I feel miserable. What would you do? — The Bump
Third-Party Reproduction

I feel miserable. What would you do?

As some of you may know, I've had 3 failed cycles since May.  The last was in August with a second fresh DE cycle.  We have 4 blasts remaining, and my husband is anxious to just move through the process and get on with our lives.  I've been waiting since September for my RE to return to the country to cycle.  I started meds finally late last month, and everything was set (lining was perfect, etc.) to have my transfer tomorrow.  I got a call today from my RE's coordinator stating that they had to cancel the transfer as my RE had some health issues.  He had no back up to perform the transfer; the embryologist actually found someone at the last minute, but then the surgical facility couldn't accommodate me.  I'm very disappointed, I wasted $$ on delestrogen (~ $300) for preparation, not to mention putting my body on these hormones completely unnecessarily.  I could handle getting cancelled if I was not responding, etc., but everything was perfect and set from my end.  This has nothing to do with me at all.  In all my years on the boards, I've never seen anyone encounter an issue like this.

So, as of today I am stopping all medications.  I have an appointment with Dr. KK in 2 weeks; I'm sure I'll start bleeding right before this and I'll have to cancel that, too.  I've been waiting since August.  I called today and they will not do the ultrasound if I am bleeding.  Their next appointment if I reschedule isn't until late February.

Maybe this is the universe's way of telling me just to stop all of this and be content with what I have.  I don't know, I just feel pretty miserable.  Just wanted folks opinions on how they would proceed in my shoes.  Should I start searching for an RE at a huge clinic (like FCI, here in the Chicago area) and move my blasts?  What do I even say to my current RE about this?

Thanks, ladies, and sorry to whine/vent.  No one IRL knows that we are going through this so I don't have much of an outlet.

2/12-5/12: 4 IUI cycles = all BFN;
7/12: DE IVF # 1 (with ICSI)- 20R, 16M, 14F, 5DT of 2 blasts; 6 frosties = BFN;
Lupus anticoagulant initially high, then found to be normal on hematology consult;
Follow up testing in September all clear;
Started synthroid for "high normal" TSH;
FET # 1- late October 2012- BFP on FRER; beta # 1- 21(low), beta # 2- 48 (still low), beta # 3- 132, beta # 4- 1,293; beta # 5- 5,606; last beta- over 100,000. First u/s 11/21- heard heartbeat
12/12- Officially an OB patient!
Level 2 ultrasound at 20 weeks shows vasa previa and VCI
Referral to MFM and mandatory c section for delivery
Beautiful baby girl born at 34 weeks
Finally home after 15 day NICU stay!
Trying for sibling: FET # 2- May 2014; beta 5/31, BFN
FET #3, early July 2014; beta 7/14, BFN
DE IVF # 2- August 2014; 14R, 13M, 11F, 5dt of 2 blasts (3 AA), 5 frosties = BFN
FET #4- December 2014, yet another BFN

Dr. KK work up shows borderline uterine blood flow, elevated NK cells, and MTHFR mutation (homozygous for c677t)

Added baby aspirin, prednisone, supplements, Metanx, and intralipids

Switched to large clinic for final attempt; had endometrial receptivity testing in January; FET March 2015 = yet another BFN

Likely OAD- NBC

Re: I feel miserable. What would you do?

  • I agree with TRexsMum, that is crazy that they canceled and had no back up plan.  They should be responsible for the cost, but don't give up.  I would also look for a new RE and I am sorry that the RE is having health issues but that is not an excuse to cancel your cycle.  Coming from the adoption world I had to fire one lawyer because she made gross negligent mistakes on my first failed adoption. My replacement lawyer informed me that the original was having health issues.  Not sure why I needed to know that and didn't help the fact that she made the mistakes that cost us 1000's of dollars and no baby.  We did get her to pay us back some of the money we lost, but if someone is having health issues with no back up they shouldn't have agreed to work with you in the first place or should have said something sooner than the day before your procedure.  Hang in there and try to have a happy turkey day.

    Failed Matches - December 2012, May 2013, December 2013
    Moved on to  gestational surrogacy with a family friend who is our angel and due 7/23/15

  • Oh, dear. I can imagine how hurt, angry and frustrated this must feel. I would say to take some time and get refreshed before you decide. IVF is hard and the drugs suck, not sure how much I could take. (I have had my days!) But if there is a chance at a baby, with 4 blasts that is a great chance, I say keep going.

    Personally, I would strongly recommend considering a larger group.

    My heart is as open as the sky.
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    2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

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  • Wow, just wow. I am so sorry they put you through all that. I personally would consider moving the last of your blast to another RE, and just explain that you understand health issues arise but you also have your own timeline you are working with and that you are not comfortable trying again and being out more money if they cancel again. Just my two cents.  

