PUPO and a pretty unreal update......

JBDamonM · November 2014

I'm back. With some unbelievable news. First i AM PUPO with one good looking blast. And the thaw? Well, apparently that went too well. The embryologist took out the container and removed the one embryo for today. She then however forgot to put the container back. All four embryos in turn defrosted and are now GONE. Gone, just like that. From five to nothing. I am absolutely devastated. One of the hardest parts is that those were my babies and now they are gone. Destroyed without a chance. God, that makes my heart hurt. DH and I plan on being done at two, so hopefully this is a moot point(although I can kiss my dream of embryo adoption goodbye)...... My Dr and his IVf staff handled things very well. I knew something was up when they called me back, they had my ID bracelet in hand but walked us back to the Drs office. I have been told that they will do right by me and I can cycle as many times as I need to for no charge which is very generous, but it does not take away from my sadness. Just when I thought I could get thought the 2ww with no craziness

trying really really hard to focus on the one baby inside me hopefully snuggling tight, but I'm having trouble. Needless to say I would appreciate any and all thoughts and prayers you can send me ladies. Xxoxox

Robeano · November 2014

Oh my gosh!!!!! My heart hurts for you!! I don't even know what to say to this, just so sorry it happened!

Ruthie04 · November 2014

Holy crap. That is so, so awful. I'm so very sorry. Thinking of you and hoping for good news in two weeks and even better news in 9 mos.

Mrs.AmyDylan · November 2014

I don't even know what to say. My heart hurts for you. I believe that every embie deserves a chance. Good luck with your 2ww. Huge hugs.

mdiblasi10 · November 2014

Oh J, I am so sorry

I can't believe that happened. Sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts for the embaby that is snuggling in.

Wadzfaith · November 2014

This is crazy, how in the world could they let that happen? I am glad they said you could cycle as much as you need, a small concession seeing that they destroyed all your hard work.
T&P that this embie is a sticky one !

JBDamonM · November 2014

I honestly have not felt this sad since the day my dad died. And I'm terrified of having to do a fresh cycle again. Terrified. I'm 35 and DH 39 - these embryos are from 32 and 37...... That was one of the biggest benefits of them being frozen. And what if DHs numbers have gotten worse?? Ugh.

Mayzie15 · November 2014

Unbelievable - I'm so sorry that happened to you

. I'm amazed that someone could be so careless in your office. Fx that this embryo is sticking around for the long haul and you won't have to cycle again.

JBDamonM · November 2014

@Mayzie15‌ - you and me both. I can't remember if it was the container she didn't out back or the straws. Either way same result

June0609 · November 2014

wow... I'm speechless at how careless they were! I hope this embie will stick for the long haul. If you were to cycle again are they going to give you free meds?

amandaleigh1 · November 2014

Oh no! I am so sorry that a lab error cost you your precious frozen embryos. What a terrible mistake.

Julie21613 · November 2014

I don't even know what to say about this! How horrible! How can a professional make an error like that!

Praying for the lil one snuggling in tight.............

kmc84 · November 2014

Many prayers for that embie to snuggle in tight!!!!

OMG-I can't even imagine the pain your going through. That is a generous offer the office gave you, but of course it fixes nothing

unbelievable... I'm so very sorry.

Eve_Angelique · November 2014

I can't imagine what you must be feeling. I am so sorry, I can't believe that would happen. Stick little embie stick!!

JBDamonM · November 2014

Ducky719 said:

Ditto to the free meds question! I'm still hoping you won't need it tho. I can't get you out of my mind. I am having so many jumbled thoughts: It fixes nothing, at least you could cycle again for free, sue...i just don't know what to think. The whole situation is absolutely horrific. I don't know what i would do in your case. Well, i know what i would be doing now, which is probably cry...i hope you aren't tho. I am so so so sorry.

I've cried plenty today. Including a solid ugly cry in my REs office. I'm going to be candid and hope that I don't offend anyone....this is probably my anger talking......but frankly as far as I am concerned I have a law suit on my hands. I am sure I have signed something saying the embryos may not survive the thaw, but I would certainly be floored if I ever signed off saying I agreed to the chance of a lab error. So on that note, I would expect them to pay for my meds. Truthfully the thought of a fresh cycle scares the shit out of me. First of all, I've had horrendous cervical issues, so if this fails I first have to go back to my OB and get the green light again......assuming I get it - I can't flucking believe I may have to re-open the emotions of the MFI DX. What if DHs issues have gotten worse? And like I mentioned we are older now. Older = worse results. It SUCKS all of it. With any luck this baby will stick. But even if it does - I want to be refunded for my freezing costs for the past two years or for the costs associated with this cycle (prob $1500) out of pocket. And frankly I want this as compensation for the emotional misery I feel today. While I know mistakes happen, that embryologists carelessness killed my babies. Maybe that's morbid and extreme but as far as I am concerned its true. Oh and @ducky719 just so were clear, only the first line of this message was in response to your post. GF - I'd never want you to think I was snarking at you

jesselayne8 · November 2014

Holy cow. How could they be so careless? I am soo sorry. I hope your one embie snuggles in tight for 9 months. Huge (((hugs))))!!!

