Is it ok to have a baby shower if your pregnant eith your 2nd baby?

beckobee · November 2014

Is it ok to have a baby shower if your pregnant with your 2nd baby?

I've heard mixed feelings about this but would like some opinions. Especially because i have a feeling im having a boy this time so i need boy stuff

[Deleted User] · November 2014

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Berry0129 · November 2014

I seem to not share the majority of opinion here when I say that it is fine. I plan to do a sprinkle and invite family only and no games - just a time to get together with family to celebrate a new life. My first baby had a huge shower and I do think it's tacky to do another huge shower, but I don't think it's tacky to celebrate a new life.

thehills1983 · November 2014

laurenn217 said:
There's nothing wrong in my opinion with having a baby shower for your second pregnancy it's a way to celebrate your new baby and have your family and friends together and it's fun and if you need boy things I think you should have a baby shower.

Whatever you do, don't take this advice. If you want to celebrate your new baby, have a meet the baby party after he is born.
Listen to the other ladies on this board who are much more knowledgeable.

josim · November 2014

Maybe also wait to plan anything until you confirm it's a boy....my mom had a feeling I was a boy too.

soofttie · November 2014

My first will be 20 month and we are having one. BUT we didn't have one for the first since he showed up a month early. And all of our family is begging for us to have one. I doubt it will be formal and I doubt any friends will be invited. We honestly are just doing it so we don't end up with crazy crap. Our family is also notorious for throwing surprise parties.

Maybe diaper BBQ? Or a lunch-in to celebrate? No gifts requested on the invite.

josim · November 2014

It's generally seen as tacky and gift-grabby.

A more accepted option is to have a "meet the baby" type event after it's born.

sarahchrismck · November 2014

It's not considered appropriate to have a second shower. If you need boy stuff, then you are going to have to buy it yourself. Of course, people may still choose to give you gifts, but you shouldn't be asking for them at this point.

Pintobean39 · November 2014

I personally think it's tacky regardless. It's especially not necessary because you are having a different sex this time. Showers are for FTM's in my opinion. I'm going to have 16 yrs in between mine, it's my husbands first, it's his family's first grandchild and I'm still not having one. My husband and I chose to have a child so we will purchase what it needs.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

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stark01938209 · November 2014

laurenn217 said:
There's nothing wrong in my opinion with having a baby shower for your second pregnancy it's a way to celebrate your new baby and have your family and friends together and it's fun and if you need boy things I think you should have a baby shower.

I've decided I agree with this. I'm not a traditionalist. The days of old school etiquette are dying- not just in regards to pregnancy stuff. Be progressive and party it up. I'm not going to have one this time (mainly I don't want a fuss-sort of private person)- but I'd never judge someone like that.

Berry0129 · November 2014

I don't know how to quote someone, but NO, AFwifelife, I am not throwing it myself. I am just taking my family up on their offer. I think new life should be celebrated and I am not sorry for it.

Berry0129 · November 2014

AFwifelife said:

Berry0129 said:

I seem to not share the majority of opinion here when I say that it is fine. I plan to do a sprinkle and invite family only and no games - just a time to get together with family to celebrate a new life. My first baby had a huge shower and I do think it's tacky to do another huge shower, but I don't think it's tacky to celebrate a new life.

Second baby shower and you are throwing it yourself? 8-|

OK, I figured out how to quote. So, to answer your question, NO I am not throwing it myself. I am just taking my family up on their offer. I think new life should be celebrated and I am not sorry for it.

Berry0129 · November 2014

amelandre said:

I understand wanting another party, but I really think anyone considering a second shower should consider how your guests feel. A party may be "all about you" but if your guests aren't having fun, you won't either. I have been to a couple "second showers" in my day, (including my own sister's, SMH) and in every case, you could tell people just felt awkward. I think making people feel compelled to give you a gift is rude, and that's not just for second showers, that's for any occasion.

