AW: Upcoming RE appointment and possible end of road anxiety

Nikolie93 · December 2014

Hey ladies. I really, really hesitate to post this because I know that so many of you are going through shitty shit right now and I don't want to come across as "it's all about me". I know I haven't been here long but you ladies have been so amazing and have helped me through so much. I hope I have been able to support you as well.

Anyway, I have my first RE appointment coming up on Wed and I am so overwhelmed just thinking about it. On top of that I will be 40 in June and after 3 losses in a year and a half it really hit me hard this morning that there is a chance it may be the end of the road for MH and I. I am petrified that I will find something out from the RE yet I am petrified I won't find anything out and all will come back normal. I have no idea if MH and I will try again if they come back and say nothing is wrong. The loss of the twins in April really hit MH and he keeps saying he's scared of losing me. We had already said that we would try one more time after the April loss and then came the Oct MC. We haven't given up yet but the anxiety is there because it's a real possibility. We have discussed if any treatments are needed that we would throw in the towel and initially we said we would stop May of 2015. I am not sure at this time if he is open to going past that date.

I know that people are going through much worse and I don't want to take away from that but I just had to get this out. I have not really talked to MH about my anxiety of it being the end of the road so it helps just typing it out.

Thank you, ladies. You are all awesome :x

And if you read all that jibber jabber, here are some sweets. I don't bake so you're stuck with candy bars!

TashaCN · December 2014

You have some big decisions ahead. FX your appt with the RE goes well. I hope you are able to talk openly with YH about your anxiety and you two can come to a decision together. Sending many warm thoughts your way.

lycih · December 2014

Oh, big hugs, lady. I can completely understand being so divided between not wanting there to be "something" but then also not really wanting there to be "nothing" at the same time. "something" can be so daunting, but "nothing" can be so frustrating...
I am glad, though, that it seems like your H is really open about talking about his/your fears and hesitations. I hope the RE actually gives you some encouraging news/plans rather than any more discouraging ones.

welly01 · December 2014

I'm so sorry you're having anxiety about your upcoming RE appt. I can't imagine how stressful it is when you think you might be near the end of your journey. Sending you lots of (((((hugs))))) and I hope you get some answers at your appointment.

buggirl72 · December 2014

Lots of ((((hugs)))).

The first RE consult is scary. It is a big step. They may find something wrong and they may not. Both options are anxiety producing. My best advice for you and your husband is to keep an open mind until you talk with the RE and the RE lays out your options. And talk lots of notes

With your age, egg quality will more than likely be considered an issue. Your RE might recommend supplements and fert drugs to start with. In my case, I have such severe DOR that the best advice for us was donor egg IVF. We are almost two years out from that consult, quickly approaching the age mark that I figured we would stop at (43 in March) and seriously considering going ahead with DE IVF. Again, keep an open mind and make sure that if you are ready to stop, you really are.

Finally, 40 is awesome!!!! Please plan something great to do for your birthday!

Nikolie93 · December 2014

Thank you so much for the hugs, ladies

@buggirl72 One of my fears is that they will say I need fert drugs. All the discussions I've had in the past with MH we have said that would be it for us and we would throw in the towel. However, we also said that we were only trying one more time after the April loss and here we are still trying. I shall keep an open mind

Someone, I think CFearsy posted up some links where someone listed out a bunch of questions to ask the RE and I printed that out. I haven't looked at it yet though

I mentioned an SA to MH the other day and I saw a fleeting look where he seemed freaked out. I don't think he thought he would need to do anything. We talked through it but I still think he's nervous. I have to say that even though it would suck, if there is something wrong I would much rather it be with my body then his.

And thanks for saying 40 is awesome, I needed to hear that as well

BookishMomma · December 2014

((Hugs)) My DH and I have had some hard conversations lately, too. I hope your RE appointment goes well and that you and your H are able to come up with a plan you are both comfortable with.

yellowcat10 · December 2014

((Hugs)) the RE is not so bad! If you go to the TTTC and IF boards there are some good resources. I would also try and talk to YH before the appointment so that you both are a 'team' going in. In ours MH had a hard time because we already knew he had issues but a talk before calmed us down a bit.

GL!

rslh10 · December 2014

Don't minimize your struggle. Everyone's pain/confusion/journey is different. I was terrified of getting the results from my RE. I was scared that he would find something awfully wrong that would end my journey (this was even though I knew about my low AMH). I think that you just have to take a step back and take a deep breath. You're making the right choice by going to the RE. They will run the tests, and give you all the answers and then you can make your plan from there.

