@AggieMom0809: I've never been to one that it was the mom to be's idea to tell everyone to bring a book. That would be tacky. Are you really planning gifts before you are invited to an event. That's a bit presumptuous. Wouldn't you feel awkward if you weren't invited. So are you also opposed to the shower having a theme or is that going to make you feel awkward too? People are too sensitive. Again. If you don't want to get the book, don't. You can choose to not go if you are that opposed to the idea or just give a gift without the book. If the mom to be does say anything about not getting a book from a certain person (which I would think most wouldn't care), they are the ones who are being a b****
Your resolution for wanting to be tacky is that people who would side-eye this can opt not to go....and you also mention that you only know this practice to be the idea of the host....which begs the question....why would a host give two shits about how many books a MTB receives? And if there is this obsessive need to build the new mom a library, why can't the host buy the books as her own gift? What necessitates this whole concept solicitating others to participate??
I see there are lots of posts on this topic and other shower related topics. Can we continue to expect this or will it end soon?
ETA: quote fail
For my shower and the showers I've been to that requested (not required) a book were all the host's idea. Maybe the people I know just value reading to babies more. IDK If it was the mother's idea, don't you think they would add the books they wanted to their registry so they would be more likely to get the books they wanted?
I value reading to my children, we attend story hour weekly at Barnes & Noble and guess what, I buy books for them. Since when does everything you want or need for your child need to be purchased by others? It's great if the MTB registers for books. Many people do. I did.
The point being made here is that it's rude to ask your guests for an additional gift. What if the guest was only planning on buying a few books as a gift? Then what? I don't see how you can not understand this.
Then the whole gift is books and it really doesn't matter does it. We go to story time multiple times a week at the different local libraries because my kids love it. We check out books, but I'm not going to buy every book my child likes the cover of. We have a large library of books at home many of which are from baby showers, but we've also added to it. I'm sure those that aren't getting any books for their shower will probably buy some books for their child.
I don't get why a fun shower idea has to be turned into a etiquette issue. Y'all need to chill out. No one is saying you have to do something. It's a suggestion.
I was only addressing the issue of the $ because if you really have that much of a problem with someone suggesting bringing something semi-specific to a party, you wouldn't have to go at all and not need to worry about bringing anything. If the cost is an issue, you could always buy a present that's a few dollars less. It's not an event for or about you so if you feel the suggestion to bring a book (or something else) is a problem DON'T GO! DON'T BUY A BOOK! STAND YOUR GROUND! LOOK LIKE A SELFISH YOU KNOW WHAT BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE TOLD TO DO SOMETHING! Though remember that when there are new laws that come up that tell you what you can or can't do with your child.
I know I'm talking to a mule, but here's hoping you might understand. It's not an issue of money. It's an issue of making guests feel uncomfortable. Having a set budget of what they can spend on a shower gift does not make a guest selfish. By asking for a second gift you are asking them to: 1) change what they had initially planned to buy because now they have to incorporate a book into their budget; 2) go over their planned budget; or 3) make them feel awkward or ashamed because they did not bring a book and stayed within their budget. Anyone who chooses to ignore etiquette to get what they want is a selfish, entitled, ignorant twat.
Pull your head out of your ass.
I've never been to one that it was the mom to be's idea to tell everyone to bring a book. That would be tacky. Are you really planning gifts before you are invited to an event. That's a bit presumptuous. Wouldn't you feel awkward if you weren't invited. So are you also opposed to the shower having a theme or is that going to make you feel awkward too? People are too sensitive. Again. If you don't want to get the book, don't. You can choose to not go if you are that opposed to the idea or just give a gift without the book. If the mom to be does say anything about not getting a book from a certain person (which I would think most wouldn't care), they are the ones who are being a b****
So, I'm ONLY allowed to buy a gift for a pregnant woman if I'm invited to her shower? Huh. Guess I should get those gifts back from my friends who live too far away for me to have attend their shower. Or were having their second child (and did NOT have a tacky second shower).
And did you buy said gifts before or after they had their showers planned?
@AggieMom0809: I've never been to one that it was the mom to be's idea to tell everyone to bring a book. That would be tacky. Are you really planning gifts before you are invited to an event. That's a bit presumptuous. Wouldn't you feel awkward if you weren't invited. So are you also opposed to the shower having a theme or is that going to make you feel awkward too? People are too sensitive. Again. If you don't want to get the book, don't. You can choose to not go if you are that opposed to the idea or just give a gift without the book. If the mom to be does say anything about not getting a book from a certain person (which I would think most wouldn't care), they are the ones who are being a b****
Your resolution for wanting to be tacky is that people who would side-eye this can opt not to go....and you also mention that you only know this practice to be the idea of the host....which begs the question....why would a host give two shits about how many books a MTB receives? And if there is this obsessive need to build the new mom a library, why can't the host buy the books as her own gift? What necessitates this whole concept solicitating others to participate??
I see there are lots of posts on this topic and other shower related topics. Can we continue to expect this or will it end soon?
