~ October Angel Mamas' Check-In 11/17/14 ~

meredithcarole · November 2014

Welcome to the October Check-In. This check-in is for anyone who has had a loss with an EDD in October.

Members, give us an update on how you are doing. If I didn’t tag you with specific questions, it’s only because we didn’t hear from you last week (or for a few weeks) - please jump back in. Please pop in and let us know how you’re doing even if you don’t have time to respond to everyone individually this week! New members, introduce yourself so that we can get to know you.

If you get a BFP, please PM me so everyone can congratulate you!

Quote of the Week:

"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself.

For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined

not by our circumstance, but by our disposition."

~ Martha Washington

Question of the Week:

Tell us about a silver lining you have found in a difficult situation.

What are you thankful for despite adversity?

----------------------

Updates:

@Stephy1221- Have you Oed? I know you were in your FW last Tuesday. How are you feeling about things?

@Momentomori- Ugh, sorry AF showed. How are you holding up?

@daystardreams - How are you doing? I know last cycle was off a bit and you were a little stressed out about it.

@mkfish31 - What's new with you this week? Update us on your SIS tomorrow (FX it is not too uncomfortable).

@vesperlynch - How are the painting and grading going?

@whitneyandconcep - How are you doing? I see your cycle is still out of whack. I'm sorry for that.

Anyone else who missed the last check-in, jump back in with an update!!!

meredithcarole · November 2014

Hi everyone! Happy Monday! I hope all is well with you this week.

I survived the MRI on Friday. I was rather nervous about it, but the anticipation was worse than the procedure. I am a little bit on pins and needles to hear the results, but I don't have my follow up appointment until 12/16 (which is also my pre-op appointment). I would assume if there is a problem (beyond the ones we know are there) I will hear about it before that point. I am awaiting my FSH results (from last Wednesday). I think I will call on Friday if I haven't heard. They also put me on BCP pending the surgery. It feels a bit like a step backward, but sometimes you have to retreat a bit in order to be able to move forward.

QOTW: Right now my silver lining (and I truly do not mean this in any sort of bitter or resentful way) is that I do not have a newborn and I can sleep in when I get a day off. Work has been running me ragged. I also would not have gotten this transfer because I would have been on a LOA. All in all I am at least content with the current direction my career is taking. I remain hopeful the rest will fall into place.

ETA: Letters are hard.

meredithcarole · November 2014

VesperLynch said:

Hey there @meredithcarole, and thanks for the check-in! I was thinking about your MRI and hoping it went okay. Too bad that the wait for results is so long, but if you're busy at work (and with the holidays looming), time will likely fly, no? -- I think you may have read my other update B-) ! Just finished grading for the night and plan to paint some this coming weekend. Not even kidding, I was thinking about the no-newborn situation as well, and I'm right there with you--not bitter, just sooo hectic.

I'll be a cheater today and cross-post something I just posted in a somewhat different form in the AMA check-in, because, time...:

My next home improvement project is taking shape as I am deciding what color to paint our downstairs bathroom--it has this sand/khaki-colored tile in the shower (hello, 70s!), so finding a color that works with it is not super easy. But I know for sure I am painting the dining room, which has been red since we moved into the house, in the same color as the living room, which is an off-white. While I'm at it, I'll paint the hallway, which is the same sand color as the bathroom, in the same off-white. I'm hoping this will make the downstairs brighter overall. Also, my family is coming over for Christmas, and I want it to look pretty On top of that, DH has made up his mind to remodel the master bathroom. Whew...

TTCAL related, I deleted the FF app. But I was very aware of the EWCM last week and that we may have HIO around the right time...no high hopes here, but silly me still starts smiling at the thought of "getting lucky." No reason.

I hope y'all have a great week. (((Hugs)))!

I am sure everything will seem much lighter in your house once painted.

As for the other, you never know. I hope you do get lucky, but if not I am glad you are in an okay place with things.

renegadewhit · November 2014

@meredithcarole I'm glad you made it through your MRI! I agree with @vesperlynch in that hopefully time will fly, since you're so busy!

@vesperlynch I hope your painting goes well! Good luck on your timing this cycle!

AFM I'm hanging in there. This whole not ovulating thing is driving me crazy. I'm currently at CD32, just wondering if I'll ever O again. (Okay, that was a little bit dramatic, but I did say it's driving me crazy, right?)

