Need some dog-lover perspective

intensivepurposes · November 2014

So. I'm a dog lover. I was raised by dogs because it was the 80s that's just what we did back then. DH and I live in a teeny apartment that wouldn't be fair to a dog, particularly a big slobbery dog like I want, and we're moving sometime after January to accommodate the growing family. It was my intention to adopt a pup and then have a baby when the pup was trained and I knew he was reliable, but I got pregnant first. Not exactly accidentally, just a bit ahead of schedule.

My dilemma: have a new dog a few months before a new baby, or wait until the baby is sturdy enough to have a pup around and then adopt? This kid will be raised with a dog if it's the last thing I do, and I really think that early dog-bonding is important. You may call me crazy because that is, in fact, the case.

What would you do in my position? And no snarky "just get a cat!" responses because I HAVE TWO CATS and if I get another one my husband will leave me justifiably.

Which comes first - the puppy or the baby?

Emeraldeyed315 · November 2014

I have a dog and feel so sad for her. She does not get the attention she used to before our dd was born. I would suggest waiting until after your LO arrives and is old enough.

catahoulatte · November 2014

Baby first. Seriously. My two cents:

I love my dogs but it took 2+ years a piece to train out bad habits and old anxiety issues. (Catahoula came from a crappy place when we adopted her and destroyed a lot of shit, including but not limited to 2 couches). The Lab is a permapuppy and needed time to grow up before our son came around. Had we gotten them and had DS soon after, I may have gone nuts. I'd get into a groove with the baby first, then get a dog.

RachyDC · November 2014

This is tough. I know exactly how you feel. We rescued a 1-2 year old pup almost a year ago and even though she was crate trained and potty trained its still been a hell of a year with training!! We took her to classes and she still finds time to eat things and ruin things. She has a penchant for eating leather so most recently she's eaten my husbands weight lifting gloves and has thrown up parts of it the past couple nights.

Anyway, that aside dogs are A LOT of money!!!!! Monthly heartworm and tick meds add up,not to mention the routine vet costs not to mention the un-routine vet costs (like swallowing a gardening glove that cost us $500). Pet insurance is a joke too.

If you are 100% committed and have the extra money (and i mean TONS of money) then go for it...and rescue while you're at it. But if youre not prepared to drop $500 in a moments notice, please please wait. No puppy deserves to be back-burnered

intensivepurposes · November 2014

This is not the answer that the impulsive-dog-lover in me wants to hear

cabinchick · November 2014

IMO, and I've never actually had a dog of my own, get the pup before, so you know he/she will be ok with kids. We also plan on getting a dog, but are doing it the opposite, which terrifies me. My neighbor got a nee dog this summer, and it attacked his gf three times within a month, like sent her to surgery attacks! But the dog is fine around him. I would hate to have an animal that couldn't be around children/other people, so if you get it before at least you'll know.

One of my cats is very bad mannered, and has tried to attack toddlers - so she will have to go

it makes me sad, and I feel like a bad pet owner...but I don't want to risk my child's safety by a pet!

RachyDC · November 2014

@elandwyn OH I KNOW!! hahaha I was the same exact way! We wanted to get married first before we got a dog, we had to hold out because we were paying for our wedding ourselves and couldnt afford a dog AND a fancy wedding. I was so sad. We got the dog, seriously, about 2 weeks after we got married and it was not planned. We went to an adoption event and fell in love. But i was glad I waited, because even now these vet bills SUCK with a kid on the way. I wish I could have taken my pup to the vet this most recent time she ate a glove but i was so scared of the cost i kept her home. Shes ok now (I think haha) I monitored her closely but I still felt like a crappy pup parent

OctoberStars · November 2014

I've never had a baby so i can't comment on that. But, I say go for it. If I were you, every day I didn't have a dog would be a struggle. My 2 both have huge anxiety problems, but even on their worst days I am so glad they are in my life. I picked up my first when I was living alone and working all hours of the day in grad school. I made it work because I needed a dog in my life. Good luck!

sschwege · November 2014

Wait!! Our little Westie of almost 17 years passed away when I was pregnant with DD. I wanted to get another dog right away, but my mom convinced us to wait. Thank goodness! Four years later we still don't have a dog and that's alright by me, I have enough to worry about! I absolutely love dogs, this is the first time since I was 9 that we don't have at least one dog, sometimes we had as many as three. We want another, but just not right now!

erpiccy · November 2014

I am the worst/best (depends on who you ask) influence when it comes to making impulsive dog adoption decisions. I love dogs too and regularly convince my friends they should be getting a dog.

