Crying it out

dvmmomma · November 2014

I keep getting advised to let DD cry it out during naps and MOTN. I'm curious to see what you all do.

ETA: I mean right now or in the near future (before 6 months)

kimberlybethh · November 2014

I will do modified CIO(i.e. a defined period of time) if needed for sleep training. However, six months is the youngest I would even consider doing this. I believe that CIO isn't recommended before six months of age anyways.

dvmmomma · November 2014

@kimberlybethh‌ I think I'd be more comfortable with it then too. I'm just surprised when people tell me to leave her be now. I think she SHOULD expect mom to come when she cries. That's what I'm here for right?

Daisylola11 · November 2014

I voted for CIO for limited time before going to him although right now it's more like letting him "fuss it out" until around 6 months like pp mentioned.
My LO rarely cries and I wonder if it's just his way or if it is because I've always tended to him when he's fussing and dont let it escalate.

poofwok · November 2014

I won't be letting LO cry it out (like full blown) until he is a year old.

Around six months, I'll let him cry it out for a few mins to get him to self soothe.

That's the plan atleast.

lynds002 · November 2014

Wait are we talking about now or someday?

jamjoyful · November 2014

I will let her grunt around and maybe fuss but if she starts crying I get it. She's too young to CIO IMO. Maybe when she is 6 months I'll let her cry a little more but it is unlikely since it will wake up her sister and then I'll have two kids crying.

caybeh · November 2014

I let her fuss, but no full blown CIO until she is older.

dvmmomma · November 2014

@lynds002‌ I meant for it to be now or in the near future. I should add that for clarity. Sorry

workmm01 · November 2014

I voted ss because I let him fuss sometimes but I get him before he starts crying. I'm not sure at what age I'd feel comfortable with letting him CIO. I guess I'll know when we get there. I'm tired of MIL telling me he needs to self sooth!

cdseno · November 2014

My LO has to fuss it out in order to go to sleep. He doesn't like to be snuggled to sleep usually. I can tell the difference between crying to get to sleep and the full on red faced cry that means come get me I am just mad and need you. Sometimes fussing before sleep can take a long time, but if I go in to get soothe him, he just gets more mad and we have to start the bedtime process over.

bumpuser10150228 · November 2014

I'm big on not fussing or crying it out ever- just my personal preference. I hold LO as much as possible and try to avoid any fussing but there are some times when I guess my presence is too stimulating and he fusses in my arms till I put him down with a paci (only during the day/afternoon this happens). He will fuss a bit once down then settle. This seems to be a new development and may be growth spurt related. Makes me feel kinda bad that I can't comfort him!

rstarrlemaitre · November 2014

Right now he's only ever had to fuss it out. DS is already so good about sleeping in his crib, I'm hoping it never comes to a decision of whether or not to full on CIO, but as I'm quickly learning with all things, I'll wait and see when/if that moment comes.

shevaCC · November 2014

I'm firmly in the camp of CIO is totally inappropriate at this age. Fussing I can understand -- you know your kid. But red-faced crying nope nope nope.

Sometimes you have to let them cry for a minute or two. You have to pee, you need a quick mental break to retain your sanity, you need a few bites to eat. Or you have other kids that need things too. But intentionally leaving them to scream for "training" at 2-3 months old is cruel. It may be effective but you're teaching them to give up hope of having their needs met.

herecomesthesun · November 2014

Fuss, not cry. Once it passes into crying, I pick him up and try something else. That may change later but not until 6+ mos.

pmpkn219 · November 2014

I for fuss it out, but if she's older and sleeps like sh1t we'll do CIO graduated time intervals. I wouldn't do it now (almost 3 months)

[Deleted User] · November 2014

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bumpuser10150228 · November 2014

lappyfoinker said:
I can't bring myself to let Leo cry about anything. He rarely cries because I'm right there by him immediately. I'm kind of obsessed with him. I still stare at him and cry with happiness.

