Anyone considering not going back to work?

rissamonster87 · November 2014

Since before we started TTC my Husband and I have been considering me staying home once we have kids. Now that I'm pregnant it makes me a little nervous.

It makes sense for me to stay home for several reasons, the main one being the cost of daycare. My monthly pay would pretty much be covering the cost of daycare and maybe one other bill, based on the conversations we've had with other friends with children.

Is there anyone else out there considering being a stay at home mom? If so, have you made a decision and if you have what were the deciding factors for you?

rissamonster87 · November 2014

We could afford it, we would just have to adjust some of our spending habits.

Jillibean68 · November 2014

I'm currently a SAHM for the exact reason you mentioned. If I were still working, my paycheck would cover the cost of daycare and that's about it. It just made morse sense in the long run.

soofttie · November 2014

I was laid off with the first and honestly it was a blessing. My LO need up being sever colic & a nipple hog. I was beyond sleep deprived for the first 3 months, I could not imagine having to work on top of that. This go around I am also considering staying home because one is 20 month & the other a newborn. Working as a mom is hard. Leaving him everyday is the hardest thing I have to do. Staying home isn't easy either but it's worth it. You have a reward at the end of the day .

jraeohyeaaa · November 2014

Our plan has always been for me to be a SAHM. Even since we got married and I have been working, we have lived off DH's pay and put mine into savings. We are budgeting a bit tighter now as we get ready for baby but like OP said, me staying home is cheaper than daycare.

We both grew up with SAHMs, and as the oldest of six kids I got to help my mom a lot with the younger siblings. I think I have always had a desire to be a mom at home with my kids and it helps that I never felt a strong pull towards a career (no shaming for those who do- some of my closest friends feel this way).

djm31012 · November 2014

AFwifelife said:

I would put your whole paycheck into savings for a few months and see if it's possible to live on one paycheck.

This. Also, there are other things to consider besides the cost of childcare when thinking about going back to work. Do you contribute to a retirement plan? Do you have a career where there is growth and upside and potential to be making more 1,2,5 years from now? Is your health insurance cheaper than your DH? Maybe the answer is no to all of these...but they are worth considering...

sabriel1 · November 2014

Do you think you WANT to be a SAHM - I am one and love it now but it can be extremely difficult and isolating. Outside of financial reasons is this something you want?

Ibliss · November 2014

I have always wanted to SAH so when I got pregnant with DD last year, I quit in my first trimester because I hated my job and was super stressed. DH and I had been track finances for a while and we knew it was possible to live on one income.

OnceInLoveWithAmy · November 2014

I am leaving my job when this baby comes because I work strange hours, and honestly, I just don't want to do that anymore with two kids.

I will, however, be working part time with my job (occasional week here and there) and I have a real estate career that I am trying to get off the ground. So I don't know if I would be considered a *true* SAHM.

FreddyisReady · November 2014

I like to dream about it, lol. DH and I have nearly the same job, so I make 50% of our income and I can cover daycare and still have a good paycheck. Besides, I am contributing to retirement, social security, and progressing my skills and work history. If I quit to stay home, I feel like I would be short-changing my future income and retirement potential. Not to mention, it would be hard to for us to live on 50% of our income. Definitely not impossible, but not something either of us want to do.

DomesticAtty · November 2014

holly1416 said:

Do you think you WANT to be a SAHM - I am one and love it now but it can be extremely difficult and isolating. Outside of financial reasons is this something you want?

This. There are other factors to consider besides financial ones. I don't feel being a SAHM is for me because I feel, especially after DD turned one, her daycare/school has a better expertise and training on child socialization and educational development. At 13 months she follows a curriculum and daily lesson plan at school. She really benefits from this and we believe it is best for her to be in school. I do not have the patience or desire to research and train myself to be an educator for her full time.

Poppy715 · November 2014

I would love to stay home with baby but it's not in the cards for me. I actually make more than DH so if anyone were to quit their job it would be him to go back to school. I really like my job and I just started here last year. I would be happy to cut back on hours but not working at all isn't going to happen.

j3nnyb3nny · November 2014

We think that I will need to SAH and definitely not go back to my current job. With the cost of childcare and travel to work it would cost us money.
MIL has offered to retire early to do the daycare but then I feel like I would miss out on too much. I will be out the house 7am-7pm 5days a week.
The plan is to save as much as possible until then and then get an evening job if required.

