Update on me...

mm29 · November 2014

Last week I was so hopeful, Saturday went to shit. My embryo did not look good at all, an early blastocyst, graded a C. My RE suggested we watch it overnight to see if it progressed, unfortunately it didn't. My WTF appointment went well. We really didn't discussed what went wrong. Frankly don’t care what went wrong, because it will not change my decision to move away from doing a cycle using out OE or OS. We discussed what our best chance of success would be. She was very clear that she is concerned for a shared DE cycle because we only get half the eggs even with the use of donor sperm that will decrease our change for success, but we would have a slightly better chance than donor embryo. She gave us a 65% chance of success for donor embryo with the embryos they have set aside for us as they were created from donor eggs, great quality, and frozen via verification. She actually thinks that traditional Donor egg cycle using donor sperm will give us the greatest changes for success, 75%. I explained that the cost for a traditional donor egg cycle using donor sperm is our biggest obstacle for this route. My RE proposed a discounted cycle for a traditional DE cycle using donor sperm since I am a returning patient. This is why I like this clinic. They are incredibly generous and want us to have the success as much as we want it for ourselves.

DH and I had a discussion our options last night about our plans moving forward. He likes the idea of Donor Embryos, for a few reasons, #1 cost, #2 the embryos are already blastocysts so we do not have to worry about the possibility of poor quality embryos. I’m leaning toward DE/DS, because I cannot bear the thought of another failed cycle, and that 10% difference in success, gives me some comfort. I’m not concerned about getting poor quality embryos if both DE and DS are proven donors. We have a lot to think about and more discussion to get on the same page.

sorrellam30 · November 2014

Sounds like you have a lot of options to discuss, I'm glad you are ready to mentally move forward. I hope no matter what you decide your odds end up being 100%. Of course we'll be cheering you on the whole time!

hmz819 · November 2014

Sounds like you have some great options! It's so nice to hear your clinic is willing to work with you on price. I wish you success in whichever route you choose.

zazu13 · November 2014

How many donor embryos are there @mm29? If I recall it was 2? It sucks that finances are such an obstacle.

I'm sorry. It sounds like without the financial aspect your decision would be made to proceed with DE and DS - which would likely result in multiple embryos, probably more than the donor embryos meaning potential additional transfers so increased odds per transfer, plus potentially additional transfer(s)? There is so much for you to think about. I'm sorry you're in this position, but happy you have a supportive clinic and RE. My thoughts are with you as you decide what is best. Many, many ((hugs))!

Twinkie0612 · November 2014

It sounds like you have some good options to consider. It's such a hard decision to make and I am sending you a big hug. If this cycle doesn't pan out, we will be back to deciding between DE and donor embryo. Like you I prefer DE since it has the potential to yield more embryos, but it's hard when you look at the price difference. I think the big mental hurdle for me is that we had such a terrible experience with donor embryos. Good luck with your decision.

RunCC37 · November 2014

I'm so sorry you have to think about all of this! I'm sending strength and love your way

Km672 · November 2014

@mm29- So sorry to hear about your cycle. It's awful and draining to have to go through this process over and over again.

I hope you don't mind me giving my opinion, but as someone who has gone through 2 fresh DE with frozen DS (the 1st with a proven sperm donor and the 2nd with both proven egg donor and sperm donor) I just feel like there are no guarantees. I know that there is obviously something else wrong with me that we are missing, as I have transferred several good embryos and still no THB, but looking back, I am disapointed that we didn't end up with as many good embryos from either cycle, given the fact that we used both DE and DS.

Our 1st cycle resulted in having to do a 3dt, due to poor quality. Then our FET was with 2 day 6 blasts, which have a lower chance of implantation. (I had a chemical with the FET, so there is a good chance that the embryo was good and we still havent figured out what else is wrong with me)

Our 2nd cycle we had poor sperm quality, less than average fertilozation (despite ICSI and a proven sperm donor), though the embryo quality was better. In total, we ended up with 4 day 5 embryos (though one was not viable after it was thawed, which could mean there was a chromosomal issue, ect. with that embryo, per my RE anyway)

We chose to go the DE/DS route in hopes of having lots of good embryos and we had initially hoped to have 2 children. I have read of most other woman who go this route having lots of great embryos as a result, but this wasn't really the case for us.

I understand and respect your choice, but given there are (2?) good quality day 5 blasts available for you, I wouldn't rule it out yet.

I only say this as someone who experienced this process 2x and was disapointed that we only ended up transferring a total of 4 embryos from our 1st cycle and 3 with the 2nd. I just feel like maybe it's worth reconsidering trying with the ones available. As you know, the DE process is very time consuming and expensive and if you try the FET option with the donor embryos it is neither.

I hope you don't mind me chiming in. I hope you and your husband can come to a decision that you are both comfortable and happy with. As always, I hope for nothing but the best for you. I hope you are ok and taking care of yourself.

mm29 · November 2014

I looked at the male and female donor profiles for the set of donated embryos. I have some concerns, and it’s something I didn't think about until I received the profiles. My main concern is that I have had failed embryo transfers in the past, one of which we know was chromosomally normal. I think it may take more than one transfer to find success.

DH and I have put a lot of thought into this, and I am not going to lie, I’m having a really hard time. I feel really ungrateful and selfish that my clinic has tagged for us does not feel like a good match. I have asked to be kept us on the list for donated embryos.

The hubs and I had a really good conversation and decided to put our plans for cycling on hold for the next few months until we pay off some debt. I’m thinking things will be a lot better in the next few months for us emotionally and financially. I do not want to put things on hold, but I’m not in the right state of mind to cycle. I hope to cycle early spring.

J&D2007 · November 2014

Stepping back and away from everything is sometimes the best choice you can make. Although it won't be far from your mind, try to relax and enjoy the holidays with YH. You will both be more settled and able to make the right choice for you. Maybe we will be spring cycle buddies:-)

Km672 · November 2014

@mm29 - I completely understand. I didn't realize you were dealing with these other factors. You absolutely need to come to a decision you are both comfortable with. You are not selfish, you didn't have all of the information to make a fully informed decision.

These are not easy decisions; it's very hard to go through this multiple times and it's been my experience that the 3rd party aspect makes it that much harder because it's supposed to work.

They will match the embryos with another couple, they will not be wasted. Don't be concerned about that part, the clinic can take care of that.

I know what you mean about needing more transfers. I feel the same way. I used to think that we just had an egg or sperm issue and once we got a great embryo or 2 it just had to work. Obviously, that hasn't been the case.

We were recently considering trying a frozen DE cycle with DS; then I remembered that though the success rate at my clinic is actually slightly higher with frozen DE than fresh, most people don't have implantation issues.

I hope you have wonderful holidays with your husband and I hope you have lots and lots of money to do whatever you decide in the spring. >:D<

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