Plans after the baby comes.... (i.e. going back to work or not?)

housewifebecomesher · December 2014

PS don't get me started on the injustices of US maternity leave!

At least some things are changing...ie., most insurance now provides a free breast pump! Check it out if you haven't!

rjc2986 · December 2014

Unfortunately I'll be going back to work after (hopefully) about four months off. Luckily I can work from home four days per week, which will be helpful, but I would love to stay at home full time.

triplezelle · December 2014

I became a SAHM after my son was born last year. It was a tough transition at first; I really missed the interactions I had at the office. Once I got into the routine and started scheduling our days out (as best I could), it got easier. It presents its own set of challenges like anything else, but I love it

housewifebecomesher · December 2014

@triplezelle if you have some time can you PM me some of the activities you plan?

holliberry28 · December 2014

I also have to return to work after ~3 to 4 months because I only get 6-8 weeks off paid and the rest will be unpaid. I'm allowed a max of 7 months off but I'm still new to the job, so don't feel comfortable taking the whole leave.

I wish I could be a sahm, but I also make significantly more than DH and we just bought a coop, so there's the mortgage and renovation costs.

Still so grateful though!

effthisnoise · December 2014

I'm almost definitely not returning to work. Our contract is up for recompete in September anyway, so I possibly wouldn't have a job to come back to, but the plan is for me to be a SAHM. It'll be tough financially, but not impossible since my husband makes about 30% more than me and is due for a good raise this month. We estimated how much money we'd spend on childcare, gas and tolls for me, and other factors and even though I'd still be bringing home a sizeable chunk of money, I'd be out of the house 10+ hours a day. We'd be able to afford nicer things sooner and be able to go on better vacations...but that's about it.

Anyway, our decision isn't set in stone. I might consider returning for part-time work. I'm afraid that I won't like being at home and want a fallback plan. Luckily, my boss is supportive of whatever I decide to do.

KonaCoffeeBean · December 2014

I run my own law practice so I'm really nervous about maternity leave. I'll be going back after six weeks, as soon as daycare will take the kid. But my husband and I will try to stagger our schedules a bit so that we don't have to do five days a week of daycare.

jessila9 · December 2014

I know I'll definitely be a working momma - someone has to pay off those school loans.
My mom is planning to retire and become our nanny. I'm a part time teacher (4.5 days per week) and am hoping to convince DH that we can afford me going to 3.5-4 days a week instead.
I will be taking at least part of my FMLA after summer is over to get extra time with my little one. I'm due at the end of June so baby would be right around 6 weeks when the year starts back up and that seems awfully soon to go back.

Ana0927 · December 2014

I don't know yet. I like my job, have great benefits, and my office is really family friendly but we struggle every morning and night and its starting to get to us. Its really hard with two young kids trying to get everyone ready, even with planning the night before. My DH gets home with the kids around 5:30 and I don't get home until close to 7. It is chaos in our house. I sometimes think it will be impossible with 3 kids. I also don't think I would want to stay home. I get antsy during maternity leave and after 12 weeks I am ready to go back to work. I don't think I would make a good SAHM.

I haven't told my office yet but when I do I am going to talk to one of my coworkers who has three kids and see how she managed it all. It just seems so overwheleming right now.

happygardner85 · December 2014

Part of me would love to stay home but the other part of me thinks It's not for me. I am sure we could manage if I stayed home but I don't feel we would ever be able to save. So I will probably go back after My year. I also feel for those of you that don't get paid leave it's not fair

[Deleted User] · December 2014

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BaytoSA2013 · December 2014

No other real options here at this point but to go back to work. Dh makes about $10K more than me a year but he also pays for all our medical. It just wouldn't be feasible at this point for me to quit since I make more than what day care will cost us. I'd love to be able to stay home at least the first year or two though

Schnurette · December 2014

I'm going back to work - I'm in Canada so I have the benefit of a super long leave so I can't complain about that.

I completely get what you are saying about the expenses after baby arrives but I think you will find there is more money left over than you think...and contributing to retirement savings is a huge deal.

You should look at options for child care. If I took my daughter to a licensed day care the cost would have been astronomical (hello $40/day until she's 18mths then $35/day) AND they aren't open late enough for me to pick her up. So we looked into home day care providers and were lucky enough to find one that is excellent and SUPER reasonably priced ($3/hr). It ends up costing me $111/week as my MIL takes DD one day a week.

