Intro - twin loss at 21w and a long IF journey. — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

Intro - twin loss at 21w and a long IF journey.

Hi Everyone,

I apologize if my siggie is out of date, I haven't spent alot of time on TB since our loss, but I was an active poster during the first pieces of our infertility journey an my pregnancy.  We received a huge outpouring of support from our regular boards of LGBT Parenting, PAIF, and TPR, but I haven't been back much since our loss because triggers are still sort of land mines for me.

My partner (@healz413) and I lost our twin daughters in June.  Their names are Tavin and Casey and we lost them due to a combination of a chorio infection and an incompetent cervix.  They were due in late October.   The short story is that Tavin's water broke early one morning and her cord prolapsed at the time, we didn't know about the chorio infection until much later in the day (when I got sick from it), but they were born that night.   Both of our babies were alive until a few hours before they were born but there wasn't anything we could do to save them.   Our daughter Tavin passed away around 5:30pm, and our daughter Casey was born alive and lived for about 90 minutes.  

I have been lurking this board for months now and I know that there are a few others out there with similar stories -- if you would like to chat I would be open as I haven't met any one else in our baby loss support groups who has had a loss where the babies were healthy and well, but born too small for a chance to be saved in the NICU.  I still have all sorts of body-trauma, as well as consistent nightmares about not being able to save them --- they were beautiful and so so loved and wanted.  

I think I'm a bit of an anomaly as well on this board because I'm not actually trying to be pregnant again at this point.  I am too scared and have too much trauma and fear of the incompetent cervix to consider it at this point.   Our babies were IVF babies, so I feel like as long as we have a choice of which uterus we can transfer them to, we should probably steer clear of me because my body has already messed that one up big time.   I'm working hard now to embrace this TTC journey with my partner from a different place.  Together my partner and I are both TTCAL and we anticipate facing a similar experience with triggers and anxiety as you all, so I hope you'll have us :)

We have begun the protocol for a frozen embryo transfer with our last frozen embryo from our IVF cycle.   It's a day 3 embryo that was good quality at the freeze, but we are also trying to be realistic about the fact that the odds aren't necessarily on our side with that little one.   Our plan is to do another fresh IVF cycle in the new year as well.     I've also been exploring the options around cerclage surgeries (including a TransAbdominal cerclage) as a potential if I opt to explore pregnancy again in the future.

That's about it for now.   Looking forward to connecting with some of you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,

Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.

Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>

7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013.  Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.

My Love:  (the amazing @Healz413)
Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012.   Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.  

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Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos.  1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved.   BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255.  Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!  

We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014.  Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies.  We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.

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Re: Intro - twin loss at 21w and a long IF journey.

  • TheAerialistTheAerialist member
    edited December 2014
    Welcome @Manada‌ I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss.. I don't have experience (yet) with IVF, but there are lots of ladies here that have insight into that specifically.

    What I do know is that a loss sucks bigtime, and that feeling like your body is failing is the worst ( IMHO). I offen feel the same way, even though there is this nagging little voice reminding me that it's not true.

    We aren't broken, but I still understand where you are coming from. I want you to know you aren't alone.

    Edit: mobile formatting


  • PinkCaminoPinkCamino member
    edited December 2014
    Hi @manada & @healz413. I'm so sorry for your loss of Tavin and Casey ((hugs))

    I lost my twins girl to IC just over 2 years ago. My girls were both born alive and because like you said they were too small we just held them until they passed.

    If you want to talk about any of this please feel free to PM me or reach out to me here on TTCAL.

    I still have those nightmares that you're talking about. I often find myself replaying the entire thing just to feel like I'm still connected to them in some way. I also still go to sleep every night wondering if there was something we could have done to save them.

    I'm so sorry you're dealing with this ((hugs))

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  • I am so sorry for the losses of your beautiful Tavin and Casey. My Zachary was also a live birth too soon for NICU. We welcome you and @healz413‌ on the next stage of your journey.