I know what you mean about setting a "stopping" date. I had this conversation with @bookishmomma the other day. It's hard and scary and fucking emotional as hell...But we're here for you

I hope that you get some answers that make your decision about your journey a little bit easier.

((hugs))!!!!!

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@sarcaztic10 I will update once I know what's going on!

@yellowcat thanks for the advice. I think I will sit down with MH tonight or tomorrow and go over the questions that I printed out.

We leave for our VA road trip Friday afternoon so depending on what we hear it could be a very long 12-14 hour trip! I am sure I won't have any answers yet since I am sure they need to do tests but it may suck having this hanging over our heads right before our holiday vacation.

You ladies are the best, btw!

EIsieMae · December 2014

Huge ((hugs)) to you. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of this anxiety. Sending you all sorts of positive vibes for a good RE appointment.

Km380 · December 2014

Big (((hugs)) As everyone has said the first RE appt is so stressful. Bring a pen and paper, don't feel like any questions are stupid. Ask if he responds to emails bc inevitably you will think of questions as you go.

Mh was pretty thrown by the SA, he really thought I was joking when I told him he would hvw to do it. But I felt the same, if there is a problem I wanted it to be with me and not him (of course that's a double edged sword now that we know it's not him)

Be open and honest w YH about your anxiety and fear. Last, no decision is set in stone. If your timeline doesn't feel right to both of you, change it. If your opinion on needing meds changes, that's ok. As long as you are both on the same page.
Good luck sweetie! Keep us updated

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@km380 The reason I knew MH was a bit freaked out is because he started joking around. He said that they better have good smut magazines and that I better be allowed to go in the room with him. I just laughed because I don't think either will happen but I didn't want him to know that!

I am sure that if he comes back fine it will hit me hard and I will feel like I am broken. It sucks if there is something wrong with either one of us but I just think I would handle it a bit better, which is bad to say maybe

I needed to hear that no decision is set in stone and we can change our minds about things we've discussed in the past. I just hope we are on the same page in moving forward!

@momentomori I laughed at the half birthday, that's a great idea!

MrsOscarFelix · December 2014

((hugs)) lady. I hope everything goes well with your RE appointment.

catvaughn5002 · December 2014

Lots of ((hugs)) being sent your way. I hope that you are able to get some answers at your appointment. Hopefully that can help calm your DH down some too. My DH is the same way when he is uncomfortable/stressed he likes to make inappropriate jokes. I will be thinking of you on Wednesday.

renegadewhit · December 2014

((Big squishy hugs)) I hope everything goes well. I'm sending lots of T&Ps.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@furrypaws I have my notepad ready! I am actually going to put it in the car when I get home so I don't forget it...because I so would .

@cfearsy, I went to those links the other day and printed everything out! I just need to read through them now. Thanks, the links helped bunches

@LDubHawksFan Thank you for telling me not to minimize my feelings. I am so very horrible at that but I just know things could be so much worse and for some ladies here it is. I hate that so many ladies here are going through shit.

Thank you everyone for the support, it means so much! :x

O2girl · December 2014

Big squishy (((((hugs)))))! I don't have anything to add to what others have said.... So here are some more ((((hugs))))

nikiswimr · December 2014

@nikolie93 lots of ((hugs)). I remember how anxious I was going into my first appointment. I agree with everyone. Bring YH if he can come, it helps to have two people asking lots of questions. Think of questions beforehand and bring something to write down answers when you are there. Likely you'll talk with your RE in the office, then they'll do an exam and transvaginal ultrasound that day. Also anticipate lots of blood work. I

It will all seem a little overwhelming. There is tons of information. Best advice I can give you is keep an open mind, don't make any decisions that day, and take some time to go home and process and talk about things with YH. It is ok not to do everything. I think once you start seeing an RE it's important that you and YH know what your stopping point would be. That is such a personal decision and you'll be in my thoughts.

On a lighter note, about the SA, if you live close to your RE, they may let YH collect at home then bring in (I think as long as it's within one hour). That went over WAY better with MH. Of course, he still didn't want to bring it in, so I was the one showing up at the office with a cup o' sperm.

aswedishbee · December 2014

((HUGS)) for you ... other people may have it "worse" but you only know what you know and dealing with your emotions and your situation in no way diminishes anyone else's. No matter what comes from the RE appointment, I hope that you and Hubs find the path that's best for you.

flyoffeve · December 2014

(Hugs) PP have said so much. Now, don't forget that notepad in the car! (I would do that.) I hope your appt goes well.

megrae12 · December 2014

((Hugs)) sweetie. That first appointment is a doozy. Just make sure to bring a notebook, start writing out questions you have now, and takes lots of notes. Talk to your H about the SA and what to expect. MH was nervous about doing it too, but he liked the fact that I told him what to expect and when. This way nothing was a surprise and he has less performance anxiety. Does that make sense? We have to remember it's sometimes very hard for our men to "perform" on command.