That said, maybe look into getting a "younger" dog that is already at least potty-trained and crate train it now too. That could mean they are 1 or it could mean they are 5. Frankly, we adopted our boxer a few years back and, even though she is now 7, she still has the cutest puppy and still loves to play. It's just nice because she knows how to relax when it is time.

I will also note that the first weekend we adopted our dog, we had an 18 month old and a 3 year old come over to our house. They stomped all over her trying to play with her and she just licked them. I also babysat a newborn with her too and she just sat beside him as if to protect him. It gave us a huge sense of calm to know she is great with kids before we started a family of our own.

cherish1986 · November 2014

We have a dog now... He's pretty good with kids. I'd say get it. If you plan on getting a dog maybe get a older dog 1 or 2 years old from a humane society?!?
I'm kind of scared about our cats. My DH fakes cries and one cat comes running.

She's being a good big sister today.

FSUNole31 · November 2014

Like others have said....wait!!! My two dogs have had to seriously adjust to life with kids around. It is sad but you have to devote so much attention and time to babies/toddlers the dogs really take a backseat to it. I love them, but they drive me crazy a lot more these days because they are always bringing dirt in and I have a crawling baby and I get worried about my toddler because he loves them but roughly. We are still working on gentle. So yes I would wait if I could go back and re-do.

winterbaby1210 · November 2014

I love my pup so SO much. I rescued him at 11 weeks from a neighboring state when they raided the puppy mill he was born in. He was totally the center of my world and then I had kids. Like someone else said, I feel so bad cause he doesn't get nearly the same level of attention or love. There are plenty of days that I have just enough patience for my kids, nevermind the dog or sometimes even the hubs. I will say its pretty amazing watching the kids love on the dog now that they're old enough but those baby days can get rough. So I wouldn't say don't do it but maybe consider how you will feel if you're trying to clean up a baby blow out (for the 3rd time that day) and then have to clean up a doggy potty accident (for the 3rd time that day).

feb23andbeyond · November 2014

If you want to adopt an adult dog, I think that would be the way to go. While doable, I think raising a puppy and a baby can lead to bad things. A puppy doesn't have much control and can get pretty feisty even if it's not aggressive. I'm also a huge dog lover and I love the thought that my baby will grow up with my other baby (my lab mix

)!

mkrupar · November 2014

As someone who just added a fifth dog to their home, I understand wanting a puppy right this minute. We're crazy dog lovers though, and we've both grown up and trained many a dogs in our lives, so we're not super worried about puppy + baby. She'll be about a year by the time baby comes, so well be in a good routine by then.

I really can't say what you should do though because it's different for each family. It works for us, it doesn't work for others. IMO this is a go with your gut decision. If your nervous about having a pup before baby comes then wait. If you think you have the time to work with the pup and get them in to a solid routine before baby comes I say go for it.

kate5all · November 2014

Aside from how difficult it would be for you to train a new dog at the end of a pregnancy or alongside a new baby...

...I've been reading up on how to make the transition of a new baby as smooth as possible for our existing fur-baby. If you already have the baby when you get the dog, no transition is necessary(I mean, it all happens at once as they're learning the ropes of a new house)--the dog learns from day one that your kiddo "ranks higher in the pack" and that certain things or rooms might be off-limits. It seems like it would be much harder for a dog to adjust to a new home and then later adjust to a new baby than it would be for a baby to adjust to a dog.

Just something to consider!

KellyinHB · November 2014

One other thing to consider, regardless of which comes first, is to adopt a dog that is a couple years old. By that time, their inherent personalities have come out, For example, how much energy do they have? ...are they good with kids? ...are they jealous? A good dog rescue organization will assess for these things.

