Nanny vs Daycare- Advice for a FTM

TwinsCitiesMomma · October 2014

I searched the boards and didn't see this topic so hope it's hasn't already been discussed somewhere.

I am strongly thinking about going with a full time nanny to come to my house every day instead of doing daycare - at least until LO is one year old. I think it will be easier in the mornings, a good adjustment for myself and LO and it is a lot cheaper than day care in my area.

Pros and Cons from experienced moms who have used both? I'm thinking of going to care.com in January to post the job- is that too early or too late? Due March 11th, taking 3 months off, so plan to go back to work in July.

Thanks in advance!

kmvisioli · October 2014

I worked as a full-time nanny long term for a set of twin boys (started at 8months left just after 2nd bday), and those kids were more bonded to me than to their parents by the time I left. The parents had me there every time the kids were "too fussy" or sick or wouldn't go to bed, in addition to my regular hours...the kids would cling to my legs and stand at the door crying when I left in the evenings, which was heartbreaking for me. After seeing how connected babies become with a nanny, I don't think I could have one with my LO.

knottie93263eb66eeacb31 · October 2014

I am a FTM myself so I don't have personal experience but am using my early childhood education experience to help make the decision. Infants younger then 12 months need more 1:1 care so I am looking at having a nanny 4-6 hours a day for the first 12 months and then move the baby to day care/private school that takes infants and toddlers.

peeppeeppeep · October 2014

I have been a part-time nanny for a handful of awesome families over the last 6 years. I am a graduate student, and I highly recommend us as a potential nanny and/or babysitter pool, if you are near a large college or university, though you'd probably have to get two of us to cover full-time. In my area, if you only have one kid, the cost of a nanny and the cost of daycare come out about even, though with two it's definitely cheaper. I also live in a very snowy and cold area and am usually willing to come to work when schools and daycares are closed for weather, but no family has ever demanded that I do so.

Agree with MandJS's pros and cons. Another con of daycare is possibly more viruses.

Without knowing more, kmvisoli, that sounds like that was more about the parents in question then it was the fact that they had a nanny full-time.

If you privately hire a nanny, you have to think about whether or not you want to take taxes out of their pay and set them up as an employee. I had one family who did this - they also paid me quite a bit and that was a full-time gig so I thought it worked out for both parties, but I personally wouldn't work for someone who wanted to pay me 10 dollars or less an hour and then have to deal with payroll taxes.

Stephy129 · October 2014

I did not have a nanny but we found a sweet lady who watched our daughter in her home (she was licensed and regulated by the state). She had one kid of her own who wasn't in school yet so it was just my daughter and hers. She was amazing. It was almost like a nanny just at a different house. She kept everything we needed at her house so we only had to pack a bag once every two weeks or so. She was also very reasonably priced so it was perfect for us. I would have loved to keep her there until I quit working hut the lady opened a daycare when my daughter was a year old. We sent her to the daycare. It was okay but I much prefer ed the in home setting.

copperrose · October 2014

I would do it the first year but then look into places with other children and more variety of experiences and stimulation. We are doing a nanny share and it's slightly cheaper but with more flexible hours than daycare. I do think the calling out/vacation etc has the potential to be a huge issue so just interview well.

TwinsCitiesMomma · October 2014

Thanks for the advice all. I definitely wouldn't do a nanny longer than a year old- I know the socializing is important.

@copperrose- How did you find another parent for the nanny share?

TwinsCitiesMomma · October 2014

kmvisioli said:

I worked as a full-time nanny long term for a set of twin boys (started at 8months left just after 2nd bday), and those kids were more bonded to me than to their parents by the time I left. The parents had me there every time the kids were "too fussy" or sick or wouldn't go to bed, in addition to my regular hours...the kids would cling to my legs and stand at the door crying when I left in the evenings, which was heartbreaking for me. After seeing how connected babies become with a nanny, I don't think I could have one with my LO.

Thanks for your input! Sounds to me like the issue was with the parents..lol!

Skrittens · October 2014

With taxes, extra insurance, and supplemental sitters for overtime/sick days/vacation hiring a nanny would be much more expensive for us than a good daycare. Plus I can still send my son when I am working from home and don't have to be tempted/disturbed by him.