ETA: quote fail
For my shower and the showers I've been to that requested (not required) a book were all the host's idea. Maybe the people I know just value reading to babies more. IDK If it was the mother's idea, don't you think they would add the books they wanted to their registry so they would be more likely to get the books they wanted?
I value reading to my children, we attend story hour weekly at Barnes & Noble and guess what, I buy books for them. Since when does everything you want or need for your child need to be purchased by others? It's great if the MTB registers for books. Many people do. I did.
The point being made here is that it's rude to ask your guests for an additional gift. What if the guest was only planning on buying a few books as a gift? Then what? I don't see how you can not understand this.
Then the whole gift is books and it really doesn't matter does it. We go to story time multiple times a week at the different local libraries because my kids love it. We check out books, but I'm not going to buy every book my child likes the cover of. We have a large library of books at home many of which are from baby showers, but we've also added to it. I'm sure those that aren't getting any books for their shower will probably buy some books for their child.
I don't get why a fun shower idea has to be turned into a etiquette issue. Y'all need to chill out. No one is saying you have to do something. It's a suggestion.
I didn't say you or anyone else didn't value reading, but that it was important enough for the hosts to think to suggest bringing a book so that the baby would hopefully have a variety of books to start their collection.
To the bolded: GASP!!!! You should return those right away because how dare they suggest that you didn't care enough about your child having books read to them at an early age that they felt the need to buy you those books. smh
I would expect most whether they get books for their shower or not would add to their home library or seek out books in some other fashion in the child's early life, but do you not see it as a nice gesture to already have some books on hand?
@AggieMom0809: I've never been to one that it was the mom to be's idea to tell everyone to bring a book. That would be tacky. Are you really planning gifts before you are invited to an event. That's a bit presumptuous. Wouldn't you feel awkward if you weren't invited. So are you also opposed to the shower having a theme or is that going to make you feel awkward too? People are too sensitive. Again. If you don't want to get the book, don't. You can choose to not go if you are that opposed to the idea or just give a gift without the book. If the mom to be does say anything about not getting a book from a certain person (which I would think most wouldn't care), they are the ones who are being a b****
Your resolution for wanting to be tacky is that people who would side-eye this can opt not to go....and you also mention that you only know this practice to be the idea of the host....which begs the question....why would a host give two shits about how many books a MTB receives? And if there is this obsessive need to build the new mom a library, why can't the host buy the books as her own gift? What necessitates this whole concept solicitating others to participate??
I see there are lots of posts on this topic and other shower related topics. Can we continue to expect this or will it end soon?
ETA: quote fail
For my shower and the showers I've been to that requested (not required) a book were all the host's idea. Maybe the people I know just value reading to babies more. IDK If it was the mother's idea, don't you think they would add the books they wanted to their registry so they would be more likely to get the books they wanted?
Before my girls were born, I spent a ton of money on books for them of all types - board books, story book compilations, even a few Young Adult books that I enjoyed as a kid myself. But I guess, according to you, I don't value reading to my daughters since I didn't have a tacky request for an additional gift of a book at my shower. 8-|
I also like to make cards or spend time selecting them. So, if a guest (like me) makes her own card, buys a book & a gift that can be pretty expensive.
What I've done when I hosted a shower, where the MTB expressed a desire to do this, is make the books my gift to her. The shower is a gift, but I bought 25 classics & we used them as the guest book for her shower. I set up the book table next to the gift table. It works out well & the guests don't feel obligated.
I went to a coed shower for DH's friend that had this annoying rule. The funny thing was DH misunderstood the invite and thought that the main gift had to be a book. So we just got them 2 books.
I agree that this is an etiquette problem. However, I found it to be more rude to tell my shower hosts that something they were planning was tacky. Books in lieu of cards it was.
I agree that this is an etiquette problem. However, I found it to be more rude to tell my shower hosts that something they were planning was tacky. Books in lieu of cards it was.
Honestly? I'd rather politely decline an idea from my shower host than offend thirty women whom I love and value in my life by asking for more More MORE!!
I think "offend" is a strong word. Maybe they side-eyed it, sure. Maybe even an eye roll. I don't think anyone was offended. And I wasn't asking, my mom and best friend were. You can't have it both ways. You can't make it clear that the HOSTS are in charge of planning and throwing the party, and then accuse the guest of honor of breaking etiquette because of something that the hosts choose to include in the invitation.
Update: my best friend and SIL are throwing a shower for us next Sunday. SIL mentioned to me several times she is doing the "book instead of card" thing and I gently told her I didn't think it was the best idea and could be seen as tacky. She was still planning to do it. Anyways, my friend took control of the invites and left that tidbit off. She is so wonderful, I could kiss her. SO HAPPY!
Our kids will have tons of books. We are avid readers and already have a good collection going for the baby. But I would feel awful to specify any type of gift that someone should bring me, it is so presumptuous. We will probably still get a few books, but they won't be out of obligation! Yippee!
