Tell me your story. TTCAL Related.

PinkCamino · December 2014

First, I want to thank @buggirl72 for bringing up the question of whether TTCAL is a safe space for our members.

I noticed that a few of the newer ladies mentioned not necessarily knowing much about those of us who have been around for some time. The same is true from my point of view so I figured it might be helpful to share our stories (assuming you're comfortable doing so) so that we can know each others histories a little better.

If you don't feel up to sharing today that's perfectly fine. I'll offer you ((hugs)) instead.

This thread is not about playing the pain olympics, it's simply to share our individual stories with the community to better understand where we all are on our journeys.

megrae12 · December 2014

My TTC journey started in 2012 when a dermoid tumor was found in my right ovary. It required immediate surgery and during surgery, stage 2 endo was found. After surgery, i found out the tumor was baseball sized and if we wanted kids, now was the time. My right ovary has not worked properly since, i no longer ovulate from that side. We started TTC in May 2013, after i started tempting, etc. We got pg, but it turned out to be a MEP. That required surgery and resulted in the loss of my right tube d it had partially ruptured and i was already bleeding internally. A few months later, my OB suspected i had PCOS and referred me to an RE. He made the official DX and told me it wad a miracle we conceived in the first place (awesome). Now, we are dealing with IF, and according to my RE, i will be lucky to ever conceive on my own. It sucks, its not pretty, but there it is. Were have done 3 cycles of Clomid and on the third i had a CP. Heartbreaking because it was my first BFP in over a year. Now we are on a treatment break for both monetary and emotional reasons. I look bad over my TTC journey and i have watched my body systematically fail over and over, however, helping others navigate this Shitty shit is quite rewarding.

This was the extremely abridged version. I'm posting from mobile so sorry if formatting is bad.

rmpar29 · December 2014

Thanks for posting this @PinkCamino! I look forward to reading everyone's stories, as there are certainly some that I don't know either. Here's mine:

Brief background related to IF: In 2002, I had a cyst that appeared to be on my left ovary that wouldn't go away. I had a Laparoscopy which found Endometriosis and that the cyst was actually attached to my tube. With the cyst tumbling over and over, the tube had been severed and came out with the cyst. They lasered off the growths and I went on with life on continuous BC to contain the Endo. In 2010, I went to an RE and he suspects a mild form of PCOS.

In October 2012, I conceived with no medical intervention and things were progressing well. In the switchover between OBs the 1st Tri screening was missed. At 20 weeks, I went for my a/s and they found that my daughter had an AV Septal Heart Defect and brain cysts. Then, we realized I hadn't had the 1st Tri screening done. I had an Amnio that confirmed a diagnosis of T21 (Downs Syndrome). I went to a Ped Cardiologist who diagnosed a severe heart defect that would need several surgeries to correct if she made it. Sadly, she passed and I had a D&E at 22 weeks. I was told to wait one cycle before TTC and joined this board shortly after that.

In April 2014, I went through IF treatments and conceived twin boys. I went for an appointment at 12w5d and heard both heartbeats. Later that day, the bleeding and contractions started. I went to the ER and the u/s tech said there were "no products of conception". Where had my babies gone? My OB did an internal exam and there were my boys just inside. I got to hold them and say goodbye.

I was on the bench for 3 months and am now back into the game. DH and I don't know if we will go through IF treatments again, but certainly not for awhile.

PinkCamino · December 2014

Okay I'll go first seeing that I created this thread.

I hope this comes out coherent, I don't think I've ever typed out the whole thing start to finish.

July 2012: Dh and I found out I was pregnant. We were not trying and the BFP was a huge shock. We were thrilled yet terrified.

August 2012: We found out we were expecting twins. My OB at the time was the "high risk" OB at the practice and we were assured that everything was fine with sticking with her.

October 23rd, 2012: I woke up with spotting and tons of EW discharge. I called LD and they told me to go in. They did a dip stick to rule out UTI and told me everything was fine and that I could go home. That afternoon I had my A/S. I mentioned the spotting to the doctor doing the u/s and when she started she immediately told me it wasn't good. She rushed through the a/s, told me they were baby girls and sent me to the hospital.

October 23rd-27th, 2012: I spent 5 days in trelendenburg (upsidedown basically) hoping that my bugling water would recede enough to place an emergency cerclage. On the 3rd day they sent me to an MFM hosptial where I was told that placing a cerclage was too risky and that I had the choice to stay on hospital bedrest for the duration of my pregnancy or to terminate. The following day I was told the risk of infection was too high and we induced labor. My girls were born at 7:26 and 8:40 pm on Saturday October 27th.

November 19th, 2012: I hemmorhaged due to retained tissue and had to have a D&C.

January 2013: Still no AF. Got a referal to an MFM

February 2013: AF visits but very light. Visit with MFM puts together our plan of action. The plan includes: preventative cerclage, p17 shots and bedrest for 7 months.

April - May 2013: Second BFP. Vialbility u/s confirms twin pregnancy with now heartbeats. Suspected bicornuate uterus.

June 2013: D&C for MMC.

July 2013:: No AF. Prescription for provera didn't work.

August 2013: Benched indefinitely pending MRI and SIS.

September 2013 - November 2013: MRI shows septate uterus, SIS shows Ashermans syndrome.

December 2013: Operative hysteroscopy to resect septum and scar tissue removal.

February 2014: off the bench.

July 2014: Chemical Pregnancy.

Today: 2dpo.

HeyMrsPotter · December 2014

I love this idea, PC. Thanks for posting it. I've just recently returned from an extended bump break, so I look forward to getting to know many of you better through this thread.

My story is that after years of being uncertain whether we wanted to be parents--partly due to school/careers but also a fair amount of family baggage--DH and I decided to TTC last year. W conceived in February and I was due on Thanksgiving day of 2013. We'd planned to announce on Mothers Day, but then my natural m/c happened at 8w1d.

Because I am over 35, after 6 months of trying again, we went to an RE and learned that our biggest issue is my low AMH -- not a huge surprise but it's signifncantly lower than normal for my age.

We have since done three rounds of IUI, and two others that were canceled because of complications. We're done with that now. And, given the poor chance of success with IVF for me, we just aren't going to take the financial and emotional risks of pursuing that and most likely failing. So, we're trying on our own for now. We may pursue donor eggs (frozen and anonymous from an egg bank) sometime after January 1, when our flex spending medical accounts will be replenished with what I think is about half of what DE treatment would cost.

In the meantime, I need to find a provider. I've been told it's important to have an experienced and specialized embryologist to deal with frozen DE, and I suspect neither of the RE clinics in my area really qualify. So, I need to do some research into what else may be within driving distance for us. Or, we may just be CFNBC. I really don't know.

That's all I've got. I look forward to knowing your stories as well.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

I've always wanted to all this but didn't want to hurt anyone! Thank you @PinkCamino‌ for posting this.

DH and I have been trying for 16 months, since we got married 8/3/13 (completely un-educated about my own body).

2/21/14 - BFP #1. At my 8 week apt they only saw a 6wk 3 dy fetal poll, no heartbeat. The U/S tech assured me my days were off and everything was fine. A week and a half later, my betas weren't doubling and there was no growth. I had a D&C 3/25/14.

My periods became more and more irregular, long and painful so my OB ran a few hormone tests and did an ultrasound to check for PCOS. The results showed a high number of thyroid antibodies, but no PCOS so I was referred to an endocrinologist. She put me on meds for Hashimoto's, ran more tests and still couldn't explain the awful periods. I was then referred to my RE. The RE ran more tests, put me on blood pressure medication, did an SA on DH and everything came up fine, with slightly high blood sugar. She put me on metformin and the plan was to start clomid with my end of Oct 2014 cycle.

10/21/14 - BFP#2. Beautifully riding betas, heartbeat and on track growth seen at 6 wk 3 dys. 8 wk 3 day U/S showed no growth or heartbeat. I miscarried naturally, at home on Thanksgiving day 11/27/14.