    The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
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  • Welcome to the board. I am so sorry for your losses. Many ((hugs)) coming your way.
  • I'm so sorry for your losses! So many hugs to you!
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • I am so sorry for your loss. So many hugs and much love to you and your H.
    I am not sure how to say this without getting a "solicitation" warning so I guess I just say that I am not longer active on THIS site. 



  • I am so sorry for your losses. (Hugs) Welcome.

    Me: 31 DH: 36
    Dated Since ‘02, Married in ‘06
    BFP#1 05/16/06, EDD01/16/07, MC 06/12/06 at 8 weeks
    BFP #2 08/14/14, EDD 04/22/15, MC 09/17/14 at 9 weeks

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     My Chart

  • Welcome. I am so sorry for the loss of your twins. I dealt with IVF and FET after five years of IF only to lose our son. I too am not ttcal so know that this board is also safe and welcoming to loss moms even when they are not ttc. Best luck to you and your partner as you move forward.

    TTC since July 2009. Dx MFI & LPD. 
    IUI#1&2&3 (2011 & 2012) BFN
    IUI#4 1/23/13 on 75iu x9 Follistim = BFP then chem preg m/c (Feb 2013)
    IUI#5 BFN (April 2013)
    IVF w/ICSI Oct. 2, 2012 - 13R, 11M, 7F, 1 frozen blast 4BB grade - - - FET Nov 15, 2013
    BFP! Beta 1:104 @ 10dp6dt, Beta 2:178 @ 12dp6dt,  beta 3:366 @ 14dp6dt
    Saw heartbeat twice before missed M/C at 8w3d on 12/27/13, missing my little angel boy
    JUNE 2014 IVF#2;  5R, 2M, 1F Three day transfer 6/7.  Beta 6/18 - BFN
    Child Free Now?
    S/PAIFW , S/PALW

    My Blog

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  • I'm so very sorry for your losses.  I hope you will find comfort on this board.  It is a wonderful place.  Good luck on your next IVF cycle!
                                                                                              BFP #1 3/2/12, T born 11/7/12
                                                                                                 BFP #2  7/2/14, CP 7/6/14
                                 BFP #3 8/28/14, MMC 10/2/14 @ 9wks - misoprostol 10/6/14, D&C 11/3/14 for retained tissue
                                       BFP #4 12/25/14, EDD 9/7/15 - please stick baby, you are so loved and wanted!!!!!                                                                                           
                                                                                                                                                   
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  • I am so sorry for the loss of your girls.  Welcome to the board.
    Yelena + Rubere Married: 05/13/2011
    TTC since 2012
    BFP#1~  EDD: 06/21/2014  ~  TFMR --Holoprosencephaly 
    Said goodbye on 2/10/2014 at 21 weeks. We miss our baby girl "J"
    My Chart image
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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    imageimageimage      
  • I'm so very sorry for your losses. Welcome to the board.
    BFP #1: 5-14-2010, DD born 1-22-2011
    BFP #2: 4-20-2012, Natural MC 5-1-2012
    BFP #3: 7-19-2012, DS born 3-27-2013
    BFP #4: 9-13-2014, MMC discovered 10-27-14 at 10w, d&c on 11-6-14 

  • I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful girls. I'm glad you intro-ed here because I think you will find a lot of support. Welcome.
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    DX: I'm a Recurrent Loser
    Me (35) + DH (37) - Married Sept. 2007
    BFP #1 - DS born 7/11/11
    BFP#2 11/13/13 - EDD 7/29/14 - M/C at 5w3d
    BFP #3 12/28/13 - EDD 9/7/14 - M/C at 4w6d
    BFP#4 3/27/14 -  EDD 12/5/14 - Girl lost to 45X at 8w6d - D&C 
    BFP#5 10/15/14 - EDD 6/30/15 - M/C at 7w2d
    BFP #6 1/5/15 - EDD 9.16.14 [CLICKY for progress]
    In search of a image


