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March 2015 Moms
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Is it wrong?

issytex12issytex12 member
in March 2015 Moms
Heya i wanted to know if anyone else has any experience in their partners or husbands getting angry at them if they say no to having sex? My husband will literally get into a strop whilst claiming nothing is wrong when there clearly is, before getting even more angry when i try and talk to him about it? Its not like we never do it we just havent for a few days as ive not been feeling well. Am i in the wrong here for thinking that its not acceptable to act this way after being turned down for sex? Anyone elses experienced would be awesome as im lost here... Thanks in advance x
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Re: Is it wrong?

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  • CoozieInMyPurseCoozieInMyPurse member
    I would say it's not okay to get mad or angry. Even in marriage, sex must be a consensual act, and if you aren't feeling it, you aren't feeling it. Have you tried talking to him about it at another, calmer time?
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  • BostonchelleBostonchelle member
    Not ok, in marriage or life in general. Especially not ok given that you are pregnant and can have many reasons why you wouldn't want to be having sex. Agree with pp that talking about it at a different time may be a good idea. Sorry!
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  • issytex12issytex12 member
    Thanks guys its Good to know im not crazy thinking it is not acceptable. I have tried talking to him several times when things are calmer but it just makes him mad again, i just keep putting it down to the fact that he is only 22 so mentally about 16/17 and will grow up eventually but its starting to get ridiculous :/
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  • mommyofkaylinmommyofkaylin member
    Just to add, that kind of behavior, guilt, etc is the least sexiest thing my dh could do. He's tried the guilt trip with me before and all it does is reinforce that he will not be getting any.
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  • mangomimosamangomimosa member
    My H gets a little pouty but tries to hide it. Overall he has been very understanding. Yes I think it's wrong for your H to get mad & feel entitled to sex.... Especially given that you're pregnant AND having sex fairly regularly anyway. It sounds like you guys might benefit from counseling, if he can't talk calmly about this even when not in the moment.
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  • lawsonellislawsonellis member
    edited December 2014
    My ex husband used to get pouty and mad when I would turn him down for sex, and it just pissed me off royally (one of the many reasons he is now an Ex). We are still friends and I can tell you, aging doesn't affect that part of guys much. If they're selfish and entitled at 22, they're likely going to be selfish and entitled at 30 unless they go through some major life event.

    My ex now thinks he's gods gift to women and is a regular "Casanova" with the ladies- only dating women who are above "a 7". He's kind of a douche.

    If I were you id nip that shiz in the bud ASAP.

    Edit: words
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  • WhitfryWhitfry member
    He's got two perfectly good hands, doesn't he?
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  • lisap0924lisap0924 member
    Id throat punch my husband if he ever got pissy with me over no sex. It's been over a month for us.
    He makes jokes and said he realizes he may not get it until like May, lol, but he def isn't a douche about it.

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  • issytex12issytex12 member
    Thankyou for the suupirt ladies :) I really dont know what his deal is! this pregnancy is particularly stressful as we lost a child at birth last year so im on edge constantly and have had a seriously un-sexy feeling week with a poorly toddler. I'll have to have another word with him about it. @mangomimosa‌ we were attending counselling before we lost noah last year but he says he wont go now? I think maybe because he thinks he'll have to talk about losing him and he doesn't like to do that...
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  • ngolimentongolimento member
    He's being a massive douchebag, and a child. Who the hell pouts and tantrums at 22 (that isn't on Jersey Shore).
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  • DucktapetherapyDucktapetherapy member

    Have either of you gone through any type of counseling in the past? It might be helpful to have a counselor or a mediator to help you both communicate your feelings about this. Blessings!!

    ~Ducktapetherapy77

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  • mandi195mandi195 member
    My DH "tried" last night after I laid down to get ready for bed... which translated to locking the door, walking over to me, and trying to slide off my shorts. I just said "are you fucking serious right now? I've spent the last 2 hours in serious pain, and my hip feels broken; and you wanna get busy?" He apologized, laughed a bit, said he was sorry again, and came to bed. 
    I love that man, but I've seriously never seen him put in so little effort. I think he knew I'd say no, so he didn't really "try" very hard. Poor guy. Hopefully I'm feeling up to it tonight (or soon).
    OP - I'd say your SO is being childish, but also that you two need to talk about this!
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  • KdeandaKdeanda member
    aylacbw said:
    No of course it's not acceptable! My husband used to get very pouty and quiet if I didn't feel like it and it made me so mad. I talked to him about it at a different time and he told me it was because he felt rejected, not necessarily because he was mad he wasn't getting sex. He doesn't act like that anymore because I explained to him that it's not about me not wanting him, it's just that sometimes I don't want to do it when he does. So you should definitely talk to him about it.
    This! Plus (personally) I would also explain to my husband that I wasn't into it or wanting to initiate because I don't feel pretty. I'm big and pregnant and not feeling very sexy.. so for me, it's as not fun. It's more about my confidence not being where it was before the baby. I reassure him that I still think he's the sexiest man ever. And that things will get better after the baby is born... Just temporarily out of service. lol
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  • issytex12issytex12 member
    @Ducktapetherapy‌ we were attending counselling last year due to some marital issues we were going through, he was smoking a lot and then lost his job which sort of sent him into a nervous breakdown so we had a break and counselling before we lost noah every time i talk to him he glosses over it... Feeling like you are mean for not wanting to have sex is not a turn on tbh!! Seriously relieved im not out of line for thinking this way xx
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  • WhitfryWhitfry member
    I would certainly let him know that the way he's treating you doesn't put you in the mood. If there are things he could do to help make you feel frisky, I would let him know that as well.

    Certain types of foreplay you love, a special date night, flowers... If there's something that will get your motor going I would communicate that to him.

    Ultimately it's your body and it's never okay to shame a person for saying no. That feeds into rape-culture and a lot of problems with society. I can understand your H wanting to get laid, it's not unusual. But he's definitely going about it the wrong way and then reacting inappropriately.

    It also sounds like there's still a lot of hurt and resentment you're dealing with in regards to your loss and his refusal to process it with you. If he refuses to go to counseling with you, I would go on your own. You can still benefit without him.
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