December

jenn.schott · December 2014

December - This will be the first Christmas without our little man. But it's not quite the holidays that I fear. He was out of the hospital last Christmas (he went back in for scheduled treatment on the 28th) and we had some great memories.

It's what comes after Christmas. I still have selfies of us in the hospital on New Year's day. How did the cancer grow so fast? It wasn't there that Monday how did it grow so fast for you to leave us on Friday? Why did it have to be in his brain where it had never been before? I remember leaving for work the morning of the 2nd while you watched Jake and the Neverland Pirates and waving goodbye. That was the last time I would ever see you awake.

The pain is unbearable. The anxiety attacks are coming more frequently without warning. Trying to stay strong as you were so strong through all of the torture you endured. We will never forget.

I want to fast forward to February.

Thanks for listening to my vent - sometimes it feels better to get it out.

lexusolsen · December 2014

I agree that the anticipation of a particular day is usually easier than the day itself. I have found the writing to my son helps me.

You are so new to this, I say don't try to be so strong all the time. You have to let yourself grieve and feel everything. If you feel like it otherwise takes over your life, just give yourself a timeframe to just feel whatever you need to feel. That way you have a break of sorts. It's difficult to be strong all day, every day. Especially in the beginning.

stefuge · December 2014

((Hugs)). Anniversaries and milestone days are so hard. I agree with PP that the days leading up to the milestone are often harder, although the day of what would have been my sons first birthday was really really hard also. ((Hugs)) as you survive these next months and know that we are here to listen and lend support whenever you need us.

Farrah626 · December 2014

Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to over the next couple of months. Grieve unapologetically, find comfort in deep breaths when you find yourself able to take them, and lean on those who love you when it all becomes too much. We're here for you.

shandorfml2 · December 2014

**siggy

((big hugs)))

I also agree that the anxiety leading up to the day/time is worse.

Mel&John2013 · December 2014

I'm sorry, I wish I could help with some secret way to cope or guidance on how to get through, but I have nothing. But I am sending hugs your way.

I understand not understanding, and feeling that everything turned in the blink of an eye. Photos of smiles one day, and then nothing. It's beyond painful. But you are not alone. We're all here whenever you need to get it out or need someone to help carry your burden for a bit.

Noethola · December 2014

I am so very sorry and offer lots of long distance ((hugs)). Facing the milestones is tough.

Maybe Joleisa · December 2014

It looks like you have a few milestones coming up one after another and I'm so sorry. You are stronger than you realize, even through this unbearable pain. Sharing isn't venting and I'm glad you reached out. ((hugs))

ikrystal · December 2014

**ticker warning**

I am so sorry - I wish I knew what to say to give you even just a little bit of peace. I'll be praying and thinking of you and your family during this time.

CC1017 · December 2014

I wish there was something to say that would make it all better. I'm here to listen anytime. I know how good it feels to just let everything out. Big hugs.