Mothering and body image

ReeceFamily · November 2014

So DD has become noticeably chubby in the past little while. She is definitely in a growth spurt, and I know fluctuations in weight are normal. But part of me worries about it in both a logical am-i-feeding-her-right-is-she-healthy way and in an emotional way that seems to point to my own unresolved body image issues (I worry about her having to grow up as the chubby kid). This makes me feel awful, because part of me is judging her for her body type/weight. I don't want to, but I have to be honest that this seems to be arising for me.

Body image was a struggle for me in my younger years because my mom was very focused on body image, not in an overt way, but I always got the message growing up that I was "okay" when I was thin and I wasn't okay when I wasn't as thin. And I was pretty chubby up until I hit my growth spurt at the end of elementary school, and then again in my early college years (okay, and when I was pregnant LOL).

I have grown sooo much more comfortable with my body over the years, and my weight is stable for the most part. So I'm surprised and disappointed and a little ashamed that this is coming up for me in my relationship with DD. Obviously I have some work to do.

ambmama · November 2014

I can't imagine having a girl for this reason - it is hard not to analyze it. I can say, though, that you have quite a few years and quite a few growth spurts before kids will start to notice others' bodies, so any indication of her body image for now will come from you. Try to be positive both about her body AND your body. This article aims at moms' of boys, but I think the message is the same. https://www.dailyhiit.com/hiit-blog/hiit-community/want-sons-see-naked-2/ Hugs mama - if you are feeding her (mostly!) good food and are a positive source of support, she will be just fine!

spainy17 · November 2014

I have thought a lot about how I want to deal with food and weight especially since my mother struggled with eating issues and my two nieces have such disordered problems with eating and they are still really young. I try to model behavior by not speaking negatively about my body and working in active play. I plan to work out with or in front of her ass she gets older. I don't regulate her food and while I emphasize healthy I also don't freak out about treats. Basically I want to put the least emphasis in food and wetting as possible. I offer healthy choices, enjoy indulgences without fanfare and just pray that she doesn't have to grow up worrying about body image any more than average. It is scary, but I think the fact that we are all aware of it at least means we care :-)

ReeceFamily · November 2014

Thanks guys. I'm glad you pointed out the effects of modeling healthy habits because I wasn't thinking about that. I do have relatively healthy habits so that helps. I'm a big believer that unexamined wounds tend to get passed on below the surface, but as @spainy17‌ said, at least I have some level of awareness and I do care. Sometimes I get caught up in my head, I just really want to do right by DD and spare her some of the pain of growing up.

spainy17 · November 2014

Yeah @ReeceFamily, I think if you are aware that is a big step. My moms family was always critical of their kids weight and mom noticed that and said how it sucked but then would do the same to others. I think she just wasn't aware. Thankfully I did ok with body image but you sound concerned and that will help you say the right things even if you are still learning how to believe them yourself. :-)

ReeceFamily · November 2014

@ClaryPax - point taken! I'll add it to the list of crap I have to work through

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Jbosarge85 · November 2014

I have the opposite problem. My daughter is only 19 lbs and 29inches. She's not even on the weight chart, I wish she would Chub up. I think as parents we worry about our kids no matter what. And it's ok, just if you're conscience about it and make a point not to focus on it or let them know you notice you should be fine. My sister had a lot of problems because she was put on diets from the time she was 8 on. Don't do that. I agree with PP model good behavior.

DCKate · November 2014

I think it's all about watching how you talk about bodies and how to be healthy. And how you talk about your own body in front of your kids. I have a lot of hang-ups about my body, even though I've lost about 30lbs.

We took B in the pool for the first time when she was about 12 months old. I had this momentary pause right before I took off my towel, because there were other people around. Then I shook myself out of it, because I never, EVER want her to think that she can't swim in a bathing suit, wear shorts, etc, like I did.

My parents are very sensitive about weight issues, and never said anything cruel to us about it. My mom (who is not a heavy person) has been on every diet since the beginning of time and speaks negatively about her body all the time. When you grow up with that, you start worrying about your own hips and thighs growing up.

We are especially careful because DH was a bigger kid growing up, and his family's pet name for him was fat boy. I swear. We don't even say the word fat in the house.

My point being, modeling is key! Love your body and hopefully our LOs will follow in our footsteps.

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