This was the request from my SIL, whose shower I'm throwing in a few weeks. I am not going to do this! She wants to build the baby's library, and seeing as this was her only request for her shower, what else can I do to help her?
Tell her you're uncomfortable dictating to guests what gifts they should bring or whether or not to buy a card vs. a book. (It's inappropriate of her to even suggest this to you, btw, but you don't have to scold or shame her about it -- hopefully she'll get the hint.) Suggest that she add some books to her registry and assure her that you'll spread the word informally among family members.
I had a similar situation. I told the MTB "I love books too!But since we dont want you to end up with 10 goodnight moons i am going to use books as centerpieces as well as the guest book". It was a "nicer" way to say no to her idea and it worked out well. I also passed the word on to anyone who asked.
You've been given a lot of good ideas. You could also make the theme something to do with storybooks, and hope guests will be inspired by the cute invitations. Also, when people call you to ask what she wants, you can tell them books. And you personally could give her your favorite children's book as well as a giftcard to Barnes and Noble for a gift.
I have the exact opposite happening. I'm the MTB and the
hostess has decided to include this. She knows that I like books, and I told
her that I do not want to request it. I can buy the books or register for them.
That’s not a problem. However, she still says she is including it, and that I
can get over it because she’s throwing the party. Maybe I should go hide in my
hole. X_X
My SIL plans to do this for me and was disappointed when I suggested that it feels rude to ask people what to buy you. If they want to get you a card, they should be able to get you a card. I for one rarely give cards because the majority of the time that $3 card ends up in the garbage that same day. I keep special cards where people took the time to really write something from the heart to me, but these are far and few between - usually it's just someone signing their name to some generic Hallmark message. Anyways - I usually never bring a card but if told to bring a book in lieu of a card I would feel like I have to bring a book. Book books cost 2-3x as much as cards. It's tacky and rude and weird, although I see the practicality for the mother who would just throw the cards away.
Put books on the registry, get her some books yourself, point her in the direction of the nearest used book store.
Thank you @MandJS I am really thinking that is my best option. However, I think her MIL (who is practically my second mother) is stepping in and taking over to go along with my thinking. She made the point to the hostess that yes she is hosting, but the shower is not about her and what she wants. Now that her MIL is taking over, I don't think I'll have any worries about tackiness.
I will. Thank you for your suggestion. I will know for sure this Thursday. Then I'll be able to make the decision whether to politely decline, or enjoy that her MIL has become the primary hostess.
I actually don't see anything wrong with the "book instead of card" idea. I think its quite adorable. Plus books are so cheap, its not a huge expense. If people really want to bring a card, then they still will.
I actually don't see anything wrong with the "book instead of card" idea. I think its quite adorable. Plus books are so cheap, its not a huge expense. If people really want to bring a card, then they still will.
Books are not so cheap unless you are buying one at the dollar store but those are pretty much pointless. They are destroyed in a second. A good board book costs $10-15. If someone was only planning to spend $30 on a gift, there goes half their budget. Requesting anything specific is so rude.
I was just on another thread and plenty of people disagree with this. By requesting books instead of cards, it is advocating for the importance of reading. Plus most cards are at least $5, go to any used book store (no I am not saying bringing a worn book, but you can definitely find a decently used book if you're on a budget) or Amazon and I am sure you can find your a classic board book for $5 or under. Its a totally acceptable addition to any baby shower. You don't say, hey bring a book, not a card. But, you add a cute little poem, such as:
I want to be a bright child As smart as I can be. That is why I'm hoping My mom will read to me. If you plan to bring a card Please take another look, I would like to learn my ABC's From your favorite storybook. Please sign your name As your personal touch. Baby ________ thanks you Beary, beary much.
This adds an adorable aspect to the baby shower, and does not come off as rude. In fact I think its more rude for the hostess to tell the MTB that they won't go along with their idea. If you are celebrating the MTB then you should honor her request.
Yes because we all know people register at the Dollar Tree or at used book stores.
Sorry, but I'm not driving all over town just to get a cheap book for a baby shower. So unless BRU or BBB starts selling books that are the same price as a card, you're getting a card and no I shouldn't feel bad or put in an awkward situation because of it either.
I am also one of the people that does not feel comfortable writing in books. I mean seriously, just let me get you a card.