I think "offend" is a strong word. Maybe they side-eyed it, sure. Maybe even an eye roll. I don't think anyone was offended. And I wasn't asking, my mom and best friend were. You can't have it both ways. You can't make it clear that the HOSTS are in charge of planning and throwing the party, and then accuse the guest of honor of breaking etiquette because of something that the hosts choose to include in the invitation.
I think you can politely put the kabash on something that isn't in good taste - absolutely.
And yeah - I'm offended if I'm asked to bring a book instead of a card. I'm offended by anyone who thinks that my own gift isn't enough and that I should spend more money on them. Guest of honor, hosts, etc... It's all in bad taste.
Well I don't *think* any of my guests were. Obviously I would never know for sure.
My wedding, which I planned, followed every etiquette rule I learned about on TK for 13 months. If the book thing is the only faux pas with my name on it, I figure I'm still coming out ahead.
Just so I'm clear to anyone planning a shower, I am in no way advocating for asking for books in a shower invitation.
I also like to make cards or spend time selecting them. So, if a guest (like me) makes her own card, buys a book & a gift that can be pretty expensive.
What I've done when I hosted a shower, where the MTB expressed a desire to do this, is make the books my gift to her. The shower is a gift, but I bought 25 classics & we used them as the guest book for her shower. I set up the book table next to the gift table. It works out well & the guests don't feel obligated.
I got two handmade cards that are so incredibly pretty that they are framed and in DD's room. The thoughtfulness of friends like you should be celebrated.
Secondly having you buy the books is an amazing gift in addition to the shower. What a sweet and generous friend you are! Love that.
BFP #1: It's a GIRL! DD born October, 2012 BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014 BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015 *everyone always welcome*
I agree that this is an etiquette problem. However, I found it to be more rude to tell my shower hosts that something they were planning was tacky. Books in lieu of cards it was.
I'm sure you could figure out a way to be diplomatic about.
Yeah you can be more diplomatic than OMG THATS TACKY. My mil asked me to bring my TY card envelopes for guests to fill out at the shower and I just said oh that's OK I can handle addressing them I'll make DH help. If she had insisted I would have "forgotten" them at home. No need to tell her it was a tacky idea, I'm sure she just found it on Pinecrest and wanted to help, but I just turned it down nicely without saying it's a bad idea
STUCK IN THE BOX
Agreed! You don't have to be rude about it, just find a nice way to say it. My mother was hosting our baby shower at a hotel in downtown Chicago, parking is obscenely expensive down there. When she told me the location, I asked if the hotel would validate the guests for parking. She said, 'no' and I basically told her that I felt uncomfortable with the idea that not only are the shower guests bringing a generous gift, but will also be required to pay $25+ for parking. My mother was a little put-off by it, but I held firm and asked her to please work something out with the hotel or find a location where the guests will not have to pay to park. She worked something out with the hotel and the parking was validated.
@sschwege we live in Chicago too and one of my baby showers was in the suburbs because of the parking thing.
Pay to park in a big city is a subtle put upon (rude!) to guests not unlike asking someone to also buy a book or a box of diapers.
PS where is your fave place to buy fancy baby gifts? I love Smitten in the west loop or Janie & Jack in the rosemont new mall. Some good places in Lincoln park too but I don't usually go that far north.
BFP #1: It's a GIRL! DD born October, 2012 BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014 BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015 *everyone always welcome*
@chicagojackie I love Janie and Jack, I get my LOs' Easter outfits from there every year. It's my one splurge on my kids! I like Little Threads in Roscoe Village, Giggle on Halsted and A Little Bit of This on Southport and Grace for monogrammed gifts. So fun buying those things you would never dream of buying yourself, like fancy burp cloths and what not
Re: bring a book instead of a card
I don't get why a fun shower idea has to be turned into a etiquette issue. Y'all need to chill out. No one is saying you have to do something. It's a suggestion.
To the bolded: GASP!!!! You should return those right away because how dare they suggest that you didn't care enough about your child having books read to them at an early age that they felt the need to buy you those books. smh
What I've done when I hosted a shower, where the MTB expressed a desire to do this, is make the books my gift to her. The shower is a gift, but I bought 25 classics & we used them as the guest book for her shower. I set up the book table next to the gift table. It works out well & the guests don't feel obligated.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I got two handmade cards that are so incredibly pretty that they are framed and in DD's room. The thoughtfulness of friends like you should be celebrated.
Secondly having you buy the books is an amazing gift in addition to the shower. What a sweet and generous friend you are! Love that.
BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015
*everyone always welcome*
Pay to park in a big city is a subtle put upon (rude!) to guests not unlike asking someone to also buy a book or a box of diapers.
PS where is your fave place to buy fancy baby gifts? I love Smitten in the west loop or Janie & Jack in the rosemont new mall. Some good places in Lincoln park too but I don't usually go that far north.
BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015
*everyone always welcome*
BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015
*everyone always welcome*