Getting things done

laxin31 · December 2014

LO is 6 weeks and it's like I can't get anything done. He was falling asleep in my arms I put him down and go do some laundry and crying starts. The last week he has been held a lot by his grandmother. Now she has left and I can't do anything but it was like this prior to her visit. I am at wits end and feel like crap cause I get overwhelmed and start to think I can't do any of this or that I have failed as a mom and as a wife.

caybeh · December 2014

First of all...drop all expectations of getting everything done.

DD is 4 months and still prefers to be held most the time. What helps me is to say ok...today I want to get this one thing done. If I get a chance to get more done, great, if not well that's ok.

Most of the time I only get laundry and supper made.

Once in awhile, I get one room cleaned in the day.

This stage is very short. I also wore DD a lot when she was that age.

You haven't failed. Being a mom is a lot of work and newborns require a lot of care. Good luck!

laxin31 · December 2014

I'm talking about basic things like clean underwear. My family is not close by, I have no real close friends and what I do have either have jobs or their own lives with kids and who knows what else. Dh does help big already when he is not on travel or his schedule being hectic. During naps that is where I wish he would sleep longer but that only happens if he is being held. Every time I think he is going in for a nap I put him down and crying starts. I'm not big in him being in me due to my big boobs and I don't like the idea of him always being attached to me. Maybe I am wrong in some people's thought in that but it's not for me.

UnofficiallyLO · December 2014

I would also suggest wearing him, I understand if that's not for you of course but LO was in your belly 6 weeks ago, he wants to be close to you. I'm a SAHM to a 6 month old and I just recently started feeling accomplished around the house. It's a big change (trying to get things done with an infant)! Hang in there.

laxin31 · December 2014

I'm not saying they aren't bad ideas. I just don't really have them as an option. People here are not very friendly, I'm not a church goer and don't really have anyone to help me, which is why things do get this way. If I had people closer oh I would be using them. My husband is going away for work next week and I'm thinking of taking the 3hour hike to my parents just to get a little break.

caybeh · December 2014

CurlingRocks said:

laxin31 said:

I'm not saying they aren't bad ideas. I just don't really have them as an option. People here are not very friendly, I'm not a church goer and don't really have anyone to help me, which is why things do get this way. If I had people closer oh I would be using them. My husband is going away for work next week and I'm thinking of taking the 3hour hike to my parents just to get a little break.

I would.

Ditto. My parents and DH's parents both live that distance from us. If DH had to be gone with work for a week, I would totally go to my parents.

NicoleWI · December 2014

Um, yeah, totally normal. I spent tons of time just holding some of my kids b/c they would wake up the minute I put them down. It changes as they grow but the newborn stage can be really hard. And yes, I'd go to your parents, too, if DH is going to be gone all week long. Or can they come to you? I think getting like one load of laundry done is a big accomplishment with a newborn.

Remember the baby is your biggest priority. Nothing else really matters in the long term. Anything past the bare minimum at home is gravy.

chickaboo1974 · December 2014

I had twins---so two premature newborns with no other help but my husband when he got home from work. Trust me NO ONE is happy all the time. A little crying while you change the washer is not going to hurt.

My biggest thing was relaxing my standards... I was use to having a really clean house- I had to get use to not vacuuming every day, having dog hair on my couch, having piles of laundry, etc. Nothing disgusting but so not what I had become accustom to having been a SAHW for a year before the boys were born.

Also have you tried to swaddle him when you put him down? That might help, my boys loved to be swaddled- but with their arms out - learn that in the NICU. Then you can always try the swing, some kids love it. I used a rock n play while feeding one baby I would rock the rock n play with my foot. You could do this while folding clothes, eating, things you can sit and do.

I guess try different things until you find what works for you... think outside the box.

willowprincess · December 2014

Ditto the pp's. The first 3 months are survival mode. I don't worry about getting things done. If it happens, great. If not, we will survive.

Babywearing was my lifesaver, especially at the beginning. I can do things even while nursing and baby always feels held. Huge help.

PrimRoseMama · December 2014

Survival. Can you wear baby to do the very basics?

Guennie · December 2014

I had an emergency c section and then had to have a blood transfusion. My recovery was long and painful. On top of that, I had a horrible time trying to nurse and ended up exclusively pumping, which was also painful. Like you I had no family nearby and no friends to help me. My husband worked long hours and I was very much on my own most of the time. It was hard. But I gave myself permission to stop caring about anything other than what was necessary to care for my baby and myself. I went days without showering. I lived in the same pair of sweatpants for months. I asked my husband to bring home food I could just throw in the microwave. Forget cleaning, it just wasn't a priority. There is just no reason to stress yourself out trying to keep things the way they were before you had a baby. Take a deep breath and let go. Focus on the basics.

Big hugs, I know it's a struggle when you have a baby that never wants to be put down. Remember that this is temporary. Every time you feel overwhelmed repeat that to yourself, THIS IS TEMPORARY.

Try as much as you can to enjoy this time snuggling with your baby because it will all be over before you know it and you'll be chasing a toddler around!

Critter015 · December 2014

My DS was a colicky baby and I had the same problem. If he did finally fall asleep I could not put him down or he would wake right up, even with white noise and shushing and rocking the pack-n-play, etc. What worked for me was having him nap in the bouncer. I could eat, fold laundry, play with DD, etc. while bouncing it, and usually once he fell asleep the vibration was enough to keep him asleep for at least 20 minutes or so. He actually also only slept at night in his swing for the first 3-4 months, but with 2 under 2 and him already waking every hour or two to nurse I had to do what I could to get some sleep. I also had no family nearby, a DH who worked long hours, a busy 18 month old, and a baby who screamed when anybody but me tried to hold him. Just remember that it won't be like this forever and just do your best to get through it. It is ok for baby to cry for a few minutes. Mine cried a lot no matter what I did to try to help him. Now he is a smart and good-natured 16 month old who sleeps through the night and helps me do the laundry!

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