ETA : sometimes I don't even get a card. I just buy a gift bag with a little card tag and write : To : the new mommy From : Disneygeek77
I was just on another thread and plenty of people disagree with this. By requesting books instead of cards, it is advocating for the importance of reading. Plus most cards are at least $5, go to any used book store (no I am not saying bringing a worn book, but you can definitely find a decently used book if you're on a budget) or Amazon and I am sure you can find your a classic board book for $5 or under. Its a totally acceptable addition to any baby shower. You don't say, hey bring a book, not a card. But, you add a cute little poem, such as:
I want to be a bright child As smart as I can be. That is why I'm hoping My mom will read to me. If you plan to bring a card Please take another look, I would like to learn my ABC's From your favorite storybook. Please sign your name As your personal touch. Baby ________ thanks you Beary, beary much.
This adds an adorable aspect to the baby shower, and does not come off as rude. In fact I think its more rude for the hostess to tell the MTB that they won't go along with their idea. If you are celebrating the MTB then you should honor her request.
Yes just like how buying diapers is advocating for the importance of pooping. Come on.
Actually it is terribly rude for the MTB to suggest how her party which is A GIFT from her hostesses should go or be. And rude to suggest to guests what they should buy. I agree it is lovely to bring a book instead of a card but that adds an additional $10-25 to the gift that some givers just don't have.
We got a lot of books for DD but mainly because I registered for a lot of books and if people inquired, my hostesses said to them that we would love a gift of books for our daughter particularly if the book had significance for the giver and wanted to share that happiness with us. We got so many sweet old fashioned books that way (Runaway bunny, the velveteen rabbit, the country bunny, pat the bunny, corduroy, jamberry, going on a bear hunt, dick and jane, Beatrix potter, etc). People went way beyond Goodnight, Moon. Our close friends also know that DH and I are total nerds and LOVE books so that was a no-brainer for our nearest and dearest
BFP #1: It's a GIRL! DD born October, 2012 BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014 BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015 *everyone always welcome*
I'm an English teacher, so I'd love if people brought me books, but I also love cards (I save them and make them into books). The last time I went to a baby shower it involved this idea, and I was shocked how expensive children's books are :-/ (I haven't bought a children's book in ages) Plus I love giving cards. That MTB got both from me. I think it's overdone now; it lost it's novelty.
I don't see the big deal here. Books aren't that much more than a card & they have them everywhere so it's not an inconvenience. This is your Momma to bes only request, do it.
As much as I love books, I don't even think this is practical. People often write messages in books and then when she gets duplicates (or more), she'll be stuck with them. I like the idea of using books as centerpieces and using one as a guest book.
I had one shower with my first where they asked the guests to bring a book. I was just glad that most brought the book in addition to a card and only one had something written in the book.
I had one shower with my first where they asked the guests to bring a book. I was just glad that most brought the book in addition to a card and only one had something written in the book.
I had one shower with my first where they asked the guests to bring a book. I was just glad that most brought the book in addition to a card and only one had something written in the book.
I know right?!? You totally dodged a bullet. I hope all your future showers are as successful.
I had one shower with my first where they asked the guests to bring a book. I was just glad that most brought the book in addition to a card and only one had something written in the book.
I know right?!? You totally dodged a bullet. I hope all your future showers are as successful.
Yes. Some of the books were duplicates. Would I be expected to keep both copies because someone wrote a note in it? I've never liked the idea of anyone writing in a printed book.
I had one shower with my first where they asked the guests to bring a book. I was just glad that most brought the book in addition to a card and only one had something written in the book.
I know right?!? You totally dodged a bullet. I hope all your future showers are as successful.
Yes. Some of the books were duplicates. Would I be expected to keep both copies because someone wrote a note in it? I've never liked the idea of anyone writing in a printed book.
I had one shower with my first where they asked the guests to bring a book. I was just glad that most brought the book in addition to a card and only one had something written in the book.
I know right?!? You totally dodged a bullet. I hope all your future showers are as successful.
Yes. Some of the books were duplicates. Would I be expected to keep both copies because someone wrote a note in it? I've never liked the idea of anyone writing in a printed book.
Oh dear. I need a sarcasm font.
Trust me, I got that your post was sarcasm. I didn't say it would have been the end of the world if they had all written something in the books, but I would feel obligated to keep all of them and they would be collecting dust in the top of a closet so they didn't get ruined.
I 100% agree that it is rude and tacky to request books in lieu of cards. Unfortunately, my SIL thinks it is the omg sweetest idea ever and even though I expressed my concerns she put it on my shower invites anyways.
