Finding Support Here/Introduction

Sunshine7254 · December 2014

Hi all! My name is Amber and I found out at 6 weeks that I was pregnant with my 4th due July 17th! Was not expecting it as I have a 14 yo, 11 yo, and an 8 yo. I was done, but medical intervention happened when i broke my leg in October and messed up my BC. The shock has had time to wear off a bit and I started looking for some sort of support board as i had with my last two pregnancies. I was so glad to find you all!

However, I do want to say that I've been lurking around here for the past couple of weeks and have seen a few posts that I'm disappointed with. Such posts seem to make fun of other members and I don't understand the need for that. We're all here for support and to make friends going through similar things and I just don't see a need to make fun of a first time mom who thinks she's showing at 8 weeks. This is just an example of one thread I saw recently. For me personally in this case, I don't show until my 4th month, but who am i to judge someone else if they believe they're showing early? Maybe it's bloating...I don't know, but does it really matter?

I just wanted to introduce myself and give my two cents on finding support here. I look forward to "meeting" and getting to know you all more and more. Hooray for July babies!

ToAoShesha · December 2014

Hey! Welcome to the board! Congrats on your 4th.

petrichor14 · December 2014

Congrats on your pregnancy.

Genuine question- if this was a group of people in real life that you just walked up to, would you start out your introduction by telling everyone you were disappointed to overhear them saying something that you disapproved of?

No? I'm guessing no. Because you're not talking to a group of five year olds, right? And that would be kind of patronizing and rude. And we don't give a shit what you think, because who the fuck are you?

steen9713 · December 2014

Welcome and congrats on baby number 4!!!!

thiscoffeechick · December 2014

Hi Internet Stranger who introduces herself by scolding us for making posts about not showing. I can't wait to offer you support in any way you need it!

foreverMorgan · December 2014

petrichor14 said:
Genuine question- if this was a group of people in real life that you just walked up to, would you start out your introduction by telling everyone you were disappointed to overhear them saying something that you disapproved of?

No? I'm guessing no. Because you're not talking to a group of five year olds, right? And that would be kind of patronizing and rude. And we don't give a shit what you think, because who the fuck are you?

^ this.

KellyinHB · December 2014

Was all ready to make a "congrats! / so glad you are joining us/ it's so awesome here" post... until I got to the point about how disappointed you are with our community. I guarantee all the strong community members would have equally welcomed you with a similar sentiments. Not so much, now.

so, um, welcome?

puppygurl21 · December 2014

I don't understand how you could lurk and not have seen this reaction coming? Seriously, why?

Bodoni · December 2014

Well Amber, I'm disappointed in you for thinking I give a shit what you think.

How's that for support.

abcdefghijk12345678 · December 2014

Welco---

Um, how about no. Prior posters did an excellent job of explaining why, so I see no need to reiterate.

ragenhay · December 2014

I have also noticed this. Unfortunately a lot of people in this community and others seem to think it is ok to say rude and negative things while hiding behind a online persona. If anyone so much as questions this they are also met with negative reactions. I get the annoyance of seeing the same thing over and over but for a first time mom it can be very difficult to wade through the often contradicting answers found on google. There is definitely some great support on here but we could all use a little bit of tact when it comes to some peoples concerns. What may seem trivial to one person might feel like life and death for another.

petrichor14 · December 2014

Flashy said:

IM SO TIRED OF THE FTM EXCUSE. Being a ftm does not mean that you are not capable of picking up a pregnancy book or using common sense. If someone thinks they are in a life or death situation and their first instinct is to post on a online forum I would say they have more than just one problem.

Yeah, sorry but that excuse does not fly around here. Lot's of us are first-timers and somehow we still know how to use google, how to locate and read a pregnancy book, and how to behave around other people.

Bodoni · December 2014

ashslatts524 said:

ragenhay said:

I have also noticed this. Unfortunately a lot of people in this community and others seem to think it is ok to say rude and negative things while hiding behind a online persona. If anyone so much as questions this they are also met with negative reactions. I get the annoyance of seeing the same thing over and over but for a first time mom it can be very difficult to wade through the often contradicting answers found on google. There is definitely some great support on here but we could all use a little bit of tact when it comes to some peoples concerns. What may seem trivial to one person might feel like life and death for another.

