I've never been so pissed, opinions

lexhusk · November 2014

My good friends mom decide to hate my guts because I'm pregnant.
Here are some facts about the situation.
-my good friend, her daughter asked me to be her maid of honor two years ago, to which I said yes and have gone above and beyond in all aspects of my duties
-They knew we were trying for a baby and encouraged it beyond annoyingly
-in the time between they have had a few people bail on the wedding which I've picked up the emotional sslack on
-I have been there without fail no matter the time or day and have gotten last minute babysitters for "emergency situations" that come to find out weren't really
- oh lawd I sware I could go on for years
- anyway she also got another maid of honor since I'm technically a matron of honor yesterday
-and today decides to go off on me for hours saying how im the shittest person who broke all these promises and had the nerve to tell me I'm throwing a pity party because of previous miscarriages, it happens to everyone, and told me I should have planned getting pregnant around her daughter's wedding.
Keep in mind we've been actively trying for almost two years and everyone knew
......also. she told me I better not dare tell anyone I'm pregnant till after the holidays so her daughter doesn't find out and I better not dare show her daughter our conversation.

Maybe because if she saw the conversation and the things she said to me shes never talk to her again.....

Oh yeah she's also saying the only reason I'm pregnant is to keep my marriage together........ which is actually the opposite, I would never have another baby with my husband if I knew it wouldn't work, just my personal choice.

Pss. She keeps saying I'm not going to do things like throw the shower ect when I've told her a billion times everything's taken care of

So offended on so many levels, am I justified?

lexhusk · November 2014

To add, her other bridesmaid is pregnant and they've been nothing but happy and supportive of her.

aloha_mama · November 2014

First of all, I'm so sorry that you have such ugly people in your life, in a time when you should have nothing but support. You deserve to be happy. 100%. Her anger and bitterness are NOT your problem and you are NOT the cause, no matter how much she might try to persuade you otherwise. There is an underlying reason to all of this.

Secondly, this is not her wedding, so she shouldn't be the one talking to you about all of this. Sounds like she wants this to be her show and her daughter just happens to be the most convenient platform.

I don't know if I would show your friend the conversation, but I would tell her you're expecting. Tell her that you will still absolutely be there for her during the wedding just as you have done in the past.

I think you're totally justified to be upset, but just be careful not to drag the bride into it. She sounds like she's an innocent party in this and you probably don't want to hurt her feelings by showing her how much a bitch her mother is being to you. I'd guess that if her mother is acting like this, the bride already knows what she's capable of.

fratarra · November 2014

Yup, the mother of the bride us being a bitch. Hopefully your friend will react better and be supportive, I also hope your friend goes after he BSC mom.. Sorry you have to go through this

mommy2genius · November 2014

Is she serious? Do not allow her to ruin your pregnancy and keep secrets. You have done nothing wrong. I hope you stood up for yourself because she was beyond disrespectful.

mehlaknee · November 2014

What an ugly person she is. Try to not let her have any influence on how you feel, she doesn't deserve it. I'm sorry you're dealing with this!

JerseyML · November 2014

Weddings - They bring out the best in people or the worst in people. And that lady is an asshole.

c-elizabethf · November 2014

Wow that woman sounds so sweet
...eye roll. I'm sorry she said those things to you, and I would not let her influence anything or keep a secret just because she's a psychotic :bz I also hope your friend acts the total opposite and is happy for you, it sounds like you have been a really great friend to her.

bumpuser8571475 · November 2014

Wow yea that mom sounds like a total bitch.

tigerlynx31413 · November 2014

First off, she is beyond BSC! I am so sorry she has treated you like this during a time of celebration for you!

Secondly, mostly out of my own curiosity, how does she know about your pregnancy, but her daughter doesn't? Is it just that this woman is such and interfering bitch that she "figured it out"?

Lastly, I know to you it seems they are both super supportive of the other pregnant bridesmaid, but maybe that's only the "face" she puts on and she is doing the same thing to her.

No matter any of this, I hope your friend is supportive and happy for you!

On another matter of curiosity, I wonder what (read who) caused the other members of the bridal party to ditch on the wedding over the last two years?

HappyTimes29 · November 2014

That is horrible. I would respond to both the mother and daughter off of the email chain that the mother wrote you and say the following: (I think the daughter should know how abusive her mother was to you).