Ditto for mine

SLMckinnon · November 2014

I rarely let LO cry cry alone except in rare circumstances (like I need to pee). I will occasionally let her fuss/whine but I talk to her and let her know I'm still there and she usually settles pretty quickly. I agree that they're too young for CIO. Right now she needs to know that if she cries mommy or daddy will come quickly

dvmmomma · November 2014

@weeklyplanner‌ I have DD in the middle and I'll reach back and hold her hand while talking to her. I also crank up our favorite country jam. Doesn't always work but I like to think at least she knows I'm close. Even if she is pissed.

Thank you all for reaffirming what I already thought. Everyone IRL needs to leave me alone and let me coddle my baby

lynds002 · November 2014

I had a really bad car ride a couple weeks ago where I was driving with him down a rural highway by myself at night. There was no where to stop and he cried for about 15 minutes straight before falling asleep. I felt awful.

bumpuser10150228 · November 2014

The only time I let him cry is in the car... None of us should feel bad about that because it's generally unsafe to pull over on the side of the road. Best to get safely to our destination and then comfort.

BabyM82714 · November 2014

My LO hated her car seat until 2 weeks ago. She screamed a good 45 minutes once at 5 weeks old. I never worried about it.

dobbysocks33 · November 2014

I don't let him cry it out. But he is colicky i guess, sometimes no matter what i do he screams and cries. I just hold him and try my best to comfort. When my daughter got older she was a terrible sleeper(always has been and still is at 3.5) I did interval CIO. He sleeps good at night so I'm not sure what will be needed but I don't think we will ever just full on CIO.

SherryBaby2014 · November 2014

DD is just a little fusspot sometimes so we have no choice but to fuss it out. I'll always try to help her with a pacifier, head rubs, or calm voice though. If she's still upset or moves onto the full on crying usually she wants something else...to be fed or to be awake.

I recently had my mother stay with us for a week and then a week later my aunt (her sister) stayed with us for another week. My mom thought I should just let her cry. My aunt would jump up at any sound she made. I sort of found both annoying but sided with my aunt because if we can make her happy, why not try?

When each was here my husband and I went out for a date night. I felt a lot better leaving her with my aunt for a date night cause I knew she would do anything to help keep her calm. On the other hand, after leaving her with my mom for an evening she didn't breastfeed or sleep well all that night. My mom admitted that she let her just cry for about 20 minutes before she went down for that afternoon nap. I think she was pissed we left her with grandma... :-/

OwlalwaysLoveU · November 2014

If I can, I pull over to comfort my baby. I check her diaper, nurse and just make sure she calms down. Then on our way.

RedBean84 · November 2014

CIO is not for me at this time, which really surprised me because I thought I would have been ok with it before I had DD. Who knows how I will feel when DD is older. I might be ok with letting her CIO for a specific period of time (5 minutes or so) but I will never let her CIO indefinitely.

IceHide61313 · November 2014

I guess I'm one of the very few who think CIO is fine if it is just for cuddles, although I haven't really needed to let LO CIO much. Sometimes she starts full on crying when she gets sleepy in her swing or laying down on the floor (most of the time she is just fussy). But usually if she is inconsolable it is because she wants held and to be walking around and I just don't want to walk around so I'll sit and hold her while she just cries. Flame away.

becominggold · November 2014

I do let LO fuss but the reality is I never let it get to a full red faced cry. Not at this age for sure. We have had it happen a couple times in the car when we had to wait a few minutes for a place to pull over safely. I felt horrible

SoSayWeAll · November 2014

I put fuss it out but don't let it escalate to crying. I can always tell when his grunting is going to turn into crying and I get him beforehand. We do unfortunately CIO in the car sometimes

chase16 · November 2014

IceHide61313 said:
I guess I'm one of the very few who think CIO is fine if it is just for cuddles, although I haven't really needed to let LO CIO much. Sometimes she starts full on crying when she gets sleepy in her swing or laying down on the floor (most of the time she is just fussy). But usually if she is inconsolable it is because she wants held and to be walking around and I just don't want to walk around so I'll sit and hold her while she just cries. Flame away.