Beckyag77 · November 2014

DH and I have always said that once we start to have kids I would SAH. My dream career didn't pan out and being a SAHM was always my "back-up plan". Now, I love my job (job: not career), and for that reason alone I am considering staying there a couple days a week. I don't make much and don't have great benefits, so financially, I don't need to keep working. I'm lucky enough to have a job at a small, family-owned business where it would be easy for me to adjust my hours accordingly, or even take a few months off at a time and then come back if needed. Also, my mother lives around the corner and would be able to care for our LO if I do decide to stay at work a couple days a week. Like I said, my plan was always to stay at home, but now I can't imagine leaving my job for good and missing all of the girls I work with who have become my family!

lupineaura · November 2014

These threads always make me jealous. It just isn't an option for me. We are in a very HCOL area and need two paychecks.

molls332233 · November 2014

I am planning to SAH and leave my full time job when baby comes. Like a lot of others, the cost of daycare just doesn't make sense for me.

I plan on changing a few things in our daily lives (cutting eating out, cutting cable and getting Netflix, amping up my couponing and meal planning) to help with the loss of an income. It will be tough, but we are saving a lot now for emergencies and I think the pros of staying home outweigh the cons of having less money.

marijaa333 · November 2014

I'm not considering it in the long term but i would love to take 9-12 months off. I think we'll play it by ear...

JenGrl8503 · November 2014

djm31012 said:

AFwifelife said:

I would put your whole paycheck into savings for a few months and see if it's possible to live on one paycheck.

This. Also, there are other things to consider besides the cost of childcare when thinking about going back to work. Do you contribute to a retirement plan? Do you have a career where there is growth and upside and potential to be making more 1,2,5 years from now? Is your health insurance cheaper than your DH? Maybe the answer is no to all of these...but they are worth considering...

The above are really important factors to consider...especially if your plan would be to return to work once the kids go off to school.

Another thing to keep in mind is its okay to change your mind...your preference may (most likely will) change throughout the years!

Pre-kids I always said I'd be a working mom...I wanted kids but never felt I would want to stay home full-time...felt I would be a better mom by having that separation. Then when I was pregnant with DD1 I still felt that way...but by the time my due date rolled around I HATED my employer...it was a crazy, negative work environment. I had worked there less than a year and FMLA wasn't an option so I only got 6 weeks off which was fine. It was hard returning to work but my husband worked from home so our plan was for him to be our daycare for the first couple months while baby was still in the sleepy stage so that definitely made it easier to go back to work. But when I got back to work the crazy had reached insane levels...I lasted 2 1/2 weeks before my husband convinced me to quit.

I was home for about 2 months (so ended up getting in the "normal" maternity leave) and was going stir crazy...I took a temp job at 40 hours a week that lasted for 2 months and it was perfect. Unfortunately it was a temp job though. Luckily when it ended I had 2 job offers on the table...one was full-time, great pay, but a 30 minute commute each way on top of a 45 hr work week. The other was 25 hrs/week and only a mile from home. DD was 6 months and we had a pretty good feel for her schedule by then and knew that my husband could be childcare 1/2 the day but not all day. After factoring in gas, daycare, etc (HIGH cost of living area) the part-time job actually made way more financial sense...especially once we would add a 2nd child which was in the plan for the near future.

For me personally it really made sense as well....I still get that separation 1/2 the day and my career field (HR) is ALWAYS changing....sometimes weekly....so to take 10 years off to stay home til the last kid (we want 4-5) hits kindergarten would result in me starting my career all over.

All of that being said it's been an awesome arrangement for the last 2 1/2 years...now with #3 on the way my husband has been seriously looking at a transfer to MI to a very LOW cost of living idea and I'm ecstatic at the idea of staying home full-time...DD1 (almost 3) and DD2 (17m) are so interactive and fun now that the idea of staying home doesn't freak me out anymore.

There are also so many new online opportunities work-wise. I can pick up the occasional consultant job or now sites like elance.com allow you to pick and choose work opportunities to keep your skills and experience relevant and up to date.

Sooo long story short...lots to take into consideration and don't be surprised/upset if you change your mind through the years!

Morenajuliet · November 2014

I think about SAH every morning but that's because I don't want to get my lazy butt out of bed and I feel like crud.