1. Nobody is hiding. I stand behind everything that is said on here, and would meet you with the same response in person.

2. I am a first time mom, and while there are some contradicting reports on Google, this isn't google. Every pregnant person on here is employing a doctor or a midwife, if they're truly considered about contradicting answers, call the health professional. To add to that, there don't appear to be many contradicting answers on here. I think the general consensus is to follow the most widely recognized and appropriate train of thought.

3. Still on the google thing - why is that in your statement since this is TB and not google? Wading through this isn't difficult, there is a search bar.

4. There is a TON of great support here. More than enough to go around. But when your first post is "Hi, I already hate you and have preconceived notions" or "Lyke OMG guys why am I not showing yet, just found out I am pregnant yesterday," it is only natural that people are going to seriously question your judgment. If you want to be treated with respect and as though you're educated, give an educated response and respect the fact that the board is asking for advice and experience of other people and isn't your personal search engine.

The people on here that are trying to redirect people aren't doing it rudely, they're doing it as soon as possible in hopes that people will get the hang of things much more quickly and there is less of a learning curve.

It is optional to stay. If you feel as though we are tactless and rude, you are welcome to bounce. But you're still here, so something tells me that you at least have some semblance of appreciation for this community.

This deserves the best slow clap gif on the internet.

ragenhay · December 2014

Flashy said:
IM SO TIRED OF THE FTM EXCUSE. Being a ftm does not mean that you are not capable of picking up a pregnancy book or using common sense. If someone thinks they are in a life or death situation and their first instinct is to post on a online forum I would say they have more than just one problem.

Life or death was simply an exaggeration to make a point. I certainly hope people have enough sense to not be posting if it was literally life or death. I work as a doula and often get what I would consider silly questions that could easily be answered by a Google search but that is what is meant by community support. You can discuss these concerns with people who may have actually experienced something similar or know more about it.

This is not an attack by the way simply a discussion. Also if some thing doesn't make sense I'm sorry but this baby is exhausting me. Not to mention my new job.

kyrenora · December 2014

ragenhay said:

IM SO TIRED OF THE FTM EXCUSE. Being a ftm does not mean that you are not capable of picking up a pregnancy book or using common sense. If someone thinks they are in a life or death situation and their first instinct is to post on a online forum I would say they have more than just one problem.
Life or death was simply an exaggeration to make a point. I certainly hope people have enough sense to not be posting if it was literally life or death. I work as a doula and often get what I would consider silly questions that could easily be answered by a Google search but that is what is meant by community support. You can discuss these concerns with people who may have actually experienced something similar or know more about it. This is not an attack by the way simply a discussion. Also if some thing doesn't make sense I'm sorry but this baby is exhausting me. Not to mention my new job.

The difference is that doctors and doulas get paid to answer these silly questions. It's their job. People on an internet forum are here to develop a community and relate to others in a similar position, not to answer the same question ten times a day.

Also, please don't use "I'm pregnant" as an excuse. We all are, and I'm willing to bet it's the majority that have jobs as well.

ragenhay · December 2014

Seriously. I think we can all use I'm pregnant and exhausted as an excuse for minor grammar and spelling mistakes.

thiscoffeechick · December 2014

Bodoni said:

ashslatts524 said:

ragenhay said:

I have also noticed this. Unfortunately a lot of people in this community and others seem to think it is ok to say rude and negative things while hiding behind a online persona. If anyone so much as questions this they are also met with negative reactions. I get the annoyance of seeing the same thing over and over but for a first time mom it can be very difficult to wade through the often contradicting answers found on google. There is definitely some great support on here but we could all use a little bit of tact when it comes to some peoples concerns. What may seem trivial to one person might feel like life and death for another.

1. Nobody is hiding. I stand behind everything that is said on here, and would meet you with the same response in person.
2. I am a first time mom, and while there are some contradicting reports on Google, this isn't google. Every pregnant person on here is employing a doctor or a midwife, if they're truly considered about contradicting answers, call the health professional. To add to that, there don't appear to be many contradicting answers on here. I think the general consensus is to follow the most widely recognized and appropriate train of thought.
3. Still on the google thing - why is that in your statement since this is TB and not google? Wading through this isn't difficult, there is a search bar.
4. There is a TON of great support here. More than enough to go around. But when your first post is "Hi, I already hate you and have preconceived notions" or "Lyke OMG guys why am I not showing yet, just found out I am pregnant yesterday," it is only natural that people are going to seriously question your judgment. If you want to be treated with respect and as though you're educated, give an educated response and respect the fact that the board is asking for advice and experience of other people and isn't your personal search engine.
The people on here that are trying to redirect people aren't doing it rudely, they're doing it as soon as possible in hopes that people will get the hang of things much more quickly and there is less of a learning curve.

It is optional to stay. If you feel as though we are tactless and rude, you are welcome to bounce. But you're still here, so something tells me that you at least have some semblance of appreciation for this community.

Prior poster mobile quote fail-----------
This deserves the best slow clap gif on the internet.

------MY anticipated mobile quote fail---
Yes!!!!!!! @ashslatts524‌ is tactful so I don't have to be...

usermovedon · December 2014

ragenhay said:
Seriously. I think we can all use I'm pregnant and exhausted as an excuse for minor grammar and spelling mistakes.

Disagree.

Bodoni · December 2014

Thank you @thiscoffeechick‌ it's perfect =D>

bumpuser8571475 · December 2014

puppygurl21 said:

I don't understand how you could lurk and not have seen this reaction coming? Seriously, why?

I was thinking this too. A real lurker should know better...

OctoberStars · December 2014

What the fuck? Being pregnant causes you to have spelling mistakes? You should talk to your doctor about that because I'm pregnant and I'm definitely not getting stupid.

ifwisheswerefishes · December 2014

Hi. I was going to be all about welcoming you, offering "support" on whatever you were needing...

and then I read more, and I was all about the eyerolling and the serious frustration. Seriously, if you would walk into a random group of women and say, "hi, my name is ZYX and I think all of you are doing everything wrong. Why aren't you acting more like this?"....then I don't think anyone would stick around to hear what you had to say after that.

Which is basically what you just did here. So hi. Welcome. Get off your high horse and come down and join the rest of us. Because honestly? Everyone here is so great (minus the trolls, obviously) and supportive when the need arises.

emiwalk · December 2014

pianorapp said:
Like pp said, I was about to go all "welcome, we're due date buddies!!" Then...I read the rest of your post. Stahhhpppp.
Lurk better and you will see the beauty of this community and the way it folds around those who truly need support.

Precisely. And, congrats on your 4th!

c-elizabethf · December 2014

I still want to say congrats, but seriously that was not a very good way to intro.

kacdanz · December 2014

It's funny how the posts with the most comments/interactions are usually filled with drama. Any how, welcome and congrats!

Sunshine7254 · December 2014

Exactly. Seriously, you "haters" act like a bunch of high school girls. It's so awful. I feel sad for you all who truly act like this. Hiding behind your computers and acting like you are all better than the rest of the women here. I've read the "nice" posts which is why i did introduce myself. I didn't expect so many women to come out and act like the jerks they were to others. I was trying to make a point that we should all support each other and the picking on others should be seriously thought about.

And i only say this to my "haters". Such garbage. Again to the mothers who have been picked on for nonsensical things, I am sorry you've had to deal with it. There are better places for "support".Things such as when we show and punctuation....seriously? So sad.I should've known better than to try and stand up for anyone on here with the stuff i'd already seen.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancies and your clickish ways.

Mamamads · December 2014

Sunshine7254 said:
Exactly. Seriously, you "haters" act like a bunch of high school girls. It's so awful. I feel sad for you all who truly act like this. Hiding behind your computers and acting like you are all better than the rest of the women here. I've read the "nice" posts which is why i did introduce myself. I didn't expect so many women to come out and act like the jerks they were to others. I was trying to make a point that we should all support each other and the picking on others should be seriously thought about.