efhoping2010 · November 2014

That is just horrific, I am so sorry

ccam · November 2014

Oh my god....wtf?! I don't even know what to say, my mouth literally dropped when I read this. I'm so sorry JB. I am so pissed and upset for you. Obviously this hits really close to home....how the hell can they be so careless?? I am happy to hear that the transfer went well though and I'm praying and thinking of you!!

JBDamonM · November 2014

@ccam - I don't know. I'm asking myself the same thing. I know mistakes happen, but really???? And all 4 of them.....I'm just devastated. The embryologist has 20 years experience and this has never happened. Part of me really thinks its unacceptable.

JBDamonM · November 2014

Ironically the transfer itself went way better than my first one. Due to everything that happened I am not even sure how I drank enough to fill my bladder but I hit it just right. No discomfort during the transfer at all and when it ended I barely wanted to get out of my recovery bed because I was so comfy! Hahah.

CarrieB. · November 2014

Omg, that is just crazy and horrible. I'm so sorry.

I really hope your little embie is snuggling in tight.

JBDamonM · November 2014

I need this little embie to be a fighter!

ccam · November 2014

JBDamonM said:

@ccam - I don't know. I'm asking myself the same thing. I know mistakes happen, but really???? And all 4 of them.....I'm just devastated. The embryologist has 20 years experience and this has never happened. Part of me really thinks its unacceptable.

I'm devastated for you. It's completely unacceptable and shouldn't ever happen. I'm so sorry

PennyLane26 · November 2014

i don't know what I thought I was going to read when I opened this thread, but I am dumbfounded. How awful JB! I am so sorry. I don't even know how I would keep it together if I was in your shoes. WTF?!?! Everyone else has already said it all, but my gawd. I'm so sorry.

I hope this is the only bad news you get this cycle. FX that this is your miracle baby!

phishgirl29 · November 2014

I'm so happy you had a great transfer!

I'm so sick about your embryos. I would document everything and attach it to a dollar amount. It's so upsetting. They should be kissing your ass after the hell they put you through. I'm so sorry JB

.

JBDamonM · November 2014

Ducky719 said:

I know you aren't snarking at me. My honest opinion is that people are too sue happy these days (aka, spilling hot coffee on their laps, etc) BUT this is complete negligence on their part in my mind. I can promise you your RE went home and told his wife that the practice was going to get sued. You def need to be reimbursed for freezing costs and also be compensated in some kind of way (either further cycling or a cash settlement). The money would not replace what you have lost or make you feel better...but you could always donate some to a good cause. That would make you feel good. Anyway, this is not for me to decide. I am dumbfounded.

That's just it Ducky. I don't want to sue. That's not me......at all. And I really like my actual RE and to his credit I think he was extremely gentle, sympathetic and understanding with this. And let's be real here - having to deliver this news had to suck. Big time. He is the director of the facility so he has all the power to make this right. So we will see what they due. To @phishgirl29‌ a point - they should be kissing my ass. They should want me to keep my mouth shut about this colossal fuck up. I will tell you I want something done and if this cycle works I will be greatly disheartened if they sweep this under the rug and don't acknowledge it. Just because I may be done at 2 kids does not mean I'm ok with my other 4 possible babies being forgotten about and left to arrest. I am so sick about this that I simply can't fathom having a growing child in my ute right now

JBDamonM · November 2014

@PennyLane26‌ - that's how I felt when they called me in. The nurse did my ID bracelet in the hall and put it on me so I knew we were good to go - but then they brought me back to the drs actual office. And I thought WTF could this be about? I have to wonder if they did that on purpose? Gave me the bracelet so I knew we were good to go before I lost my shit. My Dr told me he struggled with when to tell us, he didn't want to upset me before the procedure but was afraid I would ask him once we got in there, somewhere along the way if I still had 4 left and he would have to somehow give me am answer. He also promised me "he will get us through it if we have to cycle again." And then reassured us that everything looks really good with the embryo, my lining etc...... I just hope he's right. Now I have these irrational fears that they didn't pick the best embryo they picked the only salvageable one............ Nightmare

srveatch · November 2014

Wow- I can't believe they don't have procedures in place for two embryologist to check on one another. They probably do and this is even more of a mess up than they are admitting. I cannot imagine the grief you are feeling. I am so sorry and am hoping for a successful cycle.