I made an appointment with my OBGYN for December 2nd. I'm planning on asking if I can go back on metformin. Long story short, I have PCOS and went to an endocrinologist for awhile. I wasn't getting a lot out of it, and since I was on BC at the time, I felt okay not being on the meds or getting constant blood work done. Well, now that I'm not on BC and having 37+ day cycles, I think it's time to get back into treating the PCOS. When I go in I'll talk to her about whether or not it's worth it to find a new endocrinologist and if it's better to go to an RE since we're ttc.

It sucks that I'm in cycle limbo, but at least I feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction, and my doctor was able to get me in pretty quickly. My first ever appointment with her was for my miscarriage, and I haven't seen her since. I'm kind of nervous.

NTTCAL - I'm going to North Carolina next week for Thanksgiving to see my dad and stepmom. My brother is coming in from Texas, too. It'll be the first time all 4 of us (and all 3 of the granddogs) have been together in probably 3-4 years.

QOTW - I've never really found a silver lining from my loss, but in general, I'm hoping that it has helped me to be more sensitive and understanding, it brought me here to this awesome community, and when I do have children it'll make me appreciate it that much more.

Wow that was long! Have a treat for making it through!

renegadewhit · November 2014

@momentomori thanks! I'm sorry CD1 was so hard. Holidays can be hard when you're not dealing with all the extra stress. I'm sending you all the ((hugs)) I hope you find some peace and clarity, but until you do, I think you should pity party it up as long as you need. Take care!

stephy1221 · November 2014

@meredithcarole thanks for the check in. Glad the MRI went well and boo to having to wait until 12/16 and being benched.

As for me @Stephy1221- Have you Oed? I know you were in your FW last Tuesday. How are you feeling about things?

I have been awful with temping this cycle so not sure if I have Oed but think so, don't know what my issue is I am just straight up forgetful. I am feeling okay about things right now but usually am at this point. It is closer to CD1's arrival that I get a little worked up about it all.

momentomori Big Hugs

QOTW: I am someone who does usually jump easily to a silver lining. My loss silver lining is that because of it I had to prove to myself that my body was strong so I started working out a lot. I am in the best fitness place of my life (not my lowest weight by any stretch though) and am turning 37 on Sunday. Feels good eye balling 40 knowing I can kick my own ass in to gear.

daystardreams · November 2014

@meredithcarole Thank you for the check-in! FX that your results come back quickly and turn out well for you!

@momentomori I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time. I'm thinking of you!

@whitneyandconcep I'm sorry that you are having a hard time too but hopefully seeing your doctor will get you pointed in the right direction!

AF is pretty much gone. Not much going on for our TTC front. Just waiting to ovulate!

QOTW: I think the silver lining is learning how much I love my boyfriend. I know that if I'd have been through half the things we've been through with any of my exes, I'd never have made it through. I'm just so thankful to have a rock to lean on!

meredithcarole · November 2014

momentomori said:

Warning: Pity Party ahead
******************************
AFM: I am actually having quite a tough time with CD1. I cried for the first time when I got it (although I had already been super sensitive all weekend). I had put a lot of hope into that last cycle, and it just devastated me when it didn't work. I feel broken - like I can't do the one thing that my body was made to do. I feel like I am failing MH in giving him something he has wanted all his life.
I am wavering between doing all.the.things this month, and NTNP. We are entering our 11th cycle post loss #2 and frankly, it just sucks. I am not looking forward to the holidays. MH and I had a conversation of "where do we go from here"? I don't know if I am strong enough to handle everything if we need a lot of medical intervention. At our last appointment with the geneticist, he said to wait 6 months and see what happens. Well, 6 months is up at the end of this month, so I guess that is the next step. I'm just scared.
This was a rambly mess, and for that I apologize.

QOTW: Hmmm, silver lining. I think I learned this cycle that VIP FF membership is too much for me, and gives me way to much false hope- with the pregnancy monitor and early pregnancy signs. So, back to the basics.

I feel like I dumped a lot out here, so I have a funny:

@momentomori‌ First of all, I love the funny (I so do that)

Secondly, I am so sorry this particular cycle was so hard on you. I don't recall (if I ever knew) what the geneticist said 6 months ago to you and YH. Do you know it would be a lot of medical intervention, or just fear that it would be?

At least without the VIP membership you'll save money

meredithcarole · November 2014

whitneyandconcep said:

AFM I'm hanging in there. This whole not ovulating thing is driving me crazy. I'm currently at CD32, just wondering if I'll ever O again. (Okay, that was a little bit dramatic, but I did say it's driving me crazy, right?)