  • I'm so sorry for your losses. Welcome, I hope that you find comfort here.
  • I'm so sorry for your losses. Welcome.
    Married: 4/28/12
    BFP: 7/2/14 ;  1st US 7/21/14 Baby measuring 7w5d, HB of 138;  Discovered MMC 8/18/14 at 11w2d, baby measuring 8w5d, no hb ; 8/19/14 D&C
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    TTCAL December siggy challenge - Autocorrect Fails

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    | <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Tracker</My Chart

  • Welcome, I'm so sorry to hear about Tavin and Casey. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Love you to and your partner during such a difficult time.
    Me: 27 My Love: 29
    Married Since: 4/2012

    TTC Since: 5/2014
    BFP: 11/5/15   MC: 11/26/2014


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  • Welcome . I am sorry for your losses. There is great support here.

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                ***TTCAL January siggy challenge ***
  • Hi manda and healz I remember both of you from IF and PAIF although my stay on PAIF was very brief. I'm so sorry for your loss of both Tavin and Casey. (((((Hugs))))) and welcome
    Me: 38
    DX:  Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant

    DH: 34
    MFI due to Testicular Cancer

    Married March 2012 <3
    IVF w/ICSI #1
    10 little polar bears
    FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN :(
    FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!!
    Beta 1= 276
    Beta 2= 662
    4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel
    5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel
    5/3/14 ~ D&C
    FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014
    October 13, 2014 ~ BFN
    Fur Children:  Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y



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    January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
    Animals Interacting with Snow

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  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious girls. Lots of (((hugs))) to you and your partner. Welcome

    PgAL welcome


    Married 6/11/2011

    Me & Hubby: 34

    TTC journey started 12/2012

    BFP #1 6/5/2013, MC confirmed 6/26/2013 @ 7 wks

    BFP#2 8/25/2013 MC confirmed 10/16/2013 @ 12 wks (D&C 10/18)

    Diagnosis: unexplained RPL, unexplained IF.

    Also have hypothyroidism

    Started TTC again 12/2013

     

    IUI#1:Clomid CD 3-7, Trigger'ed CD 12. IUI CD 14. BFN

    IUI #2:Letrozole CD 3 - 7, Follistim CD 9, Trigger CD 10, IUI CD12. BFN

    Current plan: IVF with PGD. Antagonist - Vivelle Protocal. Stim start 12/1. ER 12/14.

    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/502498

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  • Welcome or our wonderful little community.

    Sending you thoughts and prayers for the loss of your two precious girls.
    Where there is love, there is life.
    -Mahatma Gandhi-

    !*All Welcome**!

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    Happily Every After: 05/22/2009
    Me 28  The Tower Climber 27
    NTNP Since January 2014
    BFP #1- Nov 10, 2014 EDD July 19, 2015 MC Nov 20, 2014 (5wk 4d)
  • I am so sorry about the loss of your daughters Tavin and Casey. I lost my daughter Grace at 17 weeks. My water broke and there was nothing we could do. Welcome to the board. Big hugs.
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 
    BFP #1 DS born 10/16/12 at 39w6d
    BFP #2 DD lost 11/17/14 at 17w2d
  • I am so sorry for the loss of your twin girls. ((Hugs))

    Me: 34; DH: 38; SD: 9
    TTC #1 since November 2013

    BFP #1: 2/4/14--EDD 10/14/14--CP 2/8/14

    BFP #2: 3/1/14--EDD 11/15/14--MMC at 12w6d (baby stopped developing at 11w4d)
    D&C 5/13/14; Retained Tissue Found: Cytotec 5/30/14; 2nd D&C 6/20/14

    BFP #3: 12/13/14--EDD 8/27/15--MMC at 7 weeks (no fetal pole and measuring 1 1/2 weeks behind)--Cytotec 1/9/15

    January 2015: Off to RE for RPL testing

      Image and video hosting by TinyPicAugust 4

     

  • I'm sorry for the loss of your girls. Welcome to this board. 
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    I'll be at a new place providing support. 