I'm on the side of having a Meet & Greet or "Sip & See" after baby #2 is born, keeping it very low-key, and including on any invites that you would enjoy their presence, not presents.

If that is the case, then how long after the baby is born do people normally do this type of party? I imagine by the time I get around to having a Meet & Greet, my family would have already seen the baby at various times since coming home from the hospital and therefore it would seem this type of party would be a waste of time. I am not trying to be critical, just trying to get more information.

thehills1983 · November 2014

Berry0129 said:

AFwifelife said:

Berry0129 said:

I seem to not share the majority of opinion here when I say that it is fine. I plan to do a sprinkle and invite family only and no games - just a time to get together with family to celebrate a new life. My first baby had a huge shower and I do think it's tacky to do another huge shower, but I don't think it's tacky to celebrate a new life.

Second baby shower and you are throwing it yourself? 8-|

OK, I figured out how to quote. So, to answer your question, NO I am not throwing it myself. I am just taking my family up on their offer. I think new life should be celebrated and I am not sorry for it.

----quote fail----
Since you stated " I plan to..." I can see how someone could get the idea that you're the one planning the "sprinkle" (man I hate that word). And IMO using the word "sprinkle" does not make it less tacky.

Berry0129 · November 2014

thehills1983 said:

AFwifelife said:

Berry0129 said:

I seem to not share the majority of opinion here when I say that it is fine. I plan to do a sprinkle and invite family only and no games - just a time to get together with family to celebrate a new life. My first baby had a huge shower and I do think it's tacky to do another huge shower, but I don't think it's tacky to celebrate a new life.

Second baby shower and you are throwing it yourself? 8-|

OK, I figured out how to quote. So, to answer your question, NO I am not throwing it myself. I am just taking my family up on their offer. I think new life should be celebrated and I am not sorry for it.
----quote fail---- Since you stated " I plan to..." I can see how someone could get the idea that you're the one planning the "sprinkle" (man I hate that word). And IMO using the word "sprinkle" does not make it less tacky.

My goodness you all are funny.

)

MrsLolaSky · November 2014

I guess to each their own. Personally, I decline second showers and do not send a gift, even though I otherwise like to send a little gift. No guilt. Though I will say that this only happened once.... No one else I know has been so tacky thus far.

djm31012 · November 2014

Its terrible and a huge imposition to the people that went to your first one. Calling it a sprinkle doesnt make it any better. Those close to you will likely buy you a gift once the baby is born any way. If I get invited to 2nd baby showers I decline them and dont send a gift. I give a gift when the baby is born. You are blatantly stating that you want to have this so you can get free boy stuff. come on. have some class.

Pintobean39 · November 2014

I don't understand the "but we are celebrating the baby" by having a baby shower. That's total BS, you can't celebrate a baby before it gets here. That baby could care less if you have a shower, it's just you wanting ppl to buy you something.

Me personally I'm have a pool party/BBQ after the baby is born as a meet and greet not because I want gifts because I want alcohol and a party.

Pintobean39 · November 2014

ramy3 said:
I have nothing to add to this other than I despise the format of the question threads because when you open them, they always go straight to the "best answer" instead of the most recent post.

Oh that's why it does that sometimes, I thought it was broke.

bczappas · November 2014

I don't see the big deal! If your family wants to help out and plan and second shower why decline? Who cares what others think! I'm pregnant with #2 and my long time friend wants to plan a little something for me since it has been 4 years since my first. I have absolutely nothing for second baby (stupid me gave all of my daughters things away) and tight on money of course. I couldn't appreciate the help any more than I do now. That's what family is for.

