UO and Randoms

AlinnJo · November 2014

We just got a $1600 bill from the IRS. Awesome.

melody921 · November 2014

BPer said:

I had a phone interview for another position on campus last week, and they called me for an in-person interview next week.

I think I am 1 of 3, but I have no idea if I really even want this job or not. I think I applied to it when I was all "I need to get out of this office no matter what".

Still doesn't hurt to go through the interview process, during which you can ascertain if it's a right fit.

BeebopandBuddy · November 2014

BPer said:

BeebopandBuddy said:

I'm looking around for a Christmas gift for my in-laws. How the hell is it $400 for a bacon of the month club? I see no point in buying just 3 months and I don't understand how bacon delivered once a month should be that expensive. Geez.

This is a thing? That sounds amazing.

Yep, and there are a few to choose from but they all are so expensive!

melody921 · November 2014

On the subject of jobs, I'm starting to scare myself a little. I've been looking around to see what else is out there, and the answer is not much. I'm finding PR is not really my thing, or at least it's not my thing when it involves so much crisis communication. I much preferred writing or editing-related work, but then that doesn't pay as well or it's not stable or the hours are crazy. Sigh. Anyone have any new career paths for a journalism/PR person who only has a B.A. to pursue? I feel right now like I'm qualified to do nothing. In my dream world, I would have a professional, part-time job that I liked so I had a little more time for the kids and writing. Maybe I'm just overlooking something obvious.

BPer · November 2014

melody921 said:

BPer said:

I had a phone interview for another position on campus last week, and they called me for an in-person interview next week.

I think I am 1 of 3, but I have no idea if I really even want this job or not. I think I applied to it when I was all "I need to get out of this office no matter what".

Still doesn't hurt to go through the interview process, during which you can ascertain if it's a right fit.

Yeah, I'm going to do it. It's a state position whereas I'm RF, so it will likely pay quite a bit more, which may make it worth it at this point. My office is a mess. There needs to be an airing of grievances.

Flamingemu · November 2014

melody921 said:
On the subject of jobs, I'm starting to scare myself a little. I've been looking around to see what else is out there, and the answer is not much. I'm finding PR is not really my thing, or at least it's not my thing when it involves so much crisis communication. I much preferred writing or editing-related work, but then that doesn't pay as well or it's not stable or the hours are crazy. Sigh. Anyone have any new career paths for a journalism/PR person who only has a B.A. to pursue? I feel right now like I'm qualified to do nothing. In my dream world, I would have a professional, part-time job that I liked so I had a little more time for the kids and writing. Maybe I'm just overlooking something obvious.

Try consulting. We accept all.

BPer · November 2014

I only have randoms these days.

This morning on the way to daycare, we passed a neighbor's pond that had a bunch of deer around it.

Hannah started laughing hysterically and said "Look at the goats by the beach!"

...close, kid.

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

@bper I am dying of laughter!!

melody921 · November 2014

BeebopandBuddy said:

I'm looking around for a Christmas gift for my in-laws. How the hell is it $400 for a bacon of the month club? I see no point in buying just 3 months and I don't understand how bacon delivered once a month should be that expensive. Geez.

I see nothing wrong with 3 months. They get to try it, and in case they're not that enthused, it's not coming for an entire year.

melody921 · November 2014

Flamingemu said:

On the subject of jobs, I'm starting to scare myself a little. I've been looking around to see what else is out there, and the answer is not much. I'm finding PR is not really my thing, or at least it's not my thing when it involves so much crisis communication. I much preferred writing or editing-related work, but then that doesn't pay as well or it's not stable or the hours are crazy. Sigh. Anyone have any new career paths for a journalism/PR person who only has a B.A. to pursue? I feel right now like I'm qualified to do nothing. In my dream world, I would have a professional, part-time job that I liked so I had a little more time for the kids and writing. Maybe I'm just overlooking something obvious.
Try consulting. We accept all.

@Flamingemu, how does that even work with my skill set? Like who hires a writing/editing consultant? I feel like the consultants I hear about are always more businessy.

melody921 · November 2014

BPer said:

I only have randoms these days.