  • So sorry for the loss of your sweet little angels. Welcome to the board, I hope you and your partner find the support you need.
    ((Hugs))
    [IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/e052pv.jpg[/IMG]
    [IMG]http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p73/tata2791/star-wars.jpg[/IMG]



    <img src=http://i49.tinypic.com/mwfujs.jpg>



    EDD 8/6/13 MC 5/23/12 @6wk
    EDD 4/27/13 MC 8/29/12 @5wk
    EDD 1/16/13 MC 12/14/12 @7wk
  • Sending many hugs and support to you and your partner - so sorry for your losses. 

    • praying
    • now somewhere where the love flows •
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  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughters. Welcome to the board.
    Together since April 2004.  Married since June 19th, 2010.
     BFP #1: January 31st 2012: CP. 
     BFP #2: June 1st 2012, Due:2/8/13. Avery was born via unplanned c section on 2/13/13. 
     BFP #3: Sept. 25th, 2014. Due: 6/5/15.  MMC on 10/23/14. Confirmed complete molar pregnancy per D&C 10/29/14, 
    HCG officially negative 12/10/14.  Benched until June 2015.
                                                        
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  • Welcome. I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girls. You've found a great place for support.

  • I'm sorry for the loss of your girls.
    Welcome to the board.




    Me-27 DH-29

     TTC#1 January 2013

    BFP February 27th 2014, MMC ended in D&C

    Working on our rainbow!

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    Curious about my ute?


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  • I'm so sorry for your losses of Tavin and Casey. I developed pre-e at 22 weeks and I had the conversation with the doctor that there was no way they could save my son because he's just too small.   I hope you find the support you need here on this Board.
    TTC since August 2013 BFP #1 1/15/14...MMC 2/24/14...D&C 3/3/14 BFP #2 5/11/14 ... severe pre-e placental abruption our angel born sleeping at 22 weeks Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Sorry for the loss of your twins. Sending many warm thoughts your way. Welcome to the board. I hope you and your partner find support you may need here. 
     Me: 30, DH: 30. Dating since 2007- Married: 5/18/13. 
    BFP: 9/3/14, Found out we had triplets 10/10/14,  EDD: 5/14/15, Confirmed MMC: 10/14/14. D&C: 10/16/14.
    Formerly TashaCN and wonderigwhatmyfutureholds

    All AL welcome. 
  • I'm so sorry for your losses. ((hugs)) Welcome to the board!
  • I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet girls. Welcome.
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge: Animals in the Snow

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    About Me: 

    AMA 35 :  DH 33
    BFP#1 1/26/14 (EDD: 10/7/14).  MMC 3/10/14 D&C 3/14/14
    RE Consult 11/3/14 - AMH 2.25 "great" . FSH 7.10 . Low Vitamin D
    Myomectomy 12/17/14.  Benched until March.

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    My Ovulation Chart
  • ManadaManada member
    edited December 2014
    Thank you so much everyone for your overwhelming words of welcome.  I really appreciate it.

    I recognize a few of you from PAIF and the IF boards, and I'm so sorry to see you here as well.   @katib77 I remember your journey in particular, I'm so sorry to find you here as well, @O2girl, I remember your S/N as well

    @PinkCamino @buggirl72 @littleowl913 @CC1017 - Thank you for sharing.   Finding out that we would lose our babies that day was the worst thing - they were so healthy and happy inside, one of my biggest struggles is still knowing that there wasn't anything we could do to save them and it was going to happen no matter what I wanted, despite all the love we had for them and everything we were willing to do.  I am still continuously trying to think of ways we could have done more, but yeah....     I am starting to think that will be something I will have to learn to carry for the rest of my life, but I really appreciate knowing that I am not alone in that experience.  
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,

    Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.

    Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>

    7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013.  Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.

    My Love:  (the amazing @Healz413)
    Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012.   Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
    dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.  

    image

    Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
    Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos.  1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved.   BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255.  Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!  

    We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014.  Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies.  We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.

    image

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