With that being said, I wouldn't go out of my way to plan one for myself!

lupineaura · November 2014

My mom and sister keep insisting that since I'm having twins, they NEED to throw me a shower. I keep saying no. I just don't like the idea of asking all my friends to buy me a baby gift when they just did three years ago. I mean, I guess if they surprise me with one anyway I'll have no choice, but I'm going to try to suggest an alternative. A friend of mine had a great idea- to have a "freezer party" where people can bring you a frozen pre-prepared meal for you to have until after the baby(ies) are born. It seems practical, and less expensive for guests. What do you all think...still tacky?

bczappas · November 2014

Sorry that you ladies disagree! That's the good thing about these forums we all have different opinions. I just wanted to answer the original posters question in my opinion, not make people angry with what I posted. Hoping we can all respect each others opinions I for sure respect all of yours

BTW, This baby was planned (took a while though!) yes we can afford to raise two children but my family is so loving and so helpful that's just how we have always been. We always have each others back and help each other when we see that help is needed! Love them and I'm so blessed to have them. My in laws have been a tremendous help they have boxes of diapers already. These things just put my mind to ease and my family gets joy out of giving. Like I said I'm so blessed.

lupineaura · November 2014

Pintobean39 said:

I personally think it's tacky regardless. It's especially not necessary because you are having a different sex this time. Showers are for FTM's in my opinion. I'm going to have 16 yrs in between mine, it's my husbands first, it's his family's first grandchild and I'm still not having one. My husband and I chose to have a child so we will purchase what it needs.

Pinto, I've heard that if it's your husband's first child, it's perfectly appropriate to have a shower for THAT side of the family. I guess the logic is that grandmother/aunts/etc didn't have an opportunity to participate in the first shower. I guess one of them would need to volunteer, however.

Not having one is also cool though. Not saying you NEED a shower

bczappas · November 2014

Love the idea of a freezer party, that is genius!

tashad18 · November 2014

I don't think it is appropriate to throw it yourself (ever) or to ask people to do it for you.

I had a second shower thrown by family with only family and my best friend invited. I didn't want one but they insisted so I showed up. It had been 12 years and was Dhs first child. I grumbled about it but in the end, they were all people who would have bought a gift regardless.

Pintobean39 · November 2014

lupineaura said:

Pintobean39 said:

I personally think it's tacky regardless. It's especially not necessary because you are having a different sex this time. Showers are for FTM's in my opinion. I'm going to have 16 yrs in between mine, it's my husbands first, it's his family's first grandchild and I'm still not having one. My husband and I chose to have a child so we will purchase what it needs.

Pinto, I've heard that if it's your husband's first child, it's perfectly appropriate to have a shower for THAT side of the family. I guess the logic is that grandmother/aunts/etc didn't have an opportunity to participate in the first shower. I guess one of them would need to volunteer, however.

Not having one is also cool though. Not saying you NEED a shower

My husbands family lives half way across the US so they wouldn't even be able to attend if I had one. It would just be my friends and a few family members of which most of them attended my shower over 21 yrs ago with my son. I will do a registry for the coupons and will let his family know. Then we will do the meet and greet after the baby is born.

I absolutely LOVE the freezer party, such a great idea. My sons school has a group that brings food for up to a week to families when their is a surgery, funeral, or sickness. Since my son is in high school I've actually only seen 1 birth in 2 years, because seriously who in their right mind has a baby when their child is in high school. I'm sure they will bring food for a few days but I'd love to have a freezer full of food because my husband only cooks burgers, tacos, or take out.

MAdams728 · November 2014

Somewhere along the way, people decided that showers were for the baby. They aren't. They are for the mother-to-be, welcoming her into motherhood. You only become a mother for the first time, once.

This probably happened at the same time so many people decided that it's their friend's and family's responsibility to get them everything they need. GimmeGimmeGimme.

Pintobean39 · November 2014

You know what would be as good as food .... A cleaning service. I'd love for people to pitch in and hire someone to clean my house.

Ash1103 · November 2014

T1green said:
If it's been something like ten years between your kids then maybe. If it's because you're having a boy and just need boy stuff then no. That's tacky.