The taxes are actually a big issue - I know several people who weren't paying or weren't doing it correctly and had issues with the revenue authority and their employers. I have also seen backlash in local papers against people in the community (teacher and police) who were not paying taxes on full time babysitters or caregivers.

JessS29 · October 2014

If cost is not an issue I vote nanny for newborn/infant. I had a babysitter part time for my DD up until she moved in June. She has a daughter the same age so it was the best of both worlds. She got to play with another kid but lots of personal attention. She is now in a home day care. She gets the socialization but smaller, more intimate setting than traditional day care. We haven't decided what we will do once #2 comes.

janda426 · October 2014

I'm a part time babysitter so I didn't even think of the above issues with taxes and such.

But just with my experience being a nanny/babysitter it seems a hell of a lot easier for the parent to just have me show up to their house. They aren't worrying about other kids getting their kids sick, they're paying me under the table (might not be a possibility with a full time nanny though), and the child is in the familiarity and routine of their own home. We have like six family members "on standby" before an outside sitter is needed and I'm still in school so we won't need a full time sitter but I'd probably just do with a nanny coming to my house

JCWhitey · October 2014

You actually want to start with socialization a lot earlier than a year. With DS we couldn't get into any daycares so my MIL watched him, so it was a bit more like a nanny situation. He got a ton of 1 on 1 time, great care, and all of it in our home which was great. But when he was 10 months old I got a job in a daycare center and realized that he had never really interacted with other kids and didn't really know how. I wish I'd started him closer to 5/6 months so he could get that element of it. At 15 months he's great now, but it took a good month or two for him to really "get" playing with other kids.

But that's not to say that nannies CAN'T provide that. When I was a nanny we went to the park, the Chuck E Cheese during cold weather, play groups, etc. He got a lot of interaction, but it did take extra effort on my part that went above what his mom expected. So I'd look for a nanny who's willing to do all of this starting at that 5/6 month mark. If it's cheaper in your area than that's the route I'd go.

071115 · October 2014

I have always wanted a nanny, but only live ins in my area. I don't think I want someone living in my house. You have to pay for a live in to move, it's more expensive, you have to ask if they do certain things,laundry, dishes that kind of thing. If you expect them to drive for any reason for your kids you have to pay for gas and insurance.
Ask a lot of questions before you hire anyone.

ttc11786 · October 2014

In terms of price, in NYC, which is our area, usually daycare comes out to be $200-300 a week and full time nannies are usually 400-500 a week and up!
Daycare was definitely more affordable and I always felt safe knowing that my baby was taken care of and that there were cameras I could watch on. I also felt reassured knowing that there's a lot of staff all checking in on each other as opposed to a stranger alone in your home for hours and you have no clue what he or she is doing to your child. I know people have cameras at home but not EVERYWHERE and nannies do leave the house.
There is risk with every childcare option, I just felt that there was less with the daycare we ended up choosing. Plus they have an open door policy and we stopped in very often unannounced.
My daughter spoke early, walked early and now knows every shape color and number and she's only 2! We've been very happy.
Where do you live @TwinsCitiesMomma‌

RMama2012 · October 2014

The 1 on 1 for an infant is more important in my opinion (research this). Babies at 2 are just learning to play together as opposed to "parallel play" so before a year, the nanny could do the library or play dates as many in my neighborhood do if he/she is willing.

As far as the nanny who watched kids that were more attached to her than the kids...well I am sure you were a great nanny but that sounds a lot more related to the parent/child relationship dynamic. Besides, many children cry when they leave daycare when they are a little older because they don't want to leave their friends.

Also important is that if your child has a hard time leaving you, regardless of what type of care you choose, it makes being a working mom that much harder. Knowing your child is happy and content is very reassuring. I was afraid my son (2.5 yo) would prefer my MIL over me bc she has been our childcare from the beginning but he definately knows who his Mama is and prefers me and Dad.

Lastly, getting out of the house with a baby and dealing with drop off is exhausting. If you could make that transition a bit easier for yourself and everything else makes sense( $, references, etc) go with the nanny!

