Devastated. — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Devastated.

So my boyfriend sits me down and says, "I'm going to tell you something and I don't want you to get upset." So I said ok. "My sister is pregnant." Fan fucking tastic. How sweet. A week after my D&C. I start bawling And ya know what he said? "It happens all the time Ashley." I'm so angry I threw up. The terrible thing is, is that she has had to do IVF. So I can only imagine how she felt when I got pregnant without even trying. So I feel like a piece of shit for that. I feel like an even bigger piece of shit because I can't be happy for her right now. I was supposed to have the first grand child. That was supposed to be me. And then on top of that apparently it happens all the time, ya know? If one more person says that to me I don't know what I am going to do. I have tried to be strong all week and boom, lost it. God is seriously testing my faith and my strength. This whole week I have felt like shit because my boyfriend nor his family have asked me if I'm ok. I've felt so lonely. And now I'm going to be even more lonely because she's having a baby and everyone's so excited. I'm happy for her but I can't be around her. I just can't. You can tell me I'm being a selfish jerk if you want to, because that's how I feel. But then again I feel so sad too.

Re: Devastated.

  • I'm really not a heartless b****. I'm just so sad.
  • I am so sorry you are having a tough time. Your feelings are normal. It is upsetting. I see what you are saying too about wanting to be happy for her, especially since she had IVF for this. While your bf said that statement that really hurt you, I would be happy that he told me in private versus having to hear the news in a large group, or family setting, and be caught off guard. If you have the conversation with him again, maybe try telling him 'I need to be upset and I need you to allow me to be upset with you instead of bottling it up because then I will explode' (or word changes as it fits you).

    Also, not trying to hurt you, just seeing both sides. His sister was likely very upset (if she knew) you were pg, thinking the same thing that she should have had the first grand child. I am sure she has been trying for awhile if it has come to IVF. You don't need to be immediately ecstatic for her, but try and think about what she has gone through and be as nice as possible. Then, go home, cry, and vent it out.

    (Hugs)

    Me: 31 DH: 36
    Dated Since ‘02, Married in ‘06
    BFP#1 05/16/06, EDD01/16/07, MC 06/12/06 at 8 weeks
    BFP #2 08/14/14, EDD 04/22/15, MC 09/17/14 at 9 weeks

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     My Chart

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  • @ashleyann62215 I am so so sorry to hear this. Especially because you just miscarried. I can understand your frustration. Since I've miscarried, I feel that there have been pregnant ladies everywhere and in my face more so than before I was pregnant. It definitely makes it harder that it's your boyfriends sister. It's okay to feel the emotions you are feeling. Everything is so fresh. You have a right to grieve and be angry, but just remember how you felt this past week. You wouldn't want any other woman to go through that (even though we do). In time, you will be able to express your happiness for her. But give it some time.

    Lots of hugs to you!
  • Thank you @flyoffeve‌ @BlueJoan‌ and @mylittlegemini‌ . I really am happy for her. I can't imagine having to go through IVF and all of the stress and emotions that come along with it. I hope she has a healthy pregnancy but right now I just feel like everyone and their mother is pregnant or having a baby and it just causes more pain and grief. You always wonder why everyone else gets to carry their baby instead of you and that's how I feel. On top of that I just feel like my so and his family just expect me to move on and not be sad because it was a blighted ovum. To them there never was a baby and other people lose real babies so I should just realize that it happens and get over it. I just want people to respect me and realize that even though it was a B.O. it's still a form of miscarriage and it's still a loss and if I'm not ready to be around my so's sister, especially at Christmas when I was to announce my pregnancy, and that it's ok. I'm trying not be selfish but it's just hard when you feel like people don't understand. Thank you letting me rant and vent. I'm not a mean person, but my was post fueled off of emotion and I apologize for that. There are worse things that happen to pregnant women and I'm sorry for all forms of loss.
  • I am so sorry you're so sad and frustrated. Don't beat yourself up on how you're feeling. You know you aren't a heartless person and that deep down you are happy for her. The emotions you're feeling right now are very normal. 

    When people say that "it happens all the time" I really think many are uncomfortable with the situation and they don't really know what to say. I know it's hard right now because you're so raw but try not to take it personally. 

    You just had an MC, if anyone feels you're being selfish by not being there when she announces then they can just screw off. It would be different if you had a MC a long time ago, but this is still so very new to you. There are times in life that you need to think about yourself, and this is one of them. 

    Good luck *hug* 
    I am not sure how to say this without getting a "solicitation" warning so I guess I just say that I am not longer active on THIS site. 



  • Thank you so much @Nikolie93‌. That's means a lot to me and let's me know I'm not alone. It's reassuring that someone understands emotions and what I'm going through-especially about my miscarriage being so recent. For me that's the hardest part. You're so sweet, all of you!
  • One of the hardest things for me was that I didn't feel as if anyone understood what I was going through. I am glad I can be here to try to offer support. :) 
    I am not sure how to say this without getting a "solicitation" warning so I guess I just say that I am not longer active on THIS site. 



    ashleyann62215
  • I'm so sorry for your loss and that you aren't getting the support you need.
    Me: 33, DH: 32  
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Maternity tickers
    ashleyann62215
  • @ashleymann62215 I can totally relate to your frustration when you say that some people just don't understand. I've had a few people tell me "well things can be worse". For me and for all of us...our miscarriage was "our worst". I stand by what I say that no one truly understands what it feels like unless it's happened to them. I obviously wish none of us were in this group,  but I am so happy we can offer each other support. *hugs to all of you"
    ashleyann62215[Deleted User]
  • *hugs to you*
    Me: 29 DH: 30
    DS born 12/29/12 @ 41+1 
    TTC#2 07/2014
    BFP 10/14/14 MC 11/14/14 D&C for RT 11/18/2014 
    Given all clear 12/15/2014 - back to TTC



    ashleyann62215
  • edited November 2014
    Thank you ladies. My grandma gave me a hug today and said sorry and I said it's ok and she said "no it's not." And for us it's not, it's really not. Some people can be so sweet about it. Too bad we can't get that everywhere, all the time huh? Hugs to you all and happy thanksgiving!
  • Everything happens for a reason. Hang in there, girl.
    <3
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