Dickhead husband

swiftrr · December 2014

Just found out we are having a girl and my husband is being a complete dick about it. He wanted a son, I get he's a bit disappointed but seriously! I'm just happy she is healthy after anatomy scan. I've told him to grow up and my baby will always come first to me. But I'm actually in shock at his reaction. I understand he wanted a boy and is a but disappointed but never expected some kind of breakdown. Ugh any advice other than punching him in the face???

Edited title so makes more sense

swiftrr · December 2014

And sorry if this has been posted before, my phone won't search at moment and I'm too angry to figure it out:(

MrsHillJr · December 2014

First, I would remind him that it was HIS fault that he produced a girl and not a boy...I kid, I kid!! Give it a day or so, both of you cool off, and see what happens then. I hope that you guys are able to move past this and that he appreciates the healthy blessing he's been given.

Lalalady54 · December 2014

My DH who is the most rational and level headed man in the world had a little melt down when we found out our first was a girl, it took him about 24 hours to get over it. This time we found out it was a girl and I was the more disappointed one

I promise it will pass, it's just shock

swiftrr · December 2014

So do I, it's weird we picked the girls name out and we were discussing boys names recently. I understand he really wanted a son and knew he would be a bit disappointed if a girl but omg never expected this. Thank you, I'll leave it and discuss with him once it's set in I think. Baby's happy healthy and that's all that should matter

khaleesi123 · December 2014

Hopefully he will open up to the idea eventually hopefully sooner then later maybe think of things to talk about that is exciting about having a girl rather than boy like maybe the father daughter dance when she gets married? I can't think of anything in the spot but brainstorm about it.. I agree he is definitely being a dick but he will wake up when he learns to accept it

khaleesi123 · December 2014

My partner also is hoping for a boy so we shall see 23rd December how that goes

swiftrr · December 2014

@khaleesi123 good luck:) do you have a feeling? I really thought boy

we were not supposed to find out till next Friday but I had a mild car accident this morning and midwife wanted me checked out. While we were at ultrasound the tech did full anatomy. She sprung it on us that baby is a little girl, think the shock and stress of car accident, the worry, the surprise scan and being unprepared to find out might have thrown him. Man I'm a good understanding wife lol

Sijustella · December 2014

Husbands can be dicks. Mine asked me in my pregnant state to help lift the dishwasher and when I looked at him like 'wtf I'm pregnant' he said 'Jesus women have babies in rice fields' :-O

stephaniesee · December 2014

@Sijustella‌ whoa, those are fighting words

@swiftrr‌ maybe (hopefully) the stress of the accident had something to do with it? He'll prob get over it and end up being embarrassed over his reaction

[Deleted User] · December 2014

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khaleesi123 · December 2014

Thanks @swiftrr‌

I felt from the beginning it's a boy but anything can happen. I went to find out early at a 3d place at 17 weeks but the baby wouldn't flash it's bits! Damn modest baby haha x

marijaa333 · December 2014

Mine wanted a girl and thinks a boy will be harder to raise. We could swap kids?

I hope he realizes how jerky his disappointment seems. He probably envisioned all this bonding time with a son - remind him there is no reason he couldn't do all of those things with a daughter. Good luck and congrats on the normal A/S!

lgsdesigner · December 2014

Wait until she is born. He will melt.

beaseg · December 2014

Well, I was in the same boat last time- except I was the dickhead. I wanted a boy, and found out we were having a girl and fell into serious depression. I have a terrible relationship with my mother and she always told me I was just like her so I was terrified. After getting counselling, I felt much better and I LOVE my daughter and I'm nothing like my mom as a mother and I was hoping for another girl this time!

My husband wanted a girl all along, so he was thrilled- but did confess some sadness about how he would never be as close to her as I would be because he wouldn't ever be able to truly get where she was coming from with some things. IDK if that's true, but it could be your hubby is struggling with that. Also, he probably had a lot of high hopes about father/son things and now those are all gone. So he probably needs some time to adjust. But rest assured- once this little girl gets here, all that is going to change.

My daughter changed us so much the second she arrived. She makes our worlds go 'round. She is the best thing to ever happen to us, and I've seen the same happen in other friends. My one friend had a boyfriend who was on/off for years. They had a girl, and her bf was really into hunting and racing and fishing and he was super disappointed. Now, that little girl is dressed head to toe in pink camo and is only 18 months and goes with her dad on camping and fishing trips- without mom! He's a wonderful dad and loves his baby girl. He's still hoping for a boy next time, but he's totally embraced having a daughter.

