Need Support

BabyM82714 · November 2014

With out going into major details. I've been dealing with verbal and physical abuse from LO dad for 2 years.

No one IRL knows.

I've been trying to get away. But its so hard to leave, no matter how incredibly stupid that seems. I'm ashamed that I will have to admit to everyone about how I've put up a front of how great our relationship is. That I've become another unmarried young (21) single mother. That I can't have the family and happiness I want and deserve. That I allowed myself to bring an innocent child into such a bad situation.

I want so desperately for it to be easy. For me to stand up. To leave it all behind. I've tried thinking of LO benefit but then the good memories pop in and I want her to have a father. But I know I want her to be safe, cared for, and only surrounded by love and happiness. I want to break the abuse cycle with her.

I've told him again to leave. Hes at his parents. I've safety locked the door.

I've been drawing up finances on how to afford me staying until the lease is up in March. And he is suppose to come tomorrow to discuss arrangements. I just am asking for you ladies to send strength my way. I'm so incredibly alone.

I need to do this for my baby. For me. I don't want to be a victim any longer.

Any one else been in similar shoes? I know I remember some stories. How did you over come it all?

[Deleted User] · November 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Elaina22 · November 2014

@BabyM82714‌ I haven't been in your shoes but from what I've read here on TB, you are one strong Momma. I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of, especially if you are making decisions to end a cycle of abuse and create a better life for yourself and your daughter. You are strong. Do what you have you to do, and I'll be sending thoughts and prayers your way .

[Deleted User] · November 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

dvmmomma · November 2014

You can do it! Sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders and you know what needs to be done. I can't imagine how hard it will be but I am sending all the good vibes and strength that I can!

IvyMagic828 · November 2014

Wishing you all the strength and courage you need to do what you have to do.. it definitely sounds like it is in the best interest of both you and your daughter to get out of that situation. Good for you for taking a stand. You can do it!

lynds002 · November 2014

Do not worry about what others think. You do whatever you want. This is your life.

I have a friend who was in a similar situation. She sold her house to pay for a wedding, then immediately got pregnant, then her husband started being abusive. He didn't hit her, but would throw things at her, yell, embarrass her, and so on. She was worried that people would judge her for not sticking with her marriage, leaving her son's dad, rushing into a marriage. Now, two years later, she's in the same situation and just found out she's pregnant again. And her son is watching his dad and learning that's how relationships work.

I don't know the details of your situation, but I know these situations don't usually get better. They get worse. And you want your baby girl to know what to expect from a man in a relationship and what she should tolerate for herself.

I know it's hard, but you are doing the right thing. Good luck mama. *hugs*

Shiva14 · November 2014

I wish I could give you a hug through the screen. I am so sorry you are feeling alone. I'm so sorry for you being scared of how the future will be and I understand grieving the loss of a traditional family unit. That being said -

Know that by leaving and standing up for yourself you are showing your daughter what a strong woman looks like and teaching HER that she is worth standing up for and that a man needs to treat a woman right (and vice versa). Like you said, you are ending the cycle and she won't grow up thinking abuse is OK. From what I remember you are the main bread winner and are incredibly responsible with a good job. You being young is a benefit. You are already doing well and your income will likely only increase from here on out. I'm young too (23) but that doesn't mean we are any less equipped to be parents.

It is so much better to be alone and happy than together and scared/miserable. I hope your family gives you nothing but support. Always let us know here if you need support! Maybe there are groups in your area you can contact too?

Are you at all scared for your daughter's safety?

Soo many hugs to you!!!

Cat&S · November 2014

(((Hugs))). Taking the first step is always the hardest. Good for you!

bumpuser10150228 · November 2014

I'm so sorry you're in this position. I know how you feel as I've been there. I won't go into detail but this really hits a nerve with me... people rarely change so it's important that you trust your instincts and get out. Not just for your daughter but for you as well. You both deserve someone who will love and protect you, not abuse you and make you feel afraid. It sounds like you are on the right track- don't worry what people think. As pp have said those whose opinion matters will support you and help you make these changes. Do not be afraid of letting those close to you know. You have the strength to do this.. I'm convinced that becoming a mother gives us a whole new world of strength. Use it! When he apologizes and makes the grand gesture to get you back stay strong and remember how you feel now. It is so so easy to believe them since you want them so badly to be the image of them you have in your mind and heart that you loved. Stay strong and you can do this!! There is nothing wrong with being a single mother- you are doing the best for your baby. Thoughts and prayers with you an LO.