My issue is that many people, myself included, don't bring cards at all. But if I see "book instead" requests I would feel like I have to bring a book with my gift. If I was already planning to spend $30 on a gift, the book adds $10 to that since I wouldn't feel like it's truly part of the gift. I also think we will get tons of duplicates and books we already have. Most everyone will choose the classics - Dr. Seuss, Where the Wild Things Are, etc.. We have plenty of books already as I've collected them over time for me niece and nephew when they come to our house. So yeah, this tack fest will be appearing at my shower at the end of this month and I am not pleased. But I was overruled and am not involved at all in the shower planning so perhaps it will be less tacky since the shower is more of a "surprise" for me!
I don't see the big deal here. Books aren't that much more than a card & they have them everywhere so it's not an inconvenience. This is your Momma to bes only request, do it.
It's rude to dictate what people buy you. It's my decision whether to include a card or a book or not.i love buying cards. Just because you don't think it's an inconvenience doesn't mean you get to decide that for your friends and family and obligate them to bring you a book. It wouldn't be that much inconvenience to bring you a chocolate bar instead of a card either but you'd think anybody who requests that of you is ridiculous
I 100% agree that it is rude and tacky to request books in lieu of cards. Unfortunately, my SIL thinks it is the omg sweetest idea ever and even though I expressed my concerns she put it on my shower invites anyways.
My issue is that many people, myself included, don't bring cards at all. But if I see "book instead" requests I would feel like I have to bring a book with my gift. If I was already planning to spend $30 on a gift, the book adds $10 to that since I wouldn't feel like it's truly part of the gift. I also think we will get tons of duplicates and books we already have. Most everyone will choose the classics - Dr. Seuss, Where the Wild Things Are, etc.. We have plenty of books already as I've collected them over time for me niece and nephew when they come to our house. So yeah, this tack fest will be appearing at my shower at the end of this month and I am not pleased. But I was overruled and am not involved at all in the shower planning so perhaps it will be less tacky since the shower is more of a "surprise" for me!
If you are buying your kid books for $10, try shopping somewhere else. I see most cards in store now for about $3-$4 maybe more which is about the same cost of the kids books I buy. (and yes that includes well known books like the Dr Seuss and Eric Carl)
I 100% agree that it is rude and tacky to request books in lieu of cards. Unfortunately, my SIL thinks it is the omg sweetest idea ever and even though I expressed my concerns she put it on my shower invites anyways.
My issue is that many people, myself included, don't bring cards at all. But if I see "book instead" requests I would feel like I have to bring a book with my gift. If I was already planning to spend $30 on a gift, the book adds $10 to that since I wouldn't feel like it's truly part of the gift. I also think we will get tons of duplicates and books we already have. Most everyone will choose the classics - Dr. Seuss, Where the Wild Things Are, etc.. We have plenty of books already as I've collected them over time for me niece and nephew when they come to our house. So yeah, this tack fest will be appearing at my shower at the end of this month and I am not pleased. But I was overruled and am not involved at all in the shower planning so perhaps it will be less tacky since the shower is more of a "surprise" for me!
If you are buying your kid books for $10, try shopping somewhere else. I see most cards in store now for about $3-$4 maybe more which is about the same cost of the kids books I buy. (and yes that includes well known books like the Dr Seuss and Eric Carl)
No books are expensive. I recently got "Oh the Places you will Go" to bring to a friend in the hospital after giving birth. It was close to $20.
I 100% agree that it is rude and tacky to request books in lieu of cards. Unfortunately, my SIL thinks it is the omg sweetest idea ever and even though I expressed my concerns she put it on my shower invites anyways.
My issue is that many people, myself included, don't bring cards at all. But if I see "book instead" requests I would feel like I have to bring a book with my gift. If I was already planning to spend $30 on a gift, the book adds $10 to that since I wouldn't feel like it's truly part of the gift. I also think we will get tons of duplicates and books we already have. Most everyone will choose the classics - Dr. Seuss, Where the Wild Things Are, etc.. We have plenty of books already as I've collected them over time for me niece and nephew when they come to our house. So yeah, this tack fest will be appearing at my shower at the end of this month and I am not pleased. But I was overruled and am not involved at all in the shower planning so perhaps it will be less tacky since the shower is more of a "surprise" for me!
If you are buying your kid books for $10, try shopping somewhere else. I see most cards in store now for about $3-$4 maybe more which is about the same cost of the kids books I buy. (and yes that includes well known books like the Dr Seuss and Eric Carl)
No books are expensive. I recently got "Oh the Places you will Go" to bring to a friend in the hospital after giving birth. It was close to $20.
I 100% agree that it is rude and tacky to request books in lieu of cards. Unfortunately, my SIL thinks it is the omg sweetest idea ever and even though I expressed my concerns she put it on my shower invites anyways.