And i only say this to my "haters". Such garbage. Again to the mothers who have been picked on for nonsensical things, I am sorry you've had to deal with it. There are better places for "support".Things such as when we show and punctuation....seriously? So sad.I should've known better than to try and stand up for anyone on here with the stuff i'd already seen.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancies and your clickish ways.

I like how you use the word "haters" it makes me giggle

abcdefghijk12345678 · December 2014

Sunshine7254 said:
Exactly. Seriously, you "haters" act like a bunch of high school girls. It's so awful. I feel sad for you all who truly act like this. Hiding behind your computers and acting like you are all better than the rest of the women here. I've read the "nice" posts which is why i did introduce myself. I didn't expect so many women to come out and act like the jerks they were to others. I was trying to make a point that we should all support each other and the picking on others should be seriously thought about.

And i only say this to my "haters". Such garbage. Again to the mothers who have been picked on for nonsensical things, I am sorry you've had to deal with it. There are better places for "support".Things such as when we show and punctuation....seriously? So sad.I should've known better than to try and stand up for anyone on here with the stuff i'd already seen.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancies and your clickish ways.

GBCB.

thiscoffeechick · December 2014

jgrace82 · December 2014

I have no idea how to respond to your introductory critisism. Good luck i guess.

Sunshine7254 · December 2014

I'll admit i didn't read all of the comments before posting, it's almost like you all who "hate" rally around each other and chomp at the bit to be an ass. Good luck with that in real life. And to those who said/quoted, "Would you say this to a group of women you overheard saying something you were disappointed with?" ABSOLUTELY. I'm a Christian and i believe in standing up for those who aren't willing/able to stand up for themselves.

There are a lot of nice women here and I see that. Good luck to all of you! To the few "Highly Intelligent, Resourceful, Grammar Nazi, Amicable, Impertinent Geniuses" who posted asstastic comments to me for trying to be reasonable for those who aren't as informed, take your garbage elsewhere. It affects me none.

Sunshine7254 · December 2014

Mamamads said:

Exactly. Seriously, you "haters" act like a bunch of high school girls. It's so awful. I feel sad for you all who truly act like this. Hiding behind your computers and acting like you are all better than the rest of the women here. I've read the "nice" posts which is why i did introduce myself. I didn't expect so many women to come out and act like the jerks they were to others. I was trying to make a point that we should all support each other and the picking on others should be seriously thought about.

And i only say this to my "haters". Such garbage. Again to the mothers who have been picked on for nonsensical things, I am sorry you've had to deal with it. There are better places for "support".Things such as when we show and punctuation....seriously? So sad.I should've known better than to try and stand up for anyone on here with the stuff i'd already seen.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancies and your clickish ways.

I like how you use the word "haters" it makes me giggle

abcdefghijk12345678 · December 2014

Sunshine7254 said:
I'll admit i didn't read all of the comments before posting, it's almost like you all who "hate" rally around each other and chomp at the bit to be an ass. Good luck with that in real life. And to those who said/quoted, "Would you say this to a group of women you overheard saying something you were disappointed with?" ABSOLUTELY. I'm a Christian and i believe in standing up for those who aren't willing/able to stand up for themselves.

There are a lot of nice women here and I see that. Good luck to all of you! To the few "Highly Intelligent, Resourceful, Grammar Nazi, Amicable, Impertinent Geniuses" who posted asstastic comments to me for trying to be reasonable for who aren't as informed, take your garbage elsewhere. It affects me none.

Those are my friends you're talking about. Fuck off.

P.S. We're staying. Take your garbage elsewhere.

Sunshine7254 · December 2014

CALEO said:

God. I can't even with this "intro." You can fuck right off.

Only for you.

jgrace82 · December 2014

no. you take your preachy grabage elsewhere. it affects me none. you dont belong here.

GTFO

Sunshine7254 · December 2014

jgrace82 said:

no. you take your preachy grabage elsewhere. it affects me none. you dont belong here.

GTFO

Why don't you find something better to do than to attack people in a pregnancy thread? Seriously... Who are you?

jgrace82 said:

no. you take your preachy grabage elsewhere. it affects me none. you dont belong here.