FrecklesInside · October 2014

All I can say is damn, where do you live that a nanny is cheaper???

ngolimento · October 2014

I am good friends with a full time nanny. Please don't pay 'under the table'. She gives so much to the kids that she watches, and offers such high quality care, but is under so much financial stress because her shitty employer refuses to pay her taxes. She is an awesome person who would never hurt the kids she watches, but I could easily see another person, treated like shit in the same way, taking out the resentment and stress on the kids. Don't cut corners with childcare. Cut out daily Starbucks or something else.

Biscotto · October 2014

I've worked as a nanny for 6 years. I've developed a close bond with the children I've cared, especially the babies. It's obviously easier for you to have a nanny who comes to your home and its easier for your child. Things you need to consider are taxes, sick days and vacation leave for your nanny. Have an open relationship with your nanny and make sure your discuss important things in your family's life with her (such as your upcoming vacations, baby's doctor's appointments, etc). I loved being a nanny and developing such a tight bond with the children. Treat your nanny with lots of respect, this is when I had issues with the families. She's not a servant, don't treat her as one. It's ok to sometimes ask her to do things out of the norm, but don't ask her to do more than what she signed up for constantly (ex: saying that washing the family's clothes, besides baby's, is not her job then asking her to do daily). Anyway, that's my advice for a nanny. Good luck in your decision.

Sugarplum0217 · October 2014

FrecklesInside said:
All I can say is damn, where do you live that a nanny is cheaper???

I totally agree! I didn't know this was possible. (I've always lived in very high cost of living areas though.)

When I was a nanny, the mom was a lawyer and couldn't get away with paying me under the table or risk her bar license. They used a website called nannytaxes I believe. I don't remember how much they paid for it but they set it up so they deducted my taxes and took care of everything and it was really easy for them at minimal cost.

I'm still debating how I feel about the nanny vs daycare in the beginning, it's a conversation SO are going through right now so I will report back later.

thejucheidea · October 2014

Peledreamsofrain said:

I am good friends with a full time nanny. Please don't pay 'under the table'. She gives so much to the kids that she watches, and offers such high quality care, but is under so much financial stress because her shitty employer refuses to pay her taxes. She is an awesome person who would never hurt the kids she watches, but I could easily see another person, treated like shit in the same way, taking out the resentment and stress on the kids. Don't cut corners with childcare. Cut out daily Starbucks or something else.

This. We're in negotiations with my husband's best friend to have her come live in our extra bedroom and be our childcare provider, and one of the first things I looked into was making sure we paid her taxes with a nanny payroll account. We're also going to be providing her health insurance, which is not something she has right now.

rm2013 · October 2014

My DD has been in daycare since 12 weeks old. With this baby I can't see daycare working.
1) It takes so much time in the morning getting DD ready and dropped off to dc. And I'm always frantically rushing. I don't see how the hell I will do this with a 3 month old and her by myself. I know I can, but if would be real shitty. Having someone here to do all that would save me so much stress and time.
2) yes they get sick a lot - I don't mind building their immune system but when your child is sick (fever, diarrhea) you have to drop everything at work and go get them, and then they are required to be out the next day before they can come back even if they aren't sick anymore. Totally wreaks havoc on work,and you end up using most of your vacation for your child's sick days - when they aren't even really sick. With in home care you don't have to worry about that.
3) you have to deal with the dc policies. We are very particular (a little crunchy) and it's always a struggle. I won't go into detail but there are so many examples I can give.
4)for socialization, yes it's important to get them out. I plan on sending DD to a church preschool, it's 3 days a week 9am-12pm and only $200 a month. You can also do Gymboree classes, I think an unlimited monthly membership is around $80-100 and that's a great place to meet other moms.
5) Cost! At DDs daycare, sending new baby would cost us $2250 a month for both. Bonkers. I could get a nanny for around $1900. We are also considering an au pair because we have a guest bedroom. They are $1400 a month and can watch up to 4 kids.

mariahd43 · October 2014

We were fortunate enough to find an elementary school teacher who opted to stay home with her DD to be a SAHM. She was willing to take on our DD for extra income and it has worked out wonderfully. Our DD has been going to her home since she was 6 months old (she's 2 1/2 now) and we wouldn't have it any other way. She teaches our daughter so much and takes her out to do special outings, sing a long and reading groups, etc. for socialization and just additional learning. It's an ideal situation and we were fortunate to find her.

thejucheidea · October 2014

rm2013 said:

My DD has been in daycare since 12 weeks old. With this baby I can't see daycare working. 1) It takes so much time in the morning getting DD ready and dropped off to dc. And I'm always frantically rushing. I don't see how the hell I will do this with a 3 month old and her by myself. I know I can, but if would be real shitty. Having someone here to do all that would save me so much stress and time. 2) yes they get sick a lot - I don't mind building their immune system but when your child is sick (fever, diarrhea) you have to drop everything at work and go get them, and then they are required to be out the next day before they can come back even if they aren't sick anymore. Totally wreaks havoc on work,and you end up using most of your vacation for your child's sick days - when they aren't even really sick. With in home care you don't have to worry about that. 3) you have to deal with the dc policies. We are very particular (a little crunchy) and it's always a struggle. I won't go into detail but there are so many examples I can give. 4)for socialization, yes it's important to get them out. I plan on sending DD to a church preschool, it's 3 days a week 9am-12pm and only $200 a month. You can also do Gymboree classes, I think an unlimited monthly membership is around $80-100 and that's a great place to meet other moms. 5) Cost! At DDs daycare, sending new baby would cost us $2250 a month for both. Bonkers. I could get a nanny for around $1900. We are also considering an au pair because we have a guest bedroom. They are $1400 a month and can watch up to 4 kids.

Allllllll of this. I don't feel like beta's going to miss out on anything being home with his or her aunt K. She'll still take beta out and about to the zoo, museums, playgrounds, et cetera and then bring beta to me for mommy-and-me yoga in the afternoons after work. We can use cloth diapers without having to find a daycare around here that will accept cloth diapers (still not very popular) and we don't have to worry about beta being around unvaccinated children, as we're both massive pro-vaxxers. I know K well and my husband has known her since childhood, so we couldn't have someone we trust more. If K gets sick or needs to take time off, my mom is 100% available and has in fact volunteered to be our backup, as she retired earlier this year.

And yes, much less expensive, especially because K is currently living with her parents, so there are no moving expenses for her.

lewispm · October 2014

We used a nanny (but it was my sister) for 14 months before starting my son in daycare. Around here, however, nannies are even more expensive. I loved having my sister watch him, but I knew her and I knew she loved him and would treat him well. The thought of hiring someone I don't know to come to my home and be alone with my son terrified me, however, so once my sister got a job we decided on daycare.

There are obviously pro's and con's to both, but the deciding factor to me was the accountability that the daycare workers have that is not really present with an in-home nanny unless you have cameras all over the house. In a daycare, there is still risk of mistreatment, of course, but I found it to be smaller, IMO, when there were 2-3 teachers in a classroom holding one another accountable as well as parents coming and going and directors in and out of the classroom. A nanny that is alone in your home could do anything she wanted when no one is watching and you would never know.

Another plus of daycare for us, which has turned out to be huge, is the socialization aspect and the curriculum. My son has friends that he talks about outside of "school" (he is 2 and goes 3 days a week), and loves his teachers. He has learned so much that I wouldn't be able to teach him as well at home such as taking turns, being kind to his friends, and helping his friends. He also has become more flexible when it comes to naps and meals. Overall, I absolutely love his daycare and I am 100% sure that it was the right decision for us over an in-home nanny. We will be putting this baby in daycare at only 2 months old (which will be very new and scary for me), but I know he will be in good hands and learn a lot.

lewispm · October 2014

I just looked back at some responses and realized you are only referring to the first 12 months. That makes things a little tougher as the socialization aspect is not as important, but the accountability issue with the nanny being alone is still there. If I went with a nanny, I'd install nanny cams in every room of the house and let her know they were there just to ensure she would be held accountable for her actions and think twice about anything that may be inappropriate. Maybe I am paranoid, but I know someone personally who had a nanny that had worked many years, came with great references, and was caught mistreating her child. I just don't think I could handle allowing someone into my home to be alone with my child that could potentially abuse him. I know that's hard to regulate, but not having an in home nanny was, for me, a step in the right direction.