I just don't really understand how you can hold her and just let her scream when you know walking around will calm her down. The only time I let DD cry is when I'm driving and the best thing I can do for her is just try to get home ASAP, and it is heartbreaking to listen to her cry, to the point where I get ragey at other drivers and lights for slowing me down.

lynds002 · November 2014

I'm relieved to see so many of you (all of whom I consider great moms) have had bad car rides too.

IceHide61313 · November 2014

chase16 said:

I guess I'm one of the very few who think CIO is fine if it is just for cuddles, although I haven't really needed to let LO CIO much. Sometimes she starts full on crying when she gets sleepy in her swing or laying down on the floor (most of the time she is just fussy). But usually if she is inconsolable it is because she wants held and to be walking around and I just don't want to walk around so I'll sit and hold her while she just cries. Flame away.
I just don't really understand how you can hold her and just let her scream when you know walking around will calm her down. The only time I let DD cry is when I'm driving and the best thing I can do for her is just try to get home ASAP, and it is heartbreaking to listen to her cry, to the point where I get ragey at other drivers and lights for slowing me down.

It isn't heartbreaking to me, for some reason. She doesn't go on for hours and hours either. She will usually calm down within 30 minutes.

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herecomesthesun · November 2014

The car is the only place I can deal with his full on crying. It doesn't bother me as much when I know I can't get to him safely. I'll talk to him and play up the fun in my voice and stay as calm and focused on driving to get us there safely. He eventually calms himself now but we had a few miserable drives.

rstarrlemaitre · November 2014

We had a few of those car rides, and it ripped my heart in two. I bought one of those mirrors that plays music and lights for him to look at, and that has worked wonders!

SoSayWeAll · November 2014

@rstarrlemaitre‌ Can you tell me which mirror you got? I will do anything to stop the crying in the car.

rstarrlemaitre · November 2014

SoSayWeAll said:

@rstarrlemaitre‌ Can you tell me which mirror you got? I will do anything to stop the crying in the car.

of course! It's the Brica firefly mirror - love that it has both alert and "soothing" mode for songs, and remote control from front seat:

https://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=17200836&cp=2255957.2273443.2256187.3225213.3225216&parentPage=family

jenniferurs · November 2014

The only time I let her cry is in the car or during tummy time. Otherwise, I might let her fuss for a second, since sometimes she soothes herself back to sleep, but once it turns from a fuss to a cry, I'm there as quickly as possible.

Venus04 · November 2014

We started letting DD "fuss it out" starting at about two or three weeks. Today, she hardly ever fusses. She only cries loudly if sick or in true pain. At four weeks, she was sleeping through the night. So, I think it worked well.

Also, DD might grow up to be a serial killer.

Venus04 · November 2014

weeklyplanner said:

Venus04 said:
We started letting DD "fuss it out" starting at about two or three weeks. Today, she hardly ever fusses. She only cries loudly if sick or in true pain. At four weeks, she was sleeping through the night. So, I think it worked well.

Also, DD might grow up to be a serial killer.
This is why I brought up the car thing. So many people are very against CIO of any type and believe it causes serious damage to children. I'm totally ok with fuss it out at a very early age and I think I'll be ok with graduated CIO at 6+ months.

I know people irl who say CIO will cause PTSD and then in the next sentence discuss how their baby hates the car and screams. I just don't see the difference! Of course my heart breaks when my NB to now three month old screams in the car, but life goes on and we have to leave the house. I often wonder if it's ok for him to cry in the car, what would happen if I didn't wait until 6 mo to do CIO? But, I will wait because it sucks to hear my baby cry and because that's what the experts say!

In my uneducated, inexperienced opinion, picking up baby every time they fuss adds to their total cry time over the months (because they don't learn to self-soothe), which sucks for them. It was hard as shit on me to watch her fuss, but she's so, so much happier now that she's learned to relax without my help. Not saying I'm right by any means, and I don't apply this when she red-face cries. But like I said, she rarely fusses anymore, and hardly ever red-face cries, and also...potential serial killer. So yeah.

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