Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
ashleyann62215
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Devastated.
ashleyann62215
member
So my boyfriend sits me down and says, "I'm going to tell you something and I don't want you to get upset." So I said ok. "My sister is pregnant." Fan fucking tastic. How sweet. A week after my D&C. I start bawling And ya know what he said? "It happens all the time Ashley." I'm so angry I threw up. The terrible thing is, is that she has had to do IVF. So I can only imagine how she felt when I got pregnant without even trying. So I feel like a piece of shit for that. I feel like an even bigger piece of shit because I can't be happy for her right now. I was supposed to have the first grand child. That was supposed to be me. And then on top of that apparently it happens all the time, ya know? If one more person says that to me I don't know what I am going to do. I have tried to be strong all week and boom, lost it. God is seriously testing my faith and my strength. This whole week I have felt like shit because my boyfriend nor his family have asked me if I'm ok. I've felt so lonely. And now I'm going to be even more lonely because she's having a baby and everyone's so excited. I'm happy for her but I can't be around her. I just can't. You can tell me I'm being a selfish jerk if you want to, because that's how I feel. But then again I feel so sad too.
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Re: Devastated.
I am so sorry you are having a tough time. Your feelings are normal. It is upsetting. I see what you are saying too about wanting to be happy for her, especially since she had IVF for this. While your bf said that statement that really hurt you, I would be happy that he told me in private versus having to hear the news in a large group, or family setting, and be caught off guard. If you have the conversation with him again, maybe try telling him 'I need to be upset and I need you to allow me to be upset with you instead of bottling it up because then I will explode' (or word changes as it fits you).
Also, not trying to hurt you, just seeing both sides. His sister was likely very upset (if she knew) you were pg, thinking the same thing that she should have had the first grand child. I am sure she has been trying for awhile if it has come to IVF. You don't need to be immediately ecstatic for her, but try and think about what she has gone through and be as nice as possible. Then, go home, cry, and vent it out.
(Hugs)
Me: 31 DH: 36
Dated Since ‘02, Married in ‘06
BFP#1 05/16/06, EDD01/16/07, MC 06/12/06 at 8 weeks
BFP #2 08/14/14, EDD 04/22/15, MC 09/17/14 at 9 weeks
My Chart
Lots of hugs to you!
When people say that "it happens all the time" I really think many are uncomfortable with the situation and they don't really know what to say. I know it's hard right now because you're so raw but try not to take it personally.
You just had an MC, if anyone feels you're being selfish by not being there when she announces then they can just screw off. It would be different if you had a MC a long time ago, but this is still so very new to you. There are times in life that you need to think about yourself, and this is one of them.
Good luck *hug*