GTFO

squeakyfrog15 · December 2014

Sunshine7254 said:
I'll admit i didn't read all of the comments before posting, it's almost like you all who "hate" rally around each other and chomp at the bit to be an ass. Good luck with that in real life. And to those who said/quoted, "Would you say this to a group of women you overheard saying something you were disappointed with?" ABSOLUTELY. I'm a Christian and i believe in standing up for those who aren't willing/able to stand up for themselves.

There are a lot of nice women here and I see that. Good luck to all of you! To the few "Highly Intelligent, Resourceful, Grammar Nazi, Amicable, Impertinent Geniuses" who posted asstastic comments to me for trying to be reasonable for those who aren't as informed, take your garbage elsewhere. It affects me none.

Um I'm a Christian, but we are actually called to be kind, especially when confronting brothers and sisters with sin. We are supposed to pray for others that are not Christians, but not blatantly point fingers and be rude. I am also a big fan of intelligence, because I believe God gave us brains for a reason! So we encourage people to use them. I'm sorry you came in here all huffy and are leaving deflated and angry, but you didn't speak in kindness or gentleness. I hope you find that your pregnancy is boring and healthy, but I also hope you rethink ever starting a relationship the way you did. If you were to go out into the mission field or your own city with the hopes of possibly being the only Jeaua someone might see. You would not approach them that way. You wouldn't approach someone how has a drug problem saying you are a horrible person and selfish person for using drugs. You would build a relationship and do what you can to lead them to Christ. Consider that tactic when entering any group!

Sorry to hijack this but I really don't like the image the gets created for all Christians when one of us stumbles!

thiscoffeechick · December 2014

amc2511 said:

Sunshine7254 said:
I'll admit i didn't read all of the comments before posting, it's almost like you all who "hate" rally around each other and chomp at the bit to be an ass. Good luck with that in real life. And to those who said/quoted, "Would you say this to a group of women you overheard saying something you were disappointed with?" ABSOLUTELY. I'm a Christian and i believe in standing up for those who aren't willing/able to stand up for themselves.

There are a lot of nice women here and I see that. Good luck to all of you! To the few "Highly Intelligent, Resourceful, Grammar Nazi, Amicable, Impertinent Geniuses" who posted asstastic comments to me for trying to be reasonable for who aren't as informed, take your garbage elsewhere. It affects me none.

Those are my friends you're talking about. Fuck off.

P.S. We're staying. Take your garbage elsewhere.

Was I the only one reading the bolded (from Sunshine's post) looking for some kind of hidden acronym? It was the WEIRDEST thing to call people I figured it had to be, like, a code for something really witty. Instead I'm left with being called "asstastic" by some dumbass-acting finger wagger and I feel oddly dissappointed. #CaseOfTheSads

Sunshine7254 · December 2014

squeakyfrog15 said:

I'll admit i didn't read all of the comments before posting, it's almost like you all who "hate" rally around each other and chomp at the bit to be an ass. Good luck with that in real life. And to those who said/quoted, "Would you say this to a group of women you overheard saying something you were disappointed with?" ABSOLUTELY. I'm a Christian and i believe in standing up for those who aren't willing/able to stand up for themselves.

There are a lot of nice women here and I see that. Good luck to all of you! To the few "Highly Intelligent, Resourceful, Grammar Nazi, Amicable, Impertinent Geniuses" who posted asstastic comments to me for trying to be reasonable for those who aren't as informed, take your garbage elsewhere. It affects me none.

Um I'm a Christian, but we are actually called to be kind, especially when confronting brothers and sisters with sin. We are supposed to pray for others that are not Christians, but not blatantly point fingers and be rude. I am also a big fan of intelligence, because I believe God gave us brains for a reason! So we encourage people to use them. I'm sorry you came in here all huffy and are leaving deflated and angry, but you didn't speak in kindness or gentleness. I hope you find that your pregnancy is boring and healthy, but I also hope you rethink ever starting a relationship the way you did. If you were to go out into the mission field or your own city with the hopes of possibly being the only Jeaua someone might see. You would not approach them that way. You wouldn't approach someone how has a drug problem saying you are a horrible person and selfish person for using drugs. You would build a relationship and do what you can to lead them to Christ. Consider that tactic when entering any group! Sorry to hijack this but I really don't like the image the gets created for all Christians when one of us stumbles!