I've run the math a couple times because I would love to stay home with DD (and honestly I don't make a huge amount of money) but it just doesn't make sense.

We did make sure to plan this pregnancy so that there would only be a minimal amount of time with two kids in day care. We'll have 3 months of overlap where we have to pay for child care for two kids instead of one before DD starts school. Two kids in day care would have killed us financially.

mcp6286 · December 2014

I will def be working at least part time; I thought being a SAHM was what I wanted until I started nannying full time. OMG...I just do not have the personality for being at home all day. I think maybe it would be different if we had tons of disposable income and I could take the baby out to activities every day, but that's just not our situation. My DH's grandma offered to babysit 2-3 days per week, so our plan was for me to be substitute teaching those days and tutoring at night on the alternate days. I'll also work my direct sales business on weekends. It's a bit crazy, but it gives us the extra income we need.

However, DH got laid off this week completely unexpectedly, so now all our plans are kind of up in the air till he finds a new job. It may end up that I have to go back to retail (what I did before teaching) and he'll be the one working part time/watching the baby. I pray every day this does not end up being the case...I LOVED managing my Victoria's Secret when I was in college/recent graduate, but the thought of going back to nights/weekends/holidays away from my family makes me want to cry now.

blastocarrier30 · December 2014

I definitely will be going back. I make more than my husband, and there's no way we could keep up with our mortgage and bills on just his salary. I'm lucky to have really flexible, internet-based job, though, so I'll be working from home a few days a week (the days DH isn't off). And since I work for my parents, I have a feeling they won't mind if I have to bring the LO in sometimes.

lfaithlove · December 2014

As a second time mom and (now) SAHM, the only thing I'll add to this conversation is to do whatever you truly feel like is the best thing for your child and family. If that means more time away (at work) but you really feel at peace about it, don't let anything or anybody make you feel like less of a mom. If that means staying home but having less income, a tighter budget, smaller Christmases, etc. but you know you're where you're supposed to be at home, don't ever convince yourself that you've made the wrong decision.

Also, for any of you who do decide to be working mamas, TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOUR JOB WILL POSSIBLY ALLOW after baby is born. I was a working mom with my first (and I was also unfortunately a push over) and I went back to work (two days a week) 2.5 weeks after my son was born. Because they "needed me". Blech. Just thinking about it now makes me want to cry/throw up. I never should have given in. Thankfully this time around I don't have to worry about that. But it was awful. Don't be like me and give in to boss pressure.

crikit83 · December 2014

I'm going back to freelancing (design and photography). I've been doing contract work for an agency the last two years, which means I get ZERO paid leave. We can survive on one income, and my husband's the one with the health insurance. Plus I've freelanced before, so I can deal with the lack of adult interaction/being in my house all day every day

Mwest8312 · December 2014

I'm a SAHM and have been for almost 3 years. I used to work in a day spa and loved talking to others on a daily basis. I do miss it but not missing any of my son's firsts makes staying at home wonderful! I will continue to stay at home when my other son is born. Only problem is husband expects the house to be spotless lol anyone else have that issue? It's very irritating!

housewifebecomesher · December 2014

periwinkledaydreams said:
For me, EVERYTHING is so up in the air with this right now. I was injured at work (Early Childhood teacher) in June of this year and have been out on a workers comp claim since then.. getting about 60% of my income which, in my field, is not so much. After 6 months of treatment and physical therapy, it is really not looking like the doctor will release me to return to work, nor do I feel physically capable of the job. So, now I am on a deperate job hunt (including a career switch.. with doctor ordered physical restrictions) hoping to find something before I start really showing! Assuming I find a job, I won't have been there long enough by June to qualify for FMLA, and even if I stayed at my current company somehow, theyve forced me to use up my FMLA during this workers comp leave anyway. So.... unless I land a job that I LOVE in the next month or so, or they are angels and offer me leave even without FMLA protection, my guess is that I will leave whatever job I find, and start looking for ANOTHER job once I'm ready to go back to work after baby. Oof. Stress!!!

