Need advice or encouragement

sweet*18 · November 2014

I need to vent to people that will understand. Just brought DS in for his 9 month checkup and his weight has dropped to the 11%, he's started refusing and gaging on solid food and jar foods and wont drink more than 3oz as of 2.5 weeks ago. He's still breastfed.

The dr said his head circumference has slowed but it could be from not eating. She said he needs more calories and to introduce formula. I'm a mess. I feel like a horrible mom and a failure. DH doesn't understand why I'm so upset. Dr said DS should be saying mama and dada too by now 9 months 3 days. But hes not. I feel like a Complete failure. You would think by kid #3 I'd have it figured out. We go back in a month to check weight and head measurements.

I'm sorry this post is all over the place. I guess I'm just looking for encouragement or any similar stories.

djtippietoes · November 2014

You're not a failure. Some kids just have issues with eating and growth. If it makes you feel less alone, LO is in the 1% for his weight and the doctors are also concerned. We also have to go back in a month.

Our pedi said to try foods that were more calorically dense like avocados and bananas.

Codypup · November 2014

I'm sorry, I know how hard this is.

You are NOT a failure by any stretch of the imagination!!

W is low on the growth curve, too, and she definitely does not call us Mama or Dada. Does your LO make those kinds of sounds at all? I really think 9 months is early to be making those associations.

I know the thought of introducing formula is hard. It felt like a punch in the gut when we had to do it. But it was also kind of a relief to know I was doing SOMETHING proactive, even if I didn't like it. Try not to beat yourself up...you're doing a wonderful job, this is not your fault, and your LO is going to be okay.

nebraska84 · November 2014

You are not a failure! Please know you are doing everything you can. DS2 is only in the 16% for weight, and eating has always been a struggle! And each kid is different with their development and it is ok that she isn't saying mama and dada yet. DS2 only says mama right now. Just love on her and try your best.

rachaelmary · November 2014

Hugs mama. You are definitely not a failure by any means.

My lo isn't even on the curve. She's in her own little growth curve. I've had to go in once a month since she was born to make sure she was still gaining. She also doesn't say mama or dada yet.

Is there some solid food your lo really likes? Could you mix more calorie dense food with that food so he eats it?

You are doing a great job! Don't forget that.

Bugs02 · November 2014

(((Hugs))) you are not a failure!
Great advice given here.

gingerm84 · November 2014

You are absolutly not failure!! Solid foods are not going well for us either...she will only eat bananas, that's it and has always been under 10% in weight. She makes noise, but is certainly not calling us mama or dada. Every baby is different!

Try not to over think, you are no doubt an awesome mom!

sdlaura · November 2014

I've never heard of it being a 9 month milestone to say mama and dada. I know that some sounds are normal, but not just those words specifically. Neither of my kids have said them regularly by 9 months. Also, I realize there's a lot of emotion tied up with BFing, but if you trust your doctor and your baby is not growing as they would like, I think you should supplement. To me it's a no-brainer. At this age, your baby has already gotten the benefit of BFing for a long time. Please don't feel bad about it. I think these feelings are a result of way too much pressure in our society to EBF.

Iznik · November 2014

I'm so sorry you're going through this! From about 3-4.5 months my daughter gained no weight and fell behind on her milestones, even though she seemed to be satisfied after nursing and I would give her 3 5oz bottles per day at DC. She just needed more than I could provide though so we had to supplement. I also felt like a failure for having to do so when BFing finally seemed to be going well and I had an ok supply! It was a great move though -- she really needed it and really started to catch up on milestones after that. Her weight percentile has risen quite a bit as well.

Good luck!! Once you see the improvement from supplementing I don't think you'll feel bad anymore!

Please cut yourself some slack as well! You're doing an awesome job.

TessyMessy · November 2014

You are NOT a failure! Everyone else made some great points already. I think your doctor made you worry unnecessarily about the Mama/Dada thing. 9 months is young to babble anything coherently. My LO doesn't babble much other than "uhhhho" it almost sounds like "uh oh". It's ok to be worried about LO but don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing a great job!

Altreed · November 2014

Don't feel like a failure, mama. You are doing great! I have a tiny peanut as well. I just wanted to encourage you that you can introduce formula without having to stop breast feeding. I was really scared about this when my pedi encouraged us to add formula in hopes of helping LO take in more volume/calories. We have struck a great balance with combo feeding for the past 4 months. I have found that I can still give LO the antibodies from breast feeding but feel confident in knowing he is taking in a larger amount of formula from a bottle. Good luck!

MamaHollywood27 · November 2014

I know it's repetitive but you're not a failure every baby is different I've had 2 be completely off the charts doctors concerned they were overweight I've had two on the low end, and one right in the middle all of them were feed from the same boobs so that's proof that every baby is different.

Try and take a deep breath and relax and just take it for what it is do you need to do. But don't feel pressured into doing anything do what works for you what feels right and good to you if you want to start adding avocados and bananas to his food regimen instead of supplementing formula first and see if that works try that. (((Hugs)))

sweet*18 · November 2014

Thank you everyone! I spoke with the lactation consultant and we are going to do a weight check on Wednesday. I'm going to start pumping more and try to get him to take more that way until Wednesday.

The lactation consultant said she spoke with our dr and will let her know how his weight is on Wednesday, if he is still not gaining, we will supplement. Our dr told us at our 6 month appt that DS should be taking 6-7 oz of BM every 3 hrs too. Which i spoke to another dr and the lactation consultant at that time and was told that wasn't right for all babies so we are considering switching doctors.

As far as the "talking" , i spoke to another dr and he said that he should be babbling not necessarily saying mama or dada which DS is doing. I wasn't even going to get a 2nd opinion until i read your comments so thank you again.

I appreciate all the advice and encouragement. Hugs to all the other moms struggling with eating and weight gain with your LO. Sorry i didn't respond sooner, I was stressed out about it all.

versed · November 2014

Big ((hugs)) to you.

I'm glad you're talking to an LC and considering a new dr. He seems greatly misinformed on BFing and language development.

* babies start babbling by about 8m. No words until a year.

* breastmilk changes as babies grow, so the quantity doesn't necessarily increase as babies age. My kids never took more than 3oz of BM in a bottle.

Good luck! And supplementing isn't horrible - you can still have a great breastfeeding relationship with some formula thrown in. You have this!

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