I apologize if my siggie is out of date, I haven't spent alot of time on TB since our loss, but I was an active poster during the first pieces of our infertility journey an my pregnancy. We received a huge outpouring of support from our regular boards of LGBT Parenting, PAIF, and TPR, but I haven't been back much since our loss because triggers are still sort of land mines for me.
My partner (@healz413) and I lost our twin daughters in June. Their names are Tavin and Casey and we lost them due to a combination of a chorio infection and an incompetent cervix. They were due in late October. The short story is that Tavin's water broke early one morning and her cord prolapsed at the time, we didn't know about the chorio infection until much later in the day (when I got sick from it), but they were born that night. Both of our babies were alive until a few hours before they were born but there wasn't anything we could do to save them. Our daughter Tavin passed away around 5:30pm, and our daughter Casey was born alive and lived for about 90 minutes.
I have been lurking this board for months now and I know that there are a few others out there with similar stories -- if you would like to chat I would be open as I haven't met any one else in our baby loss support groups who has had a loss where the babies were healthy and well, but born too small for a chance to be saved in the NICU. I still have all sorts of body-trauma, as well as consistent nightmares about not being able to save them --- they were beautiful and so so loved and wanted.
I think I'm a bit of an anomaly as well on this board because I'm not actually trying to be pregnant again at this point. I am too scared and have too much trauma and fear of the incompetent cervix to consider it at this point. Our babies were IVF babies, so I feel like as long as we have a choice of which uterus we can transfer them to, we should probably steer clear of me because my body has already messed that one up big time. I'm working hard now to embrace this TTC journey with my partner from a different place. Together my partner and I are both TTCAL and we anticipate facing a similar experience with triggers and anxiety as you all, so I hope you'll have us
We have begun the protocol for a frozen embryo transfer with our last frozen embryo from our IVF cycle. It's a day 3 embryo that was good quality at the freeze, but we are also trying to be realistic about the fact that the odds aren't necessarily on our side with that little one. Our plan is to do another fresh IVF cycle in the new year as well. I've also been exploring the options around cerclage surgeries (including a TransAbdominal cerclage) as a potential if I opt to explore pregnancy again in the future.
That's about it for now. Looking forward to connecting with some of you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,
Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.
Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>
7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013. Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.
My Love: (the amazing @Healz413) Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012. Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013. dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.
Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos. 1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved. BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255. Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!
We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014. Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies. We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.
Welcome @Manada I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss.. I don't have experience (yet) with IVF, but there are lots of ladies here that have insight into that specifically.
What I do know is that a loss sucks bigtime, and that feeling like your body is failing is the worst ( IMHO). I offen feel the same way, even though there is this nagging little voice reminding me that it's not true.
We aren't broken, but I still understand where you are coming from. I want you to know you aren't alone.
Hi @manada & @healz413. I'm so sorry for your loss of Tavin and Casey ((hugs))
I lost my twins girl to IC just over 2 years ago. My girls were both born alive and because like you said they were too small we just held them until they passed.
If you want to talk about any of this please feel free to PM me or reach out to me here on TTCAL.
I still have those nightmares that you're talking about. I often find myself replaying the entire thing just to feel like I'm still connected to them in some way. I also still go to sleep every night wondering if there was something we could have done to save them.
I am so sorry for the losses of your beautiful Tavin and Casey. My Zachary was also a live birth too soon for NICU. We welcome you and @healz413 on the next stage of your journey.
Me: 31 DH: 36 Dated Since ‘02, Married in ‘06 BFP#1 05/16/06, EDD01/16/07, MC 06/12/06 at 8 weeks BFP #2 08/14/14, EDD 04/22/15, MC 09/17/14 at 9 weeks
Welcome. I am so sorry for the loss of your twins. I dealt with IVF and FET after five years of IF only to lose our son. I too am not ttcal so know that this board is also safe and welcoming to loss moms even when they are not ttc. Best luck to you and your partner as you move forward.
