Atheist/secular mamas?

EntropicEpona · November 2014

I see that there's a check-in for Christian mamas, and I'm not really interested in a check in, per se. But are there any other atheists in our mix? Also, I don't want to start a huge divide or debate, so I won't get into the reasons for my stance, but I figure we should represent (at least to each other).

As the "most distrusted group in America" I feel a lot of pressure and judgment from people when they find out my non-religious bent, so I just want to feel like I'm not alone. I'm already getting the "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT BAPTIZING YOUR CHILDREN?!" pearl-clutching. Oh boy.

ETA: included general secular terminology in title

rels09 · November 2014

Right here! I don't really emphasize this to my FIL, who is very religious, but my whole family (my parents, my brother, and I) is pretty much atheist. I would characterize my H as agnostic, but I don't think he has quite admitted that to himself.

tinalovescauliflower · November 2014

*waves* Hi, secular humanist agnostic here. I'm struggling with in-laws over religious upbringing right now. Fun times! For what it's worth, my parents are agnostic but sort of half-heatedly took us to church when we were really little. I do think it will be fun to take children to different kinds of religious services and celebrations and to discuss with them the origins of such.

But yeah... I definitely feel the distrusted part. I grew up in Texas, and received a good deal of hate mail in my locker during middle school due to my rather vocal agnosticism.

EntropicEpona · November 2014

Hi ladies!

bonj212 · November 2014

Atheist here. I don't plan on baptizing our child either.

lovebeingblonde · November 2014

Atheist here. Already having to make DH have "those conversations" with his very religious family. Was raised in a Wiccan/Pagan household, with the freedom to pursue our own beliefs, and plan to let our child do the same.

To save from tension between IL's and myself, DH has taken on the burden of explaining to them that our children will not be raised in the same sense as he and his brothers were. I've already had to politely accept, then later put-away-never-to-be-used, religious based gifts that they've given LO (nighttime prayer books, lamp with a cross).

[Deleted User] · November 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

lauranicole91 · November 2014

Sup. I was raised and baptized catholic and DH baptist. His parents are still very religious but my parents aren't really.

We don't plan on baptizing. But we were a part of an all inclusive Unitarian church. Gave us the same community feeling of church without the Jesus part. They focus on world events and doing good for the sole purpose of doing good. It has nothing to do with working for the lord or good karma. It's a very fun atmosphere. But we moved and it's too far away now. We may try to get back into going when our daughter gets a bit older. They have an awesome child program where they help teach and explain each religion. I think it's important that she isn't sheltered from religious ideas, but can learn it all and decide herself.

Pintobean39 · November 2014

Imagine that, not one post yet on how horrible the people of this board are.

I'm actually born and raised baptist. My children were baptized baptist once they got older and asked to be. We did attend church when they were younger. Not so much anymore mainly because we moved and I have found a lot of Christians hypocrites. My youngest son who's 15 now is agnostic. He struggles because of being raised baptist, attended catholic schools his entire life and what he feels in his heart. I honestly could care less what my children choose as long as they lead a respectable life and know right from wrong.

My MIL briefly mentioned having this baby baptized. First of all I'm baptist, this isn't done, and we don't even go to church because I'm about over all the hypocrites. She's Methodist and so is my husband but he could care less. I'm really hoping this isn't brought up again, I don't want to go there with her.

jenari2013 · November 2014

mermomo5 said:
Raised catholic but I am not raising my children as Catholics. I believe there is a god but I do not believe you need to have a set religion to have faith. My children can decide on their own and I will not force or recommend any set religious belief system. I want my children to be good people but I do not feel that a set religion is going to change that.

This is me exactly. I've taken a lot of flack from both sides of the family (DH was raised catholic too and is now completely atheist) on not having DD baptized. I just refuse to do something that I don't believe in just to make others happy. She'll be free to choose whatever path she wants when she's older.

EntropicEpona · November 2014

I, too, was raised Catholic. I sense a pattern here...

greks84 · November 2014

I am a strong Christian but I respect everyone's beliefs. I don't foresee any hate talk coming into this thread. And if it does then they should be banned just like the trolls.

catmentzer21 · November 2014

I was raised Lutheran but now have my own beliefs.my husband is atheist. None of my children are baptized and this one will not be either. When they decide to make their own decisions on religion they will be free to walk their own paths. My son (9 years old ) has attended a couple different churches with friends in the last year. He comes home and we talk about his experience. For now ( at 9) he just seems to think people are crazy for wanting to sit through church when they could just read the book at home ... lol.

MoxyByProxy · November 2014

I'm so glad to see a post like this.

I wouldnt say I'm athiest.. maybe more of a sort of hybrid agnostic. I just believe in treating ppl right.