Danious · November 2014

Baby first. Then definitely dog.
It sucks to wait, but it'll be so much better in the long run! Right now, DS is 5 and is at an amazing age for dogs. He feeds/waters my boys and will spend hours outside playing with them.
I had both dogs before my son, but it's just been this last year that I've truly enjoyed it. My dogs are bigger and my son is finally big enough that he's not getting accidentally knocked over by a tail.
Less crying is always a bonus.

hpoff33 · November 2014

Errsbear11 said:

IMO, and I've never actually had a dog of my own, get the pup before, so you know he/she will be ok with kids. We also plan on getting a dog, but are doing it the opposite, which terrifies me. My neighbor got a nee dog this summer, and it attacked his gf three times within a month, like sent her to surgery attacks! But the dog is fine around him. I would hate to have an animal that couldn't be around children/other people, so if you get it before at least you'll know. One of my cats is very bad mannered, and has tried to attack toddlers - so she will have to go it makes me sad, and I feel like a bad pet owner...but I don't want to risk my child's safety by a pet!

I don't think you can know if a dog is going to be okay around your own kids until you have them. The dog could be super sweet towards friends kids and then become extremely territorial when it comes to introducing baby into the family.

OP - I would suggest baby first then dog. That way whatever dog you bring in has a clue into the pecking order. I am a huge supporter of rescuing animals and I think you could potentially have some really great luck with bringing a dog that another family couldn't keep and that is fully trained into your home. Granted, there will be things you need to work on, but you could feasibly bypass a lot of issues you would have with a puppy. They are a TON of work. Worth it, but a lot of work. Both my dogs were rescues. One was believed to be 2 and the other maybe 3 (although we think younger). They were amazing dogs and while they had their moments, I couldn't have asked for better companions.

Meggos1988 · November 2014

I would wait,

We just got a puppy this past july, so when the LO arrives Puppy will be 1 year 2 months, This is stressing me, I bring puppy to obedience class every Saturday and hopefully by July we will be a good listener that doesnt jump and pull and will walk nicely with a baby carriage. I plan on tell my trainer about the LO after christmas so we can really focus on getting puppy ready for baby. We are finally 95% house broken and getting over separation anxiety. I could not imagine having a new puppy AND a baby. I am pretty sure I would have to commit myself.

Boggzsgurl · November 2014

I would say baby first and wait until the baby is older and stable like you said. Speaking from experience we adopted an 8 week old puppy in 2012 and then another 8 week old puppy in 2013...puppies are hard to train and keep you up all night. I would not try to undertake training a puppy while also taking care of a newborn. Just my opinion. I don't think I would be able to handle it.

KatD2011 · November 2014

I would wait. We adopted a big slobbery mutt 2 years ago (we also have two cats). She had issues still and while she is friendly, she jumps up on people and she's 75lbs. We are still working on the training but it makes me nervous with a baby on the way.

AshleyS829 · November 2014

I would say wait until after the baby is a little older. Raising a puppy is hard work, not only for potty training, but they need a lot of attention and exercise which may be hard to balance with a new baby. Now if you want a puppy now I would say get one right now, so then you would have time to train them and they could slightly grow out of the puppy puppy stage. I have a 5.5 month old pup and a 3 year old dog. We got the pup before we got pregnant so she will be 1 year when baby comes and hopefully behave. Lol

intensivepurposes · November 2014

THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT...I should probably mull this over at the local humane society, don't you think?

All, thanks for the advice. We'll probably hold off, but I can't promise I'll make it very long post-birth My heart has been aching since I lost my Arlo five years ago. DH is always getting embarrassed because I'm in the habit of stopping people in the street and petting their dogs until they side-eye away from me in the opposite direction.

ashiscute · November 2014

I think you'll feel different when baby is here. When you have a newborn you don't have much spare time for dogs. I have a labradoodle that we got right after we got married. He was about 1.5 when DD was born and 3 when DS was born. He transitioned okay but it made me sad seeing him from being our "baby" to "where's that dog?"

jlucal · November 2014

hahaha kitten mittens!! That gif is great

wineandcake · November 2014

We have two dogs (a lab/husky and a Pekingese mix) and they are a handful. They are amazing with the toddler and are best friends. The dogs play so nicely with each other and have very gentle personalities - while training the lab we would stick hands in his bowl so he got used to people bothering him and stops eating immediately. We weren't planning on kids when we got our animals. The pups are 3 and 4 now, so both still babies to me. They get jealous and always want attention when the baby isn't around, it's overwhelming and I just want space sometimes. Had I known we would be having kids so soon, I would have held off on the pups. I love my dogs, I really do, but I feel bad they don't get the attention they deserve from me. I vote definitely wait.

nellybellycat · November 2014

Wait! you'll be so busy with a new born and puppies need a lot of time and attention. My husband and i are both huge animal lovers so our children are going to be raised with animals and learning how to respect and care for them. I can't wait to see our future child interact with our dog (he loves kids!).