We are currently benched until May waiting for the genetic tissue results, RPL testing and until we're finished moving.

PinkCamino · December 2014

So many ((hugs)) ladies - typing this out was way harder than imagine. I'm sorry if it caused you any extra heartache today.

Menrandes · December 2014

Ok, I'll go.

We started trying on our honeymoon in February of 2010. That was difficult, because at the time I was having never ending bleeding. At that point I was bleeding since November of 2009. A couple of months into our marriage I collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. My iron levels were deathly low so I started going to a hematologist on a weekly basis to get iron infusion. Did that for two years, still with constant bleeding. Nothing the gyn did could help. We tried birth control, a D&C, multiple doctors...all tests came back normal. All they said was, keep trying to get pregnant and maybe it will stop and then once you have a kid we can stop it permanently. Well two years later I changed my diet (took out gluten and soy) and it stopped within two weeks. It took a few months before my period came back and then it was a year after that when I miraculously (I thought anyway after 3 and half years of trying by then) I got pregnant.

I started bleeding within a week. I was a diagnosed with a severe SCH. The ultrasound picture was practically filled with it. I was put on bed rest because of how large it was. During that period I had 4 ultrasounds, each one making more relaxed as the SCH got smaller and the heart beat was perfect. A month later the cramps started. A day after the cramping started they became severe and I started throwing up from the pain. And then my vision started going dark so my husband rushed me to hospital, where I passed the sac while trying to give a urine sample. Right into the urine sample cup. It still gives me nightmares. I did not need a D&C.

I was benched for 3 cycles, got pregnant on the first month trying again in February. I started spotting almost immediately after turning the test. I had another CP in July of this year.

I saw an RE in October, but insurance is being a pain with that. After tax refunds come in next year I will be going for testing anyway despite insurance .

In February is our 5th anniversary.

It's hard going back over the story isn't it? I know it's hard for me. I'm kind of a mess typing this out right now. *hugs* to all of you ladies.

rmpar29 · December 2014

Yes, typing it out was very hard. But, if I can help one person by sharing my story, then it's worth it. Thanks to all of you for sharing and big ((((HUGS))))!

HeyMrsPotter · December 2014

PinkCamino said:

So many ((hugs)) ladies - typing this out was way harder than imagine. I'm sorry if it caused you any extra heartache today.

Right back at you, PC.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

Thank you for posting this @PinkCamino

I currently have no children, nor does MH. When we first met and started dating we didn't want to have children, which makes me feel guilty every single day but I try not to beat myself up about it since the past is the past. When we started to get more serious we both decided we wanted a child together. I don't tell many this but we started TTC right away, even before we got married in Jan of 2012.

My first MC was in May of 2013. I was traveling for business and I just knew I was pregnant but didn't want to take a test in a hotel room by myself so waited until I got home Friday night where I saw it was positive. I went to visit my stepfather who was in the process of passing away on Saturday. I remember thinking that the baby was a blessing to be coming to us as my stepfather was dying. On early Monday morning I started bleeding and went to the ER where I MC'ed. I didn't even make it to my first OB appointment.

My second MC was on April 15th of this year. It was quite the roller coaster. My fist u/s showed two sacs, one that had shrunk. The Dr told me it was twins but one didn't make it. The next u/s showed the smaller sac had grown and both sacs had little peanuts in them. It was back to twins! The third u/s showed that one twin did not make it and 3 weeks later, at 10 weeks right before my 10 week visit, I started to bleed. This MC was much worse both mentally and physically. I lost so much blood and was in pain in the ER for 6 hours (and add a really horrible ER experience as I was in the hallway the entire time).

MH and I said that we would try one more time or try until May of 2015 (I now know that deadlines aren't a good thing).

My third MC happened recently on Oct 16th. It was relatively early but, and not sure if it's because it was the third loss, but it hurt so very bad. I am not yet ready to give up though.

I have my first RE appointment coming up on the 17th and I am both excited yet terrified. I can't get the thought out of my head that this last time may have been the last shot.

ETA: Others posted while I was typing. *hugs* to you all and sorry you all had to go through what you have.

kittymeowbark · December 2014

What a wonderful way to really "get to know" everyone. Thanks for posting this @PinkCamino!

My story:
My H and I decided to start TTC August 2012. We were just going the route of NTNP. Almost a year to the date, we decide that maybe it was just not time to start a family. Then boom! I found out I was pregnant. Scared shitless, but super super happy. To make things even more amazing, my H's best friend was going to be a first time father as well. His girlfriend just so happend to have the exact same EDD as me-- June 21st, 2014. It was amazing receiving these alerts every week about how big our baby was getting. Our first US at 12 weeks went perfectly. The baby was being stubborn and turning her back to us, which we kept joking about. I started feeling her move around 18 weeks. Our anatomy US appointment was scheduled for when I was at the end of my 20 weeks. H came with me and we were super excited to find out what sex the baby was. Looking back at it I want to kick myself for being so concerned about that. I did not even begin to imagine that the baby would not be healthy since all of our per-screening test came back so good. We made it past 1st trimester so everything has to be smooth sailing, right? WRONG. The appointment started off normal and we saw her moving around. The technician was super quiet and did not say one word to us the entire 40+ minutes we were there. Once the technician was done she told us we were having a girl. A GIRL!!! We were so happy. This was quickly short-lived when she followed that sentence with "the doctor will come in to speak with you." It still didn't hit us that something was wrong. We were just so overjoyed we were having a little girl. As soon as the doctor comes in, I knew something was wrong. She immediately says "I want you to take a look over here" and that was the last thing I truly remember her saying. My heart stopped that moment. All the breath left me. My world was over. The baby was not going to make it. Our daughter was given a 0% chance of survival. She was diagnosed with Holoprosencephaly which means her brain never split in two. Most babies do not even make it through birth and the few that do, don't survive much longer than that. We went home with a heavy decision. That weekend was the worst few days of my life. So many tears. We decided it was best to let her go. I read a blog about a woman who spoke about her daughter having such a hard life because she was not strong enough to let her go and how every night she apologized to the baby and just how guilty she felt. I just did not want my baby to go through so much pain. On Febuary 6th, 2014 our daughters heart was stopped and the grueling three day procedure began for the D&E. She would have been five months right now and it pains me to have a visual of my friend daughter with the same EDD. As her baby reaches all these milestones, I can not help but breakdown and wonder how our little Jade would have been. We truly miss her so much.

mrspipp · December 2014

Huge (((hugs))) to those who have shared. I knew some of your stories, but seeing all of them really reinforces how awful it is that we are here...

Here's my story

I went off BCP June 2013, after moving back to my home state. DH and I were NTNP. Since I'm an excessive planner, I went to a pre-conception screening at my OB. Tested positive for MTHFR deficiency during the screening, got all of my vaccines, and felt ready to go. I started charting, using OPKs and actively charting in January, 2014.

My first BFP was April 30, with an EDD of January 7, 2015. Called my OB, who said I needed to be 8 weeks before they would see me. Five days after my BFP, I started bleeding. CP was confirmed 5/5. I took one cycle off, then started TTC again.

My second BFP was 6/26, with an EDD of 3/7/15 (originally). Due to my previous loss, my OB wanted to see me immediately. She tested betas (which were rising) but saw low progesterone. She put me on oral progesterone, and tested my betas a third time. They more than doubled each time. Scheduled an u/s at 6 weeks. During the u/s, tech stated that I was measuring a week behind, gave me a new EDD of 3/13 and re-scheduled for two weeks later to see more. Two weeks later, they confirmed BO. I decided to wait two more weeks for my body to cooperate. Stopped taking progesterone. Two weeks later, another u/s confirmed the sac had grown, but nothing was inside it. Took cytotec the following Monday, 8/18 at 10w4days.

