Intro- current loss 'happening'

CMDD · November 2014

Hi,

I'm looking for support and guidance and understand from women (and dads) who have been through this heartbreaking time.

On Monday we were looking at our ultrasound and saw our sweet baby moving all around- the face and hands and everything. But we were also then told that our little one has a 1 in 250,000 condition called hydranencephaly, where half of her brain is not formed and she would not survive after birth. We have decided to let her go to heaven on Tuesday instead of letting her live for a few moments after birth. It is such a hard decision- and sometimes I feel I would rather meet her for those few seconds, but then I think of our baby suffering and know we've made the right decision.

So, I'm waiting. My husband had to go back to work today so I am home, very alone, as we just moved across the country, waiting for next week. My doctor keeps telling me that I have to be very okay with this decision or else we shouldn't do it. How can I ever be okay with this? I'm not sure what to even do with myself. My doctor sent me home with some sleep meds and I wish I could just sleep until this is over and I feel better. But, will it ever be easier?

Thanks for any guidance you can share with me

lexusolsen · November 2014

I'm sorry that I don't have any experience to share with you. It seems like an impossibly hard decision to make, no matter which choice you make. I'll be thinking of the three of you.

IslandDreamin · November 2014

I am so sorry to see you are going through this. Take all the time you need to feel your pain. The only advice I can give is to find a support group of women who have been or are in your very same situation. I recently suffered an ectopic pregnancy and it helped to joined a closed group on Facebook filled with all women who are struggling with the same pain. I would search for hyrdranencephaly support groups specifically.

Littleowl913 · November 2014

I'm so sorry you have to make such a difficult decision. I had no choice but to deliver my son at 22 weeks so I cannot imagine what you are going through. TB has helped me in so many ways since I loss my son. Just knowing there are other women in the same situation offering their support gave me comfort.

Noethola · November 2014

I am so very sorry you are faced with such a decision. Wish there were something i could say, but this is just an awful situation. I am so sorry you are about to lose your little one. Hold on to every precious memory you are able to make in the next week.

23Tez23 · November 2014

This breaks my heart. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

justyhaunani · November 2014

I'm so sorry to hear this.

CC1017 · November 2014

I'm so sorry that you have to make this decision. There's so much we don't have control over. My advice right now is to try and focus on being present in the moment with your baby. I wish you peace through this process.

msunshine123 · November 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You and your family will be in my thoughts - ((hugs)) to you.

stefuge · December 2014

I am so sorry you are having to make such a difficult decision. You and your family are in my T&Ps.

Farrah626 · December 2014

So very sorry that you are facing what is truly an impossible decision. I went through a similar experience. I'd be happy to talk to you about it if you want to PM me.

Mrs.EvilQueen · December 2014

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. My daughter had a similar condition, and we lost her before any decisions had to be made. But I do remember that the single night I hate to wait for my induction was a special kind of torture, so I can only imagine what you must have been feeling. My loss is too new to know if it gets better. I'm not sure if it does. But I do know already that the pain changes, and the new you will learn to live with that. I know I felt so alone, and the woman here, and in local support groups all help to change that. We're all here for you.

CMDD · December 2014

I just wanted to thank you all so much for the kind words. I am so sorry we all have to be here, but you have really helped me feel not so alone. I went through the dilation (the worst!) last Monday and the surgery on Tuesday and have been taking care of myself for a week. I can't believe it's been two weeks of knowing... I have such guilty feelings that I should feel better by now. I'm sure some of you may experience that as well and I'm looking forward to hearing how you take care of yourselves and help yourselves heal. Thank you again

CheesyPeas · December 2014

I don't know how I missed this post before but wanted to reach out now to say how incredibly sorry I am. Please let us know if there's anything we can do. I'll be keeping you in my T&Ps.