira member
    I agree with many others. You kind of brought this on yourself. You must have known this was not going to be a secret she was going to keep, you still chose to tell your Mom anyway. It sucks you can't trust your Mom.
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  • mdupon70997mdupon70997 member
    My mom is the same way. We wanted to wait until after the first tri to tell our friends and extended family. I made a big mistake in telling my mom the night we found out because she blabbed to her friends and to my uncles and cousins...even after telling her that we wanted people to know only after the first tri. Thank God she did not have a FB account at the time because she surely would have posted the news there. I should have learned my lesson after she did the same thing with my engagement. So then when I confronted her about it she had a pity party: "Well fine then. I won't tell anyone anything ever again!" Drama queen.
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  • FirstTimeDaddy81FirstTimeDaddy81 member

    I agree with everyone saying that you need to stop telling your mother.  And I would be blatantly obvious about it so that she gets the point since it hasn't gotten through when you've tried to reason with her. 

    She should find out the baby's born when you post it on facebook for the world to know.  When she gets offended that you didn't tell her personally, just say "I wanted to control when the news got out on facebook, and you've proven that I won't be able to do that if I let you know about it".  I know it sounds harsh, but she's not going to realize what a big deal this is unless you do something drastic. 

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  • SchnuretteSchnurette member
    As pp's said - don't share with your mother until AFTER everyone else knows. When we got pregnant with DD we literally told my mother that not only was she not allowed to tell anyone but she wasn't allowed to post it on Facebook or anything either...EVER, and we made sure to tell DH's family first.

    I've basically told her that my life is not her Facebook fodder and she needs to keep me, my kids, and my life off her stupid Facebook page. I also ended up unfriending her on Facebook so that she couldn't post stuff under the guise of sharing it with me.
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