I was benched for one cycle, and then took another cycle off for my mental health. We are actively TTC again, and also seeing an RE. Current plan is BA, Progesterone after O, more testing.

That was really hard to type out. It's something I feel like I think about so much, but never lay it all out in one place. Again, big ((hugs)) to everyone reading and sharing.

Nikolie93 · December 2014

@petrastonegirl I am so sorry about YH's job on top of everything else *hug*

Menrandes · December 2014

@PetraStonegirl I am sorry about your husband being laid off! *hugs*

welly01 · December 2014

Thank you @PinkCamino for starting this and for sharing your own story.

Thank you everyone else for sharing your stories. I am so, so sorry for your loss(es).

My story is pretty short. We started trying in May of this year and got a BFP on July 2nd. It was a quick pregnancy. I started bleeding that Sunday. We continued TTC and got a BFP again on August 28th. I was hesitantly excited and felt like if I could just get past 6 weeks, I would be fine. Right on cue, I got terrible MS at 6 weeks. It made me feel so much better to know that everything was okay because I was sick. (Wrong). We went in for our first appointment at 8w6d and no heartbeat was found. The baby had stopped growing just a few days before. I opted for cytotec at home. The first dose didn't work, so I tried a second dose which was successful. I went for a week checkup and the doctor said there was still a small piece of tissue that should pass in about a week. I passed a small clot that day and thought that was it. Went back in another 2 weeks and she said there was still some vascular tissue. My goal will always be to avoid surgery if I possibly can, so I tried a 3rd dose of cytotec which failed. I had a D&C on 11/3 for retained tissue.

We are back to TTC and can only hope for a BFP soon.

rubysi · December 2014

Thanks for this PC. I was diagnosed with pcos at 15 and at the time the dr said it meant it would be very difficult to have children. I was prescribed birth control.

Met my dh at age 18 obviously no desire for a child at this age. 10 years pass, we had been married for 5 years and thought we would go off bcp.

After 9 years NTNP and the ripe old age of 37 I got my first bfp... shock barely described it.

I tried to not get attached given my age but week after week my symptoms reassured me. At 8 weeks I saw a nurse for my first appointment. I was very nauseous I gave a blood sample and was told that my next appointment was at 12 weeks.

At week 10 my symptoms lightened up... finally some relief. I started feeling more comfortable that this might actually happen. DH and started talking names.

My 39th birthday also known as 11 weeks. I had spotting. I called the on call Dr. They told me I could go to the RE or come in the next day for an ultrasound. The next day was the I found out my body could fail me in such a cruel way. A small fetal pole measuring 7 weeks no heart beat.

They tried to say my dates were wrong and had me come back 5 days later. That ultrasound showed no fetal pole. I never saw the assigned dr because I never made it to that appointment. Had to wait 3 hours in the maternity room for the dr to see me to prescribe me cytotec.

The process with the cytotec to my body about 6 hours. It was painful and messy but I passed 98%of the tissue the first dose. A week later with a little spotting I completed the miscarriage.

Even though it took 9 years and I was truly AMA I was forced to wait the obligatory 6 months because they believed the pregnancy was proof I could get pregnant. Under the RE I got the standard tests. All normal. I learned I have a high amh due to my pcos. I shouldn't get too excited because the eggs are still old. DH has champion sperm. Even washed for the iui he had 120 million. So it is my body and that is very cruel.

In the past 14 months there have been 13 cycles, 5 rounds of femara, 3 trigger shots,1 ruptured cyst, 1 iui, and hundreds of POAS between opk's and hpt.

I know my journey will end soon but I am still not ready to throw in the towel.

welly01 · December 2014

@PetraStonegirl, I'm so sorry about YH!

flyoffeve · December 2014

(Hugs) to all.

DH and I have been together since I was 18 and in college. He was 23 and already working. I was always more mature for my age except for planning a family. This really showed in schooling. I finished my first Masters on my 21st birthday, got engaged, moved in with him, and started my career. We got married two years later.

(This is honesty, please don't be upset with me.) We got our first bfp when I was 23. It was a month after I bought my wedding dress. I saw the positive that May and we were married in September. When I saw those lines I was so upset. I remember slamming my knee into the bathroom repeatedly. My body weakness at the time was my knees, they dislocate. I caused major bruising to my knee and actually can feel part of a bone swish around when the weather is bad from it. I was not ready for it and thought that everyone at our wedding would assume that we were just getting married because of the baby. The next few weeks I started to get excited about it but I was still scared. DH was so happy. My mom was thrilled. Then on June 12, 2006 I lost the baby. It was 2 days before my first appt for just after 8 weeks. It was the most pain I have ever been in. More than having my knee cap sticking out of my leg- which I did not think something could hurt more than that. I remember leaving a message for my OB and taking a bath. She called back while I was in the tub and told me to go to the ER. DH and I went to the ER. I remember sitting in the waiting room in so much pain. The ony other family in the waiting room that night was the family of one of my students that year. Her brother was killed that night in a drive-by shooting. I will never forget that or her and her brother.

I was on BC pills in college. It really helped me because I tended to have very long light periods (like 10 days of bleeding on 28 days cycles). In college I got on campus health care and generic (read cheap) pills. After college, I was so focused on everything else that I did not keep BC up with the new OB. We were using condoms when the first pg happened, I can't remember if one broke or if there was a drunken mishap or what. So, after the first mc, I went back on BC. This time it was the Nuva Ring. I thought that I acted like quite the bitch on pills, so my OB said the ring would be better. It was.

For the past 8 years I used the ring. For the past 5 years, DH has asked when we would try again. I kept putting it off for this masters, that masters, and this job. Now I was even saying putting it for the promotion I am trying to get, but he said no more. We can't keep putting it off for this and that or it will never happen. Secretly, I am was just scared. I was afraid of going through another mc. And I am still very frightened at the thought of being a mother.

So, over the summer we decided this was time. I work in a school, so I was hoping to plan the pg. We got the second bfp in August. It was perfect. That meant a late April EDD. I could take the rest of the year off with saved sick/personal days and have the summer with the baby.

This second pg went to 9 weeks. I went in for the first u/s at 8 weeks. The baby was measuring at 5 weeks 4 days. It was a gestational sac with a fetal pole. My OB said that I must have been wrong on my dates. Maybe coming off the ring meant o date was later. She moved my EDD to May 14th. I would have gone back two weeks after to see if growth continued. Instead a week after, I started spotting. I bled for 28 days that mc. The initial spotting increased to what felt like my first mc. I woke up at 2:30a.m. on Sept 16th with the worst cramps of it. I thought that was it. I went in for a check-up the next day. The OB removed a sample sitting on my cervix that she thought was the baby (that really hurt!). It was tested and found to be just blood clotting. The first week of this mc was extremely heavy and the second week was spotting, which was how my first mc was and that was it. However, it kept spotting during week 3. Then, it got stronger again. Day 26 of it, I started to feel like it was another mc. I had symptoms including cramps, diarhea, and nausea. I finally passed the baby on Day 28. That was the worst month of my life. I did not realize how bad I had been feeling until I felt the relief when the baby passed. I was then sick with guilt for feeling better.

Now we are benched for three cycles. The mc does not count as a cycle. I have had one AF since mc that was crazy! Three days of bleeding, where I wondered if I needed to go to the hospital. So, we are on cycle 1 still. We will try again.

I have not had any testing, since I have only had two losses. I do know that I have vitamin deficiences in B12 and D. I was just a hair above anemic when I was diagnosed with those in June of 2013. I take daily supplements, but I still wonder if that is an issue. I plan to go to my gp in January for vitamin/anemia testing. I have to wait until the new insurance kicks in, because right now my plan stinks. That is ok, because at this point the earliest we will try again is February.

I write a lot. Thanks for reading. Time for a drink.

Km380 · December 2014

(((Hugs))) ladies

Here's my story. We got married in 2011. 4 months into our marriage a had a LEEP and was told to wait 1 year before ttc. We didn't mind at the time bc that was roughly our plan.