Exactly this. If you need boy clothes, you have plenty of time to find little outfits at good prices along the way. If it's toys and equipment you should have gotten neutral stuff the first time.

lupineaura · November 2014

I actually don't get the "needing things for a boy/girl" when you have your second child. Can you really not put a boy in a pink blanket, swing, seat, etc? Even if we accept the premise that pink=girly, what's wrong with being "like a girl"? Also, I promise your infant won't be embarrassed.

I suppose an exception can be made for clothes- you probably don't want a ton of pictures of your little boy in a dress, but in my experience, you don't get a ton of clothes at a shower. Certainly not an entire wardrobe. Plus, clothes are type of gift people will give you without having a shower. It's hard to resist a cute outfit.

(I wasn't picking on anyone in particular. I focused on girl stuff for a boy because that seems more taboo. People seem to care less about a little girl with a blue rattle)

Snapdragon750 · November 2014

beckobee said:

Is it ok to have a baby shower if your pregnant with your 2nd baby? I've heard mixed feelings about this but would like some opinions. Especially because i have a feeling im having a boy this time so i need boy stuff

Okay three things.

1. You just FEEL like you're having a boy? If you're team green, it's insane to have a baby shower for boy stuff. If you're just waiting to find out, does this mean that you won't have a shower if it's a girl?

2. What boy stuff do you feel like you need, exactly? I have two girls and all I would really need for a boy is clothes, and I'm positive that relatives will send those by the bagful after the baby is born (even if I have a third girl this will probably still happen, lol). I bought all the big ticket items (stroller, car seat, swing, baby gym, etc) in neutral colors with my first because of this. If you didn't, AND you can't stand the sight of your baby boy playing in a pink and purple baby gym or sucking on all those pink pacifiers, that's on you.

3. (and most importantly) Your last line is exactly why 2nd showers are tacky. Posts like these almost always start with "I want to celebrate this baby's life!" and always end with "plus I need stuff!" Besides if it's H's first child or a really big gap between kids, the only acceptable reason for a 2nd shower is a very very insistent, Leslie Knope-type relative or friend who is going to give you a shower whether you like it or not and it's pointless to resist.

FreddyisReady · November 2014

Oh please, don't ask me to cook freezer meals for you. I would totally make my delicious eggplant tofu lasagna (vegan and gluten free), which I love to eat. Hopefully I would never be invited to a freezer meal party again.

rivieramaya · November 2014

I find second showers to be tacky. If there is a large age gap between your children, then it might be more acceptable.

Berry0129 · November 2014

Starbuck128 said:

I don't know how to quote someone, but NO, AFwifelife, I am not throwing it myself. I am just taking my family up on their offer. I think new life should be celebrated and I am not sorry for it.
You can celebrate a new baby in a way other than by asking family to buy you gifts. Requiring that they give you something is not very celebratory from their perspective. It's not any better that you are proud you won't be throwing them as entertaining a shower as your previous one. By your 3rd baby will you just be asking everyone to drop off a gift from your registry at a specified time?

Maybe. Just maybe I will.

lindsey85d · November 2014

I have never seen having a second shower as tacky.

beckobee · November 2014

Its difficult for me because most of my family wants me to have a family baby shower/welcome new baby party since im the only one having childeren in mine and my hisbands family. Thats why im conflicted. Because im not greedy and i provide for my kids but they want me to still have a party.

beckobee · November 2014

I dont have many friends with kids and im the only one in mine and my husbands family with kids so i dont have much experience on what is ok and not ok. Alot of our families want to be around to feel the baby in my belly and take pictures together.

beckobee · November 2014

Of course not i didnt even plan my first one. My mom and mother in law planned it. Im not in any way greedy. It is nice to get cute outfits from family because i take professional pictures and give them one of the baby in the outfit they gave. But as far as otherstuff im in the same situation. I got rid of alot of my other stuff not thinking we would have another baby. I do have some stuff. But its not like i cant afford to go buy it myself my family just loves to buy gifts for the only grandbabies.

Is it ok to have a baby shower if your pregnant eith your 2nd baby?

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