"(insert mothers name) what you said is hurtful, rude, and disrespectful. I have done everything in my power to be a supportive member of this wedding party. I am happy to still be in the wedding for the sake of (insert friends name). However, I will not tolerate abusive behavior from (insert mothers name) moving forward. If this happens again I will graciously excuse myself from this wedding party and wish you well on your big day. If the boundry I have made is offensive to (insert friends name) and you no longer want me to be part of your day then please feel free to let me know".

lexhusk · November 2014

tigerlynx31413 said:
First off, she is beyond BSC! I am so sorry she has treated you like this during a time of celebration for you!
Secondly, mostly out of my own curiosity, how does she know about your pregnancy, but her daughter doesn't? Is it just that this woman is such and interfering bitch that she "figured it out"?
Lastly, I know to you it seems they are both super supportive of the other pregnant bridesmaid, but maybe that's only the "face" she puts on and she is doing the same thing to her.

No matter any of this, I hope your friend is supportive and happy for you!

On another matter of curiosity, I wonder what (read who) caused the other members of the bridal party to ditch on the wedding over the last two years?

She knows because I text her saying I was pregnant and that I didnt know my due date but I knew it was going to be close to the wedding, out of respect for how much of a control freak she is. Obviously that was a huge mistake, I her once I found out the due date id let her know so we can fine tune any changes that need to be made such as having immediate family stop their lives and set up the bridal shower for me with everything I already have for it ect. (Which apparently isnt ok with her because she cant grasp there are things that happen in life). So much for doing things out of respect. I didnt want to tell the bride until I knew the dd for sure so it didnt cause her extra stress because shes a total sweetheart. After my husband got home from work he read all get messages and it took all his energy to call her and tell her she singlehandedly
Destroyed what should be her daughter's time. I seriously just don't understand this woman. What sucks even more is her son, who was how I met the bride, was my absolute best friend who now won't even talk to me because of this lady. My husband was super pissed about that too.

lexhusk · November 2014

HappyTimes29 said:
That is horrible. I would respond to both the mother and daughter off of the email chain that the mother wrote you and say the following: (I think the daughter should know how abusive her mother was to you).
"(insert mothers name) what you said is hurtful, rude, and disrespectful. I have done everything in my power to be a supportive member of this wedding party. I am happy to still be in the wedding for the sake of (insert friends name). However, I will not tolerate abusive behavior from (insert mothers name) moving forward. If this happens again I will graciously excuse myself from this wedding party and wish you well on your big day. If the boundry I have made is offensive to (insert friends name) and you no longer want me to be part of your day then please feel free to let me know".

I really really really want to. I saved all the messages just incase I need to send them to her. I thought I was doing the right thing and blocked her from my Facebook and woke up, on my husband's birthday I may add, to her freaking out calling me a child and going off about how when I decide how wrong I was too let her know because I will come to that conclusion...... I feel like I'm in a serious circus joke

lexhusk · November 2014

ashleynslattery said:
They've been engaged for two years? Life doesn't stop just because one person is getting married, especially when they've been engaged for so long and you've been trying for so long, it was bound to happen. Hopefully your friend knows that and tells her mom to back the f&@$ up.

I don't know where she comes off, but it's evident to me that she thinks she runs the show, and if that's the case your friend is probably upset at her too. You can be a great maid of honor whether your pregnant or not. She needs to calm her tits and let you be happy because if anyone is going to overshadow something on the wedding day it sounds like it'll be her and her crazy!

That's exactly what my husband said, they've been living together since long before they got engaged in this woman's house, got engaged and she convinced them to set the date for two years later and expected her daughter to go back to school and make something of her life before but God forbid anything in my life gets put before this wedding. Honestly, I went back to school to finish because I'm
So close and she lost her cool and now this. Honestly, my future and my family
Is what I live for, not a single day in August thats only going to be remembered in pictures five years from now. Ughhhhhhh

lexhusk · November 2014

mommy2genius said:
Is she serious? Do not allow her to ruin your pregnancy and keep secrets. You have done nothing wrong. I hope you stood up for yourself because she was beyond disrespectful.

I did in a completely open respectful way and she told me shes done everything for me and that I owe her a big apology and went off on all the ways I suck as a human being, and brought my marriage, and my two year old into it. That's when I lost it completely and had a breakdown and stopped responding to her.

HappyTimes29 · November 2014

You were not wrong at all to tell her. If anything, it was thoughtful of you to tell her out of respect for the wedding planning. At the end of the day you have a miraculous little bean growing inside of you, dont let her hateful behavior cause you stress or anger. It doesnt matter how good of a friend her daughter is to you - your emotional well being comes before a wedding and any good friend would understand that. Wishing you serenity and a healthy 9 months.

