Working Moms
CarrieB.
member
NWMR: religion and the holidays
CarrieB.
member
in Working Moms
So my DH and I were both raised secularly and we also are raising our children this way.
DH's grandma (who he hasn't seen since he was a small child) send us religious stuff in the mail, which we usually just ignore. This year she sent us an Advent wreath and candles, Jesus pencils and a whole booklet of religious tracts that she had typed up and bound for us. DH got annoyed and thinks that we should email her and tell her specifically that we aren't Christian. I feel like that might make her send us more religious stuff. But I feel guilty that she's putting so much time into sending us all this stuff that we aren't using and plus I feel like throwing away her Jesus pencils is probably bad luck.
Any thoughts? If I had to define my "religion", I'd say I was agnostic with Buddhist tendencies, but try explaining that to an 85 year old Catholic lady...
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Re: NWMR: religion and the holidays
uhmm...I don't know if this is weird, but if you don't know what to do with the stuff, I will take it. I will send you a check to reimburse you for shipping. I had kind of been hoping DS would make an advent wreath at school, but it hasn't happened. And he goes to a Catholic school that would probably use the Jesus pencils, or you could just donate it somewhere else.
I don't know what to tell you about how to handle this, but I agree with you that trying to explain to an 85 year old lady that you disagree with her religion isn't going to get you very far.
We appreciate that DS's school celebrates and/or learns about a number of cultural and religious celebrations.
But if you feel you need to say something i would mail it back to her with a nice letter letting her know that you appreciate that she's thinking of you however you do not have the same beliefs as her. And if you want you can ask that she doesn't send them any more. That way you don't have to throw them away and you get your message across.
Well, you are, right?
(TOTALLY kidding - I went to a Baptist university and it took me over a decade after graduation to mellow a little bit from the down-your-throat xenophonic insanity from the uber conservatives there. I can totally relate.)
I would view them the same as any other trinket and handle them as such (I would probably do the wreath - the whole advent thing makes sense in a semi-secular way). Don't attach such meaning - try to view this as no different than cow shaped salt and pepper sets or other kitschy well intentioned stuff. Unless there really is judgment there, but it doesn't sound like it.
Anyway, my grandmother used to send me TONS of christian stuff when I was a kid and my parents usually said- grandma means well, you can watch the movies or play with the things if you want and make up your own mind. She felt like she was doing good for us, and that was what was most important to her in her final days here. Take the gifts, donate them or let your son use them and thank his grandmother. She is likely trying to let you know that she cares about your salvation and, to a christian, that is a way of saying she loves you and wants to see you in heaven. There is no need to let her know you won't be seeing her there.
I agree with Beevol -- being respectful of other people's beliefs does not mean you have to let them prosthelytize to you. My father does this all this time. I keep telling him we're not interested, he keeps sending us religious trinkets, I keep throwing them in a box in storage (it feels like bad juju to throw them away outright, and I don't know a single person that would want this stuff). Frankly, it's pigheaded and disrespectful of him.
This is probably going to be too much on the "one hand but on the other hand talk"
I'm a Christian but I can see how this could be extremely disrespectful to OP's family. It's one thing to send a religious card on Christmas or Easter or whatever other holiday. That's the sender expressing themselves to everyone on their religious holiday (I tend to think if it as someone picking out a pack of 30 cards to send to everyone). But that's not with the grandmother did. She sent them hand-made books and an advent wreath. That's a bit far.
If you know (or even arguably if you should know) that someone isn't Christian and you send stuff like this unsolicited...well I think it's thoughtless at best.
Again, though, she's an old lady. The grandmother may not be coming from an intentionally disrespectful place Unless there is some other reason to think the grandmother is trying to make a point or expressing a judgment.
But I will educate my kids about other faiths in a general way just so they know what's going in in the world. If someone sent me a menorah, that's what I would do with it. However, I can appreciate that I don't get tons of non Christian religious stuff thrown at me all the time. Context means a lot.
For the record, In my church, when you go through confirmation at 12, you go through a year learning about what it means to be Methodist but you also spend time learning about different faiths-Christian and other. They visit and attend services or talks at a Jewish temple, Buddhist temple, Catholic Church and a baptist and Presbyterian church. I found it absolutely fascinating when I did it.
I firmly believe that it is a good thing for everyone to do, but it's not nice to force stuff on your relatives. I excuse or ignore some, but not all, rudeness from old people though.
God Bless You my Little One
Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014
Farida, at 8 weeks