We started ttc 12/2012 and got our first bfp 6/2013. I started bleeding before my 8 week appt. I went in for an u/s and was told there was only a sac. No baby. We were devasted but hopeful since the ob said it was common. We got pg again right away. 8 week appt we saw the beautiful heartbeat and were over the moon thankful. As I neared the end of my first tri I started feeling better and was worried. My 12 wk appt was on a Friday. That Wednesday I woke up bleeding and knew. Instead of my 12 wk appt I had a d&c. That was Oct 2013. That loss was so much more devastating. We opted to go to an RE and RPL test results were normal so we went back to trying on our own w progesterone supps.

After 6 more months the RE advised us to do more after I had another abnormal pap. We did 2 IUIs with bfns.
It's been over a year since my 2nd loss. On Monday I started stims for IVF. I still can't believe after 2 pregnancies on our own this is where I am.

Eta English

adagiomo · December 2014

@PinkCamino - Thank you for starting this thread. It is good to get to know one another and hear the stories that brought us all here.

Ladies, it has truly been heart breaking to read each of your stories. I am so sorry for each loss, and it is tragic that we have all experienced these loses. Here is my story.

My husband and I finally decided to start TTC in May of 2014. I kept delaying just to get one more step further in my career. I was surprised and excited that we got pregnant on our 2nd cycle TTC. I got my MFP on 23.Jun.2014. I went in for betas two weeks later because I had some very light spotting, and my betas looked great. Everything was doubling as expected. I did not have any additional spotting after this. We went in for our 1st ultrasound on 29.Jul.2014 at 9 weeks expecting to see our babies heart beat for the first time. I will never forget the devastating words from my doctor "There is no baby". We were diagnosed with a blighted ovum. I was crushed, not only did I not get to hear my babies heart beat, but now I felt like this doctor was telling me that I never even had a baby. They had me come back a week later to see if the dating was off, but I had been charting for a couple of months, so I knew that the dating had to be close. I had a natural MC on 08.Aug.2014. I felt betrayed by my body, and I never felt like I could move on until I knew that my cycles were getting back to normal. I didn't get my first period post MC until 15.Oct.2014, 10 weeks after my NMC. My 2nd period post MC just lasted 13 days. So, just when I think I am starting to move on, I feel like my body is still not behaving like it should. We have been cleared to TTC again. MH has pointed out the TTC has started making me crazy (between charting, peeing on all the sticks, and generally talking like a crazy person). I just feel like something broke inside me when I found out about our blighted ovum. This next cycle I am thinking about backing of on all the tracking just to try and reign in my crazy. All this aside, chatting with you ladies makes me think it is ok sometimes to be a little crazy after what we have been through!

raelynn71109 · December 2014

((Hugs)) for everyone and thank you all for sharing your stories. Petra, I'm so sorry about your husband losing his job.

My story:
I always said that I didn't want kids, but that changed when I met my husband. We have been together for 9 years and married for 5 years. 3 years ago we started really talking about TTC but there was always something going on that made the time "not right." We finally came to the point last year where we realized that the timing was never going to be perfect for us. I went off BCP in Aug 2013 and we started trying in Nov 2013.

My first BFP was in Feb 2014, but that ended in a CP a few days later. Exactly three weeks later I got my second BFP. I went in for an ultrasound at 6 weeks and we saw the baby's HB. At my next appointment at 10 weeks we heard the baby's HB on the doppler. Everything seemed to be going smoothly and my doctor assured me that the risk of miscarriage at that point was below 5%. At 12w6d I went in for the NT scan. It was the Friday before Mother's day. I was so excited to see our baby again and it didn't even occur to me that anything could be wrong. I had not had any spotting or bleeding or anything. My symptoms had started to wane, but I figured that was because I was almost out of the first trimester. The tech started the ultrasound and said the baby was in a good position for the scan, but then she got quiet and started taking measurements. I stared at the screen, waiting to see the baby moving around and started to get nervous. Then she told us that the baby was measuring at 11w4d and that it's heart had stopped. We were devastated.

I had a D&C the following Tuesday. I was glad to have a few days to let the news sink in before the D&C. The procedure seemed to go smoothly. At my 2 week follow up I expressed concern that I was still cramping and spotting/lightly bleeding. They checked my betas and they were still pretty high so they had me come in for an ultrasound. I had some retained tissue and a lot of fluid. I took Cytotec to try to get rid of the RT and had a miserable, painful experience with it. I bled a lot but an ultrasound two weeks later showed I still had the retained tissue. I had my second D&C with a hysteroscopy and my doctor told me that she removed enough tissue to fill her hand. She said the tissue was really stuck to my uterine wall and warned me about the possibility of scar tissue. We were benched for two months after that and I went back on BCP during that time at my doctor's suggestion.

So I went off BCP again in August but we were TTA for a couple of cycles for personal reasons, then we were kind of NTNP. This is the first cycle that we are really trying again. I had a lot of anxiety about TTC again and was dealing with some mild depression after the miscarriage. I finally feel like I am strong enough to handle the anxiety that will likely come with getting pregnant again.

CC1017 · December 2014

I just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to share your stories. I'm very new to my after loss journey and I am finding it helpful to read about your experiences. I just intro'd today but I'll share some more specifics of my experience. I was diagnosed with a bicornuate uterus about 10 years ago. I had a very normal pregnancy until I woke up one morning at 17 weeks pregnant cramping and bleeding. It was a Sunday so my Dr. sent me to the ER - L&D wouldn't triage me because I wasn't 20 weeks. An ultrasound showed a baby with a strong heartbeat and something that they couldn't distinguish between a fibroid or a hemorrhage. My cervix was long and closed. I was told that they didn't know what was going on and there was nothing that could be done so I was sent home to rest. About 12 hours later my water broke. I knew it was over, but I had to go back to the ER. I waited for an ultrasound to confirm what I already knew. I was finally sent up to L&D to have my labor induced. My daughter Grace was born a few hours later. Now I'm just waiting to see a high risk specialist for more in depth imaging studies on my uterus.

MrsOscarFelix · December 2014

((hugs)) to everyone!!

My story is short but here it is.

My DH and have been together since I was 16, going on 8 years. We were married this year on September 13, 2014. I knew I was ready to have a family right away but my DH was a little skeptical. We ultimately decided to TTC as we thought it could take awhile. Low and behold I found out I was pregnant my first cycle with an EDD of June 19, 2014. My DH and I were so excited. The good news didn't last long as a week later I starting bleeding and cramping. My DH and I went to the ER that night to be told that I was having a mc. I believe the PA's words were "there is no sign of pregnancy in your uterus and your betas are very low". I was crushed - in relatively 24 hours I had gone from being pregnant and excited to there was no pregnancy found in my uterus - it was awful. We went to the doctor the following Monday, which was supposed to be our first prenatal appointment, where the doctor confirmed the mc. OB cleared us to try again. We are now second cycle post mc and actively TTC.

Crunkal · December 2014

I'm not going to get extremely detailed. To be honest I am not even exact with my dates. I went through a nervous breakdown after my 4th loss and got rid of all of my loss keepsakes.

So Two months before my husband and I got married about August or September 2012 I found out I was pregnant. From the very start I knew something wasn't right. It was my first pregnancy so I didn't know what to expect. I began cramping and spotting right at 6 weeks, we were supposed to go on a family trip with DHs parents that Friday. I woke up at 4am to severe bleeding and cramping. DH rushed me to the ER. My levels had already started to drop, and the next day at my OB they confirmed that I had indeed lost the baby.

Fast forward to November, about three weeks after our wedding I got another BFP, same symptoms same situation.
At about 5 weeks started to bleed, was to not to worry as long as it wasn't heavy bleeding. Was confirmed at 6 weeks that I was going to miscarry due to dropping levels. Miscarried a few days later naturally.

