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March 2015 Moms
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He wants everything back... long

kncole28kncole28 member
in March 2015 Moms
Which isnt much... My daughters dad and I havent been together since i
i was about 6w. I have tried to be civil and include him in everything. Recently he went out and bought a bassinett, and a travel system. Of which I was very greatfull for. Well he insists that we should be together for our child. This is not an option, he is mentally abusive to me and is a drinker. Well we were having a convo and all this got brought up. I told him there is no chance of us getting back together. His response? Im ungreatful, and he is keeping everything he bought. i told him ok, that if he was going to be like that i didnt want any of it, he was not hurting me but hurting our daughter in the end. Well today I got a text asking when im going to come pick up the stuff. That he is sorry and i know he says things he doesnt mean when he is mad. My question to you ladies, would you go and get it and risk him being mad again and asking for it back or just forget about it? No matter what, i will make sure she has whatever she needs. Thank you in advance for your help.
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Re: He wants everything back... long

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  • Amy and JayAmy and Jay member
    I'm sorry that you're dealing with this situation. I would just forget about it. If you're able to get the stuff w/o him then I would do that. You don't want him to be able to hold anything over your head. Good luck!
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  • kncole28kncole28 member
    Im familiar which is why I told him there is no chance. My vice is not him, its my daughter having her father around. He has another child that he is really good to, and is great with. But you are right, he will try anything he can to use it against me.
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  • kncole28kncole28 member
    That does put it more in perspective.
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  • WhitfryWhitfry member
    I understand wanting your daughter to have her father involved. I think it's admirable. And it is possible that he is a good father even if he is a lousy and abusive partner. I would just strongly caution that any co-parenting schedules be done in writing, preferably through court. This way he can still have a relationship with your child (assuming you trust him not to alienate her or try to turn her against you. I have a friend who is dealing with this - her ex is trying to turn one of their children against her. He is a textbook abuser as well) but you are protected. 
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  • kncole28kncole28 member
    Oh it will go though the court, i have no qualms about putting everything in writing. Another thing he is not happy about but in the state of Indiana, if you are not married the state automatticaly picks it up. And hopeffully she will get my common since and will know better if he tries to do that lol.
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  • drudolph11drudolph11 member
    edited December 2014
    Im a smartass and would just text him and say "i hope you kept the receipts for the stuff" or "keep the stuff you will need it when she visits with you" that last one, I feel, will solidify your decision that you are not getting back together with him. It is simple and to the point and answers 2 questions without argument. And then leave it at that as far as communication. You seem to have the situation handled otherwise and besides that any and all decisions regarding custody and what not will go through the courts. If you can get the stuff for yourself then yes def do it and like I said let him keep the stuff for when she visits him. Im sorry you have to deal with this. I hope things get better for you.
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  • kncole28kncole28 member
    Lol i try to pick my battles with him. And its not your fault a chose to lay down with a flippin idiot lol.
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  • happybabe123happybabe123 member
    edited December 2014
    I agree with the other posters. Don't accept the "gifts". It will just cause complications. If he is a good dad then he should be involved but be smart and get visitations in writing through mediation/court order so that you and your child are protected. Good luck. Sounds like you are smart and know what to do.

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  • hetispagettihetispagetti member
    I agree as well....I wouldn't take the gifts but it's great to see you being mature about it all and putting your daughter first! Hope he realises how lucky he! I hope everything works out great for you and your daughter!
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  • ngolimentongolimento member
    I wouldn't accept gifts from him, and very calmly let him know, in writing, that he will probably need the items for when she visits him.

    Keep his answers. Everything he sends you needs to be recorded and presented at court. I suspect he's going to screw himself over. Whatever you do, don't get sucked in and don't send him any insults or smart ass remarks. Be an ice fortress that only records the shit he flings at you, not a participant.
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  • kncole28kncole28 member
    Oh I dont respond! Which in turn makes him even more mad and has earned me the nick name of cold hearted bi**h lol. If i really wanted to be that I could, but im trying. And i have kept everything. I even got a new phone and didnt trade in the old one just for that. By what he has already done and said he has already hung himself.

    To all the ladies that say im being the bigger peraon and they comend me on it thank you. It means a lot.
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