This morning on the way to daycare, we passed a neighbor's pond that had a bunch of deer around it.

Hannah started laughing hysterically and said "Look at the goats by the beach!"

...close, kid.

LMAO, where do kids get this stuff? That reminds me of when we went to a rodeo and DD started yelling "ZEBRAS!!!" when she saw horses.

Flamingemu · November 2014

melody921 said:

Flamingemu said:

On the subject of jobs, I'm starting to scare myself a little. I've been looking around to see what else is out there, and the answer is not much. I'm finding PR is not really my thing, or at least it's not my thing when it involves so much crisis communication. I much preferred writing or editing-related work, but then that doesn't pay as well or it's not stable or the hours are crazy. Sigh. Anyone have any new career paths for a journalism/PR person who only has a B.A. to pursue? I feel right now like I'm qualified to do nothing. In my dream world, I would have a professional, part-time job that I liked so I had a little more time for the kids and writing. Maybe I'm just overlooking something obvious.
Try consulting. We accept all.

@Flamingemu, how does that even work with my skill set? Like who hires a writing/editing consultant? I feel like the consultants I hear about are always more businessy.

It depends on the work. We write proposals every day. Some firms could be looking for an internal person to work on proposal requests. Depending on the client work at the firm, there could be a lot of writing/editing work. I focus on federal finance, but even our agency is bringing someone on board to be a technical writer to work on briefs/international documents.

I have no background in writing/editing except that I went to Catholic school and am good at it. I have written and edited a ridiculous number of federal documents for new/ updated policy, SOPs, Business Processes, etc. I had the knowledge to write some of them, others I had to do the research. Anyone can do research (most firms have a large number of young associates to tackle that work), the writing is more difficult.

BPer · November 2014

This is more of a FFFC, but when I came back from lunch (read: waxing) there were no good parking spots, and I'm wearing heels, and it's supposed to start snowing here soon.

I pulled off my faculty hang tag, put it in my purse, and parked in the last visitor spot.

YOLO.

hmp1 · November 2014

I was just thinking the compound needs to be in Hawaii! FX for a couple years in paradise, Harti!

MrsKipper · November 2014

@harti09‌ As amazing as NC is (/sarcasm), Hawaii would be such a cool experience!

Pokedot · November 2014

I'm having the hardest time finding a train table I like for DS for Christmas. After purchasing some Thomas Train things I now realize that most of them aren't compatible with it unless it's the wooden ones. Help me shop! I'm so over this damn table.

BeebopandBuddy · November 2014

Pokedot said:
I'm having the hardest time finding a train table I like for DS for Christmas. After purchasing some Thomas Train things I now realize that most of them aren't compatible with it unless it's the wooden ones. Help me shop! I'm so over this damn table.

The KidKraft ones are compatible with Thomas. Or did you not want a wooden set?

Hyaline · November 2014

harti09 said:

DH just found out he's up for another position. We'll find out in a few weeks if we're staying here an additional year (which involves a deployment), going back to NC (home), or now possibly Hawaii (paradise).

Fingers crossed for a move soon. I'm all giddy thinking about Hawaii. How awesome would that be?

I forget, @harti09 --which branch of service? An old friend of mine just finished a few years in Hawaii with her Navy husband. They loved it--but I think they were glad to come back and be closer to family, too.

DH (Naval Reserve) just got his last certification so deployment is now on the table...I'm keeping fingers crossed for a stateside activation, but I think he truly wants to go...bridges to cross when we come to them, I guess.

hmp1 · November 2014

BeebopandBuddy said:

I'm having the hardest time finding a train table I like for DS for Christmas. After purchasing some Thomas Train things I now realize that most of them aren't compatible with it unless it's the wooden ones. Help me shop! I'm so over this damn table.
The KidKraft ones are compatible with Thomas. Or did you not want a wooden set?

I'm confused. What is it you are looking for? Do you have the plastic track? Most everything out there is wooden so it would be easier to make the switch to the wooden set. We were given a plastic circle track and brought it to my moms for the boys to play with there and we have the wooden sets here. But why would a table not be compatible with the plastic set? Unless you are looking at the tables that come with tracks.

hmp1 · November 2014

Are you crafty enough to make a table.