I am so sorry for the loss of your girls. Welcome to the board.
Yelena + Rubere Married: 05/13/2011 TTC since 2012 BFP#1~ EDD: 06/21/2014 ~ TFMR --Holoprosencephaly Said goodbye on 2/10/2014 at 21 weeks.We miss our baby girl "J" My Chart
Welcome, I'm so sorry to hear about Tavin and Casey. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Love you to and your partner during such a difficult time.
Hi manda and healz I remember both of you from IF and PAIF although my stay on PAIF was very brief. I'm so sorry for your loss of both Tavin and Casey. (((((Hugs))))) and welcome
Me: 38 DX: Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant DH: 34 MFI due to Testicular Cancer
Married March 2012 IVF w/ICSI #1 10 little polar bears FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!! Beta 1= 276 Beta 2= 662 4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel 5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel 5/3/14 ~ D&C FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014 October 13, 2014 ~ BFN Fur Children: Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y
January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL Animals Interacting with Snow
I am so sorry about the loss of your daughters Tavin and Casey. I lost my daughter Grace at 17 weeks. My water broke and there was nothing we could do. Welcome to the board. Big hugs.
I'm so sorry for your losses of Tavin and Casey. I developed pre-e at 22 weeks and I had the conversation with the doctor that there was no way they could save my son because he's just too small. I hope you find the support you need here on this Board.
TTC since August 2013
BFP #1 1/15/14...MMC 2/24/14...D&C 3/3/14
BFP #2 5/11/14 ... severe pre-e placental abruption our angel born sleeping at 22 weeks
Sorry for the loss of your twins. Sending many warm thoughts your way. Welcome to the board. I hope you and your partner find support you may need here.
Me: 30, DH: 30. Dating since 2007- Married: 5/18/13.
BFP: 9/3/14, Found out we had triplets 10/10/14, EDD: 5/14/15, Confirmed MMC: 10/14/14. D&C: 10/16/14.
Thank you so much everyone for your overwhelming words of welcome. I really appreciate it.
I recognize a few of you from PAIF and the IF boards, and I'm so sorry to see you here as well. @katib77 I remember your journey in particular, I'm so sorry to find you here as well, @O2girl, I remember your S/N as well
@PinkCamino@buggirl72@littleowl913@CC1017 - Thank you for sharing. Finding out that we would lose our babies that day was the worst thing - they were so healthy and happy inside, one of my biggest struggles is still knowing that there wasn't anything we could do to save them and it was going to happen no matter what I wanted, despite all the love we had for them and everything we were willing to do. I am still continuously trying to think of ways we could have done more, but yeah.... I am starting to think that will be something I will have to learn to carry for the rest of my life, but I really appreciate knowing that I am not alone in that experience.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,
Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.
Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>
7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013. Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.
My Love: (the amazing @Healz413) Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012. Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013. dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.
Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos. 1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved. BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255. Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!
We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014. Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies. We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.
Re: Intro - twin loss at 21w and a long IF journey.
What I do know is that a loss sucks bigtime, and that feeling like your body is failing is the worst ( IMHO). I offen feel the same way, even though there is this nagging little voice reminding me that it's not true.
We aren't broken, but I still understand where you are coming from. I want you to know you aren't alone.
Edit: mobile formatting
I lost my twins girl to IC just over 2 years ago. My girls were both born alive and because like you said they were too small we just held them until they passed.
If you want to talk about any of this please feel free to PM me or reach out to me here on TTCAL.