SteffieR13 · November 2014

I'm so sorry you're going through this

It sounds like you are heading in the right direction and you know what is best for you and LO.

Give your LO a loving home with just the two of you--it is better that she is raised by a single, loving mother than grow up in an abusive, dual-parent home. You sound like you are doing a fantastic job as a mother from your posts, and you got this!

aly&sam · November 2014

I grew up in an abusive home. My dad drank, a lot. And I've seen more than my fair share of "fights" with my mom. I used to wonder why she didn't take us out of the situation. She eventually did! And although I'm glad she did, I sometimes wish she had done it much sooner. Growing up the way I did gave me insecurities and anxiety issues. Like big time. I was a cutter from the time I was 10 until I was almost 16. I stopped because by that time I had already attempted suicide twice.
Now I'm not trying to make this about me. That baby deserves a happy life. Even if you end up struggling with bills for a little while, just remember that by taking the LO out of the situation, you are doing a great thing! You are giving her a chance at a happy life!

MC03 · November 2014

Stay strong. It sounds like you already know what is best for you and your baby girl and you can be strong and follow through. Is there anyone IRL you can confide in for support?

RedBean84 · November 2014

Hugs! I'm so sorry you are going through this, but you are stronger than you think you are, and your daughter is lucky to have a strong mama like you! I hope you find peace in your decision. I can't imagine how hard it must be, but it sounds like you are making the best choice for you and your LO. You CAN do this!

shugirl76 · November 2014

Hugs. I've been there with my first marriage, and I am still in therapy ten years later for it's affect of me.

I feel like once I started telling people how bad it was, the shame lifted. I was only married for six months and had a huge 500 person wedding! It was embarrassing, and it was a tough road, but know what, it WILL get better once you get yourself together. I'm sorry you are going through this, but I promise that talking to us will help. And even if you have to thwart your plan for your family's safety, talk to people in the meantime. It will help you see things objectively instead of being brainwashed by your husband. Then the strength comes! Hugs to you. Xoxo

Daisylola11 · November 2014

I am so sorry you are going through all this! Sending positive vibes and strength your way. You are already doing the strong thing looking after you and your LO. Hugs!!!

2redtulips · November 2014

I haven't personally, but my aunt left her DH back in the 60s for similar reasons and she has done great for herself! She pursued a long-term career as a nurse, has owned several homes and has been a landlady. She raised her two kids who now have kids of their own, and everyone has done well.

It is possible to have a very good life after leaving a bad relationship. More than possible. Believe in yourself, hon.

Sending you tons of good thoughts and vibes for peace and strength.

dobbysocks33 · November 2014

I haven't been in your shoes but I grew up in a home with parents in an abusive relationship, to put it short. You can be strong for your lo, its not easy but i think you can get through. You will have my t&ps while going through this difficult time. I hope things work out for the best for you and lo.

BabyM82714 · November 2014

As I am laying down to go to sleep I am overwhelmed by so many things. But I am ever so glad to be a part of such a great group of women. I have not had the courage to tell my parents, friends, sister, etc. I never had because I knew that my parents would come pick me up, and NEVER let me be in his sight again. My parents are awesome. But somehow I've always felt bad, like I've caused the fights, I "pushed him to that level" and I never could say anything. And maybe they never will know all the truths. But I'm glad to have let it out somewhere.

Some of you have even private messaged me and that is even more awesome! I can't thank you all enough.

I have so much family support, yet I've chosen not to allow them to see, and therefore have the support. I know I will always have help.

Some have asked if I felt LO was safe...while I am around, most definitely, I wonder when I am not. He often gets frustrated with her when she cries, but I really don't think he would hurt her. But I am beginning to think about how I want to go about visitations and custody. If he has her, she most likely will be pawned on his parents (who are abusive to each other as well) because when I work weekends he takes her there instead of doing it himself. And I'm not sure I want that. And if he is verbally abusive to her when she is being bad, or just a being a child, I don't want that. But I don't want to completely take her away. But maybe he lost that right by being abusive in the first place.

I would cut off all ties with him. But unfortunately because I work so early he has to take LO to daycare every morning. hopefully I can arrange a way to work that out still.

Again thank you all so much! August 2014 is the best!

Laur110 · November 2014

You are a strong woman and little one is lucky to have you as her mom. Sending thoughts and prayers your way. We are all here for you!

cdseno · November 2014

Thoughts and prayers to you for strength! I have no good advice for you but I think you are stronger than you think you are because you are able to recognize that you and your little one deserve better.