BAYOUWIFE · November 2014

I have never been without a dog. I am an absolute dog/animal lover. We have 2 fur babies and had them before my dd was born. They went from my first priority, beside dh of course, to omg I don't know if I fed them today. It got better after the newborn phase, but they still don't get the attention they were use to and it hurts my heart. With all of that said, I would wait until you get settled in as a mom before getting a pup.

usermovedon · November 2014

elandwyn said:
This is not the answer that the impulsive-dog-lover in me wants to hear

I'm totally going to enable you. We lost our beloved lab three years ago to stupid cancer and I made it exactly two months until I was picking out a puppy. I get it. My home is not complete without a dog - and a big slobbery energetic one at that. My vote is for getting your dog now and working on training while it's just the two of you. Puppy kindergarten has to be easier to commit to without already having a kid! It'll give you something to take your mind of impending parenthood. That's good, right? This is my first time so maybe don't listen to me.

Can I give you any more advice that would convince you? I'd post a picture of our big guy with pleading eyes but I'm in mobile and
I suck.

WhiteSun · November 2014

erpiccy said:
I am the worst/best (depends on who you ask) influence when it comes to making impulsive dog adoption decisions. I love dogs too and regularly convince my friends they should be getting a dog.

That said, maybe look into getting a "younger" dog that is already at least potty-trained and crate train it now too. That could mean they are 1 or it could mean they are 5. Frankly, we adopted our boxer a few years back and, even though she is now 7, she still has the cutest puppy and still loves to play. It's just nice because she knows how to relax when it is time.

I will also note that the first weekend we adopted our dog, we had an 18 month old and a 3 year old come over to our house. They stomped all over her trying to play with her and she just licked them. I also babysat a newborn with her too and she just sat beside him as if to protect him. It gave us a huge sense of calm to know she is great with kids before we started a family of our own.

I love animals, we currently have 2 king Charles Cavaliers. I chose breed specifically because we didn't have children and they have a good reputation with them. They're now 8and 6. It's a big responsibility and if I were you I'd look at a dog 4years our older and take the time now to train them and socialize them with kids and see how they take it. Dogs are expensive and a huge responsibility. My older dog kids going deaf and actually is afraid of little boys as they have asked to pet and them hit instead. He nips and growls now. My dh and I just met with a trainer and are shelling out $$$ to learn how to retrain my older dog with hand signals (since he can't hear me anymore), stop them both from jumping up on people, older dogs fear aggression, and retain them to heel with stroller. It's a little daunting but I want them to be able to integrate with new baby without getting into trouble every other day. Training your dog is really a favor to them. They want to be good and really every dog has it in them. As for myself, trained two dogs through puppy stage and definitely will adopt an older dog later down the road. Can't take the chew everything in sight phase

KatD2011 · November 2014

elandwyn said:
THIS IS TOO DIFFICULT...I should probably mull this over at the local humane society, don't you think?
All, thanks for the advice. We'll probably hold off, but I can't promise I'll make it very long post-birth My heart has been aching since I lost my Arlo five years ago. DH is always getting embarrassed because I'm in the habit of stopping people in the street and petting their dogs until they side-eye away from me in the opposite direction.

If you are anything like me do NOT mull it over at the shelter. You know you will come home with one. I always do.

TowerClimbersWife · November 2014

elandwyn said:

This is not the answer that the impulsive-dog-lover in me wants to hear

I'll throw you a bone here... I have three dogs and am expecting in July. My fucking bleeding heart makes me foster or adopt any Weimaraner that needs a home in our area.

Though I've never done a baby and a puppy at the same time... my MIL swears that having a baby and puppy at the same time is okay because you can send the dog outside every time you are up to breastfeed. I think she had a 8 & 9 year old to help out when she had the puppy and newborn, so they may have helped out.