This is freaking awesome

DIY train table. no tutorial, but i think i can steal enough from the pics! haha!

Or I like these pull out ones on wheels that can go under a bed or couch

Or another Ikea hack (but I would use baskets to hide the train train stuff)

Ikea Hack: kids play table made from Lack Shelving Unit, interior door and casters by beverley

watercolor5 · November 2014

Is third hand smoke exposure to smoke in clothing? The girls' pediatrician definitely handed me paperwork about it, in reference to don't let a smoker put your baby's face against their clothing.

@hyaline show me a study that says smelling smoke isn't bad for you, because there are carcinogens in the smoke itself, so if you can smell it, you're getting some particles into your system. Hard to make the "a little bit won't hurt" argument if we don't know how much will impact health negatively.

And besides, my body, my choice to not be exposed. I'm mainly talking about 2nd hand smoke in an inappropriate environment, like the oncologist's office or the hospital. I'm not for shaming people who choose to smoke in their homes or outside or whatever, but if I had cancer and couldn't see my doc without smelling it, or if I can't keep it away from my kids, I take issue.

Flamingemu · November 2014

harti09 said:
DH just found out he's up for another position. We'll find out in a few weeks if we're staying here an additional year (which involves a deployment), going back to NC (home), or now possibly Hawaii (paradise).

Fingers crossed for a move soon. I'm all giddy thinking about Hawaii. How awesome would that be?

My best guy friend is in Hawaii for the Marines right now. He loves it and is looking to stay west coast for his next post after being there.

watercolor5 · November 2014

origamipoppy said:

Wait. Just because you smell the scent of old smoke means it's still smoke? I mean, does my sleeping bag that smells like campfire from several years of use still have carcinogens in it?

And it's kinda lofty to ask someone to disprove a point you haven't made. If you want @hyaline to show you a study saying it isn't bad, why not show her one saying it is. It's not really how scientific studies work.

And not to be overly nitpicky, but second hand smoke is actual smoke coming actively out of a cigarette. I find it hard to believe you would be exposed to that in the doc's office or hospital.

I was just responding to her saying show me a study that says the smell of smoke is bad for you. I shouldn't have to prove something is bad for me to not want to be around it- if there's the slightest possibility, I should have the right to protect myself from it. Again, I'm not talking about sitting at a bus stop or something, I was talking in the context of an oncologist's office, where people presumably have cancer, and are at further risk of health complications than the general public.

Yeah, it should be a moot point at a dr.'s office or hospital, because it isn't allowed there. If PP smelled smoke while sitting in the office, I'm assuming it wasn't wafting off of someone's clothing, but that a patient was smoking against the rules. That was the only scenario I meant to shame. I have no desire to shame smokers, the obese, or alcoholics. I will totally shame something that impacts my well-being, like smoking in an airplane, or in a bunker I'm forced to be in because there's a mortar attack (happened all the time in the army,) or drunk driving.

Sorry I got too specific to make sense there...

watercolor5 · November 2014

IndigoVader said:

Thank you @Sahara78. I meant to say if you wash the shit out of shit, is it still shit? Does that make sense, because the focus seems to be on the smell and nothing else. So, if you wash the smell out of shit, does any one else think carrying it around would be fun?

Oh ok, I get what you're saying. It didn't occur to me that you could have the smell without chemical residue. I was under the impression that the smoke always had chemical residue in it. And I did think that the smell of campfire was bad for you. :-/ Never claimed to be an expert though, just would be interested in being proven wrong!

Hyaline · November 2014

IndigoVader said:

watercolor5 said:

IndigoVader said:

Thank you @Sahara78. I meant to say if you wash the shit out of shit, is it still shit? Does that make sense, because the focus seems to be on the smell and nothing else. So, if you wash the smell out of shit, does any one else think carrying it around would be fun?

Oh ok, I get what you're saying. It didn't occur to me that you could have the smell without chemical residue. I was under the impression that the smoke always had chemical residue in it. And I did think that the smell of campfire was bad for you. :-/ Never claimed to be an expert though, just would be interested in being proven wrong!