My issue is that many people, myself included, don't bring cards at all. But if I see "book instead" requests I would feel like I have to bring a book with my gift. If I was already planning to spend $30 on a gift, the book adds $10 to that since I wouldn't feel like it's truly part of the gift. I also think we will get tons of duplicates and books we already have. Most everyone will choose the classics - Dr. Seuss, Where the Wild Things Are, etc.. We have plenty of books already as I've collected them over time for me niece and nephew when they come to our house. So yeah, this tack fest will be appearing at my shower at the end of this month and I am not pleased. But I was overruled and am not involved at all in the shower planning so perhaps it will be less tacky since the shower is more of a "surprise" for me!
If you are buying your kid books for $10, try shopping somewhere else. I see most cards in store now for about $3-$4 maybe more which is about the same cost of the kids books I buy. (and yes that includes well known books like the Dr Seuss and Eric Carl)
The books I buy aren't that expensive. I'm a bit of a bookworm and know all of the good used books stores in town and pick them up at yard sales unless there is a specific one I'm wanting. I also have a library card and use it. But I don't see most people being comfortable bringing a used book to the shower or just picking up any old book they've never read before because it's on sale. That's why I wish my SIL would honor my wishes and not do the whole "book in lieu of cards" tackfest. But the invites have been sent, so I'm letting it go.
If I'm buying a book for a friend's baby it's going to be one I know and love, not just whatever happens to be on discount that day. I recently picked a few up for a baby shower from Books a Million and remember the small classic Dr.Seuss books to be $7.99 and a hardcover Where the Wild Things Are to be like $18.99. So yeah, they are expensive. Those are the "suggested retail" and probably consistent everywhere, maybe a few bucks cheaper on Amazon.
If you are buying your kid books for $10, try shopping somewhere else. I see most cards in store now for about $3-$4 maybe more which is about the same cost of the kids books I buy. (and yes that includes well known books like the Dr Seuss and Eric Carl)
No books are expensive. I recently got "Oh the Places you will Go" to bring to a friend in the hospital after giving birth. It was close to $20.
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Have you tried walmart, ross, marshalls?
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Yes I bought the book at Walmart and surprise! A nice book that I would want to give as a gift was still expensive.
No books are expensive. I recently got "Oh the Places you will Go" to bring to a friend in the hospital after giving birth. It was close to $20.
-----------------------------------------------------
Have you tried walmart, ross, marshalls?
-----------------------------------------------------------
Yes I bought the book at Walmart and surprise! A nice book that I would want to give as a gift was still expensive.
I've never found a nice book for less than $8.00, but usually they are more in the $12-18 range.
Regardless, the cost of books v. cards is secondary to the actual real issue here. If someone is bringing you a gift, would you actually have the nerve to say, "I know you are bringing me a gift but I want you to bring me a second gift as well, but don't worry, it's not that expensive." You wouldn't. At least I hope you wouldn't.
I was only addressing the issue of the $ because if you really have that much of a problem with someone suggesting bringing something semi-specific to a party, you wouldn't have to go at all and not need to worry about bringing anything. If the cost is an issue, you could always buy a present that's a few dollars less. It's not an event for or about you so if you feel the suggestion to bring a book (or something else) is a problem DON'T GO! DON'T BUY A BOOK! STAND YOUR GROUND! LOOK LIKE A SELFISH YOU KNOW WHAT BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE TOLD TO DO SOMETHING! Though remember that when there are new laws that come up that tell you what you can or can't do with your child.
People that do this and put it on the invitation generally put very clearly 'can be well loved...' so, a childrens book you already have, or a good will grab for less than a dollar... I like the idea.
I was only addressing the issue of the $ because if you really have that much of a problem with someone suggesting bringing something semi-specific to a party, you wouldn't have to go at all and not need to worry about bringing anything. If the cost is an issue, you could always buy a present that's a few dollars less. It's not an event for or about you so if you feel the suggestion to bring a book (or something else) is a problem DON'T GO! DON'T BUY A BOOK! STAND YOUR GROUND! LOOK LIKE A SELFISH YOU KNOW WHAT BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE TOLD TO DO SOMETHING! Though remember that when there are new laws that come up that tell you what you can or can't do with your child.
I know I'm talking to a mule, but here's hoping you might understand. It's not an issue of money. It's an issue of making guests feel uncomfortable. Having a set budget of what they can spend on a shower gift does not make a guest selfish. By asking for a second gift you are asking them to: 1) change what they had initially planned to buy because now they have to incorporate a book into their budget; 2) go over their planned budget; or 3) make them feel awkward or ashamed because they did not bring a book and stayed within their budget. Anyone who chooses to ignore etiquette to get what they want is a selfish, entitled, ignorant twat.