How stressful! Maybe a smaller company would be more accommodating and may not require the year of service to qualify for mat leave? But they also won't be "required" to hold your job. I hope you find something soon! Lots of jobs need teaching skills

elbowpasta · December 2014

lfaithlove said:

Also, for any of you who do decide to be working mamas, TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOUR JOB WILL POSSIBLY ALLOW after baby is born. I was a working mom with my first (and I was also unfortunately a push over) and I went back to work (two days a week) 2.5 weeks after my son was born. Because they "needed me". Blech. Just thinking about it now makes me want to cry/throw up. I never should have given in. Thankfully this time around I don't have to worry about that. But it was awful. Don't be like me and give in to boss pressure.

My mom went back to work full time 3 weeks after I was born.

Ain't no job worth THAT.

Schnurette · December 2014

elbowpasta said:

lfaithlove said:

Also, for any of you who do decide to be working mamas, TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOUR JOB WILL POSSIBLY ALLOW after baby is born. I was a working mom with my first (and I was also unfortunately a push over) and I went back to work (two days a week) 2.5 weeks after my son was born. Because they "needed me". Blech. Just thinking about it now makes me want to cry/throw up. I never should have given in. Thankfully this time around I don't have to worry about that. But it was awful. Don't be like me and give in to boss pressure.

My mom went back to work full time 3 weeks after I was born.

Ain't no job worth THAT.

That's nuts! I'm in Canada and a greedy little bugger - I won't even share my year with DH (which technically we are allowed to do, he can take 4 months). He can go suck eggs.

bossybluejay · December 2014

genepoolperfect said:

Schnurette said:
You should look at options for child care. If I took my daughter to a licensed day care the cost would have been astronomical (hello $40/day until she's 18mths then $35/day) AND they aren't open late enough for me to pick her up. So we looked into home day care providers and were lucky enough to find one that is excellent and SUPER reasonably priced ($3/hr). It ends up costing me $111/week as my MIL takes DD one day a week.

Woah @Schnurette, so jealous of your astronomical licensed day care. We pay ours about $70/day (8am-6pm). It's $1350/mo now that DS is a toddler, but as an infant it was definitely more expensive.

$1350 a month...that's more than our mortgage. And my husbands coworkers have actually made comments about the cost of their childcare being more than their mortgages. That's what makes me want to stay home. $1350 is just under half of my take home pay after benefits and 401k contributions. I can see if you really love your job and dont want to leave but....I just feel like the cost is not worth it.

Does anyone know how much a nanny vs. daycare is?

Schnurette · December 2014

genepoolperfect said:

Schnurette said:
You should look at options for child care. If I took my daughter to a licensed day care the cost would have been astronomical (hello $40/day until she's 18mths then $35/day) AND they aren't open late enough for me to pick her up. So we looked into home day care providers and were lucky enough to find one that is excellent and SUPER reasonably priced ($3/hr). It ends up costing me $111/week as my MIL takes DD one day a week.

Woah @Schnurette, so jealous of your astronomical licensed day care. We pay ours about $70/day (8am-6pm). It's $1350/mo now that DS is a toddler, but as an infant it was definitely more expensive.

Holy crap that's crazy...I guess I should have added a disclaimer that where we live the cost of living is lower than a lot of places (but of course our incomes match that) and there are definately places more expensive around here (the most expensive I have heard of around here is the one DH's friend uses that teaches the babies sign language and shit and costs them about $1,400 per month...)

If I had to pay $1350 per month I wouldn't be going back to work...I would be putting more than two weeks pay towards having the privilege of going to work and I would still have to pay for gas and such to get there...non merci...

You guys should all move to rural Ontario. IT'S PARADISE!

blu-eyedwife · December 2014

bossybluejay said:

genepoolperfect said:

Schnurette said:
You should look at options for child care. If I took my daughter to a licensed day care the cost would have been astronomical (hello $40/day until she's 18mths then $35/day) AND they aren't open late enough for me to pick her up. So we looked into home day care providers and were lucky enough to find one that is excellent and SUPER reasonably priced ($3/hr). It ends up costing me $111/week as my MIL takes DD one day a week.

Woah @Schnurette, so jealous of your astronomical licensed day care. We pay ours about $70/day (8am-6pm). It's $1350/mo now that DS is a toddler, but as an infant it was definitely more expensive.