Wait, no, I'm not sure if I'm saying it right. You can have the chemical residue without the smell and vice versa. The smell is just the smell, not the determination of good or bad. Brussel sprouts, for instance.

I mean, I can smell my husband taking a shit in the bathroom with the door closed, and I know I'm not breathing poo particulate in that particular case. I'm just experiencing an unpleasant odor. It's probably gaseous methane, aka my husband's college nickname.

I do know that, as smoke on clothing, fibers, etc, breaks down, the chemical composition changes. It's no longer the same stuff you breathe airborne. One of the ZOMG THIRDHAND SMOKE KILLS studies (as reported by CNN or whoever--may be the study Sahara linked to the article about) was actually about how, under lab controlled conditions, they could combine into the original (harmful) components *with other indoor pollutants* (ie the stuff you're breathing anyway but don't seem to care about because it's not ZOMG smoke). So the study had at its core that the residue actually isn't problematic without this recombining (that may or may not happen IRL, because the researchers had to prod it into happening in a lab)--but was reported as ZOMG. NOTHING in the study investigated amounts required to damage an individual or whether the components are harmful on their own or how you'd have to expose yourself to invite harm. That does NOT speak to the potential irritant factor you heard in the NICU, Sahara--irritant (especially for a newborn) and carcinogen are not the same thing. I refer again to my husband taking a dump

If you want to avoid it, that's fine. If you're a better safe than sorry person, go ahead (though again, I question if you breathe car exhaust and fireplace smoke, because those are carcinogenic, too). It's a personal choice. But when it comes around to "it's ok to shame smokers or make assumptions about them because they affect my health" you actually have no grounds for that unless you're speaking specifically to exposure to secondhand smoke. And even if you did, I think shaming people is shitty.

watercolor5 · November 2014

IndigoVader said:

watercolor5 said:

IndigoVader said:

Thank you @Sahara78. I meant to say if you wash the shit out of shit, is it still shit? Does that make sense, because the focus seems to be on the smell and nothing else. So, if you wash the smell out of shit, does any one else think carrying it around would be fun?

Oh ok, I get what you're saying. It didn't occur to me that you could have the smell without chemical residue. I was under the impression that the smoke always had chemical residue in it. And I did think that the smell of campfire was bad for you. :-/ Never claimed to be an expert though, just would be interested in being proven wrong!

Wait, no, I'm not sure if I'm saying it right. You can have the chemical residue without the smell and vice versa. The smell is just the smell, not the determination of good or bad. Brussel sprouts, for instance.

But the smell of smoke... is the smell of the chemical process that happens when something burns. The chemicals released in the breakdown that happens during the burning, esp of tobacco and cigarrette additives, are bad for you, so is it really possible to smell the chemical breakdown without the chemicals themselves being present? I thought it was kind of a separate category than smelly brussel sprouts.

Maybe I just don't get it... I really do think that the smell of smoke=smoke

watercolor5 · November 2014

@Indigovader were you saying that smelling bad and being bad can be mutually exclusive? Like how they put a bad smell to natural gas so we can tell when we left a burner on or when it's leaking in our homes, but it doesn't actually smell bad/isn't toxic itself?

@hyaline I don't think I was ever shaming anyone, except in the context of actually smoking in a doctor's office. I wasn't really ever referring to third hand smoke, other than mentioning that pedis give out paperwork about it in reference to babies- you may be right that it's more of an irritant thing, I don't know. I was defending the right of someone who wants to be on the extremely careful side in regards to their health, like the cancer patient or premie parent, to not be around second hand smoke. I do think there's a relation between people who do shame smokers, and the fact that it doesn't affect only them when they smoke.

Anyway, we're all beating a dead horse at this point.

Pokedot · November 2014

Sorry ladies I was MIA after I posted. We picked up a few of the Thoms the Train cars that are magnetic but are used for the plastic track. I never noticed until all of the train tables said specifically they can only be used with the wooden trains. So Kidkraft, Imaginarium, Thomas all of them are interchangeable as long as the train is wood.

