Not invited to the birth

Re: Not invited to the birth

• ngolimento member

  December 2014

  Katierae19 said:

  Okay please help me! My mother in law is a wonderful loving woman and we get along great but she stresses me out. How can I let her know tactfully that she is not invited to the birth!? Okay here's the deal. I am a very private person, I don't even have a Facebook for that reason and I will not be letting my husband post photos of our baby on his Facebook. Anyway my point is that I'm private. The only people i want when i am giving birth will be my husband and my mom. I don't even want people at the hospital or visiting me in the hospital. I want to take that time to bond with my new baby and husband . My mother in law is very loud and opinionated and honestly she stresses me out. She has declared that she will be at the birth. When I mentioned that maybe she could wait a week she said "well you'll be hard pressed to keep me from the birth but I can come back the next week" (we live 6 hours away) how do i tactfully tell her to stay put until invited. (Even though I realize it's a little unfair that I want my mom there) I don't want to hurt her feelings but I fear there is no way around it. A friend suggested sending out a mass email with the birth plan so that everyone is getting the same info. Thoughts on that and other ideas welcome!! Thank you!

  Just straight up tell her that only your SO and your mother will be present.  If she pitches a fit, refer her to her kid to deal with.

  
  

  As far as not letting her come to the hospital at all, I think that's a bit extreme.  You can always have your SO take the baby out to the waiting room, so that way you don't even have to see here while she's visiting.  Or maybe let her see you the next day, when you've had some rest. 

  

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• sunset30 member

  December 2014

  As others have said, tell her firmly but politely that she will not be present at the actual birth. If she keeps persisting, I think you need to enlist your husband's help here since it's his mother. He should have a talk with her and tell her that she needs to respect your wishes and when it is appropriate for her to visit. I'm with you on being a private person. I've told our immediate family members that just me and my husband will be there while I'm in labor / having the baby but they're welcome to come visit us in the hospital once our son is born and everyone is cleaned up, etc. 

  
  

  You and your husband should get on the same page on when you both feel comfortable with her coming, as from your post it sounds like you're not ok with her visiting in the hospital or when you're at home. Like pele, this seems a bit extreme to bar her from visiting you at all especially since in your first paragraph you said that you get along with her well. I totally agree with you on not allowing her at the birth part, but its your husband's mom and your baby's grandmother not allowing him to have his mom there at all during the first week when its also a momentous time for him does seem a bit unfair. 

  
  

  If you do go the route of having her visit while you're in the hospital, this might be a place where the hospital staff can help control how much access she gets though (i.e., you can have the nurses come in and say you need rest and visitors need to leave after 30 minutes or something). And given she is a 12 hour round trip away, it may be better to have her visit in the hospital so she won't be camped out at your house. 
  

  
  

  Last, I think its a bit weird to address this issue via a mass email as your friend suggested. If she's that pushy she probably won't take the hint and I don't know that your birth plan needs to be widely distributed, other than the 2-3 people it will affect (your mom and your husband). 

  
  

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