Thoughts on a push present

yesiknowwhatcausesthat · November 2014

I don't have time to read everyone else's comments...sorry about that... I have received gifts from my hubby before though I didn't really connect them as "push presents" until after I gave it some thought just now. Back when we were first married I could be quite a B. I expected a lot but never really made it clear and we just had so much disappointment with each other. Eventually I learned to lower my expectations and he learned how to give gifts. Now I would simply be happy with a vase of flowers and to come home to a clean house. But he has done better than that. After one baby he surprised me with new couches. After another he surprised me with a new dining room table (a must with our growing family). After one child he invited a bunch of friends over and did a surprise makeover of the nursery while I was in the hospital. That was almost disastrous...I had no idea why he wasn't with me and the new baby...lol. So I guess my advice is to try to talk about what your expectations are but also be open to just letting your hubby step up and do what he wants.

Izzy0927 · November 2014

kkleigh10 said:

krendel1990 said:
I would probably literally die if I got a push present. DH has never gotten me a birthday, Christmas, or valentines day gift and he forgot our first anniversary. It doesn't bother me, he's just not good with that kind of thing and that's ok. I'll be happy with a healthy baby!
A healthy baby is the end game for all of us, even if we get a present. I'd venture a guess that none of us are solely in this for some sweet swag.

Wait... So you're saying it's NOT an either/or? Phew, that's a relief, cause I was having a really hard time deciding between the baby and the earrings.

CatLadyTX · November 2014

I have nothing against push presents, but for me the baby is my present. I did get some extra mommy jewelry at Christmas a month after I had DS, and I was extremely touched my it. If my husband wants to give me something to commemorate our daughter's birth that would be nice, but not necessary.

Alygohome · November 2014

My push present better be a case of wine

jaztastic · November 2014

Just curious if those who think "push gifts" are silly or say the baby is gift enough, are accepting of Mother's Day gifts. Being a mom was your choice, why take gifts for taking care of your responsibility. Is this not the same concept? No one said push presents had to be expensive or extravagant, that's just some of our personal preferences coming out. And again, I don't think it's a must do, but I don't feel the notion is silly either.

mommadozer · November 2014

Definitely not my style to ask hubby to get me a push present. Could really careless if I didn't get anything. Hopefully, his friends' stupid wives don't lecture him about it.

He probably has never heard of this before. He had no idea about bride and groom wedding gifts.

I'm more practical about things. We have our new fireplace insert and building stone picked out for remodeling our fireplace. I would treat that as my push present since he really wants to get it done by the time I start my leave.

FlowerPower16 · November 2014

jaztastic said:
Just curious if those who think "push gifts" are silly or say the baby is gift enough, are accepting of Mother's Day gifts. Being a mom was your choice, why take gifts for taking care of your responsibility. Is this not the same concept? No one said push presents had to be expensive or extravagant, that's just some of our personal preferences coming out. And again, I don't think it's a must do, but I don't feel the notion is silly either.

I don't really think they are the same concept. Getting a card or a gift from my child on Mother's Day is quite different than getting a gift from my husband for pushing our child out of my vagina, IMO. FWIW, I don't expect a Mother's Day gift either. I really don't have a problem with people getting push presents, more so with those who ask for one or expect one.

selly08 · November 2014

@jaztastic‌ u'r a brat! But, I love your choice,girl!
I think it depends of how you handle gifts as a couple. DH and I usually select our own gifts for our birthdays and anniversary. We prefer this setting because of a simple reason that we don't want to spend on something that the other person might not like. It works for us. Obviously, once in a while we do the surprise gifting too.
About the push present- well, we haven't yet talked about it.

Dani_Love · November 2014

FlowerPower16 said:

jaztastic said:
Just curious if those who think "push gifts" are silly or say the baby is gift enough, are accepting of Mother's Day gifts. Being a mom was your choice, why take gifts for taking care of your responsibility. Is this not the same concept? No one said push presents had to be expensive or extravagant, that's just some of our personal preferences coming out. And again, I don't think it's a must do, but I don't feel the notion is silly either.
I don't really think they are the same concept. Getting a card or a gift from my child on Mother's Day is quite different than getting a gift from my husband for pushing our child out of my vagina, IMO. FWIW, I don't expect a Mother's Day gift either. I really don't have a problem with people getting push presents, more so with those who ask for one or expect one.

I agree with this. I was due in August with my first and my mom and sister made it a big deal to celebrate mother's day with me while I was still pregnant. I thought it was weird because I didn't feel like a mother yet.

I feel like the push present really is the baby, you worked hard this whole pregnancy to make the baby to have one not for the awesome gift after pushing it out. But at the same time acknowledging all that hard work is also really sweet but not something to be demanded.