I think we'll get DS this:

We're very lucky that we don't have to worry about how much space it takes up since his playroom is huge. This one comes with the track and trains. Plus the trains are much less expensive than the Thomas ones. Those things are insane! Thanks for your help!

BeebopandBuddy · November 2014

@Pokedot‌ I tried looking at the Beer of the Month last night and it seems just as expensive as the bacon. Did you find a good deal on one?

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

What's funny is that I was saying people are more aggressive with smoke shaming than other things because the smell affects them, as in the bad odor alone is enough for them to have a really negative reaction - second/third/ninth hand smoke aside.

I'm trying to think of another thing that is shamed based on smell alone. Not coming up with anything.

Pokedot · November 2014

BeebopandBuddy said:

@Pokedot‌ I tried looking at the Beer of the Month last night and it seems just as expensive as the bacon. Did you find a good deal on one?

I went through craftbeerclub.com and did a 3 month shipment. It was nice becuase it was every other month so DH got it for 6 months. Since he's the only one to drinks beer it lasted him the stretch. He loved it! They send you a letter with each shipment about the companies that make the beer and recipes that would go great with them. Go through ebates and you can get 6% back plus if you use iSave10 right now you get $10 off.

Flamingemu · November 2014

Pokedot said:

BeebopandBuddy said:

@Pokedot‌ I tried looking at the Beer of the Month last night and it seems just as expensive as the bacon. Did you find a good deal on one?

I went through craftbeerclub.com and did a 3 month shipment. It was nice becuase it was every other month so DH got it for 6 months. Since he's the only one to drinks beer it lasted him the stretch. He loved it! They send you a letter with each shipment about the companies that make the beer and recipes that would go great with them. Go through ebates and you can get 6% back plus if you use iSave10 right now you get $10 off.

I did beer of the month club for DH a few years ago. The only problem we had is that someone has to be home to sign for each delivery. We lived in an apartment at the time so we had to go to UPS to pick it up every month - pain in the ass.

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

I wish I could go back in time and come across as more of an uptight hippy bitch with the way I 'want' to raise my kids... just to head off all of these situations with my inlaws, seeing as how I have zero confrontation gonads.

Oh, did I ever mention on here how our pedi said we could FF winn at her 2y appt, and I had a talk with DH about how important RF was to me and even sent him an email with links and told him we could revisit in 6 months. Then MIL pulls up four days later making a huge fucking deal to winn about her sitting in a big girl seat (ie. FF carseat). I was absolutely stunned and tongue tied. We drove separate to meet them at a restaurant, and as soon as I got in the car I told DH how upset I was. Turns out he told her she could do it!!! It caused a fight between us for 2 weeks and if I bring it up again, it will be another 2 weeks of fighting. He thinks I'm ridiculous and not allowing him to make a parenting decision; he was sick of his mom asking twice a week to turn her. He said he made a decision based on what the pedi said. I still feel completely violated by the whole thing but I'm not sure of the RF weight limits of MIL's seat anyway, so I dropped it.

....so now I wonder if I can pump myself up to be a no-nonsense, straight-forward hippy bitch about stuff with DD2 to prevent all of these awkward situations. Can I do that with #2 if I didn't do it with #1? Just keep MIL informed of what is currently going on so she doesn't make dumb decisions - like, no solid foods, no added sugar, RF seat, etc.?

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

I want to sign up for a wine club now, starting in march. I want to drink so much wine after this baby. I am craving it so bad!

BeebopandBuddy · November 2014

tinyhumantoe said:

I wish I could go back and time and come across as more of an uptight hippy bitch with the way I 'want' to raise my kids... just to head off all of these situations with my inlaws, seeing as how I have zero confrontation gonads.

Oh, did I ever mention on here how our pedi said we could FF winn at her 2y appt, and I had a talk with DH about how important RF was to me and even sent him an email with links and told him we could revisit in 6 months. Then MIL pulls up four days later making a huge fucking deal to winn about her sitting in a big girl seat (ie. FF carseat). I was absolutely stunned and tongue tied. We drove separate to meet them at a restaurant, and as soon as I got in the car I told DH how upset I was. Turns out he told her she could do it!!! It caused a fight between us for 2 weeks and if I bring it up again, it will be another 2 weeks of fighting. He thinks I'm ridiculous and not allowing him to make a parenting decision; he was sick of his mom asking twice a week to turn her. He said he made a decision based on what the pedi said. I still feel completely violated by the whole thing but I'm not sure of the RF weight limits of MIL's seat anyway, so I dropped it.