$1350 a month...that's more than our mortgage. And my husbands coworkers have actually made comments about the cost of their childcare being more than their mortgages. That's what makes me want to stay home. $1350 is just under half of my take home pay after benefits and 401k contributions. I can see if you really love your job and dont want to leave but....I just feel like the cost is not worth it.

Does anyone know how much a nanny vs. daycare is?

We sent my son to daycare that was $1400 a month. And that was $200/month cheaper than the next cheapest daycare in my area.

It works out to around $350 a week. But for us a nanny is at least $10 an hour (for the cheapest out there) so if you're working 40 hour weeks (not counting commute time), that's $400 a week, or $1600 a month.

mcp6286 · December 2014

I'm working as a nanny now. Average for a college-aged, minimally interactive nanny is $12-15/hour in my area (Main Line outside Philadelphia). As a certified teacher with all state clearances and the qualifications to do educational activities/curriculum/"field trips" while nannying, I charge $18-22/hour depending on how many kids and what ages they are. So my avg monthly salary working full time (40 hrs/week) for a family with 2 kids is $3,200. I could never afford that but people who can say it's worth it.

Last year I did a nanny share for a brother/sister...the brother had 2 kids and paid $12.50/hr and the sister had 1 kid and paid $5.50/hr. Worked out great for both. I highly recommend a nanny share with a qualified and engaged nanny over daycare if you can work it out. Every parent I've worked for has reported increased happiness & independence, plus better behavior from their kids after I started and they stopped attending daycare.

bossybluejay · December 2014

mcp6286 said:

I'm working as a nanny now. Average for a college-aged, minimally interactive nanny is $12-15/hour in my area (Main Line outside Philadelphia). As a certified teacher with all state clearances and the qualifications to do educational activities/curriculum/"field trips" while nannying, I charge $18-22/hour depending on how many kids and what ages they are. So my avg monthly salary working full time (40 hrs/week) for a family with 2 kids is $3,200. I could never afford that but people who can say it's worth it. Last year I did a nanny share for a brother/sister...the brother had 2 kids and paid $12.50/hr and the sister had 1 kid and paid $5.50/hr. Worked out great for both. I highly recommend a nanny share with a qualified and engaged nanny over daycare if you can work it out. Every parent I've worked for has reported increased happiness & independence, plus better behavior from their kids after I started and they stopped attending daycare.

I personally would feel better with a nanny over daycare. One of my good friends shares a nanny with a friend and it works out really well for them. She knows the nanny really well and feels really comfortable leaving her daughter with her.

housewifebecomesher · December 2014

bossybluejay said:

mcp6286 said:

I'm working as a nanny now. Average for a college-aged, minimally interactive nanny is $12-15/hour in my area (Main Line outside Philadelphia). As a certified teacher with all state clearances and the qualifications to do educational activities/curriculum/"field trips" while nannying, I charge $18-22/hour depending on how many kids and what ages they are. So my avg monthly salary working full time (40 hrs/week) for a family with 2 kids is $3,200. I could never afford that but people who can say it's worth it.

Last year I did a nanny share for a brother/sister...the brother had 2 kids and paid $12.50/hr and the sister had 1 kid and paid $5.50/hr. Worked out great for both. I highly recommend a nanny share with a qualified and engaged nanny over daycare if you can work it out. Every parent I've worked for has reported increased happiness & independence, plus better behavior from their kids after I started and they stopped attending daycare.

I personally would feel better with a nanny over daycare. One of my good friends shares a nanny with a friend and it works out really well for them. She knows the nanny really well and feels really comfortable leaving her daughter with her.

We wanted in home care, but were able to find a daycare that felt like the closest thing to home for us. If can be done! At first the biggest thing you will want is safety and nurturing. I hope you find a great solution!

mindaa · December 2014

delujm0 said:

Going back to work. DH makes way more than I do but he's self employed and has to be on my health insurance. Health insurance is important. After maxing out my 401k, daycare FSA, HSA, and paying insurance premiums, I won't bring much home but that's fine. Also to be honest, while I really respect SAHMs for what they do, I don't think I would personally enjoy it. It would be one thing if daycare cost more than my salary but I'd have to have 7 kids in daycare at once to even be close. So that will not happen. :-) Edit to include: I will take my 12 weeks of leave...6-8 will be 100% paid (depends on natural birth vs c section) and the rest will be zero pay.