I say give him time. And "time" might mean all the way up to the birth, unfortunately. Not saying that he gets a free pass to be a dick. But he may genuinely need time to adjust. And I think thats okay.

samiamagirl · December 2014

Like other posters have said, give him time to process. Part of his dickishness may be stemming from just what he built up and envisioned in his mind being thrown for a loop. If he still is being cranky about it in a day or two, kindly remind him that having a healthy baby is the most important part of all of this and that whatever he planned on doing with his son he should still keep in the works for doing with his daughter. Minus the whole learning to pee standing up thing.

MAdams728 · December 2014

lgsdesigner said:
Wait until she is born. He will melt.

This.

I never could have imagined the magnitude of love my husband has for our daughter. She is only 18 months, but they have such a deep bond. We are having a boy this time, and now he's nervous about that, lol.

It's crappy that your husband acted that way, but hopefully it will be short-lived. Pregnancy is still an abstract thing to most men at this point. You don't have a huge belly, he cant feel the baby move around yet, the due date is still quite a way off. For a lot of men, it doesn't really sink in until the baby is actually born.

ellab043 · December 2014

It will get better. It could also be that men have very little to look forward to/participate in throughout the pregnancy as a whole so maybe he just had this really built up in his head. It will all settle and the moment she is born this will be the furthest thing from his mind I'm sure!

jraeohyeaaa · December 2014

Just give him time. Friends of ours thought boy but ended up with a girl. The husband was freaked out and apparently didn't really say anything to wife the entire way home- he was so freaked out. But he came around and they are thrilled with their daughter.

MH is similar. He comes from a family of all boys and wants a son terribly. He would get annoyed during first tri when I would say I wanted a girl. Now he talks differently about it- he would love to have a girl. Definitely just give him time to adjust. The thought of a daughter is scary to some men.

kac22 · December 2014

When we found out DD1 was a girl, DH said the idea of raising a daughter "scared the crap out of him" haha Especially because he is one of all boys in his family. But he came around to the idea and now him and that little girl are like BFFs. He already was a sweet, soft guy to begin with but she made him even more so.

This time around when we found out it's more than likely another girl, I swore he was going to be disappointed but he said "I was just meant to be the daddy to little girls". Heart melted.

He will come around sooner or later, promise. Especially as PPers said once he sees and holds that little girl, it will be all over

swiftrr · December 2014

Thank you all, he's still being a dick this morning, he's stressing about bonding and being like his parents. I pointed out if he was like his parents he wouldn't even care he would just be. I'll leave him be for a couple of days and then talk when he's ready. Again thank you all so much, was getting worried there xx

blitzy23 · December 2014

I don't understand this concept. Having a child with a specific needed expectation from a parent is just not fair or realistic. I understand some disappointment, but move on and celebrate the life you made! I'm sure your husband will come around, and once that little girl is born, he will be head over heals. Hopefully he jumps on board a little sooner tho!

blitzy23 · December 2014

Also, does he have fears of being inadequate as a parent? This could be more of a personal fear, than actually not wanting a girl.

swiftrr · December 2014

@blitzy23 yip he had a extremely abusive childhood full of pysical, emotional abuse and major neglect. His main worry is being like his parents. He's nothing like them and I hate seeing him like this and that even after years of estrangement they still effect him. I was angry last night now I'm just sad for him and letting him be for a bit. Already he's started telling his friends he's having a little girl, he will be fine it's just hard.

blaberge · December 2014

I love the title of this post... While I love my husband very very much, I think all of us at one point during our pregnancy feel this way towards them! And that's okay, because at some point I'm sure they're thinking "Irrational Hormonal Wife!"

As for your concern, the consensus is to give him time. I would agree. When things settle down, explain to him how his actions made you feel, address his concerns and balance them with examples of things he will get to experience with his daughter, that he couldn't do with a son. Good luck!

MooByrd · December 2014

We just found out that its a girl (well, 90% sure said the Dr.) and DH is freaking out. He's still holding out for the other 10% possibility that it could still be a boy haha. He says he's just freaked out about having to deal with all that comes with a girl, but he'll get over it and so will your man

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