scarlettc27 · October 2014

We've chosen a day school that has an infant room, however it doesn't start until mid-August. My mom is going to keep the baby for the 2 months between when I have to go back to work and the start of the school year. I never really considered a nanny, though. We live near some very wealthy families, and there are usually more nannies than moms with kids at the park. Not every nanny is like this, but the majority don't seem to be as caring and attentive as I'm sure the parents expect. Plus in my area, finding a nanny who is legal to work in this country costs a lot more than daycare! I could see how having two kids would change the financial equation though.

thejucheidea · October 2014

flmama622 said:

This just showed up on my FB Feed and since it's relevant, thought I'd post it. Not to scare you but definitely to make you aware of the risks and extra steps you should take to ensure your baby is safe (nanny cams, references, etc)

https://abc7.com/news/mother-of-ie-twins-abused-speaks-out---exclusive/349676/

Don't read the comments if you're a working mom, because one of the commenters says that if we have kids, we should raise them ourselves instead of having nannies and daycare workers take care of them. Must be nice to be able to judge people like that for providing for their families

.

JenLa21 · October 2014

I was a nanny for a long time, for a few different families, before I had my son. I loved doing it, and I will go back to it when my kids are in school. I was so lucky to really become a part of the families I worked for.

Before you decide to go with a nanny, you should consider everything about it, and really present the job with all the details about taxes and vacation up front. You don't want to be negotiating things later.

Also, since having a nanny would be cheaper than daycare for you, you can always have the nanny bring your LO to a class for social interaction. Plus most libraries/Barnes & noble have story time, free of charge. So there are definitely options for socializing.

One of the big issues that may come up, is if the nanny is sick. I think in about 6 years of being a nanny, I called in sick twice. And it actually worked out because both times, the families were all sick too. But anyway, you'll have I have a backup sitter than can come on short notice if you have to get to work. But I am all for nannies over daycare.

peeppeeppeep · October 2014

lewispm said:

I just looked back at some responses and realized you are only referring to the first 12 months. That makes things a little tougher as the socialization aspect is not as important, but the accountability issue with the nanny being alone is still there. If I went with a nanny, I'd install nanny cams in every room of the house and let her know they were there just to ensure she would be held accountable for her actions and think twice about anything that may be inappropriate. Maybe I am paranoid, but I know someone personally who had a nanny that had worked many years, came with great references, and was caught mistreating her child. I just don't think I could handle allowing someone into my home to be alone with my child that could potentially abuse him. I know that's hard to regulate, but not having an in home nanny was, for me, a step in the right direction.

As a nanny, I would not want to work for you - not so much because I'd mind being taped, but because you are approaching the nanny as an adversary instead of an employee who deserves respect.

ttc11786 · October 2014

peeppeeppeep said:
lewispm said:

I just looked back at some responses and realized you are only referring to the first 12 months. That makes things a little tougher as the socialization aspect is not as important, but the accountability issue with the nanny being alone is still there. If I went with a nanny, I'd install nanny cams in every room of the house and let her know they were there just to ensure she would be held accountable for her actions and think twice about anything that may be inappropriate. Maybe I am paranoid, but I know someone personally who had a nanny that had worked many years, came with great references, and was caught mistreating her child. I just don't think I could handle allowing someone into my home to be alone with my child that could potentially abuse him. I know that's hard to regulate, but not having an in home nanny was, for me, a step in the right direction.

As a nanny, I would not want to work for you - not so much because I'd mind being taped, but because you are approaching the nanny as an adversary instead of an employee who deserves respect.

Having a nanny can be a very scary thing and not every nanny is an honest, good person (I have a few friends who have seen Their nannies mistreating their children on the nannycams and therefore approach all nannies this way).
I don't think any employer should therefore make their nanny feel uncomfortable or as if they are the enemy but I do think it's ok for an employer looking to hire a nanny to let the nanny know that they are concerned for the safety of their child and that they will do anything to ensure that safety...

TwinsCitiesMomma · October 2014

I actually never thought about taxes, vacation or any of that. Hmmm. Maybe that is where the extra cost is? Okay, not closer to making a decision and clearly I need to do more research but all of the info is super helpful.

How about a nanny share? Anyone done that?

BTW- I'm in Minneapolis, for those that asked.

Bubble106 · October 2014

We can't' afford a nanny in our area, (San Francisco Bay Area) but with 2, if I have to work, we will do it. We did a Home Daycare. It's a licensed home care with only 4 kids. I felt it was a perfect transition and he started at 4 1/2 months. It was so hard cause I couldn't stay home but he LOVES his daycare, is excited when I pick him up at the end of the day, and while drop off is hectic sometime you get into a routine and it gets easier..