    April 2013 DE IVF= BFN

    September 2013 DE IVF (Fingers Crossed) = BFFFN! again...

    October 2013 FET of our last 2 = Beta Hellzz for 6-7 Weeks. M/C

  • Wow! I agree with the other posters and just wanted to say how sorry I am.
    DS#1 born 9/23/06 
    Twins DS#2 and 3 born at 31 weeks, 3 days due to a short cervix on 8/2/13.
  • So sorry you are going through this.  I hope everything works out with whatever you decide.  About the $, I would definitely request a refund.  This was no fault of your own.  Good luck to you.


    TTC #1 since May 2010

    OE IVF #1  9/2/13 Cancelled- poor response

    DE IVF #1 3/12/14- BFP 3/17/14- ectopic, right tube removed 4/11/14 @ 7 weeks

    DE FET #1 7/3/14-Transferred 2 5AA 6 day embryos Beta 7/13/14 BFN

    DE FET #2 9/5/14-Transferred 2 4BB 5 day embryos Beta 9/15/14 BFN

    DE FET #3 in December- Cancelled, didn't respond to meds

    DE FET #3 (2nd try) 2/13/15- Transferred 1 4BB and 1 4BA 5 day embryos Beta 2/23/15  BFN again (CP)

    DE FET #4 - last 2 frosties....5/22/15- Transferred 1 4BA embryo...only one frostie thawed properly.  Beta scheduled for 6/1-  BFN (beta 2, 2.81, 6, 23, 49.4) 6/15/15 Discovered ectopic in left tube.  Methotrexate given. Moving on to a new donor. Hoping to transfer by the end of the year.

    Cant find a donor that is healthy and available.  Looking at being happy with just the two of us.


  • Wow that is crazy. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Others have given great advice. Big huge hugs...good luck. Hoping they at least reimburse you. I'm just shaking my head at all of this :(

    ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
    Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive.  Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)

    DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN  DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!



         image   imageimage

  • OMG! That *is* unheard of... how crappy of your clinic to cancel you. How is it possible that they don't have a back-up system in place?! I'd be irate. That is just NOT ok. I'm so sorry!!

    As far as your Dr. KK appointment, DON'T CANCEL IT!!! I know you're not supposed to have any menses, but put those meds to use so that you don't get your period! I know this probably sounds crazy, but what if you started taking progesterone now through your appointment in two weeks to ensure that you won't have your period? I know of others on the boards who have done that, and I personally went on BCPs to make sure I wouldn't get my period. That in itself is so frustrating (that they schedule you 4-5 months out and say, yeah, btw, you can't have your period, mmm kay?). I spent ALL SUMMER doubting my decision and thinking about canceling my Dr. KK appointment. I am so glad I didn't... I would have never known that I was walking around with an autoimmune disease (or I would have discovered this years later). 

    Girlfriend, I feel your pain so much... after TTC for nearly 3 years, 1-1/2 of those years very actively cycling with the RE and now RI... even the littlest setback can be disappointing. But when they all come at once, it's overwhelming. It is NOT a sign that you should give up. It's just a sign that you need to take a step back and take care of yourself. You deserve this. You started this journey because you simply wanted to have a baby. Keep going, don't give up. But take breaks when you need them, and lean on us for support <3 

    Me: 32 DH: 35  TTC#1 since March 2012
    Dx: Poor Embryo Quality, Arcuate Uterus, Poor Uterine Blood Flow, Mild Endo, 
           Protein S Deficiency, Sjorgen's Syndrome 

    IUI #1-5: BFN
    Laparoscopy & Hysteroscopy: minimal endo, partial septoplasty
    IVF #1: 10R/6M/6F ~ Day 3 ET = BFN
    IVF #2: 14R/9M/5F ~ transfer canceled ~ all embryos arrested at 1-2 cell stage
    IVF #3: 9R/5M/5F ~ 1 frosty!
    IVF #4 (FET #1): BFN

    IVF #5 (DE IVF #1 with Dr. KK protocol): Currently PREGNANT!!!!!!
    Synthroid + Prednisone + Metformin + Baby Aspirin + Supplements Galore = 15+ pills a day
    Lupron + Lovenox + Delestrogen + IVIG + B/W = 2-5 pokes a day
    19R, 17M, 17F - transferred two Grade A blasts 11/16, four frosties!!!
    Beta #1 11/24 (13dpo/8dp5dt) = 367 ~ Beta #2 11/26 (15dpo/10dp5dt) = 709
    Beta #3 11/29 (18dpo/13dp5dt) = 1,997 ~ Beta #4 12/1 (20dpo/15dp5dt) = 3,403


    My Blog: Running and Dreaming for Two ~ All are Welcome!
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