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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
bumpuser10605721
member
Intro (Living child mentioned)
bumpuser10605721
member
Hello everyone,
First off I'm sorry for everyone's loss and wish we all wern't here.
I've been lurking for a few weeks and figured I'm ready to do an intro.
On October 14th my husband and I found out we were expecting #2, we have one son who will be 2 on December 29th, I found at 6 am in the morning and after a digi decided I would tell my husband that night. I ordered a ice cream cake that read "You did it again, Daddy of 2 coming June 2015" I got his reaction on video and everything, we were both so so so happy. I've deleted this video since as I think seeing him so happy is what hurts the most now. I was paranoid for 3 weeks because I felt I didn't feel pregnant enough, but it was also exactly how I was with my son, so talked myself down constantly. Two weeks ago this past Saturday I had brown spotting and one streak of BRP, but after reading calmed myself by this "normal" occurrence. Then two weeks today it increased to more brown spotting, that night I went to the hospital, my HCG was only 5000, which was normal for a 5-6 week pregnancy, not 8 weeks, they did an exam and said my cervix was closed and said maybe my dates were off. I knew my dates so immediately felt defeated. The next day i had an ultrasound which showed a 6 week sac, no baby, they told me it could be a empty sac or small baby but can't confirm until 8 weeks...which confuses me now because i should of been 8 weeks, so, it was empty (my conclusion anyway) I did beta's the next day and got the results on Friday the 14th, they dropped to 3000 and my family doctor confirmed I would miscarry. Over the course of the week mentioned my bleeding slowly increased, I was only spotting on a pad but would fill toilet paper when wiping. I wanted to miscarry naturally as I have previous trauma's in the O/R, and also wanted my body to go threw the motions, my doctor agreed. I had a quiet weekend at home with my son and husband, my bleeding increased and I had a few dull cramps, and I passed a few clots. I thought that was it and felt good, no cramps, by Sunday night. 1 week ago today I woke up to an abundance of large clots and bleeding, but as the day progressed things subsided to small clots and a lighter flow. NOW I thought things were over. Then Tuesday I woke to the same, I made it into work as I did every day throughout this but after a few hours of filling a pad every half hour I panicked and went to the ER, my beta's were now 1300 but U/S showed retained tissue. The OB said he was fine with waiting or doing a D&C. I was plagued with thoughts of "Omg what if I die in the O/R" "What is I die from bleeding to death" "What if he damages me and I can never have kids" ultimately I decided to have a D&C that night. I went home about 9:30 PM and recovery has been good. Im just spotting brown as of today and my body feels good.
I still have thoughts of "why me? whats wrong with me? will i ever have kids again? what if I can't?"
I have a few girlfriends who have been wonderful, but have never been through this. I have a great midwife who's been a great support also. But its still very lonely.
My husband and I want to try again as soon as we can.......and this also makes me feel extremely guilty.
Its been suck a roller coaster.......
I've read through the mess of sentences above and sighed a big sigh, so I think that means I should stop typing!
~T
Me: 29 DH: 30
DS born 12/29/12 @ 41+1
TTC#2 07/2014
BFP 10/14/14 MC 11/14/14 D&C for RT 11/18/2014
Given all clear 12/15/2014 - back to TTCThis discussion has been closed.
Re: Intro (Living child mentioned)
Me: 31 DH: 36
Dated Since ‘02, Married in ‘06
BFP#1 05/16/06, EDD01/16/07, MC 06/12/06 at 8 weeks
BFP #2 08/14/14, EDD 04/22/15, MC 09/17/14 at 9 weeks
My Chart
*hug*