Pull your head out of your ass.
I've never been to one that it was the mom to be's idea to tell everyone to bring a book. That would be tacky. Are you really planning gifts before you are invited to an event. That's a bit presumptuous. Wouldn't you feel awkward if you weren't invited. So are you also opposed to the shower having a theme or is that going to make you feel awkward too? People are too sensitive. Again. If you don't want to get the book, don't. You can choose to not go if you are that opposed to the idea or just give a gift without the book. If the mom to be does say anything about not getting a book from a certain person (which I would think most wouldn't care), they are the ones who are being a b****
@AggieMom0809: I've never been to one that it was the mom to be's idea to tell everyone to bring a book. That would be tacky. Are you really planning gifts before you are invited to an event. That's a bit presumptuous. Wouldn't you feel awkward if you weren't invited. So are you also opposed to the shower having a theme or is that going to make you feel awkward too? People are too sensitive. Again. If you don't want to get the book, don't. You can choose to not go if you are that opposed to the idea or just give a gift without the book. If the mom to be does say anything about not getting a book from a certain person (which I would think most wouldn't care), they are the ones who are being a b****
Your resolution for wanting to be tacky is that people who would side-eye this can opt not to go....and you also mention that you only know this practice to be the idea of the host....which begs the question....why would a host give two shits about how many books a MTB receives? And if there is this obsessive need to build the new mom a library, why can't the host buy the books as her own gift? What necessitates this whole concept solicitating others to participate??
I see there are lots of posts on this topic and other shower related topics. Can we continue to expect this or will it end soon?
ETA: quote fail
For my shower and the showers I've been to that requested (not required) a book were all the host's idea. Maybe the people I know just value reading to babies more. IDK If it was the mother's idea, don't you think they would add the books they wanted to their registry so they would be more likely to get the books they wanted?
Re: bring a book instead of a card
I have the exact opposite happening. I'm the MTB and the hostess has decided to include this. She knows that I like books, and I told her that I do not want to request it. I can buy the books or register for them. That’s not a problem. However, she still says she is including it, and that I can get over it because she’s throwing the party. Maybe I should go hide in my hole. X_X
For SuzyQ & all the March 15 Loss Moms
For SuzyQ & all the March 15 Loss Moms
For SuzyQ & all the March 15 Loss Moms
As smart as I can be.
That is why I'm hoping
My mom will read to me.
If you plan to bring a card
Please take another look,
I would like to learn my ABC's
From your favorite storybook.
Please sign your name
As your personal touch.
Baby ________ thanks you
Beary, beary much.
Yes just like how buying diapers is advocating for the importance of pooping. Come on.
Actually it is terribly rude for the MTB to suggest how her party which is A GIFT from her hostesses should go or be. And rude to suggest to guests what they should buy. I agree it is lovely to bring a book instead of a card but that adds an additional $10-25 to the gift that some givers just don't have.
We got a lot of books for DD but mainly because I registered for a lot of books and if people inquired, my hostesses said to them that we would love a gift of books for our daughter particularly if the book had significance for the giver and wanted to share that happiness with us. We got so many sweet old fashioned books that way (Runaway bunny, the velveteen rabbit, the country bunny, pat the bunny, corduroy, jamberry, going on a bear hunt, dick and jane, Beatrix potter, etc). People went way beyond Goodnight, Moon. Our close friends also know that DH and I are total nerds and LOVE books so that was a no-brainer for our nearest and dearest
BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015
*everyone always welcome*
Oh dear. I need a sarcasm font.
No books are expensive. I recently got "Oh the Places you will Go" to bring to a friend in the hospital after giving birth. It was close to $20.
This forum used to be good but now it's all fighting over NOKD baby shower fundraising ideas.
No books are expensive. I recently got "Oh the Places you will Go" to bring to a friend in the hospital after giving birth. It was close to $20.
----------------------------------------------------- Have you tried walmart, ross, marshalls?
-----------------------------------------------------------
Yes I bought the book at Walmart and surprise! A nice book that I would want to give as a gift was still expensive.
5w2d: HCG 15,179 Prog: 27.9
5w4d: HCG 18,000 Prog: 39
For my shower and the showers I've been to that requested (not required) a book were all the host's idea. Maybe the people I know just value reading to babies more. IDK If it was the mother's idea, don't you think they would add the books they wanted to their registry so they would be more likely to get the books they wanted?