Found out again A few months later that I was yet again pregnant. Doctor started me on progesterone this time, thinking that I would be helpful. Doctors at this point just kept telling me it was a fluke and this time would be fine. I was between 5 and 6 weeks and I began to miscarry yet again.

I was sent for RPL testing. The results came back showing that I had PAI 1( and gene mutation which thickens blood and causes blood clots) and MTHFR ( making it harder to absorb folic acid). They also sent me to a hematology specialist for a second opinion. They said they could try me on blood thinners next time I became pregnant.

I was so excited to finally have a plan. We decided to try again, this time feeling much more positive about it this time because we at least knew what was causing the miscarriages.

We found out I was pregnant about a month later. I immediately started taking the lovenox shots once a day. I made it to about 6 wk 4 days and began having pain in my left side. About a day later I began to spot and then bleed heavily. I went to the ER and they did my levels. The next day I went in for an ultra sound. My ute was empty.
I took a break for about a year and a half. Sought therapy, got medicated and worked things out with DH. We were NT/NP and We conceived the week of our 2 year anniversary, I began feeling sick before I ever got a BFP, thought I had a stomach bug. On a Friday nov 7 I left work early due to being so sick. I went to the pharmacy and grabbed pepto, ginger ale, saltines and a pg test. It was BFP instantly. Had my first appointment, things looked great, right on track. I had my first early US Scheduled for December 3rd, I began to miscarry November 31st. Had an ultrasound on December 1st and my ute showed nothing.

Currently benched for two months and waiting for levels to drop to zero.

I'm so sorry for all of our losses and sending tons of hugs to everyone today.

MSU_Girl1202 · December 2014

First off, what a wonderful idea @PinkCamino and big ((hugs)) to all of you ladies. You are so so strong.

I'll give as brief of a story as I can...
MH and I have been married for 9 years and TTC for 8. In April 2013, I got a BFP while on vacation (medicated cycle) and we were ecstatic. By the time I had my first beta though, it had already dropped to <5.
Second pregnancy was this past March, also medicated cycle. I started spotting at work (I work at a hospital) at 5w6d and my boss (how embarrassing...) took me to the ER where I was told everything was fine. Well...it wasn't. At 6w6d I was told I had a blighted ovum and had a D&C at 9 weeks at the end of April when my body wouldn't recognize it.
July 2014 I did my first IVF cycle, which ended in OHSS and sent me to the hospital...not exaggerating, worst experience of my life. This cycle was cancelled due to me not being stable enough to transfer and I ended up doing a FET in October, which ended up in another chemical pregnancy (betas went up for a few days and then quickly dropped).
So that brings me to today...where I'm a day past my EDD from my April loss and just waiting to re-charge emotionally to do another FET.

Rachaeleigh · December 2014

I'm late to the party and on mobile, as usual. I may be brief but I'm an open book and willing to answer any questions

Natural mc at age 23, 7 weeks (not DH, previous partner). It was a horrible medical experience, as the dr didn't explain the mc process and I was out of town visiting family

Met DH at age 26 (2007)

Within a few months of dating, I was pregnant (2008). Hcg doubled, had many symptoms, but only gestational and yolk sacs ever visualized on u/s. D&c

DH didnt want to try right away due to me beginning to finish my degree and him starting nursing school. It was a very difficult time for us but I do believe that it made us stronger

Married September 2011

Got pregnant Feb 2012. Same situation as 2nd loss, doubling hcg, lots of symptoms. No fetal pole, d&c

At this point our first round of rpl testing was done, only showed mthfr (1 copy) and out of phase on endometrial biopsy. The biopsy was done on cd 21, not 7dpo.
Pregnancy was "normal" male

Referred to RE, he agreed that biopsy was inaccurate. SIS was clear, given the green light to try again .

Pregnant August 2012, started baby aspirin and progesterone as precaution. Same situation, no fetal pole. I tried several failed doses of cytotec before having another d&c

Sought 2 opinion, no further rpl answers found. DH and I had karotypes, both normal

No pregnancies in 2013. Tempted, charted, etc

Jan 2014: went back to original RE clinic, now different dr, for IF
No identifiable reasons for IF

5 IUIs = BFNs

IVF consult last week ended in me deciding to seek a second IVF opinion

Appt at new clinic, Jan 7th

Holy shit, that's long

Eta: ((((((hugs)))))) for @PinkCamino‌. Just because I feel like it :-)

Elliecat17 · December 2014

A million hugs to all you ladies! I have to admit that I had to walk away from this thread a few times before I was able to read all the stories and now to write my own. Thanks @PinkCamino for starting this.

I suppose my story goes back to when I was 16 and they found the first ovarian cysts. I have been on and off BCP to try and control the cysts but they never helped.

Went off them in college because they were making me sick.

Fast forward to 2012 and they put me back on them (a different kind) because the cysts were getting bad again.

December 2013 H and I (not married yet but because of my history of cysts) decide to start trying knowing it could be a while. January 2014 BFP=great start to the new year! Just days after the positive I start bleeding.

May 2014 we get another BFP but I was already a whole week late so I was scared as it was. Miscarry at home on the day before Mother's Day.

We got married 5/31/14

In August I had testing done at the OB's and they found hypothyroidism. Dr also Dx-ed me with PCOS and Hashimotos (but no ultrasounds have ever been done). Now I feel sick at the end of every cycle, but they "won't see me until January or I am pregnant". Trying to loose weight because that is what they are claiming is the problem. I am a little worried that it might be low progesterone. Either way the next step in our journey comes in January when if I'm not pregnant they send us to the RE.

katib77 · December 2014

My story is all in my sig - but for mobile gals... I started TTC summer 2009, diagnosed IF 2010. Got PG one IUI #4 but it was a c/p. Tried one more IUI before moving to IVF and FET where I got PG with our son that we lost at almost 9 weeks. That embryo was the only one from our IVF. We did a second IVF this spring and again only one made it to transfer but it didn't take. After five years of infertility and 30k we've decided to live child free. However we do not use bc so there is always that small 1% chance we'll get naturally pg - but we've accepted child free and after five months I'm fairly fine with the idea - it's my loss that hurts still, not giving up te ttc struggle.

So that's why while I don't post here much since I'm no longer ttc, I'm still a loss mom and my years of IF and loss gives me an opportunity to bond or give experience advice. Usually I only click on obvious non ttc related post unless clearly IF/MFI. Otherwise I stick to polls, gtky, and such.

forevermyfenix · December 2014

Thank you @pinkcamino for the thread. It's a really good topic and way for us to get to know each other.

My story is a relatively short one. I have to be honest sometimes I feel nervous sharing it because I feel guilty to share it with some of our IF ladies. But, the question was asked.

We got out first BFP Dec 19th of last year. We were not TTC. I had just gotten off of the Depo Provera shot and was waiting for things to return to normal cycle wise before I started the Pill again. I never got a period before we got our BFP. I thought I had gotten a UTI because I was having to get up during the night to go to the bathroom. (I typically don't feel any pain with UTIs). I kept pregnancy tests on hand just because since I didn't have a period for over a year, so on a whim I took one at 3am and got the BFP. Even though Fenix wasn't planned, he was completely wanted. We had an incredibly easy pregnancy - never having any questions. I researched the fuck out of everything too and everything was by the book.

My weeks turned on Tuesdays. The Monday before the 36 week mark, I noticed my feet were swollen and wouldn't come down no matter how long I kept them above my heart and hydrated. I read that this is normal for some ladies, but I called in anyways. I left a message with the nurse and waited for her to get back with me. During the time I was waiting I noticed Fenix wasn't moving as much or as strongly, but he was still moving. When the nurse called back I told her this as well. She told me both the foot swelling and decreased movement was normal - Fenix would be going through a growth spurt and was running out of room, so he didn't have room to get the momentum for the really strong movements he used to have. I pushed a little, but the nurse said no worries, stay home, and come in during my regular scheduled appointment on that wednesday.