Christians don't judge, but thank you for your input. I made a suggestion for others to be kinder in my first post based on what i'd seen in several posts. Hardly a stumble.

c-elizabethf · December 2014

ELlZABETH said:

squeakyfrog15 said:

Sunshine7254 said:
I'll admit i didn't read all of the comments before posting, it's almost like you all who "hate" rally around each other and chomp at the bit to be an ass. Good luck with that in real life. And to those who said/quoted, "Would you say this to a group of women you overheard saying something you were disappointed with?" ABSOLUTELY. I'm a Christian and i believe in standing up for those who aren't willing/able to stand up for themselves.

There are a lot of nice women here and I see that. Good luck to all of you! To the few "Highly Intelligent, Resourceful, Grammar Nazi, Amicable, Impertinent Geniuses" who posted asstastic comments to me for trying to be reasonable for those who aren't as informed, take your garbage elsewhere. It affects me none.

Um I'm a Christian, but we are actually called to be kind, especially when confronting brothers and sisters with sin. We are supposed to pray for others that are not Christians, but not blatantly point fingers and be rude. I am also a big fan of intelligence, because I believe God gave us brains for a reason! So we encourage people to use them. I'm sorry you came in here all huffy and are leaving deflated and angry, but you didn't speak in kindness or gentleness. I hope you find that your pregnancy is boring and healthy, but I also hope you rethink ever starting a relationship the way you did. If you were to go out into the mission field or your own city with the hopes of possibly being the only Jeaua someone might see. You would not approach them that way. You wouldn't approach someone how has a drug problem saying you are a horrible person and selfish person for using drugs. You would build a relationship and do what you can to lead them to Christ. Consider that tactic when entering any group!

Sorry to hijack this but I really don't like the image the gets created for all Christians when one of us stumbles!

This ^^^

I am a Christian too. This says is perfectly. Thank you.

All of this. Very well said

thiscoffeechick · December 2014

Sunshine7254 said:

squeakyfrog15 said:

Sunshine7254 said:
I'll admit i didn't read all of the comments before posting, it's almost like you all who "hate" rally around each other and chomp at the bit to be an ass. Good luck with that in real life. And to those who said/quoted, "Would you say this to a group of women you overheard saying something you were disappointed with?" ABSOLUTELY. I'm a Christian and i believe in standing up for those who aren't willing/able to stand up for themselves.

There are a lot of nice women here and I see that. Good luck to all of you! To the few "Highly Intelligent, Resourceful, Grammar Nazi, Amicable, Impertinent Geniuses" who posted asstastic comments to me for trying to be reasonable for those who aren't as informed, take your garbage elsewhere. It affects me none.

Um I'm a Christian, but we are actually called to be kind, especially when confronting brothers and sisters with sin. We are supposed to pray for others that are not Christians, but not blatantly point fingers and be rude. I am also a big fan of intelligence, because I believe God gave us brains for a reason! So we encourage people to use them. I'm sorry you came in here all huffy and are leaving deflated and angry, but you didn't speak in kindness or gentleness. I hope you find that your pregnancy is boring and healthy, but I also hope you rethink ever starting a relationship the way you did. If you were to go out into the mission field or your own city with the hopes of possibly being the only Jeaua someone might see. You would not approach them that way. You wouldn't approach someone how has a drug problem saying you are a horrible person and selfish person for using drugs. You would build a relationship and do what you can to lead them to Christ. Consider that tactic when entering any group!

Sorry to hijack this but I really don't like the image the gets created for all Christians when one of us stumbles!

Christians don't judge, but thank you for your input. I made a suggestion for others to be kinder in my first post based on what i'd seen in several posts. Hardly a stumble.

--------------------------------------------------
Uh, my vote is that you stumbled like a muthafucka and you still can't catch your footing.
But at least you're leaving so there is some good news!

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