....so now I wonder if I can pump myself up to be a no-nonsense, straight-forward hippy bitch about stuff with DD2 to prevent all of these awkward situations. Can I do that with #2 if I didn't do it with #1? Just keep MIL informed of what is currently going on so she doesn't make dumb decisions - like, no solid foods, no added sugar, RF seat, etc.?

I think you can, but you have to decide and stick to it. Since you have admitted you usually cave, they will probably make it really hard at first figuring you will do it again. You will have to show them you aren't going to and then it will start getting easier. I totally think it's doable but will take long-term resolve. Also, it will probably also take the wine that you mentioned in the next post.

Flamingemu · November 2014

BeebopandBuddy said:

tinyhumantoe said:

I wish I could go back and time and come across as more of an uptight hippy bitch with the way I 'want' to raise my kids... just to head off all of these situations with my inlaws, seeing as how I have zero confrontation gonads.

Oh, did I ever mention on here how our pedi said we could FF winn at her 2y appt, and I had a talk with DH about how important RF was to me and even sent him an email with links and told him we could revisit in 6 months. Then MIL pulls up four days later making a huge fucking deal to winn about her sitting in a big girl seat (ie. FF carseat). I was absolutely stunned and tongue tied. We drove separate to meet them at a restaurant, and as soon as I got in the car I told DH how upset I was. Turns out he told her she could do it!!! It caused a fight between us for 2 weeks and if I bring it up again, it will be another 2 weeks of fighting. He thinks I'm ridiculous and not allowing him to make a parenting decision; he was sick of his mom asking twice a week to turn her. He said he made a decision based on what the pedi said. I still feel completely violated by the whole thing but I'm not sure of the RF weight limits of MIL's seat anyway, so I dropped it.

....so now I wonder if I can pump myself up to be a no-nonsense, straight-forward hippy bitch about stuff with DD2 to prevent all of these awkward situations. Can I do that with #2 if I didn't do it with #1? Just keep MIL informed of what is currently going on so she doesn't make dumb decisions - like, no solid foods, no added sugar, RF seat, etc.?

I think you can, but you have to decide and stick to it. Since you have admitted you usually cave, they will probably make it really hard at first figuring you will do it again. You will have to show them you aren't going to and then it will start getting easier. I totally think it's doable but will take long-term resolve. Also, it will probably also take the wine that you mentioned in the next post.

I agree with @Beebopandbuddy. Yes, but it won't be easy. If you stick to your guns, they will eventually listen.

Flamingemu · November 2014

Sahara78 said:

tinyhumantoe said:
....so now I wonder if I can pump myself up to be a no-nonsense, straight-forward hippy bitch about stuff with DD2 to prevent all of these awkward situations. Can I do that with #2 if I didn't do it with #1? Just keep MIL informed of what is currently going on so she doesn't make dumb decisions - like, no solid foods, no added sugar, RF seat, etc.?

I think you could, but it will be difficult if your DH doesn't back you up. Also, you & your kid(s) spend so much time with them, I wonder if your ILs feel like they have more of a right to make decisions for LO.

Honestly, I probably would've gotten too frustrated with MIL and put my kid in FT daycare, so take my thoughts with a grain of salt.

I tend to think this may be true as well. I have seen the same issue with friends and grandparent influence is greater with more time spent.

hmp1 · November 2014

tinyhumantoe said:

I wish I could go back in time and come across as more of an uptight hippy bitch with the way I 'want' to raise my kids... just to head off all of these situations with my inlaws, seeing as how I have zero confrontation gonads.