That tuesday was finals week and both DH and I were really stressing. We had major papers due. I was still doing my kick counts and Fenix was still moving, so I with that and the what the nurse said in mind, I kept writing that stupid fucking paper until 3am Wednesday. For those who wanted to know, the paper ended up being 26 pages long and I can't even remember the topic.

My appointment was Wednesday 7/30/14 at 10am. I got up late because I stayed up so late and I was flustered about the possibility of being late for that appointment. It was the first actual appointment where I was supposed to be put in the stirrups. I had my Strep B test. I measured great, my weight was great. Then it was time for the dopplar.

Fenix was always really easy to find. Right from the beginning there never had to be any searching for him with the dopplar. 2 weeks before he was running from the dopplar and the nurse had to hold him still. But this time, all I heard was static. No heartbeat. I will never forget that sound. I started to panic, but the nurse said "Oh don't worry, sometimes they put themselves in funny positions" But I knew. They brought me back to get an ultrasound and immediately I saw the heart and it was still. Took the ultrasound tech a few more moments, but I heard the dreaded words "I'm so sorry" and I lost it. DH was with me thank goodness. The doctor came in, took a look and confirmed Fenix had passed and they couldn't see any blood flow through the umbilical cord. I was advised to go to the hospital and they would induce.

So we immediately go to the hospital, get induced with Cytotec in the cervix first and then pitocin later. I labored for 23 hours and at 11:35am 7/31/14 I delivered Fenix's body which weighed 7lb 3oz. We'll never know the cause of Fenix's death for sure, but when my water broke, it was a sea of blood. It wasn't my blood. It was estimated that Fenix had ripped his umbilical cord at a weak point right where the cord entered his belly, and he bled out.

So, here we are. My doc suspiciously said there was no physical reason for us to wait (seriously?). But, for health and emotional reasons, DH and I decided to wait at least 6 months before TTC again. As of now, the plan is for Feb.

renegadewhit · December 2014

Thank you everyone for sharing, and special thanks to @pinkcamino for starting this thread.

AFM, DH and I have been together for 7 years. He's from Mexico, so after we got engaged in 2010, we decided to have a civil ceremony so we could start working through immigration, then have our religious wedding after he had his green card. As much as I wanted to starting ttc during those long 3 years, we both decided that until we were more stable financially, we should wait. We finally completed the immigration process in 2013 and scheduled our Mexico wedding for March 2014.

Backing up a little bit, I was diagnosed with PCOS back in 2010-ish. I previously had a ruptured ovarian cyst, as long as other symptoms. My OBGYN sent me to an endocrinologist to help treat it, and I went on BC and Metformin. I stopped going to that endocrinologist and stopped the metformin in 2013. Knowing that we could have issues conceiving, we wanted to start as soon as possible, so when DH's immigration process was over, we went off BC and started kind of NTNP in October/November-ish. In February of this year, I got my BFP. I scheduled my first appointment, but a week before it I started spotting and cramping. I went to the ER, and they said that my betas were super low, and though they could see the sac, it was not measuring even close to where I should have been. I followed up with my OBGYN in what should have been my 8 week appointment, but ended up confirming that betas were dropping. A week later, I was on a ranch in the middle of rural Mexico preparing for my wedding and miscarrying.

DH and I decided to wait until after our US wedding reception in May to start trying again. By that time, I was in the middle of an interview process for a job that would have moved us across the country, so once again, we decided to wait. Once we found out I didn't get the job, we started trying again. Thanks to the ladies here, I started temping and using opks. After a 37 day cycle, I'm now on CD47 with no ovulation. Yesterday my doc prescribed progesterone to try to bring on AF, and I have my first RE appointment scheduled for next week.

sunflwra · December 2014

This is always tough to do but if seeing what someone else has gone through helps one person, whether it's gaining some insight in to their own situation or just feeling like they aren't alone, it's so worth it.

*** Child mentioned***

I've had 3 pregnancies which included 2 second trimester losses.

My first loss happened at 20 weeks. We went for our anatomy scan and there was no heartbeat found and the baby only measured about 16.5 weeks. I had to be checked in to the hospital to be induced. It is just a whole other kind of fucked up to have to check in to the L&D floor and deliver a baby that you don't get to take home. The loss was ruled a cord accident and we were told that there was absolutely no reason to think it would happen again.

I waited the 3 month bench requirement and got pregnant almost immediately. We went to our 12 week appointment and found out our Panorama results were great and we were having a girl. Went back at 14 weeks and heard a strong heartbeat- everything great. Made it to 15 weeks and was checking the HB on my home Doppler and couldn't find it (I'd been successful in finding it at home since 9 weeks). Tried constantly overnight with no luck and went to my OB's office first thing the next morning. No heartbeat. Everything measured correctly, fluid looked good, etc. Had to be induced again. Done every test under the sun- full RPL panel, chromosomal, Counsyl. No cause could be found for my loss.

We finally burned the bench again in October and I'm very hopeful for this cycle (currently 7DPO). This cycle started on my first loss anniversary and included my second loss EDD and my test date is this Sunday which is my daughter's birthday. I'm totally aware that this is grasping at straws but I have a hope that all of this means we will get our rainbow.

My protocol as soon as I get a BFP is to go in for betas and progesterone testing (never been an issue but just covering the bases) and I will also start using a pessary (I had a partial uterine prolapse starting around 12 weeks with my last pregnancy and while they don't think it had anything to do with the loss, we're taking every precaution). I'll see the OB every 2 weeks and go for some extra scans at the MFM office. Other than that, there's not much else we can do.

Big hugs to all the ladies here. Thank you very much for sharing your stories.

nikiswimr · December 2014

((Hugs)) to everyone sharing their stories and thank you @pinkcamino for thinking of this.

My husband and I have been together for 10 years. We met on my birthday my senior year of undergrad then went to medical school together and started dating and have been together ever since. We got married four and a half years ago. This is our first year working after finally finishing medical school, residency, fellowship and subspecialty fellowship (I don't work in an area that overlaps with OB). We always knew we wanted children, but due to work commitments, just kept putting it off.

Finally January 2013 I came off of birth control and nothing happened. No cycles, nothing. I kept taking Provera every 60 days and they kept telling me that my body would ultimately sort itself out. Finally in 5/2013 I found the bump and learned about temping, charting, etc. and realized I was never ovulating. I had basic testing after about 6 months with my OB. At first they said it was problems regulating after BC. Then they thought I was too thin so I gained 10 lbs (always had a normal BMI), then they thought I was running too much (I'm a long distance runner, half marathons and marathons) so I significantly cut back.

Finally after over a year of that with no ovulation I was referred to an RE. My HSG was normal. My CD3 progesterone was <1, E2 was 25, TSH, prolactin and total testosterone were normal. My husband's SA was normal. On ultrasound everything looked normal (no cysts). So in 7/2014 I did my first cycle of (monitored) Clomid +TI. It was a BFN mainly because my husband psyched himself out and we missed our fertile window. In 8/2014, I did my second cycle of Clomid + TI and was shocked beyond belief to get a BFP, over a year and a half after coming off BC. Everything went fine until my ultrasound at 8w1d when we found out baby hadn't grown and didn't have a heartbeat. I don't have to tell any of you about how devastated I was. That was my only pregnancy. I took Cytotec to end the pregnancy and ended up in the ER hypotensive and shocky after incessant contractions, nausea, vomiting and some impressive bleeding.

I'm currently triggering tonight for an IUI on Friday. But, I am now one month away from our two year anniversary of TTC and honestly just feel kind of hopeless. I feel like I'm just going through the motions but no longer have any expectation that this will work out. Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer.

I can't thank you ladies enough for the support during this period and am so glad I found TTCAL.

skategirl128 · December 2014

Warning loss of an adult mentioned.