This is me almost exactly. We could get by on his salary but DH works at home (many days, but is gone a lot too), so if I stayed home, it would probably be irritating/distracting for both of us.

Although I don't really envision myself as a SAHM, it would be nice to wait until preschool. Putting a newborn in daycare is going to be challenging.

My mom stayed home for 8 years and she did not seem happy. Going back to work was a good thing for her. And my daycare experience was positive.

mlindzz · December 2014

I'm also from Canada and plan to take a 12 month leave. My employer was even kind enough to offer me a top up while I'm away as well.

I love my job and hope I'll go back, I'm in senior management with a great agency (non-profit). Although I suppose after the baby is born, we'll see how things play out; as others mentioned above, considering child care options, the babies needs, etc.

We've been married for five years and had made efforts in the past to ensure that there wouldn't be any pressure to return unless we decided that's what we wanted.

As long as the decision is based on your families best interest, you can't go wrong, SAHM or otherwise.

Blessed either way!

marinamarina · December 2014

Op, same exact boat.
We can manage on DH income but it requires budgeting and find careful. No more careless buying whatever we want. I have a great financial app, MINT, that shows exactly what I'm spending and where. Creates budgets and shows how much I'm spending in every category (restaurants, groceries, coffee shops, gas. Utilities, clothing, doctors, insurance, labs, pet food, per grooming, various student or car payment, parking, dry cleaning, gifts, you name it)

I'll be taking a year and a half off from work full time to finish my masters in nursing to be a nurse practitioner. Will watch my kiddo this fall and have mother in law watch one day a week when I have school, then spring she will watch 2 days a week while I am in clinicals. If I can work part time too, I'll do daycare at the church all my friends go to, located literally two blocks away. My MIL tends to spoil grand kids to the point of no return.

We can't comfortably manage our lifestyle and house, etc on DH income alone for longer than a year and a half, so I have to go back to work ASAP.

Difficult when you built your life around a certain income point then you slice it In half and watch what happens.

I would live to be a sahm, no problemo. But we have created a lifestyle through years of corporate working that we gotta maintain.

The damn kitchen is being renovated as we speak. Kinda wish we had saved the money and done it after I took off from work so we had a big savings cushion, but what can oh do when DH feels strongly.

mcp6286 · December 2014

@skiergal38‌ do you have room for a live-in nanny? One of my former employers went this route after I left, and it works great for her. The new nanny works +/- 55 hours a week but gets paid for 35 hours to account for room and board. I know not everyone likes the idea, but it can work if you find the right person.

mccall35 · December 2014

Just swooping in to add my 2 cents on being a SAHM. I wasn't working when I had DS, but intended to find work after the year was up (I'm in Canada and it's typical to take a year- even though I didn't get any mat leave pay). DH was finishing up school and we had been living on student loans for 6 years anyway (my payments have been deferred because of our non-existent income) so financially it didn't matter either way.

All that being said, I really didn't like being a SAHM for the first 12 months, and if I would have had a job to go back to, I would have in a heartbeat. Now we've moved to a new city so DH can start his residency and since I'm pregnant with lo#2 I'm not looking for work. So this will be going on 2 years of being a SAHM and to be honest I'm really starting to like it.

So for all the people who "hated/couldn't stand/couldn't see themselves as a SAHM), I just want to say that I was in your shoes. But sometimes you have to give new careers some time to grow on you.

I'm only playing devils advocate because for some people the more financially sound decision may be to become a SAHM and I would hate for someone to shy away because they had a bad babysitting/nannying/10weeks of being at home experience.

Just my opinion though.

gaylew5 · December 2014

I'm in the middle of residency, so I will have to go back (or else have wasted all my years in college/med school/residency thus far). I plan on taking about 10 weeks. My husband is a senior associate in a big corporate law firm and they give him 3 weeks paternity leave. We can afford daycare, though it does stretch the finances a bit with student loans and a fairly expensive apt in NYC. My mom will be doing babysitting early on, she will be moving from out of state and living with us until the babe is 5-6 months, then we will be using an in-home daycare. Fortunately because I work a lot of nights and weekends, will probably only have to send the kid to day care on average about 3.5 days a week from 8-4pmish

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Plans after the baby comes.... (i.e. going back to work or not?)

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