Mother's day is entirely different though. It's more of a small thank you for what you do all year. For my first real mother's day I got another wedding band from dh and a happy first mother's day plaque from Dd with a picture from the first moment I saw her (c section so it took awhile and was super emotional) the plaque would have been perfect on its own and I didn't expect anything but maybe going to breakfast. I can see both sides but a push present isn't necessarily important to me.

Tldr: push present is different than mother's day present. I wouldn't reject either one but don't expect or demand a push present.

weansworld09 · November 2014

I agree with @jaztastic‌ and I think the thought is sweet, not silly.
Again, it depends on your dynamic as a couple.
I also have no shame in telling or showing MH a gift I may be eyeing up for Christmas or my birthday. I also have no qualms with him picking out his presents. Sorry, but I don't always know what latest guy toy he has his eyes on, same goes for him with me.

foxslaw · November 2014

I just think of it as a first (optional) Mother's Day gift from your SO. That said, I plan on giving something special to k too.

schnitz9 · November 2014

I can kinda agree with @jaztastic. If its silly for him to get me something for the birth it should be silly for him to get me something for mothers day too. Even if the gift for mother's day is from my child who is paying for it in the end? I know my infant isn't going to be going out and buying anything for me. And even with that should I then get him something for fathers day. I hate playing "pregnancy poker" and upping but this had been a very hard pregnancy. My DH as dear as he is really isn't one to accept change. He still thinks I can cook dinner ever night and doesn't really understand what I've been physically going through. Between HG, PUPP, and now reflux where I'm waking up all night choking, he just goes on with his life as if nothing has changed. I know that we made this child together, but I don't feel like we are growing it together in anyway. I think it would be a nice gesture for him to get me something to thank me for all that I have been going through. Oh course the baby is a wonderful gift, but thats for both of us. Something special a little extra for me would be quite nice. I'm not planning on asking him for a bday gift, valentines gift, and a push present. Just 1 big gift. Something meaningful

jaztastic · November 2014

Getting a one time gift to celebrate or being appreciated for becoming a mom = silly

Getting a yearly gift to celebrate or being appreciated for being a mom = great

Ehh to each his own.

:-??

schnitz9 · November 2014

jaztastic said:

Getting a one time gift to celebrate or being appreciated for becoming a mom = silly
Getting a yearly gift to celebrate or being appreciated for being a mom = great

Ehh to each his own.
:-??

Exactly!!! I'm kinda sick too of hearing well we made this baby together. Really??? He sits on the couch and goes about his day the same way he did 6 months ago. I don't see him vomiting everything he eats. Or itching like crazy. He's not exhausted all the time. Ladies with IF? Did you husband also take the injections too? Did he have to go through the painful processes as well? To me it seems a bit one sided. Yes emotionally they have been there. And I would never take that away from our partners. They are hurt and excited along with us. But I do find it to be a physically one sided process. Now yes we planned on having a child together and I decided to do this. But sometimes I have a hard time of grasping the saying of "we did this together".

jaytee16 · November 2014

schnitz9 said:

jaztastic said:

Getting a one time gift to celebrate or being appreciated for becoming a mom = silly
Getting a yearly gift to celebrate or being appreciated for being a mom = great

Ehh to each his own.
:-??

Exactly!!! I'm kinda sick too of hearing well we made this baby together. Really??? He sits on the couch and goes about his day the same way he did 6 months ago. I don't see him vomiting everything he eats. Or itching like crazy. He's not exhausted all the time. Ladies with IF? Did you husband also take the injections too? Did he have to go through the painful processes as well? To me it seems a bit one sided. Yes emotionally they have been there. And I would never take that away from our partners. They are hurt and excited along with us. But I do find it to be a physically one sided process. Now yes we planned on having a child together and I decided to do this. But sometimes I have a hard time of grasping the saying of "we did this together".

First I don't think push presents and Mother's day gifts are the same thing. One is a thank you for being a mom to our child(ren) and all that you do, and we have yearly celebrations to honour both mom and dad for these roles. A separate gift for literally birthing my children isn't quite the same, though I personally don't care what others do, I agree with a PP that said it's the demanding of this gift that rubs me the wrong way.

As for the rest of this, we struggled for 2 years to get pregnant. Yes, I did 6 months of injections and popping pills, dropped my pants regularly, got inseminated, had eggs retrieved and transferred. But while H may have physically only had to jizz in a cup, he was there for me, holding my hand every step of the way. He picked up the slack around the house when I was nauseated for weeks on end, he took charge of puppy duty, he did all of these other physical things because I couldn't manage it all. We are a team, when one of us is not able to do something, the other steps up to do it/help out/etc. Since I've been pregnant, my H is amazing. He is constantly making sure I've eaten well, cooks most of the dinners, again has spearheaded puppy duty, he picks up groceries or runs other errands, vacuums and cleans the house. Yes, I'm growing these babies but he tells me every day how amazing it is, and how grateful he is to me for all that I have done and all that I am doing to grow our family. That is more than gift enough to me. Again, this is just our relationship though, I know the same isn't necessarily true for everyone, so I don't judge anyone about push presents, it's the sheer demanding and expectation that bother me. Gifts should be from the heart, something thoughtful, not something demanded.

schnitz9 · November 2014

jaytee16 said:

schnitz9 said:

jaztastic said:

Getting a one time gift to celebrate or being appreciated for becoming a mom = silly
Getting a yearly gift to celebrate or being appreciated for being a mom = great

Ehh to each his own.
:-??