I made an appointment with my OBGYN for December 2nd. I'm planning on asking if I can go back on metformin. Long story short, I have PCOS and went to an endocrinologist for awhile. I wasn't getting a lot out of it, and since I was on BC at the time, I felt okay not being on the meds or getting constant blood work done. Well, now that I'm not on BC and having 37+ day cycles, I think it's time to get back into treating the PCOS. When I go in I'll talk to her about whether or not it's worth it to find a new endocrinologist and if it's better to go to an RE since we're ttc.

It sucks that I'm in cycle limbo, but at least I feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction, and my doctor was able to get me in pretty quickly. My first ever appointment with her was for my miscarriage, and I haven't seen her since. I'm kind of nervous.

NTTCAL - I'm going to North Carolina next week for Thanksgiving to see my dad and stepmom. My brother is coming in from Texas, too. It'll be the first time all 4 of us (and all 3 of the granddogs) have been together in probably 3-4 years.

QOTW - I've never really found a silver lining from my loss, but in general, I'm hoping that it has helped me to be more sensitive and understanding, it brought me here to this awesome community, and when I do have children it'll make me appreciate it that much more.

Wow that was long! Have a treat for making it through!

@whitneyandconcep‌ I'm really sorry your PCOS is acting up. My vote is to seek out an RE. If you are going to see an endrocrinologist in general, why not chose one that specializes in TTC?

As for your silver lining, I am sorry if I phrased it in a way that made you think you had to find a silver lining about your loss. I don't think there are many silver linings there for any of us (mine was situational for the moment - overall I would, of course, preferred not to have to seek out any positive because I would rather have not been here in the first place, but I digress....). I do, however, think that you are right. One perspective change for anyone TTC after a loss who goes onto PAL is that there is no taking it for granted.

meredithcarole · November 2014

stephy1221 said:

I have been awful with temping this cycle so not sure if I have Oed but think so, don't know what my issue is I am just straight up forgetful. I am feeling okay about things right now but usually am at this point. It is closer to CD1's arrival that I get a little worked up about it all.

momentomori Big Hugs

QOTW: I am someone who does usually jump easily to a silver lining. My loss silver lining is that because of it I had to prove to myself that my body was strong so I started working out a lot. I am in the best fitness place of my life (not my lowest weight by any stretch though) and am turning 37 on Sunday. Feels good eye balling 40 knowing I can kick my own ass in to gear.

@stephy1221‌ Perhaps you are forgetful consciously, but unconsciously it is purposeful? Maybe it is better to have less pressure about FW and O and 2WW? At any rate, good for you for taking it in stride.

I love that you have "kicked" your ass in gear! You are strong and I am glad you know it.

meredithcarole · November 2014

daystardreams said:

AF is pretty much gone. Not much going on for our TTC front. Just waiting to ovulate!

QOTW: I think the silver lining is learning how much I love my boyfriend. I know that if I'd have been through half the things we've been through with any of my exes, I'd never have made it through. I'm just so thankful to have a rock to lean on!

@daystardreams‌ I hope you O soon.

I do think it is wonderful that your SO has been your rock through thick and thin. Relationships are never all about sunshine and happiness. There are always some rain clouds and it is great to have someone with whom you can weather the storm. He sounds like a great partner.

mkfish31 · November 2014

Hey ladies! Sorry I'm a day late on my check-in!

@meredithcarole Glad the MRI went well. Sounds like you have a solid plan in place which probably isn't the image you had in mind, but it is definitely moving you forward in this whole process. Thinking of you as you have to wait test results and surgery. How do you like your new job?

@VesperLynch please update us with pics from some of your recent projects!

FX for you this cycle even though you aren't expecting it.

@momentomori - Sorry CD1 was hard this month. It's definitely ok to have a pity party. These past 5 months CD1 has brought many many tears with it. It's just hard to not let yourself say "I should have a one month old right now" or " I should be this far along right now." Don't be too hard on yourself. I think seeing the geneticist is a good idea. It is nice to have fresh eyes look over everything and your medical hx to see if they can come up with some other options. Hugs lady!!

@whitneyandconcep‌ I am so so sorry you haven't ovulated yet lady. I can't imagine how frustrating this is! I'm glad your doc could get you in to see her in the next few weeks. I hope it gets straightened out soon! Hugs!

@Stephy1221- FX for you this cycle! Maybe there is bliss in not knowing and being sorta forgetful. I can't seem to forget. haha

@daystardreams‌ I hope you O soon!

AFM, I am on CD 10 and just waiting to ovulate. Which will be over another week I'm sure.