That's my two cents..I really had a hard time with the big daycares around here..too impersonal for my taste.

TwinsCitiesMomma · October 2014

Bubble106 said:
We can't' afford a nanny in our area, (San Francisco Bay Area) but with 2, if I have to work, we will do it. We did a Home Daycare. It's a licensed home care with only 4 kids. I felt it was a perfect transition and he started at 4 1/2 months. It was so hard cause I couldn't stay home but he LOVES his daycare, is excited when I pick him up at the end of the day, and while drop off is hectic sometime you get into a routine and it gets easier..

That's my two cents..I really had a hard time with the big daycares around here..too impersonal for my taste.

I can imagine the cost and "attitude", especially in the city, Marin or the Peninsula. I grew up in the Bay Area. I miss it so much but can't imagine having to pay for daycare there.

How did you find a home daycare?

Knottie3475256 · November 2014

I'm probably way too late to respond to this, but still thought I'd give my two cents. Reading what previous posters have said, I think you got a lot of great advice.

I'm a FTM mom so I don't have experience hiring a nanny or daycare, but I was a nanny for the past three years.

First of all, care.com is an excellent site to meet nannies. That's where I've always been hired from. And for an employer, it's nice because you will get plenty of applications to sort through to really make a great decision.

Make sure your nanny is okay with you being there for a few months. This might sound odd. I'm not saying that he/she will be dangerous, but it is awkward for a nanny to be there with a parent IF IT IS NOT PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED THAT THAT IS HOW IT WILL BE. I would also, like another poster said, HAVE A NANNY CAM! You can never be too sure.... Seeing those videos on Facebook and YouTube, I could never hire a nanny without a cam. Scary stuff.

On that note, a daycare might bring you more peace of mind because there will be other people around to serve as a cam. At your home, your nanny is there exclusively...

You say hiring a nanny will be cheaper than daycare. Just keep in mind, the better the nanny, the more she will cost.

Honestly, after being a nanny for so many years, I think I might go the daycare route, just for the sake of other children to play with, but I do see you said you might do that after age 1.

That being said, I personally think having a nanny for the 1st year would be better than having a daycare. For the sake of developing a personal relationship, someone you can really trust taking care of your newborn. But if you do this, make sure you don't restrict her. Let her know what she will be allowed to do with baby, take her to the grocery store/library, or not take her anywhere. Make sure your nanny knows all of this, or she might feel cooped up if you don't let her out of the house.

Posting on care.com two months in advance is plenty enough time - it's a perfect time frame in fact.

I would also suggest, thinking about a back-up nanny. Almost like a babysitter, for days your full-time nanny might need off.

I would make sure you hire someone who has had experience with newborns.

Reference check, reference check, reference check. For the safety of your little one. I absolutely loved being a nanny, but there were so many times we would go to the pool, and I would see other nannies on their phones, while the little 2 year old wandered off. Check their references and make sure they come highly recommended!

Also, like another poster said, treat her like family, not a servant. If this is uncomfortable for you, then maybe you shouldn't have a nanny. Being treated like a servant is so degrading and will certainly make her leave sooner. If she feels like family, she will stay, AND take even better care your LO.

Hope all this helped. If you have any other questions, feel free to PM. I have just about all the answers when it comes to nannying! Good luck in your decision!

Knottie3475256 · November 2014

lewispm said:
There are obviously pro's and con's to both, but the deciding factor to me was the accountability that the daycare workers have that is not really present with an in-home nanny unless you have cameras all over the house. In a daycare, there is still risk of mistreatment, of course, but I found it to be smaller, IMO, when there were 2-3 teachers in a classroom holding one another accountable as well as parents coming and going and directors in and out of the classroom. A nanny that is alone in your home could do anything she wanted when no one is watching and you would never know.

This ^^^^^^

Mic512 · November 2014

DS was in daycare the first year & was very bonded to his teacher. She was wonderful with him & he got great care. Now that he is 3 and been at home with me for 2 years, I think I made a mistake not putting him back into daycare / preschool sooner.

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