Unknown · November 2014

This content has been removed.

becominggold · November 2014

Hugs mama! You are so strong. I don't think I would have been so strong at your age, and I know your LO will be better for it! Thoughts and prayers ♡

jlynn62511 · November 2014

Hugs to you. Do what is best for you and baby, you two are all that matter! Take one day at a time!

jamjoyful · November 2014

I don't have advice but I do want to say I am truly sorry you are facing this.

kiley820 · November 2014

I'm so sorry girl. I also grew up in a home where my father was verbally abusive to my mother and myself and my siblings as we got older. I hate to say it but I always resented my mother for not getting us out of that situation.

You are so strong for taking those first steps to getting you and your sweet baby girl on a better path. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you but please know things will get better. You are an amazing mom!

SLMckinnon · November 2014

I think PPs have said it all already. But it sounds like you already know what you need to do and I hope you can find someone IRL to confide in as well. Thinking of you!

JadaBlue · November 2014

PPs have given great advice and insight, I just want to encourage you to stay strong for yourself and your LO. You will make a better future for your family and be so proud of what you have overcome.

FrodaBaggins · November 2014

Wow, what an incredibly difficult situation to be in. I'm sending you strength and good thoughts.

workmm01 · November 2014

Hugs! I think pp have given good advice. Thoughts and prayers for you and your LO!

cachoque · November 2014

Big hugs! Let me be another voice of a well-adjusted adult who witnessed both single motherhood and an abusive marriage in my childhood. With that perspective, I can tell you that even at the lowest points throughout it all, our happiness was always dependent on the health & happiness of our mother, who was the only source of comfort and confidence at that stage. As she grows up, that is what you'll soon become to your LO - her "rock". So it's important to never forget how critical your wellbeing is to hers and to not feel guilty in making decisions like these. I always wish that my mother had the strength you're displaying here to leave sooner. Good luck & many prayers!

Luciana428 · November 2014

As I'm holding my LO right now, I can't imagine what you must be feeling or going through. Thinking about you and sending all the good thoughts your way.

KarenC806 · November 2014

Lots of hugs and thoughts & prayers for you! Just remember that you are one strong momma! Now that you've told us and seen the support a bunch of faceless internet strangers can give, I hope you can feel more comfortable reaching out to your family for even better support.

Venus04 · November 2014

Stopping by to say you are strong, and CAN do this. You will be happier and healthier without this man, and your child will be too. I hesitated on whether to tell you this, but last month I attended a funeral for a friend whose abusive husband killed her. To make it worse, he did it in front of their children. Don't let this happen to you. Love yourself and baby enough to stay strong, and stay away. Big hugs, girl.

By the way, bravo for coming forward about this. You are amazing!

poofwok · November 2014

So sorry you are going through this. *hugs*. But you're a good mommy and you're doing what's best for LO. Sending positive vibes your way!!

herecomesthesun · November 2014

I am sorry that you are gong through this but are proud of you for getting out. Keeping you and LO safe and happy is what is important. You can do this.

RoccoBabyK · November 2014

So sorry you are going through this. My mother went through a similar situation when my brother and I were younger. I always thought my mom was so strong and brave for escaping such abuse. She raised us by herself and she was all we needed. It takes so much courage and you can do it too. You are all your daughter needs and by getting out you are teaching her what is to be tolerated in a relationship. Let her see love in a relationship, even if that means just between you and her. Hugs and strength to you and your daughter.

shevaCC · November 2014

Lots of hugs and good thoughts for you!

Have you talked to someone IRL yet? Even just one person?

kraft333 · November 2014

I'm so proud of you for doing the hard but best thing for you and your LO. Surround yourself with your loving family and trust your heart. Know that your husband has been damaged by what is likely generations of emotional violence... You have NO fault here and there is nothing you can do to fix him.

Onward, courageous woman! This is a big step toward the safe & happy life you and your baby deserve.

Raclla · November 2014

So sorry you're dealing with this.
Stay strong and do what's best for you and LO.

Don't ever worry about what people say. Ever.

RachelB104 · November 2014

Hugs your way. I'm praying for your strength. I know it's hard and you may feel embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone irl but it would help you tremendously. If you tell someone you may feel at first that it was a mistake to tell but it isn't. You will soon find you have support and can look to your family to help you be strong. You can do this for yourself and your daughter. You are stronger and braver than you think you are. Believe in yourself. Don't let him tell you otherwise or convince you it is your fault. If he tells you not to tell anyone it is a sure sign that you should definitely tell someone. We are all here for you. Please keep us posted.

Want a personalized experience?

Need Support

Re: Need Support

Choose Another Board

Search Boards