I didnt have any of my children baptized i don't plan to have #4 christened either.

sevillanagal · November 2014

I'm an atheist, but will probably do the whole baptism thing to avoid bloodshed - my in-laws are very Catholic.

I plan to be very open with my children about my beliefs and educate them about others' beliefs so they can decide what's right for them.

Glad you started this thread, I definitely feel in the minority as far as religion goes.

texasmama15 · November 2014

It posted twice, sorry!

texasmama15 · November 2014

I am an agnostic atheist and have been since I left private school. I went to a private, Christian academy for 9 years while neither of my parents attended church. I think they felt like it was the right thing to do, to have me exposed to a religion when they weren't religious themselves (no one in my family goes to church) and we don't really talk about religion. Now, no one would say they're atheist or agnostic because they do pray but they just aren't the type to go to Bible study.

DH's side is Baptist but his parents do not attend church while one set of his grandparents are extremely involved in their church and are in the Bible belt of Texas, so to say. We got flack when we lived together before marriage and we got flack when we were not married in a church (got married at the country club where we held our reception by a non-denominational pastor). DH and I have never been to church to gather or do we care to go. I think he is more agnostic but it might be hard for him to admit that. His parents bow their head to pray at every meal and I will slightly lower mine but keep my eyes open, really just out of respect for them.

We have not talked about baptizing our child yet but I already know that's a "no" on my list unless our child gets to the age and wants to be baptized. I fully believe, as others have said, in educating and exposing our child to the different religions and letting them choose their path.

AliceKC9876 · November 2014

I was raised Catholic and was actually a teacher in a Catholic school for two years awhile back, but I now consider myself an atheist (or on some days agnostic). I didn't baptize my now-21-month-old which caused some family drama but I'm glad I stood my ground and stopped hiding my beliefs! I live in a conservative area so I worry about what other kids will think about my kids' lack of religion if we end up staying here...

FreddyisReady · November 2014

I am a hardcore atheist. I would even call myself an Anti-theist atheist, which means that I view religion as a negative force in the world. Luckily, DH is also an atheist. We will raise our children openly secular, while also educating them on religious beliefs and why these beliefs are wrong. I have been an atheist ever since I was a little girl, so my family has known and accepted my beliefs for decades.

This Easter holdiay, we will be breaking the news that this is our last Easter celebration with the family. DH and I go to see family, eat, and watch the LOs hunt for eggs. But we do not want to confuse our children. I'm sure that will surprise and disapoint my family, but they will get over it quickly

renarene · November 2014

I don't know what I am! I never think about it long enough to really figure it out.

I have a 9 year old and the way we've gone about it is having a private baptism with just myself and my husband, my daughter was 7 months. His family had already made her a gown and insisted. This was our compromise.

She has gone to church with my mom for a couple years now, her choice. I go on holidays and for programs to support her. She received a bible as a gift and for a while asked that I read from it before bed to her and I obliged. She also likes it if I am with her at night when she says her prayers. All of this is completely led by her and I know at some point the hard questions will come from her about what I believe. I'm not looking forward to it. Part of me wishes I could be religious for her sake but it doesn't feel right to me.

jennnyboomboom · November 2014

@tinalovescauliflower I recently discovered "secular humanist" after doing some research on what I best identify myself with and just fell for this.

Definitely consider myself agnostic for sure. H was raised Catholic (we come from a very Irish Catholic region. We're like the Kennedy's!) but he understands where I come from. We share a lot of similar views. He doesn't buy in to all of the Catholic beliefs (phew!).

We don't have any plans to baptize, however we do plan on exposing LO to as much as possible. Whatever they identify with and makes them feel comfortable is all that matters to me.

josim · November 2014

Hi!!!

Raised agnostic, married an atheist. I think i will fit in well here

Jillibean68 · November 2014

Hello!
I was raised Christian/Seventh Day Adventist, and while I appreciate all the good times, I now identify as agnostic-with a leaning towards atheist.
Dh was raised catholic and has very strong catholic beliefs. It's a major source of tension, but we make it through. I allowed him to get DS baptized (it was more for him than DS anyway), but that's where I draw the line. DS and newbie will be exposed to all types of religion and will be making their own decisions when they are old enough.

sarahchrismck · November 2014

DH and I are both agnostic. We are not necessarily anti-religion, we just don't have a specific set of beliefs that we follow. While I understand religion can be a positive thing in someone's life, it really angers me when it's used as an excuse to hate on a certain group (i.e. same-sex couples). I also believe DH and I are very good people, and we don't need religion in our lives to be good people. I also feel like we are a mistrusted group, and wish that was different.

We will not be baptizing and do not care who in our family wants us to. We got married in a non-religious ceremony conducted by a state official licensed to marry us. Religion was not mentioned in our ceremony by our request. Just not our style.