Exactly!!! I'm kinda sick too of hearing well we made this baby together. Really??? He sits on the couch and goes about his day the same way he did 6 months ago. I don't see him vomiting everything he eats. Or itching like crazy. He's not exhausted all the time. Ladies with IF? Did you husband also take the injections too? Did he have to go through the painful processes as well? To me it seems a bit one sided. Yes emotionally they have been there. And I would never take that away from our partners. They are hurt and excited along with us. But I do find it to be a physically one sided process. Now yes we planned on having a child together and I decided to do this. But sometimes I have a hard time of grasping the saying of "we did this together".

First I don't think push presents and Mother's day gifts are the same thing. One is a thank you for being a mom to our child(ren) and all that you do, and we have yearly celebrations to honour both mom and dad for these roles. A separate gift for literally birthing my children isn't quite the same, though I personally don't care what others do, I agree with a PP that said it's the demanding of this gift that rubs me the wrong way.

As for the rest of this, we struggled for 2 years to get pregnant. Yes, I did 6 months of injections and popping pills, dropped my pants regularly, got inseminated, had eggs retrieved and transferred. But while H may have physically only had to jizz in a cup, he was there for me, holding my hand every step of the way. He picked up the slack around the house when I was nauseated for weeks on end, he took charge of puppy duty, he did all of these other physical things because I couldn't manage it all. We are a team, when one of us is not able to do something, the other steps up to do it/help out/etc. Since I've been pregnant, my H is amazing. He is constantly making sure I've eaten well, cooks most of the dinners, again has spearheaded puppy duty, he picks up groceries or runs other errands, vacuums and cleans the house. Yes, I'm growing these babies but he tells me every day how amazing it is, and how grateful he is to me for all that I have done and all that I am doing to grow our family. That is more than gift enough to me. Again, this is just our relationship though, I know the same isn't necessarily true for everyone, so I don't judge anyone about push presents, it's the sheer demanding and expectation that bother me. Gifts should be from the heart, something thoughtful, not something demanded.

You are very lucky. I wish my DH was just like this. Like I said he's more old school. We had an agreement from when we first started dating. I cook he cleans. He's a neat freak and obsessively cleans the house every week. It's his thing so I don't mess with it. He feels if he keeps up his end of the bargain so should I. No matter what. Its a daily argument that we have. He likes his routine and not to happy when it changes. I can't wait for the baby to come. Its gonna turn his world upside down and I'm gonna have a front row seat. HEHEHEHE

schnitz9 · November 2014

kkleigh10 said:

@jaytee16‌ - who said anyone is demanding a gift? It's that sentiment that really gets under my skin. My husband is choosing to get me a commemorative wedding band because he WANTS TO and its a gift that is incredibly meaningful to both of us. I haven't seen anyone on this thread imply that they're straight up demanding a gift as payment for carrying a child. I think that assumption is ridiculously offensive.

I agree in no way am demanding a gift. I was just asking your thoughts on the idea. For me I'm a bit lucky with my Bday a few days away. I'm just asking for a nicer gift than I would normally get. My hubby never gets me a Bday gift and a valentines day gift just one. So I was thinking something a little nicer than what he normally gets me....

jaytee16 · November 2014

kkleigh10 said: @jaytee16‌ - who said anyone is demanding a gift? It's that sentiment that really gets under my skin. My husband is choosing to get me a commemorative wedding band because he WANTS TO and its a gift that is incredibly meaningful to both of us. I haven't seen anyone on this thread imply that they're straight up demanding a gift as payment for carrying a child. I think that assumption is ridiculously offensive.

@kkleigh10 - did I say anyone here is demanding a gift? No, I said the only issue I have with push presents in general is when they are being demanded, which does happen. If your husband wants to get you a gift, great. The only thing I stated having an issue with is people who demand gifts. If that's not you, I'm not sure why you're offended.

FlowerPower16 · November 2014

jaytee16 said:

schnitz9 said:

jaztastic said:

Getting a one time gift to celebrate or being appreciated for becoming a mom = silly
Getting a yearly gift to celebrate or being appreciated for being a mom = great

Ehh to each his own.
:-??

