Who is wrong here?

Princess_Lily · November 2014

A small gathering is happening at your house.

You're having a conversation in the kitchen with someone, and your SO comes in getting a coffee for a guest. Your SO is continuing their conversation they had a few steps away with a guest who is in another room. They walk in and don't know how loud they are. They didnt see you (enclosed kitchen - 1000 sqft home). Its like I said, a party.

You look at your SO and say, "Stop. Your being rude." Everyone moves on - keeping the peace.

The next day after the (successful) party your SO comes to you when the kids are quiet and its a good time to talk. They say how they felt you were being condensending to them, and that you hurt and embarassed them in front of the guest.

You apologize. After that though, you then justify your reasons for saying how they were still rude.

Who is wrong here?

stra0111 · November 2014

So you told DH "stop, you're being rude" (in front of other people) because he came in the kitchen talking loudly? Am I following correctly?

Princess_Lily · November 2014

I'm remaining neutral to whose side was mine, and yes, you're understanding is correct.

stra0111 · November 2014

Oh ok I understand the point of your wording now. I would be less than impressed if my DH said "stop, you're being rude" to me in front of others at a party. A) given the reason, no I don't think that is a rude thing in the first place,

that is condescending and sounds like you are being reprimanded. And lastly, it's not an apology (to me) if it is ended with a "BUT, you were still rude".

colliebabe · November 2014

If I'm following correctly, I'd say the person who said "stop you're being rude" is wrong. It's a party - people get loud.

Bythebeach09 · November 2014

Do people have quiet parties?

We're all talking and calling to people all over the house.

DH would be furious if I said that to him within earshot of anyone, and vice versa. That's obnoxious.

monkeybutt61612 · November 2014

I'd still like to know which role you played in this

secretsout · November 2014

I feel like I am missing something. People were talking loudly at a party? I agree that it is inappropriate to tell your significant other that they were being rude in front of guests, for sure, especially in the scenario you describe.

If you were at a gathering with my friends and family, under the circumstances that you describe, everyone would be telling everyone they were rude the entire night.

angelashly · November 2014

No to saying you're a being rude. It does sound like a reprimand and yout so is a grown up not a child. Plus like everyone else parties are loud and sometimes you have to talk louder to be heard and sometimes you pause your conversation until those people move on or you do.

ShakeyJakey · November 2014

AllWasWell said:
She hasn't said if she was the loud talker or the "you're being rude" person. I'm hoping you're the loud talker OP.

Yeah, but she said she was the one who said you're being rude

ShakeyJakey · November 2014

Or maybe she didn't. Her follow up comment makes as much sense as her first post.

FrickandFrack · November 2014

So, the person was loudly talking and didn't see other people on the kitchen and instead of politely saying something to let the person know other people were there, they were told they were being rude? That's pretty rude IMO. Why would you want to embarrass your SO in front of your guests?

RayRay007 · November 2014

The person who told the other they were rude was 1) wrong and 2) rude.

ferris0906 · November 2014

Agree with others--the one who said "stop being rude" is in the wrong.

On a sidenote, this is another reason why my two-year-old is rude. He tells me "stop talking mommy" in front of other family members like all the time.

RondackHiker · November 2014

Why won't you tell us who was who? I'm pretty sure the posters here will tell you the truth, no matter which person you were in the story.

Rebis58 · November 2014

Definitely the person who said "you're being rude" was in the wrong. It's condescending and I would be so embarrassed if H did that to me. H can be pretty loud and sometimes does unintentionally interrupt other conversations in this way, but I would never call him out like that in front of people. I might quietly ask him to bring the conversation back into the other room, but more likely I'd just wait for him to finish the conversation and move back into the other room.

At times when he's done something that I see as being rude (although I don't really think the example in the OP is rude), I usually wait until we're alone and tell him in a non-confrontational way what he did that bothered me and what he could have done differently. I would only do this for things that are very obviously rude, though, like the time H answered his cell phone while we were all sitting on the patio chatting (and I waited until we were in the car going home to tell him that next time he should excuse himself before answering his phone)

allrightmeow · November 2014

RondackHiker said:

Why won't you tell us who was who? I'm pretty sure the posters here will tell you the truth, no matter which person you were in the story.

Yeah I don't understand the withholding of this information.

PeanutButterFox · November 2014

.

RondackHiker said:

Why won't you tell us who was who? I'm pretty sure the posters here will tell you the truth, no matter which person you were in the story.

I'm guessing so she can say to her DH "Hey you were a jackass and here are some unbiased opinions to prove it."

Bythebeach09 · November 2014

I think it was her. If I came on here with a scenario like that it would be to validate what I did. And since she's not really responding, it's probably because she told her SO he was rude and she thought she was justified. But clearly not.

I don't even know if that makes any sense. I'm under a hair dryer getting my hair dyed fumes.

vmuise · November 2014

The "you're being rude" comment was wrong. Good on the loud person for waiting until the next day to calmly explain that their feelings were hurt. They could have made the situation much worse by loosing it in the moment.

angelashly · November 2014

My guess she was the rude one and came here hoping we would say she wasn't. Now she won't come back.

SpaceGirlSpiff · November 2014

I'm getting the impression she was the loud talker and her H said she was rude, because the way she phrased the justifications for the loud talker sounded in defense of herself to me...if that makes sense.... like she sounds more on their side.

"didnt know how loud they were.."

"didnt see you there..."

meh.

Either way, yeah, the one who said "Stop youre being rude" was wrong. How obnoxious.

Princess_Lily · November 2014

I would like to respect both sides, and prefer not to say who said what. However, I appreciate all of the comments, thank you!

Eta: Since I'm on mobile, it may have kept me logged in yesterday. I was out all day shopping and working on school stuff so I haven't been able to respond until this morning.

angelashly · November 2014

Lol

Princess_Lily · November 2014

No problem.

I won't be so vague with future posts here.

Princess_Lily · November 2014

@Mackalien13 With this situation, yes, I'm intentionally leaving that detail out.

Princess_Lily · November 2014

nellybluthredux said:
ANSWER THE QUESTION, CLAIRE

NO, I NEVER DID IT!!!!

Princess_Lily · November 2014

https://tinyurl.com/kwvz3ge

Can't place image.

Bythebeach09 · November 2014

Let's just assume she is!

Princess_Lily · November 2014

Can I be Jennifer Lawrence instead?

Bythebeach09 · November 2014

No. Kim's way more fun.

Princess_Lily · November 2014

You like me, you really like me!

Princess_Lily · November 2014

This situation was resolved on Friday morning, when the qualm was brought up. We wouldn't dream of bringing it up with company around, when it originally occurred.

Princess_Lily · December 2014

JoShan1719 said:

fredalina said:

JoShan1719 said:

Princess_Lily said:

Can I be Jennifer Lawrence instead?

JLaw would be the one being loud.

At the party.

With other loud people.
I thought she was actually very introverted?

She might be, I don't actually know. She just looks like the one to be causing all the noise.

Princess_Lily · December 2014

Wait, there's a party?!

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Want a personalized experience?

Who is wrong here?

Re: Who is wrong here?

Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't denyThen there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of timeWithout you I'll never make it out aliveBut I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing

Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't denyThen there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of timeWithout you I'll never make it out aliveBut I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright

There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
Without you I'll never make it out alive
But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright