DD's grandfathers are going to drive me to drink!

Puck1182 · November 2014

I posted in another thread about how my dad's been driving me nuts because he is so paranoid about DD choking that he is constantly telling DD to "chew good." Which he does so much that DD now thinks it's a game, and whenever he says that, she will STOP chewing, open her mouth, and then start giggling. And when I ask my dad to stop doing that because DD is already chewing fine and her reaction to him means asking her to chew is counterproductive to the goal of her not choking on her food, he ignores me and keeps saying it. Then he gets all butthurt over it when I explain that I am the parent, not him, and he needs to back off a bit. And he proceeds to do it all over again the next time we see him.

Well tonight we were out to dinner with the ILs and FIL kept tickling DD and otherwise deliberately making her laugh while she had a mouthful of food. When DH and I asked him multiple times to stop because we didn't want her to choke, he completely brushed us off and kept doing it anyway. Then immediately after dinner, when DD had a belly full of food, he was trying to roughhouse with her and was going to hold her upside down if we hadn't intervened. I can't even believe we had to tell him not to hold a toddler who'd JUST eaten upside down.

Maybe I've just been spoiled by the fact that my mom is super into making sure that she follows our rules when she watches DD so that she has consistency between my parents' house and ours, and she makes sure she doesn't overstep her bounds by trying to parent/discipline DD when we're right there... but I'm feeling super irritated with my dad and FIL right now. Like, I get that parents and grandparents aren't going to see eye to eye on everything, and often grandparents will want to be more or less permissive than parents and sometimes you just have to accept that if grandparents are babysitting... but to brazenly defy our requests to our faces, particularly when it's a matter of DD's safety? Ugh. It's all just leaving a very bad taste in my mouth. :-(

Sorry for the long-ass vent, but I needed to get it out of my system. :P And I can't decide whether the extent to which I'm irritated over this is actually justified, or if I'm just being a petty control freak. Or which is the bigger issue, the grandpas' lack of respect for our parenting authority to our faces when our child was present, or their lack of judgment on a safety issue.

Rosebean · November 2014

Meh, I say pick your battles. I've held my own kid upside down after a meal and never had a puke incident. As long as it's not overboard, no biggie. As to the choking, we did BLW, so it's more apt for our parents to be more worried about DS choking than we are. Now, with all that being said, I have to wonder if your last paragraph is more your real issue than the first. Like, are you using the food incidents to cover up your real concern, which is you are worried your kid will learn that grandpa will let them get away with things that mom and dad won't? Maybe that's your key issue. If you are worried about them undermining your authority as parents, I say that you should have that conversation with him to set boundaries for the things that matter in the future. But I kind of think the little things are evidence of your growing concern, but not necessarily things you should be concerned about. Does that make sense?

Puck1182 · November 2014

@Rosebean Yeah, that makes sense, at least as far as the issue with my own dad goes (except that it is a safety concern since he's actually making her MORE likely to choke, despite his concern). And even the upside down thing, since worst case scenario DD pukes up her dinner and I make FIL clean up the mess himself. ;-) I just wasn't sure if the undermining thing was a legit concern or my OCPD getting out of hand again. :P

But seriously, who the fuck tickles a child who has a mouthful of food? :-/

BBS! · November 2014

I'm the first to get overly upset regarding my inlaws; however, these incidents seem silly. We make our little one laugh while eating and definitely hang him upside down at all times! I wonder if it's anxiety regarding other people doing things differently or your inlaws/parents just generally drive you crazy. I'm not judging bc I get overly upset regarding the smallest things with my inlaws but just saying these things sound pretty minor and typical.

Puck1182 · November 2014

Ha, ok, this was the exact opposite reaction I expected. I thought I'd get called a control freak for being annoyed at the grandpas ignoring DH and I, but that you guys would be appalled at them almost making DD choke on her food. Guess I was over-correcting my control freak nature and trying to worry less about them no doing what we ask and more on the safety issue.

I mean, I'm not sure it matters too much anyway, because I have other reasons for not being comfortable with my dad or FIL being responsible for DD for any significant length of time. So at most I just feel disrespected by them, it's not like DD is likely (especially now that I know they'll disregard our wishes right to our faces) to be in a position where DH or I won't be there to intervene if the grandpas do something we're not comfortable with.

kleigh926 · November 2014

The lack of respect for what I say regarding my child is what would tick me off. I'm not sure these exact situations themselves warrant being that upset about, but if someone was blatantly ignoring what I say (and in fact doing the opposite) that would make me pretty mad.

tamarar5 · November 2014

Same boat. Only it's my mother.

DD's grandfathers are going to drive me to drink!

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