Exactly!!! I'm kinda sick too of hearing well we made this baby together. Really??? He sits on the couch and goes about his day the same way he did 6 months ago. I don't see him vomiting everything he eats. Or itching like crazy. He's not exhausted all the time. Ladies with IF? Did you husband also take the injections too? Did he have to go through the painful processes as well? To me it seems a bit one sided. Yes emotionally they have been there. And I would never take that away from our partners. They are hurt and excited along with us. But I do find it to be a physically one sided process. Now yes we planned on having a child together and I decided to do this. But sometimes I have a hard time of grasping the saying of "we did this together".

First I don't think push presents and Mother's day gifts are the same thing. One is a thank you for being a mom to our child(ren) and all that you do, and we have yearly celebrations to honour both mom and dad for these roles. A separate gift for literally birthing my children isn't quite the same, though I personally don't care what others do, I agree with a PP that said it's the demanding of this gift that rubs me the wrong way.

As for the rest of this, we struggled for 2 years to get pregnant. Yes, I did 6 months of injections and popping pills, dropped my pants regularly, got inseminated, had eggs retrieved and transferred. But while H may have physically only had to jizz in a cup, he was there for me, holding my hand every step of the way. He picked up the slack around the house when I was nauseated for weeks on end, he took charge of puppy duty, he did all of these other physical things because I couldn't manage it all. We are a team, when one of us is not able to do something, the other steps up to do it/help out/etc. Since I've been pregnant, my H is amazing. He is constantly making sure I've eaten well, cooks most of the dinners, again has spearheaded puppy duty, he picks up groceries or runs other errands, vacuums and cleans the house. Yes, I'm growing these babies but he tells me every day how amazing it is, and how grateful he is to me for all that I have done and all that I am doing to grow our family. That is more than gift enough to me. Again, this is just our relationship though, I know the same isn't necessarily true for everyone, so I don't judge anyone about push presents, it's the sheer demanding and expectation that bother me. Gifts should be from the heart, something thoughtful, not something demanded.

Amen!

cloe111479 · November 2014

I haven't said anything about one and didn't expect one, but DH has told me he is doing one. He had an idea of a cross made with my birthdstone and her's.. but he hadn't finalized anything.

lailou · November 2014

I'm up for a push present, but wouldn't ask for one.

ST3WD · November 2014

I think it's really sweet when a SO wants to give a new/new again mom a gift.

Even if she tells him exactly what she wants.

Even more so if the SO surprises her.

I don't really care how other couples and families function, as long as it works for them. I wasn't expecting anything. I wasn't even aware these were a thing until my mom brought it up. She tried to ask nonchalantly whether I prefer more canvas/paint in the nursery theme or a camera. When I asked why, she told me she and my father wanted to thank me for bringing their first grandchild into the world.

The sentiment alone made me cry, and I told her to go with whatever her heart tells her but I didn't need anything.

"Nonsense, we'd get you something for a promotion, and this is much harder."

Every family is different, but I wouldn't snub the idea one way or the other. Just go with how you normally approach gifts.

nhamic · November 2014

My birthday and my EDD are the same day (which of course means she won't be coming on that day) and a week after valentines day, so the idea of something nice would be lovely. However, my husband has been in grad school for the last three years and won't have a paying job (yay, rotations and licensing exams) until probably Aug. 1. Whoops. Which means that all of our measley income is money I've made so I doubt he'll be buying anything extravagant for me. Our 10 year wedding anniversary is in May and I was hoping for a wedding band to commemorate as we didn't do a band when we got married, but that may have to wait too. With a limited ability to work after about Jan.1 and who knows how long it will take for me to be back to feeling like working after baby comes, things could be really tight for the rest of the year. Maybe on the one year anniversary of my "pushing"!!

But to answer the general question, I have no problem with the idea of the push gift. I also don't think my husband will have a darn clue that this is a thing nor would it generally cross his mind.

KRMcD · November 2014

I had never heard of a push present before but now I want one! Probably won't actually get anything though because money is a thing.

jaztastic · November 2014

ST3WD said:

I think it's really sweet when a SO wants to give a new/new again mom a gift.
Even if she tells him exactly what she wants.
Even more so if the SO surprises her.

I don't really care how other couples and families function, as long as it works for them. I wasn't expecting anything. I wasn't even aware these were a thing until my mom brought it up. She tried to ask nonchalantly whether I prefer more canvas/paint in the nursery theme or a camera. When I asked why, she told me she and my father wanted to thank me for bringing their first grandchild into the world.

The sentiment alone made me cry, and I told her to go with whatever her heart tells her but I didn't need anything.
"Nonsense, we'd get you something for a promotion, and this is much harder."

Every family is different, but I wouldn't snub the idea one way or the other. Just go with how you normally approach gifts.

Pretty much all of this!!

twinklymama · November 2014

I just cringe at the phrase "push present". Not really sure why.

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