I lost my late-FI after he passed from complications from a routine surgery. We had been ttc when he passed away.

Two years later I was seeing someone but found out I was pg in Nov of 2012. My EDD was July 23, 2013. I went in for a routine u/s in January of 2013 and found out I had a partial molar. I had a d&c. Went into anaphalaxic shock with the anaesthesia and was kept overnight. Recovery was hard and the timing was almost identical to when I lost my FI (I went back to work on his anniversary).

Found out my then SO cheated on me while I was recovering from my d&c. My then best guy friend and I started hanging out frequently and he is now my SO. We are TTA and won't likely ttc again. I would be high risk again and given my previous experience with hospitals has lead us to chose to not ttc.

jones6863 · December 2014

Thank you all for sharing your stories..... Im very new to this forum, I had been on the TTC blogs (always reading, never posting) and it's definitely a different situation for us all. So I apologize in advance for being a newbie, I promise it's all with good intentions.

Your stories pull very hard at the heart strings and I'm so sorry to hear of the loss(es).

I work at a hospital in the operating room. It can be difficult because I see many patients with these same issues we are all dealing with, EP, D&C, d&e, etc and I feel for all of them. Especially now. But I also go up to do c/s and see women who just don't even know the struggle many of us have been through....it's not that they're ungrateful it's just that they don't know. It's very frustrating. And I think that's what has made my losses so hard. Constantly thinking something is going to go wrong and that it may never happen....

My story started a few years ago, back in 2012 we had a CP while on BC. DH wasn't ready for a baby, but I was so excited! We just took it as timing wasn't right but that when we were both ready it'd be easy.

Fast forward to 2013 when I started a new job. I found out I had to be there a year before maternity benefits would kick in. I was okay with waiting thinking we had no trouble while on birth control. Meanwhile, find out SIL who never wanted kids (always claimed she wanted a yard full of puppies) calls us with news that they are expecting. Frustrated we can't even start trying yet and she's already pregnant. As she continues to carry, we were finally able to start trying in feb 2014.
I didn't do a lot of research (and now kick myself for that) and thought the easy NTNP way was the best.

After I realized how off my cycles were I started doing more research. Contacted my OB because it seemed my LP was short and I was having anovulation months (months with 0 positive OPK). Am I doing these wrong, testing the wrong time of day, drinking too much water? She finally agreed to do a progesterone test and confirmed that I was in fact not ovulating.

That same month (September 2014) she said we could check to make sure tubes were open and if they were then we could start progesterone supplements and possibly clomid. However, my husband had a short, but important overseas assignment looming next summer. And if we convinced any later than September I would be due smack dab in the middle of leave. (He is not military- it's just a job assignment). So we decided to hold off on it all and I was just waiting for AF to come that month so I could find some rhythm in my cycles and really start to track them better.... Well she didn't come- for weeks and weeks, and just as I thought she was, she didn't. After a 50 something day cycle I took a HPT and got a BFP. So excited! And what perfect timing actually! Thought it was a sign, it was all going to workout.

Due to my progesterone issues doc saw me early and turned out to be a blighted ovum at 7 weeks. Had D&C at 8 weeks. Now waiting on AF to return and just track everything until DH is ready again. I'm not sure if I'm ready yet either......

Meanwhile, SIL has done nothing but bug me when we're going to have kids- literally, every time she sees me. We are not close enough where I felt like I could tell her what was going on- but hinted to her to drop it. But finally told her about m/c last week. So relieved, hope she leaves it at that for now.

3 weeks post D&C and waiting for time to pass..... Thank you all for being understanding

SunshineShades · December 2014

So sorry for everyone's losses and stories

I'm pretty new to the board, but will share my story.

In May 2014 I got my BFP, due February 2015. Around 7 weeks I started having horrible morning sickness and thought what a great sign! at 8 weeks (June 26th) I went for my dating us. The tech took forever and measured me at 5-6 weeks. I knew this was not possible, she said not to worry and sent me on my way. DH was not allowed in the room and I walked into the waiting room and started to cry. My mw assured me it was probably fine. 2 days later I started to bleed. I went to my GP and she sent me for a second ultrasound and bloodwork. The second ultrasound came back as "possible miscarriage" so they sent me back AGAIN. At this point I had been bleeding almost 2 weeks. Finally it was decided it was a miscarriage for sure, and 3 weeks after the first ultrasound I had a d&c. The d&c was such a relief to me at that time.

Fast foward to October 2014 and I have another BFP. at about 5.5 weeks DH and I have sex and I start spotting. Within a couple days it is heavier so I head to my GP again. More bloodwork, and an ultrasound show not quite 5 weeks when I should be 6. By the end of the week I had miscarried completely for a second time. Thankfully that time was physically easier, even though not emotionally easier.

Now we are TTA until January. I go see an obgyn on Tuesday to discuss the possibility of rpl testing, or other measures I can take next time round.

*Hugs* to you all

dawnstar898 · December 2014

Thanks PC! It's nice to get everyone's back stories besides the quick version in the siggys.

DH and I officially started TTC May 2013. I started using OPK's a few months later and we got our first BFP in August of 2013. Everything seemed to be going along fine until they couldn't find a heartbeat at my appointment when I was almost 11 weeks. An US showed the baby only measured about 6 1/2 weeks with no heartbeat. I had had a missed miscarriage and though I was given other options, I decided on the D&C. We did not have any testing done at that point.

Fast forward to December 2013, another BFP and pretty much an exact repeat of what happened last time. I had another D&C in January and we did have testing done on the baby this time. He came back with trisomy 16. My doctor said it wasn't something we carry, it was an error in cell division, so we still had the all clear to TTC.

I've had some testing done and all has come back normal. My doctor still thinks all this is most likely bad luck and flukes. I'm on my 8th cycle TTCAL, not quite AMA (34) yet so will try for a year before we pursue further testing. So, so far I have no official "problems" or diagnosis, which I'm ok with at the moment because it's not like I want there to be something wrong, you know? I am 6 DPO at the moment with my FX!

[Deleted User] · December 2014

Our journey started early 2013. We tried unsuccessfully for over a year to get pregnant. Then we went to the RE. We had all the testing done and our numbers were great. We are unexplained IF.

We went through 3 cycles of IUI's. We went aggressive since I'm in my mid-30's and DH is in his mid 40's. I did Clomid + Bravelle +Ovidrel with no results. The summer of 2014 I had about 15 polyps removed from my uterus and then we started IVF.

IVF was difficult for us because of the distance. My RE is 2 hours away and the drive was rough. We got pregnant from IVF and were thrilled. Saw the heartbeat at our 6 week appointment and then I started spotting. At the 7 week appointment there was no heartbeat. I had a D&C at week 8.

We are currently trying on our own but will be back to the RE and either IUI or IVF in January.

mflowers929 · December 2014

I'm so sorry that any of us have to be here and have experienced any of this.

I'll have to give a bit of background, so bear with me -

MH and I met when he was just turned 19 and I was just shy of my 18th birthday just a few weeks after I broke up with my ex for good. We were complete opposites and lived 2400 miles from each other. He was amazing, and truly supportive while I came to grips with the fact that my ex had emotionally and sexually abused me. Against all odds, we fell in love, and after a year and a half of a long distance relationship, I moved in with him in December 2006.

I had been on the pill for about 6 months, but it literally turned me into a crazy lady. I moved soon after I stopped taking it, and so didn't ever get a chance to change to something else. Didn't know/didn't care about getting a doctor up here, so never did and we just used the pull out method with no "oopses"

DH and I married in November 2010. We had talked about kids on and off pretty much since we met, though never seriously. I always knew I wanted children. MH didn't necessarily want children, but agreed that we could have one if I agreed that we'd wait until we were more settled. We've always been able to O together while DTD, so I mistakenly believed that that would make it easy for us to get KU.

