Advice Needed! Family Drama...

xorissabear · October 2014

Hello ladies,

So I am almost 15 weeks pregnant now and I'm having some crazy family drama and stressing out! Last week, my mom (whose been struggling with alcohol for years) was arrested for DUI. She spent a few hours in jail until my sister bailed her out. Ever since, I've been extremely upset at the situation. She's been so irresponsible, how can I even think to trust her with my baby?? She's been trying to call me to talk like nothing ever happened and I just can't forget that. I wish I could talk to her, but she's so stubborn I know she will just flip out on me and I don't need this stress. Today I texted her and said I just need some space, I feel like I'm suffocating. What should I do from here? On top of all this, my sister who lives with my mom and has an addiction to prescription drugs is just another stressful situation which I don't know how to handle. Is anyone else going through anything like this too? How do you handle this?

IsadoraB · October 2014

Oh honey you are right to feel like you need some space. Your main priority is yourself and your little baby and that is what you need to protect.

I was raised by two alcoholics, my mom's first dui was when I was 8, she has been dober for 21 years now. My dad is still in and out of rehab/jail. Being a child of an addict you have to learn how to take care of yourself when your parents won't do it.

Has your mom considered rehab? Is she aware of her problem? Have you considered an intervention? If she is an active drunk you CAN NOT trust her to watch your child. Be ready to lay down the law and do what you can to get her help, but know that if she refuses it that is her choice. Going to rehab may help her dui court case, I know my mom was given the choice of rehab or jail.

Whatever you do, do not trust addicts.

melb331 · October 2014

I.went through something like this but i just focused on my baby and myself there's nothing really you can do to help a alcoholic or a drug addict, they gotta want the help for themselves don't stress while you're pregnant it's not healthy for the baby.

JSNoto · November 2014

Your situation is difficult but I've gotta say, it's not as bad as not being able to send the text/call at all. Prioritize your business first but like everyone said, create your boundaries. The hardest thing for me was to find that people did not absorb the role which I thought people automatically just happened into (totally my own fault but just goes to show, plan nothing).

leahmary82 · November 2014

I have also had issues with family members with similar problems.

The most important thing is for you to take care of your child and yourself, and to set clear boundaries.

I would, when you feel emotionally ready, call or write to them. Tell them that you love them very much, but the choices they make cause you pain. Let them know that as an expectant mother you need to put your health and your child's health first. Tell them that their choices are their own, and you do not hold them against them, but that you cannot put yourself or your child to be put in danger. As long as they continue to make their current choices, they will not babysit, drive you or your baby, etc.

Be prepared that they may not respond well.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.