My RE appt yesterday went well-learned a lot!. My SIS showed no abnormalities and it was slightly uncomfortable, but not too bad! My RE finally had all of my lab results and paperwork from my OBGYN's office all together. All of my labs results came back normal (including progesterone -yay!) with the exception of my anticardiolipin antibody. It was only slightly elevated. My RE said next time I am pregnant he will put me on prednisone and lovenox. Seems a little extreme for a lab barely elevated but I trust him since he is the RE and i'm not.

Also, we found out that my husband has great sperm, but he has a chronic infection, likely stemming from his prostate. My RE said my husband is probably causing me to have endometritis from his infection. He said he cannot say definitively that was the cause of my MCs, but he said that could certainly cause problems. So, we are both currently on antibiotics for 10 days. FInally, I learned the sex of my second baby- a girl. I thought it would be hard, but I am actually am doing fine. Now when I think of my babies it is a little more personal. I am glad I know. So, all in all this was a very informative appt. Sorry this is long. Hope you all have a great week.

stephy1221 · November 2014

@meredithcarole I think you may be on to something here & TY : )

@stephy1221‌ Perhaps you are forgetful consciously, but unconsciously it is purposeful? Maybe it is better to have less pressure about FW and O and 2WW? At any rate, good for you for taking it in stride.

I love that you have "kicked" your ass in gear! You are strong and I am glad you know it.

stephy1221 · November 2014

@mkfish31 I am glad you had such an informative appointment and have a plan for going forward.

meredithcarole · November 2014

stephy1221 said:

@meredithcarole I think you may be on to something here & TY : )

@stephy1221‌ Perhaps you are forgetful consciously, but unconsciously it is purposeful? Maybe it is better to have less pressure about FW and O and 2WW? At any rate, good for you for taking it in stride.

I love that you have "kicked" your ass in gear! You are strong and I am glad you know it.

Can you tell I have been spending time with my therapist?

meredithcarole · November 2014

mkfish31 said:

Hey ladies! Sorry I'm a day late on my check-in!

AFM, I am on CD 10 and just waiting to ovulate. Which will be over another week I'm sure.
My RE appt yesterday went well-learned a lot!. My SIS showed no abnormalities and it was slightly uncomfortable, but not too bad! My RE finally had all of my lab results and paperwork from my OBGYN's office all together. All of my labs results came back normal (including progesterone -yay!) with the exception of my anticardiolipin antibody. It was only slightly elevated. My RE said next time I am pregnant he will put me on prednisone and lovenox. Seems a little extreme for a lab barely elevated but I trust him since he is the RE and i'm not. Also, we found out that my husband has great sperm, but he has a chronic infection, likely stemming from his prostate. My RE said my husband is probably causing me to have endometritis from his infection. He said he cannot say definitively that was the cause of my MCs, but he said that could certainly cause problems. So, we are both currently on antibiotics for 10 days. FInally, I learned the sex of my second baby- a girl. I thought it would be hard, but I am actually am doing fine. Now when I think of my babies it is a little more personal. I am glad I know. So, all in all this was a very informative appt. Sorry this is long. Hope you all have a great week.

@mkfish31‌ It sounds like overall it was a good appointment. I am glad finding out the sex didn't bother you too much. FX a good round of antibiotics does the trick.

renegadewhit · November 2014

Thanks @mkfish31 I'm so glad you got a lot of good information at your RE visit. It sounds like you're moving in the right direction!

@meredithcarole I don't think it's you question that made me think of finding a silver lining for my loss--more just my current state of mind. I know you can probably all relate, I just feel like I did everything right. I got through school, I got a good job, and I got married. I waited until the "right time", but I don't want to wait anymore.

I'm frustrated, and this whole not O'ing is just making it worse. Any time I've ever wanted anything, if I worked hard enough, I was able to get it. This is the one thing that I have very little control over, and I'm trying to figure out how to deal.

meredithcarole · November 2014

whitneyandconcep said:

Thanks @mkfish31 I'm so glad you got a lot of good information at your RE visit. It sounds like you're moving in the right direction!

@meredithcarole I don't think it's you question that made me think of finding a silver lining for my loss--more just my current state of mind. I know you can probably all relate, I just feel like I did everything right. I got through school, I got a good job, and I got married. I waited until the "right time", but I don't want to wait anymore.

I'm frustrated, and this whole not O'ing is just making it worse. Any time I've ever wanted anything, if I worked hard enough, I was able to get it. This is the one thing that I have very little control over, and I'm trying to figure out how to deal.

I can totally relate to that. I have no advice on how to overcome the frustration. ((Hugs))

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