Also - dont let that wretched lady get away with it - tell her daughter. You telling her daughter is not ruining her wedding bliss - her mother did that all by herself.

lexhusk · November 2014

Seriously you ladies are amazing. This person had me almost fully convinced last night that this was all in my head due to pregnancy hormones and that I was in the wrong 110%. I felt legit crazy. This morning I feel like I can breathe again

hollowway · November 2014

Not only would I tell the friend you're pregnant, I would also show her the conversation with her mother. Because I dont deal with threats or bullshit. Screw her.

ifwisheswerefishes · November 2014

I would be showing your friend the conversation, telling her that you're pregnant, and letting her be the one that matters to you. NOT her massive bitch-hole-jack-wagon of a mother.

MrsC0409 · November 2014

lexhusk said:

Seriously you ladies are amazing. This person had me almost fully convinced last night that this was all in my head due to pregnancy hormones and that I was in the wrong 110%. I felt legit crazy. This morning I feel like I can breathe again

Well in your friend's defense we all have crazy pregnancy hormones, but I still think even if I weren't pregnant I'd day she sounds like she needs a filter!

lexhusk · November 2014

CurlingRocks said:
Lurker here, but this thread struck a cord with me.

First of all, I've been the bride whose attendant was due the week of her wedding. I was thrilled for my friends and so happy they told me right away. (It was actually a male attendant's wife in my scenario, but they lived several hours away.) I asked if he would prefer to step down from the bridal party or take his chances on reserving a tux and maybe standing up/maybe not depending on whether she'd had the baby or not. They opted to reserve the tux and having him drive up for the weekend if she was not in labor yet. I had a plan for if they were there and a plan for if they weren't. It took maybe a minute to adjust the line up for the processional and recessional. It really was NBD. She went into labor the day before the wedding, and we went with plan B. I'm tickled pink to share that special date with their son.

I've also been the attendant whose PG got in the way of a wedding. Our friends asked us to stand up in their wedding, and I was newly KU for the first time. I was originally due about 2 months before the big day, which would have been tough for me but I would have done it because I didn't know just how hard that would be physically. (I seriously recommend bowing out to anyone who would be less than 3 months PP and planning to stand up in a wedding.) I lost that baby at 18 weeks and got a BFP 2 months later, making me 25 weeks PG for their wedding; unfortunately, I wound up bed ridden and hospitalized that weekend. I still helped with invitations for the shower and got her a shower gift. And I sent DH to the wedding since he was also standing up, with strict orders not to mention my hospitalization to anyone until and unless I went into labor, which did not happen, or until after the wedding so our friends could enjoy their special day. He told the groom at the end of the night, and the couple came to visit me before leaving for their honeymoon the next day, which was amazing on their part and completely unexpected.

I've also been in a wedding where another bridesmaid was a new mom. Her situation is more like what you describe, OP. And the bride was the problem in my story, and everyone knew she was out of line and sided with the new mom. The bridesmaid had gone through fertility treatments and was due a couple weeks before the wedding but delivered an early term baby. The bride got all crazy about the BM not calling her to tell her about the birth, which is insane because new moms are busy enough without worrying about phoning every person they know to announce the birth. The bride got crazy because the BM was nursing and wanted to bring the baby to the wedding and reception to make nursing more convenient and was willing to bring a babysitter to take baby back to the hotel during the dance so that she could be there through the grand march. The bride got jealous of the baby because people commented on how cute the baby was, and ALL of everyone's attention should be focused on the bride, ALL of it, every second. I told the bride how ridiculous she was being (in as tactful a way as I could) and she backed off a bit. Your friend's mom is BSC to treat you this way. My bride friend and her BM haven't spoken in years over this.

Please don't let yourself be pushed around like that. There is room for everyone to enjoy the wedding and your pregnancy. I'll never understand why people can't see that. Best of luck!

Thank you so much for sharing. Honestly this is making my decision making so much less stressful :x

MrsC0409 · November 2014

@CurlingRocks I want to be in your group of friends! What nice stories! Except for that last one but you were even able to calm her down!

elowen15 · November 2014

I think you're being incredibly mature. I'd be struggling with whether or not to throat stomp her self righteous judgemental bitchy ass.

lifeisgood27 · November 2014

This is unreal. If you're close to your friend and truly have been doing and dropping everything, this woman has no validity to her fucking bitching. I cannot stand people who are rude for no reason. That is, my thing, I guess. Tell your friend about your pregnancy. See how she reacts and then decide on the conversations. The soon who was your friend is ridiculous, too. It makes me wonder what she's saying to him. Mama's boys will be mama's boys though.

SDKelli · November 2014

She sounds like a controlling narcissistic bitch. There is no way to win with those kind of people. Everything is about her, even your pregnancy and her own daughters wedding. I hope you can make it through the wedding day and then hopefully you won't have to be around her much after that. Good luck.

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I've never been so pissed, opinions

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