November 2013 I had a breakdown. I'm not sure what possessed me, but I went and read some of my old diaries. Between very much missing my family (my closest family is a 16 hour drive from us and my parents still live 2400 miles away) and having anxiety attacks about the things that my ex did to me, I basically just curled up in a ball and cried for 3 days straight. MH and I made love in his attempt to soothe me, and to my surprise he didn't pull out. Still not sure why. After that, we basically shrugged and decided to NTNP.

April 2014, I didn't get my period at the beginning of the month like I expected. Took a test that came out negative, but things at work were very stressful, so I just chalked it up to that. The middle of the month, I started having a strange pulling sensation behind my belly button. Not sure why, but I took a HPT and, suprise, it came out positive! I texted my coworker right away with a picture of the test.

The next day I started bleeding and passing clots. I thought for sure I had just had a M/C, but just to be on the safe side, I took H and a box of crackers and went to camp out at the ER. I was told I was 5w2d and probably had a SCH. Since I wasn't sure about my dates, they figured I had just O'ed late. I still didn't have a doctor at that point, so the ER doc made an appointment for me to come back the next week for another U/S and more BW. I ended up going back to the ER before that, but when the doctor used the portable U/S on me he said everything looked good, so I stopped worrying.

Went for the second U/S and BW and went back to the first ER doc. He said that my betas had risen sufficiently, but that the baby hadn't grown, and to be prepared because I was probably getting ready to have a M/C. He made a phone call and got an OB to agree to see me. DH had gone to the bathroom when I was called back, and when he finally saw me after the news he just took me home and tucked me in bed.

I saw the OB 2 days later, and he told me that there actually HAD been some growth. I was measuring 6w4d, but they couldn't see a HB. He scheduled me for another U/S the next week so we could see what was going on. DH scheduled that day off so he could come with me, but at the last minute I got a call saying they were rescheduling me for the next day. So I was all alone when I was told that there had been no growth and there was no heartbeat. I cried all the way home.

My OB highly suggested I waited and tried to have a natural M/C, but with my job, I wouldn't have been able to leave if it started at work. Plus I really wanted to have some control over SOMETHING to do with the pregnancy, so I went the Miso route. It took me 3 doses and almost 24 hours before I passed the sac, with some of the worst pain in my life. Unfortunately, it didn't end there, as I continued getting cramps and pressure almost as bad as before I passed the sac for the next week. They were so bad that I had to ask for some narcotics (and I have normally painful periods that are managed with OTC drugs).

I'm now 6 cycles post M/C and looking like I'm in for the long haul with ya'll =/ At least it's a good group of you ladies to hang out with in the meantime.

ETA - wow, sorry about the book. Didn't realize it was that long.

ctk181 · December 2014

Thank you to everyone sharing there stories. I just want to send so many hugs to each and every one of you. What we have all been through is so painful and unfair.

So here is my story. My H and I married in 2012, I was 31 and he was 33. We both knew we wanted children. My H got laid off just a few months before our wedding. After we were married he was job hopping and having a really hard time finding something he liked. We decided to hold off on TTC until he was able to find a secure job and we were financially stable. He ended up getting a great job in August of 2013 and in June of 2014 we felt like we were in a good place to start TTC. We began NTNP right away. In July 2014 I got my BFP and I remember being both thrilled and terrified at the same time. At 7 weeks I went in for my first ultrasound and we saw our perfect little peanut who was measuring right on track and we heard the beautiful heartbeat, which was 138 bpm. The ultrasound tech and my OB told us everything looked great. Around 10 weeks I started to feel like something wasn't right. No real reason, but my symptoms had started to go away. However, everything I read said that was normal as you came to the end of first trimester. At 11w2d I was at work and started very lightly spotting. I knew instantly this was not good. I called my OB right away but she down played it and told me it probably did not mean anything and spotting happened in many healthy pregnancies. Somewhere in my heart I knew my baby was gone, so I insisted on coming in for an ultrasound. I finished the day at work and went home so that my husband could come with me because I knew I would need him. We went to the hospital. I remember on the way there my husband was so optimistic and was sure everything would be ok but I just knew. As soon as the tech started the ultrasound I could tell something was not right because he could not find the baby in the pelvic ultrasound and had to do a transvaginal. I felt like by 11w5d he should have been able to see the baby with the pelvic us. As soon as he started the transvaginal us I could tell by his face that it was not good news. When he was done he just said he had to call the doctor. He came back in the room and told me my doctor was on the phone. I picked up the phone and my doctor informed me that our baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks and there was no longer a HB. I didn't have to say a word to my husband, he saw my face and knew. I had a D&C the next day. We were benched for two months and were cleared to start TTC again in October of this year. So here we are, just trying and hoping for the best.

Sorry this turned out to be so long. I don't think I've ever typed it all out beginning to end. It is so hard but also somehow cathartic. Thanks for reading. I also want to thank each and every one of you because all of you ladies have helped me more than you can ever know.

ellebelle2384 · December 2014

So many big squishy hugs to everyone. Thank you all for sharing your stories.

I have had six pregnancies and five miscarriages. My first miscarriage was in March 2011. We started TTC in January 2011 and got KU right away. I got my BFP on Valentine's Day and we thought everything was perfect and happy. I will never be that naive again ever in my life. When I was 6 weeks I started having spotting that got worse as the day went on. But I had been told that was normal in pregnancy and just tried to put any fears out of my mind. My dog didn't leave my side that whole night and I will never forget that. The next day I went to work and started bleeding heavily. I left and went to the ER. They couldn't find anything on the u/s and later that day I passed the baby. It was probably one of the darkest times of my life and this board helped me tremendously through that period.

Fastforward to December 2013 and DH and I decided to start TTC again. Once again we got KU right away and got a BFP in February of this year but I had a natural m/c right before 5 weeks. We were upset but were told by our OB that from a statistical standpoint we still didn't have anything to worry about and to go back to trying on our own after one cycle.

I got another BFP in May and had another m/c right before 5 weeks. This time while on an airplane. It was horrible. At that point we were referred to an RE. We went through RPL testing and karotyping and everything came back normal. We were given the all clear to try again on our own because the RE was leaning towards genetic factors being the cause for our losses and the only treatment would be IVF with PGD, which we were not willing to jump to at the time.

We got pregnant again at the end of June and had great betas this time around. I didn't have any symptoms but I didn't have any bleeding and so I foolishly thought everything was going fine, since my body seemed to be pretty good at m/c'ing naturally when there was a problem. We had an early u/s at the RE at 6.5 weeks. The baby was measuring about a week behind with no HB yet but was definitely there so the nurses tried to convince me I was wrong with my dates. I had been charting so I knew there was no way I was off. We went back for a follow-up u/s at 7.5 weeks and baby had grown a bit but was now 8 days behind with a very slow HB. 91 BPM. The RE said he was very concerned and did not think it would be a viable pregnancy. We tried to be hopeful because there was a HB but I spent the next week and a half in limbo while we were on vacation out of the country. When we came back we found that the baby had stopped growing and the HB was gone. The RE estimated that the baby had passed away two days after our last scan. I opted for a D&C so we could do testing. It came back that it was a boy and had Trisomy 16 from maternal origin. At our follow-up appt. the RE said that the cause of our RPL is strongly suspected to be poor egg quality with the only treatment option being IVF with PGD. A second opinion appt. with a different RE resulted in the same diagnosis and recommendation.

We took some time off to heal and decided to go for one last shot at TTC naturally. I got another BFP at the beginning of November but my first beta was 25 (I had taken a digi two days before and gotten a positive so when I heard 25 I knew it would be a CP). Sure enough my repeat beta was 10. I started bleeding later that night.

So here we are. Waiting for our next appt. with the RE to discuss the plan, but I am 99.9% sure there will be no new info or options. IVF with PGD is completely OOP and with meds + PGD factored in totals at $20,000 for a 2 transfer package. It is a staggering amount of money for us so I will most likely be hanging out here for a while.

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