I still have those nightmares that you're talking about. I often find myself replaying the entire thing just to feel like I'm still connected to them in some way. I also still go to sleep every night wondering if there was something we could have done to save them.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this ((hugs))
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
Me: 31 DH: 36
Dated Since ‘02, Married in ‘06
BFP#1 05/16/06, EDD01/16/07, MC 06/12/06 at 8 weeks
BFP #2 08/14/14, EDD 04/22/15, MC 09/17/14 at 9 weeks
My Chart
IUI#4 1/23/13 on 75iu x9 Follistim = BFP then chem preg m/c (Feb 2013)
IUI#5 BFN (April 2013)
S/PAIFW , S/PALW
My Blog
TTC since 2012
BFP#1~ EDD: 06/21/2014 ~ TFMR --Holoprosencephaly
Said goodbye on 2/10/2014 at 21 weeks. We miss our baby girl "J"
My Chart
DX: Adenomyosis, Compounded MTHFR, PAI-1 4G variant
DH: 34
MFI due to Testicular Cancer
Married March 2012
IVF w/ICSI #1
10 little polar bears
FET #1 with 2 polar bears ~Nov 6, 2013 BFN
FET # 2 with 2 more polar bears ~March 19, 2014 BFP!!!
Beta 1= 276
Beta 2= 662
4/19/14 ~ baby A became an angel
5/02/14 ~ baby B became an angel
5/3/14 ~ D&C
FET #3 with 1 male polar bear ~October 3, 2014
October 13, 2014 ~ BFN
Fur Children: Memphis 3y, Dutch 3y, Marcel 2y, Meadow 1y
January 2015 Siggy Challenge TTCAL
Animals Interacting with Snow
PgAL welcome
Married 6/11/2011
Me & Hubby: 34
TTC journey started 12/2012
BFP #1 6/5/2013, MC confirmed 6/26/2013 @ 7 wks
BFP#2 8/25/2013 MC confirmed 10/16/2013 @ 12 wks (D&C 10/18)
Diagnosis: unexplained RPL, unexplained IF.
Also have hypothyroidism
Started TTC again 12/2013
IUI#1:Clomid CD 3-7, Trigger'ed CD 12. IUI CD 14. BFN
IUI #2:Letrozole CD 3 - 7, Follistim CD 9, Trigger CD 10, IUI CD12. BFN
Current plan: IVF with PGD. Antagonist - Vivelle Protocal. Stim start 12/1. ER 12/14.
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/502498
Sending you thoughts and prayers for the loss of your two precious girls.
!*All Welcome**!
Me 28 The Tower Climber 27
NTNP Since January 2014
BFP #1- Nov 10, 2014 EDD July 19, 2015 MC Nov 20, 2014 (5wk 4d)
Me: 34; DH: 38; SD: 9
TTC #1 since November 2013
BFP #1: 2/4/14--EDD 10/14/14--CP 2/8/14
BFP #2: 3/1/14--EDD 11/15/14--MMC at 12w6d (baby stopped developing at 11w4d)
D&C 5/13/14; Retained Tissue Found: Cytotec 5/30/14; 2nd D&C 6/20/14
BFP #3: 12/13/14--EDD 8/27/15--MMC at 7 weeks (no fetal pole and measuring 1 1/2 weeks behind)--Cytotec 1/9/15
January 2015: Off to RE for RPL testing
((Hugs))
• now somewhere where the love flows •
Welcome to the board.
Me-27 DH-29
TTC#1 January 2013
BFP February 27th 2014, MMC ended in D&C
Working on our rainbow!
Curious about my ute?
My Ovulation Chart
I recognize a few of you from PAIF and the IF boards, and I'm so sorry to see you here as well. @katib77 I remember your journey in particular, I'm so sorry to find you here as well, @O2girl, I remember your S/N as well
@PinkCamino @buggirl72 @littleowl913 @CC1017 - Thank you for sharing. Finding out that we would lose our babies that day was the worst thing - they were so healthy and happy inside, one of my biggest struggles is still knowing that there wasn't anything we could do to save them and it was going to happen no matter what I wanted, despite all the love we had for them and everything we were willing to do. I am still continuously trying to think of ways we could have done more, but yeah.... I am starting to think that will be something I will have to learn to carry for the rest of my life, but I really appreciate knowing that I am not alone in that experience.
queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,
Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.
Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>
7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013. Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.
My Love: (the amazing @Healz413)
Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012. Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.
Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos. 1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved. BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255. Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!
We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014. Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies. We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.