Finally, do not be afraid to ask him anything under the sun. I asked my RE about contingencies, other plans if our initial one didn't work, etc. I took a lot of notes, but when I left I felt much better. Yes, it hurt like crazy when he said that I was lucky we got pg on our own in the first place, but he made me feel a lot better about that with his plan of action. So far, we are sticking with it and that makes me happy as well. Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself and what you want to happen. Seeing an RE is really a partnership and you need to be on board every step of the way, and if not, speak up about it.

MrsG80inTN · December 2014

You've got a lot going on. Sending you big hugs and lots of positive thoughts. We're here if you need us!!!!

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@rslh10 I missed your response earlier! The thought of the "stopping" date is definitely an emotional thing and it just really does suck. Thanks for being here

@nikiswimr I am lucky enough that MH will be at the appointment with me so I am happy for that

I lol'ed at cup o sperm haha. The RE office is about 30 minutes or so away so that may be an option, I will check it out!

@megrae12 thank you! I am not sure what to expect with the SA process so I am no help to MH right now. I will try to find some time to google it today or tomorrow. I am a note taker so that shouldn't be an issue...the issue will be reading my handwriting later

@glb30 I am sorry the anxiety has stayed with you *hug*. I think I may be in the same boat just because of the possibility of end of the road. I am hoping MH can continue going to the appointments with me.

Thank you so much @MrsG80inTN

bfonz619 · December 2014

Sending lots of ((hugs)) and positive thoughts your way. I can only imagine how nerve wracking this must be for you, but with you nothing but with the best with your RE appointment.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@holdingouthope thank you so, so much :x I am sorry you can understand my anxiety *hug*

One of my fears is that I will not like the RE and who knows how long it would take to find another. This appointment took me 2 months to get in and originally it was going to be 3! I just don't feel as if I have that time

Frenchteachermama · December 2014

PP have said some great things already. This whole journey for us has been giant leaps into the unknown. For me personally, I want to know that when we call it quits that I did everything in my power to concieve my rainbow. My one extra piece of advice is that if you don't feel comfortable with your new RE/practice, seek out a doctor that you are comfortable with. I'm on my 2nd OB and RE and so much happier with my new "team". Best of luck

TowerClimbersWife · December 2014

I was just thinking about you and this appointment. Had a mental note to message you today sometime!

Sending you all of the good thoughts and prayers I have that you get the outcome you want. Keep us in the loop!

mflowers929 · December 2014

*big squishy hugs* and good luck!

Also? 40 is totally the new 30 >.> (I so totally don't know what I'm talking about!)

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@HoldingOutHope, thank you so much! It makes me feel better to know that you like yours in case mine totally sucks lol I will let you know if I need the info!

@Frenchteachermama I am going to the RE exactly for that reason you mentioned, I want to make sure I have done as much as I can. I can't imagine if I had given up already and it was something small and treatable.

@TowerClimbersWife thank you, hon

nicnackmama · December 2014

@Nikolie - I don't have any great advice, I just wanted to send you some ::hugs:: I hope your appointment goes well. GL

Also, I agree with PP 40 so is the new 30

MellyMel15 · December 2014

@Nikolie93- I don't have any advice, but just wanted to offer my support. I'm sorry you've been through so much. Wishing you the very best of luck at your upcoming appointment.

ellebelle2384 · December 2014

Big huge hugs. I think the anxiety is completely understandable and even the thought of the end of the road is terrifying to anyone. I hope your appt. goes well. (hugs)

Nikolie93 · December 2014

Thank you so much, the support is so helpful

ashlee113085 · December 2014

((hugs)) i hope everything goes well with your RE appointment.

MSU_Girl1202 · December 2014

Sending you big ((hugs))
The first appointment is a little daunting, but just be clear with what your expectations are and write out questions beforehand. I hope you can come up with a good plan!

Nikolie93 · December 2014

Thanks! I'm filling out all my paperwork now. I felt like the appointment would never get here and here it is in 2 days!

Littleowl913 · December 2014

I have no advice. I just wanted to offer calming vibes and ((hugs))!

skategirl128 · December 2014

Big hugs! I have no advice but can offer my love! Good luck!

meredithcarole · December 2014

I'm sorry. The best advice I can offer is take it one day at a time. Decisions don't have to be made over night and knowledge is power. Find out what you can from the doctor and make sure you allow yourself time to feel out everything. I wish you the best of luck. (((Hugs)))