Is it time for time outs yet???

huzzahuzza · December 2014

J has started pulling my hair and biting... on purpose!!! So seriously what age, developmentally, do timeouts actually work???

blush64 · December 2014

Sorry I don't know what experts would say but I can give my opinion. I think some people start now but I feel it is too young. I have heard people start between 18 months and just over 2. I know it is commonly said to start with 1 minute per year of age.

No matter what is recommended I would start closer to 3. (between 2.5-3) Though in all honesty I will probably not do time outs. I never really did them with my sons.

Currently if A is playing too roughly I just tell her we have to be gentle and hold her hand and show her. Eventually she says gentle and pets whatever she was rough with. (someone's face, arm etc) A can be a pretty rough little girl.

When it is unintentional I usually leave it at showing gentle, when it is intentional I add more explanation. I will hold her hand gently and say something like "no, don't xyz" or "that hurts, be gentle". I do try and talk about what is going on although I know most is probably above her level of understanding.

Edit I like the ignoring it approach but it usually doesn't work with A. If she is playing she will just keep doing it and if she is angry she will do more. It worked with my son.

Sorry for writing so much. I was way overtired and a bit wordy.

fancefpp · December 2014

DS1 is being rough on purpose too, he thinks it's hilarious. I've been ignoring it because the more attention I give it, the more he does it. I just try to redirect and ignore. Doesn't always work but he thinks time outs are funny too

emmy236 · December 2014

I hear your. R is starting to hit and kick but I don't think the concept of a time out is something he would get. I think 2.5-3 is when they might actually "get it". I wish there was a way but for now we just sternly say "No" and stop playing with him.

Kashy · December 2014

G has been hitting on purpose recently too and occasionally biting. All I do is plop him in his crib and tell him he has to sit for a few seconds to calm down. Then I stand outside the door and he usually is calm within a few seconds. At most he is usually only there for a min and then he chills out and I will take him out.
This usually will curb his hitting and gives him a little reset from what ever it was that set him off.

coffeeandbooks · December 2014

We do timeouts and it works for us. We do just one minute. The reason I feel it works is because, knock wood, we don't have to do it that often. If LO is doing something off limits, I tell what he is doing is not allowed, and if he continues, I ask him, if he wants a time out. He tells me, "no," he doesn't want a time out, and I say ok then stop doing that and that is usually the end of it. The asking part for me is important, rather than just giving him a warning, it gives him some choice/control over what is going to happen which I think makes a big difference in his behavior.

pnutg · December 2014

C does not get time out. If he's really misbehaving I'll set him in his crib for a couple minutes where he can't escape and I'll take a mental health break. Lol. He acts better after that. 18 months is the most challenging so far.

ALP514 · December 2014

I've been thinking about this too. A is really starting to do things she know's shes not supposed to.

I spoke to a mom in my playgroup and her son is 14 months and she said shes been doing it for a while. She puts him in his crib with the lights on door closed for 10 minutes. I think thats a bit excessive. As a toddler teacher we also did a minute per age.

Boo0512 · December 2014

I'm thinking we'll be starting time outs very soon. E is really getting violent when she is upset. I've tried redirecting and distracting and I've also tried ignoring and it hasn't done a damn thing.

She goes absolutely nuts when we do diaper changes and now that I'm pregnant I'm really at my wit's end with her kicking me in the stomach.

My biggest dilemma is where to do them. Our house is really small so setting up the PnP is going to create space issues. However, because of the horrible sleep issues we've had I don't want to use the crib (for the crib=punishment issue).

pnutg · December 2014

@Boo0512, I'm SO sick of being kicked in the stomach during diaper changes as well. I was also worried about using the crib for time outs because I didn't want there to be a bad association by C is a great sleeper and my H convinced me he wouldn't be confused. It's worked for us.

kelseyhh · December 2014

I've been using time outs for a few weeks, but I don't know if they're helping at all. I tried it at around 15 months and he had absolutely no understanding of what was going on. Now, he's been watching his older cousin go to time-out during the day and he seems to understand the concept of sitting in the time out spot.

I pretty much only put him in time out when he climbs on top of the table. It's the one thing I'm a stickler about not doing.

He still climbs on the table several times a day, so I'm not sure if it's effective or not.

It's sorta cute though because sometimes if I just threaten to put him in TO he'll go and sit there on his own. Then I have to go tell him why I threatened to put him in TO and give him permission to get up!

bishbecraycray · December 2014

Yes we've been doing timeouts (in the same room as us) for a few months now with success. He gets one warning for biting and hitting, then a 1 min timeout on the bottom step of our stairs if he chooses to repeat the behavior. If he gets up I put him back until he sits for one minute, then we have a short talk about why he had timeout, he "says sorry" and then hugs and kisses. I think part of the reason it's been successful is because he's always seen his brother get them, so it clicked fairly early with him.

tee18 · December 2014

We have considered the idea because he just doesn't care when we say no or take away the object that he's causing trouble with (recently he has begun chasing the pets with the swiffer/his cart/or scooter).

For those that are doing time outs - it looks like you have been able to sit them down and they mostly stay there??? That's the part we struggle with. He just instantly gets up, so we're basically just sitting there with him talking to him about the "offense." How do you get your LOs to stay put?

He loves his crib and will hang it there for a while if we'd let him, so I don't see that as being a timeout spot.

LaxMOM44 · December 2014

Time outs don't necessarily reduce the bad behaviour but they sure do get her to calm down a bit. We use them. She knows now that when mommy says time out she has to go sit in the spot.

I am careful to distinguish her mood. If she is hitting because she is frustrated a time out will only result in tears. If she is hitting because she is silly or worked up, then time outs work great.

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