Oh, did I ever mention on here how our pedi said we could FF winn at her 2y appt, and I had a talk with DH about how important RF was to me and even sent him an email with links and told him we could revisit in 6 months. Then MIL pulls up four days later making a huge fucking deal to winn about her sitting in a big girl seat (ie. FF carseat). I was absolutely stunned and tongue tied. We drove separate to meet them at a restaurant, and as soon as I got in the car I told DH how upset I was. Turns out he told her she could do it!!! It caused a fight between us for 2 weeks and if I bring it up again, it will be another 2 weeks of fighting. He thinks I'm ridiculous and not allowing him to make a parenting decision; he was sick of his mom asking twice a week to turn her. He said he made a decision based on what the pedi said. I still feel completely violated by the whole thing but I'm not sure of the RF weight limits of MIL's seat anyway, so I dropped it.

....so now I wonder if I can pump myself up to be a no-nonsense, straight-forward hippy bitch about stuff with DD2 to prevent all of these awkward situations. Can I do that with #2 if I didn't do it with #1? Just keep MIL informed of what is currently going on so she doesn't make dumb decisions - like, no solid foods, no added sugar, RF seat, etc.?

Do it now, why wait for #2. If she already thinks you are being pushy about stuff, show her how you really want to be. And tell DH that your kid is not a minimum, rear facing and diet is really important to you and the things you are willing to fight about (if that is true). His mom can dress her in all the ugly coats and track suits she wants, safety and food are non-negotiable.

Hyaline · November 2014

hmp1 said:

tinyhumantoe said:

I wish I could go back in time and come across as more of an uptight hippy bitch with the way I 'want' to raise my kids... just to head off all of these situations with my inlaws, seeing as how I have zero confrontation gonads.

Oh, did I ever mention on here how our pedi said we could FF winn at her 2y appt, and I had a talk with DH about how important RF was to me and even sent him an email with links and told him we could revisit in 6 months. Then MIL pulls up four days later making a huge fucking deal to winn about her sitting in a big girl seat (ie. FF carseat). I was absolutely stunned and tongue tied. We drove separate to meet them at a restaurant, and as soon as I got in the car I told DH how upset I was. Turns out he told her she could do it!!! It caused a fight between us for 2 weeks and if I bring it up again, it will be another 2 weeks of fighting. He thinks I'm ridiculous and not allowing him to make a parenting decision; he was sick of his mom asking twice a week to turn her. He said he made a decision based on what the pedi said. I still feel completely violated by the whole thing but I'm not sure of the RF weight limits of MIL's seat anyway, so I dropped it.

....so now I wonder if I can pump myself up to be a no-nonsense, straight-forward hippy bitch about stuff with DD2 to prevent all of these awkward situations. Can I do that with #2 if I didn't do it with #1? Just keep MIL informed of what is currently going on so she doesn't make dumb decisions - like, no solid foods, no added sugar, RF seat, etc.?

Do it now, why wait for #2. If she already thinks you are being pushy about stuff, show her how you really want to be. And tell DH that your kid is not a minimum, rear facing and diet is really important to you and the things you are willing to fight about (if that is true). His mom can dress her in all the ugly coats and track suits she wants, safety and food are non-negotiable.

That was my thought. Why wait? Start now. And DH needs to be on board--so I think you guys need to make these decisions TOGETHER first, and then present a united front. As much as it would be easier, you can't decide this stuff on your own, impose it on him, and expect him to go to bat for you. (Not that I'm saying you're doing that, just in general, but he clearly had a different opinion than you did on the carseat thing, and it sounds like you didn't resolve it together before the MIL incident happened.) He has to be involved, you have to be resolved together--and both have to grow a pair and stand up to his parents.

And I agree with @hmp that you have to decide what the non-negotiables are and what the "oh, let it go" stuff is. My mom buys more toys for DD than I'd like. Whatever. Not a big deal since she lets me decide about food and carseat stuff.

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

I'm thinking when she goes to babysit DD2 for the first time, just saying, "Okay, her diapers are in the bag, milk is in the fridge, and milk is the only thing she is to have - no solids."

As she gets older, "snacks are in the bag, no juice or sweets, bla bla"

Giving more expectations, since it's confrontation I suck with. I really need to remember it's easier to say something immediately when it happens than to wait and create awkwardness.

Also, do you think anyone on earth has ever purchased this bed? LOL
Hokku Designs Pesaro Platform Bed

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