Honestly though, SAHMs are amazing! When I went back to work after maternity leave with my daughter it was way easier (not emotionally) than being at home all day with her. I miss seeing her all day but I do have summers with her since I'm a teacher. Also, I can give her 100% attention and feel fresh when I'm with her in the evenings. I felt so exhausted when I was with her all day 24/7 during my maternity leave. I know I am just not meant to be a SAHM at this time. We do have an amazing care provider though so leaving her at daycare was not difficult other than just missing her.

If you can afford to stay home great! Do we have a SAHM message board on TB? I bet they would give you really good feedback and things to consider to help make your decision clearer. Best wishes mama!

OnceInLoveWithAmy · November 2014

bump burp

maritimeme · November 2014

I'm in Canada so I am entitled to 1 year of mat leave. With DD I was planning on only taking 6 months but then as that time approached I couldn't imagine leaving her so I took the full 12 months. But the end of that first year I was looking forward to going back to work and it was an easy transition for both of us.

DH and I say everyday we can't believe the amount she learns from the older kids at the sitters - something we would haven't been able to expose her to (at least not at the same level) if I stayed home. We even think if we can swing it financially that when I am off for this mat leave that she still goes to the sitters full time. She LOVES it there.

I guess my point is that I changed my mind a couple times as time went on. I love DD but think we would both be bored at home together all day everyday. But every family is different.

lala5507 · November 2014

AFwifelife said:

I would put your whole paycheck into savings for a few months and see if it's possible to live on one paycheck.

This is what we did before I became a sahm.

roundtwoOMG · November 2014

When making this decision I think it is important to consider the other non-financial 'sacrifices' that will be made if you decide to stay home (from a career perspective).

Stepping out of the work world for a few years is easy(ish) in some fields but not in others. The 'cost' of losing a few years of salary isn't just the actual total salary you would have made during those years...it is the future reduced salary you will likely receive when you return to the workforce (so essentially, you are losing a few years at the TOP of your earning potential).

That may not matter in your area of expertise - but just something to consider.

There is also the intellectual cost of stepping out. Lack of stimulation. Falling behind in advancements in the industry/field you are in. Some careers are worse than others in terms of 'falling behind' and whether you can catch up or whether you will always be behind the curve because of the leave you took.

Absolutely weigh the options. I just wanted to caution against the premise of "well if my salary only covers daycare, then I may as well stay home" as being the only factor.

tiggyt · November 2014

I don't have any desire or intention to become a SAHM, but I do plan to stay at home for the first year (cost of infant daycare being INSANE for our salaries). I'm an ABD PhD student and I'm currently applying for all the fellowships for next school year so I can still have an income while I stay at home with baby and finish my dissertation. If I don't get any fellowships though, the fact that I will still be enrolled as a grad student (staying at home and writing) means I will still have my grad student health insurance, which is better and cheaper (i.e. Free) than anything DH can get from a job, so I will still be contributing financiall that year even if not in the form of an actual income.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

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camdensmom32 · November 2014

I stayed home with my son after he was born. It was nice, for a while. We live away from our family and friends in a very small town. I would get quite lonely and depressed with only an infant to keep me company on a daily basis. I went back to work when he was 8 months and was so much happier. My son was a very very difficult baby. I will be going back to work after this one. Paying for daycare is worth it for my sanity to have adult interaction!!

CoPilot2012 · November 2014

Omg, I would love to.....but no.

Runner up, if DH's company actually gives him the promotion they are claiming to be giving him in two months perhaps we can evaluate asking my boss for me to move to 3-4days a week instead of 5.

Realistically, I'll be going back full time. With DH's student loans and him needing a new-but used-car soon, that's another payment to make where we don't have one now, so, it will be necessary for us to be two income.

headovaheels · November 2014

I just took 3 consecutive days off and I'm laying here thinking that don't want to go back starting now smh. I'm planning on working till I go into labor which I've never done before due to my Hx of preterm labor. After the baby gets here, I plan to stay home for a year.
ETA- forgot to add that DH is in the AF and we've lived on his income alone for as long as 10 months the last time I was placed on bed rest. At the moment I'm working as a Contract nurse at the base clinic and they just renewed my contract and gave me pay raise(motivation to keep working).

branders74 · November 2014

I would love to be a SAHM but I don't think it will be in the cards for us either. I cover our insurance and have a very nice 401k and KPERS account that I am contributing to. Maybe someday but not anytime soon.