Jenny935 · November 2014

Oh my goodness. I'm like you - not a lawsuit type seeking person at all, but even with their kind words I'd be thinking about something in writing. It's the loss of potential life due to negligence rather than all the other million things that happen in an IVF cycle. But beyond that, just so so sad. I am so glad you are PUPO and pray with all my heart that this is your take home baby in light of what you have lost. Hugs to you.

Mrs.AmyDylan · November 2014

@JBDamonM‌, I've been thinking about you all day and it still makes me sad/sick to my stomach. I want to storm your REs and go all bat-shit-crazy on your behalf. I'm praying that your little embie is snuggled in and ready to meet you in 9mo.

I'm with @ducky719. I think you should look into a lawsuit. However, you might consult an attorney with experience in medical malpractice before accepting any money whatsoever (storage fees, etc). Accepting money or reimbursement now may erode your position for a settlement. Regardless, you should have something in writing should you need to cycle again (what is covered, meds, # of comp cycles, perhaps payment for your time away from work to do a full cycle, etc).

JBDamonM · November 2014

@mrs.amydylan thanks for the thoughts and good advice.....I'm going to let things lay for a few days and see what happens. My top priority right now is trying to get past the immense sadness I feel and try to re-focus on the little one that's in my ute. Once I have a better idea of where I stand with that I will put more thoughts into next steps. Ironically my husband met with a lawyer on a totally unrelated topic this afternoon. This man is a food friend of his and he filled him in. The attorney actually has IVF twins himself through donor eggs. Long story but he did seem to think we had a case and I know he will help us if we need it. On a total sidenote.....i have mentioned my dad a lot through this cycle and the signs I keep getting and looking for from him. Two nights ago while driving home from daycare I asked him to send me a sign, telling him Friday is a big day for me. I came home and found my entryway light on in my dark house! Then today when DH was walking to grab a sandwich with said attorney he got hit in the face with a leaf .........just like the leaf that swirled around our car when leaving my dads funeral and the leaf that hit my car so hard that I jumped the day I ordered my meds etc. I can only hope my dad was trying to let my husband know everything was going to be ok! I totally rambled!!!!! Sorry - it's been a LONG day!

Mrs.AmyDylan · November 2014

@JBDamonM‌, I love that you got a great sign from your dad!!! Go with it and table everything for awhile. Huge hugs to you!!

Whales124 · November 2014

I'm reading this in total disbelief and am so sorry this happened to you. I brought it up to my DH at dinner tonight and he immediately said, lawsuit. But what's first and foremost is getting you through this cycle successfully. Hopefully these signs from your dad will give you some comfort, I def think they mean something!

RunCC37 · November 2014

OH MY @$&%ing GOD. I am SHOCKED to hear that this happened!! I am so, so sorry for your loss & that this now puts more pressure on this cycle. (((((hugs)))))

I'm sending lots of positive energy to you and your embryo

Wadzfaith · November 2014

Would you share which office this occurred?

imoverit · November 2014

Holy crap that is devastating!!! I'm beyond words about this whole situation and angry for you. All that work and those little ones gone like that. Ugh. So painful. Praying.

trigirl79 · November 2014

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I cannot fathom how something like that happens. My heart aches for you

Fingers crossed that this little one sticks and you can put it all behind you!

JM1977 · November 2014

My heart hurts reading this update. I'm so, so sorry that their carelessness cost you so much. ((Hugs))

JBDamonM · November 2014

@Wadzfaith‌ - if that was the direction I wished to go, I would post on my local board or anywhere else on the internet for that matter. The ladies on this board that go to my RE already know we go to the same clinic and have the FYI.....but otherwise I just don't see how that would help things

Dragonfly1226 · November 2014

There just aren't words hon. I cannot imagine how this could have happened. Sending my thoughts and prayers to you and your little fighter embie.

itsmevkb · November 2014

Wow, I just don't even know what to say other than I am so very sorry for your loss. It is one thing to have the embryos arrest on their own and another to have them arrest due to negligence. This isn't leaving out the mayo, it's leaving out potential human beings. Ugh, my heart just aches for you, your family and all your hopes for the future.

Offering to let you cycle for free if you aren't pregnant from this cycle is nice but it doesn't even really begin to make up for what happened. I'm not really sure there is anything that could. Huge hugs to you and I am really praying that this cycle is the one for you. You deserve some good news.

PUPO and a pretty unreal update......

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