Productivity

angelsnight · December 2014

Hey all, I popped in here a few months ago but I honestly cannot remember if I intro'd or not, or if I need to. So quick recap, MH and I have been together almost 8 years, our DD was born last March after her big sister went to heaven the previous March when she was born too early. After DD was born I had 3 months ML, went back to work for two months and then decided to stay home. MH works full time but we really can't afford for me to stay home forever, so I said I would take a year to be with DD and also try to find something I can do from home (primarily hoping to teach online college courses but so far not much luck).

So anyway, much of the time I just don't feel very productive. My only experience with SAHMs was my own mother and she always kept the house perfectly clean and was like super mom. So I'm wondering, am I a lazy ass, or do others struggle the same way?

I made myself a schedule of what needs to be done each day in addition to taking care of and playing with DD. To be honest if I just buckled down, most days I am certain I could get everything done way before 5pm. The biggest issue I have been having is sticking to a schedule as if I am still working. Before I quit my job, I said I would still get up at a decent time as if I had to be at work at a certain time. That hasn't been going well. I've never been someone that can fall asleep super easily, my brain won't turn off at night, so it's like most nights I toss and turn for at least 30 minutes but often more like an hour or two, or I have to take a unisom which I don't like doing too often. The nights it takes me forever to get to sleep, I end up sleeping in the next day, or napping on the couch with DD and then that night I cannot sleep again that night because of all the napping I did during the day.

I'm extremely lucky that I have a very easy baby who will either nap with me, or play in her jumper while I catch a few Z's in the recliner next to her and I easily wake up if she needs me. This makes me feel sooooo guilty, but I just cannot seem to get on a good schedule. Even on days I do well and get up early and stay up, I still cannot sleep that night and then the next day I am super tired and I end up napping. Most days I still get my chores done even if I don't start them until after noon, but somedays I am horribly unproductive and I feel bad and guilty.

It also doesn't help that MH is really good at making messes and not cleaning up after himself, so then I feel guilty that our house isn't as clean as I think it should be for being a SAHM....not like yucky dirty, but cluttered. I love being home with DD and I know I am so lucky I am able to, but it's just not going as smoothly as I envisioned it.

angelsnight · December 2014

@lostinfaith225, thank you! The mommy guilt is overhwhelming sometimes. I am the same way with night time, I am often still doing things till midnight since I make dinner in the early evening, play with LO, put her to bed, some nights a bath too, have a little me time, then wash dishes and bottles and give her a final bottle before going to (or trying to) bed around midnight.

Plus, I tell myself that she will only be this little once and if I want to snuggle and nap with her, then dammit I should.

I'll check out that daily check in, that sounds very helpful, thanks!

EJChapman123 · December 2014

I know easier said than done - but if you and DD are happy, than all is well.

Schedules and to-do list are just our own creations to help ourselves, to compartmentalize and identify our accomplishments. What is important is how our family feels. Not what we get done.

I say this as the biggest type A nutso in the world.

You do what you do and you don't what you don't. No one is keeping score, I promise. It took me years to realize that, as both a working and stay at home mom. You are your own worse critic. Your kids are young once, and if you want t snuggle for 4 hours a day, SNUGGLE. No one sits on their deathbed wishing they kept a cleaner house or did more activities. They just think of the time they spent with the people they love doing things they want to do. Simple but difficult to achieve.

Spend as much time as you can with the people you love doing the things you want to do. That is my resolution this year, and it sounds selfish, but it isn't.

SouthernAcorn · December 2014

If I didn't have to get up every weekday morning to take C to kindergarten, I can promise you my productivity each day would be about a zero. Not that it's spectacular right now.

I have a very loose schedule of things I want to accomplish each week, library-Monday, grocery store-Tuesday, cleaning-Wednesday, etc. Do things always get done when I want them to? No way. But, like you, this is my first go at this stay at home mom game and I think as long as my kids are happy and provided for, my house can be a bit of a mess.

Linnea503 · December 2014

I wish I didn't care as much as I do about the house, actually. I want to let it go more but my personality gets in the way. I'm just meticulous about housekeeping. Honestly, though, I wish I didn't care as much. I think with housekeeping either you care or you don't. I have friends who are always complaining about how messy their houses are, and you know, it's just not a priority for them to clean it. They read, or watch more TV, or go out more than me. Sounds nice, honestly!

I really try to not let my need to keep a tidy house effect my kids. I let them make a mess, we do crafts, I let things get trashed till after bed, etc. I have to remind myself to just play with them and be silly.

I guess my point is that it doesn't matter if your house is a mess! And I'm jealous you get to sleep in. DH takes the boys for me on the weekends sometimes so I can sleep till 8 or 9, but otherwise one of them is up between 5-6am everyday. Enjoy your kiddo and don't worry about cleaning.

HopingforChange · December 2014

You are doing fine! You shouldn't feel badly about sleeping when you are tired. That's important.

A spotless house is not a necessity. As long as your kiddo is happy it's fine.

I write this as I'm staring at toys in the floor and laundry on the sofa!

angelsnight · December 2014

CurlingRocks said:

I don't think you're lazy. I think you're just having trouble finding a routine that works for you, and I think a lot of that lies in your expectations. Believe me, I've changed my expectations a lot since becoming a parent, several times over. My house is sanitary and clean enough that I can have surprise company without being totally embarrassed by the mess, but it is also kid friendly and lived-in.

This is so true. Before I quit my job, I thought that if I could stay home with LO, the house would be spotless, dinner would be on the table every night, LO would be happy and healthy (which she is) and develope great memories with mommy (which I hope she will, which I did with my mom) and I would get in great shape because I would have time to work out and eat better. I will definitely try adjusting my expectations some. The main one being, if my LO allows it, I should just be grateful she is a great sleeper and lets me sleep till 8 and not worry about getting up at 6 or whatever.

Oh and back to my mom....when I said she was super mom, she really was. She kept the house clean, made dinner every night and still managed to play with us and do lots of activities. Of course I am basing this observation on when I could remember, which was around 4 or 5, so who knows what she did when I was just a baby. Maybe our house was a mess back then.

nolemomma14 · December 2014

I've only been a SAHM for 5 months, but the first two and a half, I napped a lot. Now that DS is older and he has more of a schedule, I've gotten better about keeping the house in order. I quickly learned to let go of my expectations of having the house clean and homemade dinners every night. I make a to do list everyday and more times than not, not everything gets crossed off. I just take it a day at a time, and as long as my baby, husband and I are happy, I'm ok.

mandymack · December 2014

Expectations are the stealer of all joy!

You're doing just fine and with each passing phase, you'll find your way into a comfortable groove. If you and your DD are happy, that's all that matters. Andplusalso, my favorite quote ever: "Cleaning with small children at home is like shoveling shit against the tide:pointless".

angelsnight · December 2014

@CurlingRocks‌ , unfortunately I can't ask her, she passed away ten years ago.

But I think with the sleep thing, I guess I feel like I should be getting up earlier, so again with my expectations just aren't matching with what works and feels good.

bridetobe9132013 · December 2014

I feel the same exact way! I just started a thread a few days ago on my month board asking for advice on this. I feel like i'm never caught up with house work. I started a little schedule and every day I do one or two things. I am also going to make natural cleaning products so I can get some cleaning done around LO if she is occupied with something without worrying about her being around harsh chemicals. The first thing I thought of when I layed down in bed tonight was "I wish I could have gotten more cleaning done today." DD is 6 months, crawls, and is getting into everything so I can't really be productive while she is awake. She is first priority so i'm accepting that

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