MrsKindy40 · November 2014

I went back to work 10 weeks after my son was born and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. This time I am leaving my job after the baby is born. We have so much saved up and my whole paycheck has been going into savings so we know we can swing it. I know I won't have an ounce of regret.

kj808 · November 2014

lupineaura said:

These threads always make me jealous. It just isn't an option for me. We are in a very HCOL area and need two paychecks.

THIS. There's no way we could get by without my paycheck so quitting my job isn't even an option for us. Plus we get insurance through my job. Luckily though we have our parents who are willing to watch our kids so we have never had to pay for daycare.

Also, even if I could stay at home, I don't know that i'd want to full-time. Ideally i'd love to work part-time only but that isn't an option for me either.

AliceKC9876 · November 2014

After our first, I went back to work after my maternity leave to finish out the school year (I was an elementary school teacher). After school let out, I became a SAHM. It can be isolating, but I love it most of the time.

zbornak123 · November 2014

I am probably staying home, although we've talked about me working just a day or two a week. It's hard to find an employer willing to work with that. We don't have family close, otherwise I'd be tempted to do two to three days a week.

stark01938209 · November 2014

I stayed home for the first year and half with our first. We were super broke- but it was a special time too. I hated my job at the time - so that was a factor. 4.5 years later I have a job I love. I won't stay home this time- but our current daycare is a block away from my work. So I look forward to being able to pop in and maybe even pump a little less (if I can hop in midday - before or after taking lunch). I think you really have to consider how stir crazy you may(or may not) get. I'm someone who gets bored easily. I look back fondly - but it was not a long term career path for me.

greks84 · November 2014

I'm taking a year off but we are moving in with DH's parents to make that possible. I would have only taken 3 mos off with a singleton but with twins, I'm staying home with them! Two babes in daycare is like 75-80% of my paycheck!

crkeating · November 2014

I would love to stay home, but I am a teacher and have a great retirement program and the benefits of vacations and holidays off;) my hubby works wed-Saturday so he will stay home with the baby mon and Tuesday and my mom has committed to doing thurs-fri. I will go out on maternity and get paid through the summer (that's how our pay checks work) and go back in sept. It works out since I will have 4 months off. My mom was a stay at home mom and I wish I could do it, but I would hate to leave my job especially where we don't have to pay for child care.

Sparklelily · November 2014

Sadly no, but I am switching to part time! Plus, I work in the schools so I have summers off and vacations galore. Maybe if DH's job offered benefits, and budgeting wasn't a bad word in our house.

Ballet80 · November 2014

I think about being a SAHM daily, I thought about it even before I bece pregnant. All my SILs and friends are SAHMs, but I make too much to not work. We couldn't live off of DH income, so I will always have to work and I will always be sad about this. I like being alone and I really don't need a lot of interaction with other people, so while some people need to socialize during the day, I am perfectly fine being alone. Now this could change once a screaming baby comes along and I need help. But for now being a SAHM sounds like heaven!

stargazer530 · November 2014

When my first daughter was born I I fully expected and planned on going back to work. I was making a little more than my husband at the time abd when he had always said he wanted me to stay home with kids I kinda got upset. Well, after my first was born I could not imagine not being with her all day and we decided I would stay home. We did not factor in the cost of insurance at the time, I had my own they my job and it is was cheap and good. Immediately after the birth of my second my husbands company shut down this branch and he was left with a much lower paying job. I am currently growing our 4th baby and he has since found another job and gotten a promotion. It has been a hard road. But we have done it. My oldest started kindergarten this year. I I definitely second the isolation comment. It can be isolated, thankless and so repetitive. But the benefits are amazing.

Hconner3 · November 2014

I really would love too! However my DH and I both have student loans. He makes way to much to be considered for deferment or based on income pay backs. It sucks because he makes a lot and we would be fine if not for school. We depend on my check because we pay so much in loans.

crarnberg · November 2014

Living in NOVA daycare is absolutely ridiculous. We have a 1 year old and are expecting twins. If we put all three in a KinderCare near our house it would be over $1,100 a week. This is just not feasible for us at this time.

However, being a SAHM is not for me. I am currently a teacher but am looking into becoming a Daycare Director or something of the sort in order to help out financially with daycare.

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