Not to popo on any mom's who are suggesting otherwise, but I advocate for expectant mothers to not let anyone narrow the things that you are capable of as a mother. Everywhere you turn there are people there to tell you that you "can't possibly do that with a newborn," or "that just isn't practical." While I deeply appreciate other people's opinions and advice - because - often they are RIGHT! However, only you really know what you are capable of, so listen to their advice and then consider whether or not it fits with your world and the way you want your life to be. Having a baby will be hard... that is the only thing we can be 100% sure of.

IMHO! Good luck!!

Edit: Because I have a hard time using the right J-Month... it is a cronic problem for me.

kyrenora · November 2014

Have you thought about adopting an older dog that has already been proven with children? I took in a six-year-old boy just a few months ago from a foster family that had a baby, and he has been incredible with friends' little ones as well.

Older dogs are much easier to manage than a puppy. They need fewer trips outside, and chances are they already know basic commands. Additionally, they don't have that crazy puppy energy.

OctoberStars · November 2014

estamos_tomamos said:
I've been asking myself this same question, only it's regarding 100 day-old chicks instead of a dog. Will I really have the time and energy to run a brooder full of 100 little fuzzies? Hmmm...

Yes! More chickens! I plan on brooding chicks in the spring too. What breed? I am getting more orpingtons.

hollowway · November 2014

We have older dogs (5, 8, and 12), so not the same situation. But I couldnt imagine not having the dogs around DD from day one. She's grown up with her doggies and loves them. Whereas our neice who wasnt raised with dogs is scared of them. Maybe adopt an older, kid friendly dog that needs a home, rather than a puppy? Puppies areworse than babies, I think. Months of house training, teaching to be easy, dont jump, dont chew, etc. There are lots of older dogs at the shelter, who are out of the puppy stage and yearning dor a good home!

Ashelee13 · November 2014

Ok I haven't read any of the posts. But here's what I'm going through. So I have an am staff and a toy poodle already (both are 3 years old). Before we found out we were prego we Put a deposit down on an australian cattle dog puppy. So puppy is now 6 weeks old and I am 6 weeks prego and we just got the puppy yesterday. I say if you know dogs and both you and your hubby is prepared to train the dog you should have no problems. But hubby def has to be on board and realize you might not always be up for taking out the dog so he will have to. You could also opt to adopt a dog that has been in a foster home with young kids and is already pretty well trained. Or greyhounds make great pets even for apartment living and are usually fostered so you know their personality...and are couch potatoes lol.

Also make sure you research breeds beforehand so you have an idea of what you are getting into (even if it's a mutt).

Beachy730 · November 2014

OctoberStars said:

I've been asking myself this same question, only it's regarding 100 day-old chicks instead of a dog. Will I really have the time and energy to run a brooder full of 100 little fuzzies? Hmmm...

Yes! More chickens! I plan on brooding chicks in the spring too. What breed? I am getting more orpingtons.

We have 6 hens that should start laying anytime and I'm so excited! 2 of them are orpingtons (jubilee and lavender). .

Beachy730 · November 2014

OP, how long are you thinking of waiting after the baby comes? If you're thinking of just a couple months then I would get it now instead. This way you can get it potty trained at least and work on some basic commands. If you end up getting a place with a fenced in yard it makes it much easier to just throw them outside when needed.

mrsgeiser · November 2014

I'm definitely a dog lover (have 4 dogs) and I know you're only talking about one dog...but I think there are so many changes on the horizon it may be best to wait until you have the space and the time/energy for a new doggie! If you're not worried about those things...then go for it!

MrsC0409 · November 2014

BABY FIRST!!! And I would wait until the baby is sturdy on it's feet. I made the mistake of bringing a baby into a dog's home. Nine months later, when my daughter started eating solid food that my dog thought he was entitled to, the dog became bitter and had it out for the baby. End result: staples in my daughter's head and the dog was put down. Worst experience of my life. Before I get flamed for putting the dog down, know that I tried everything I could and it was at the advice of many experts. It was also done behind my back, You can't predict the kind of dog you'll raise. They're all different and they are all animals, no matter how much you love them. PLEASE don't make the same mistake I made. I do want to get a dog eventually again because I wanted my kids to grow up with a dog too, but we're waiting until this baby (our last) is about 5 years old. Old enough to know to respect a dog's space.

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