So nice to see I'm not alone here.

sarahchrismck · November 2014

MichieU79 said:

lauranicole91 said:

Sup. I was raised and baptized catholic and DH baptist. His parents are still very religious but my parents aren't really. We don't plan on baptizing. But we were a part of an all inclusive Unitarian church. Gave us the same community feeling of church without the Jesus part. They focus on world events and doing good for the sole purpose of doing good. It has nothing to do with working for the lord or good karma. It's a very fun atmosphere. But we moved and it's too far away now. We may try to get back into going when our daughter gets a bit older. They have an awesome child program where they help teach and explain each religion. I think it's important that she isn't sheltered from religious ideas, but can learn it all and decide herself.

I love Unitarian Churches. I keep trying to find one that is a good fit but there aren't a whole lot of choices nearby. Their religious education for children is exactly how I would like to educate my children.
I am an agnostic also. My husband is also basically an agnostic. We were both raised as Catholics. We never baptized our son and won't baptize this baby either. Luckily, our families have either been supportive or kept their mouths shut about their opinions.

I really like the community aspect of churches in general, and DH and I have talked about exploring a Unitarian Church in the future.

VeganOnTuesdays · November 2014

ramy3 said:

T1green said:

Hi! I'm agnostic and will not be baptizing my child. I want my children to establish their own beliefs when they are old enough to make that decision.

I'm a Christian and will not be baptizing my children. They will make that decision for themselves when they're old enough to understand the meaning behind it.

@ramy3 Same here. I was not baptized until I was old enough to decide for myself and we will be doing the same for our children.

beezybaby · November 2014

I maybe shouldn't post here, but, I just wanted to chime in as a Christian that DOES NOT JUDGE anyone for their religious views, or how those views may impact their kids. Just because I know that Christians can be put in that box, letting you know we aren't all judgmental.

Edit: I mis spelled Christian....(face palm....)

alaw0729 · November 2014

I ditto @beezybaby. H and I both were raised Christian and will raise our children that way. However, we both feel everyone has a right to choose what they feel is "right". Does that mean I don't share my experiences with someone who is asking for help or information or that I don't have an opinion on a particular subject, no, but your way of life is just that. YOUR way. We are responsible for ourselves and our families in the end (or maybe you believe the end is just the end..that's fine too) Point being, no hating from me.

abbalish · November 2014

Hi guys! I'm happy to see this discussion taking place.

I was raised in a very lax Jewish household, and H was raised in a fairly religious Baptist household (like half of his aunts and uncles are preachers/pastors). He and I both consider ourselves atheist.

We were just talking about how we'll raise this kid. It will definitely create some interesting dilemmas. Even though H and I are completely nonreligious, I have mixed feelings about giving NO religious background for the kid(s) to later decide to accept or reject. In theory I like the idea about learning about all kinds of different religions but that sort of feels disingenuous since I'm so firmly in the "no religion" camp.

And like, what do you do about Santa Claus? Do you tell your kid it's a hoax but not to spoil it for the rest of their friends?

stargazer530 · November 2014

Hello. Atheist here. Raised "Christian" although my parents did not go to church, was sent to a a private Christian school for most of my schooling but actually just because it was close and my parents did not like the busing to different neighborhoods that happened here when I I was little.
My husband was raised super strict seventh day adventist. Now he will not admit it but he is at least agnostic if not straight out Atheist.
I admire all those, religious or not, who let their children choose for themselves. We are doing this with our children. My in laws are very religious, so they do not know my beliefs or how we are raising our kids. One day it is going to be Hell of an uproar. My parents know my views and have made no beef about telling me how wrong I am for not raising my kids with religion. My mother has made point to discuss it with my oldest who is 5. I had already discussed god with her, but of course she didn't think twice about it until my mother "talked" to get about it and she came home telling me she believes in god. So very very irritating to have your parenting undone by a grandparent who is of course right about everything. Sorry for the rant!!! Lol

AliceKC9876 · November 2014

T1green said:

@abbalish I still plan on celebrating Christmas (I do every year) and doing the whole Santa thing with the kids as long as they still believe in Santa Clause.
I'm sure that at some point your kids will be invited to church by a few of their friends. Even though I was raised Baptist, I still went to other religious churches when I stayed the night with friends. That gave me some exposure and opened my mind to do more research on religious beliefs when I became older.

Same here (as far as celebrating Christmas). We'll just focus on the secular aspects of the holidays. I'm a little hesitant to let my kids go to church with friends when they're really young because as a child one of my good friends belonged to a Nazarene church and her mom totally was trying to bring me into the religion (I was catholic back then). My mom stopped letting me do church stuff with her because of that so I'm not sure what the best way to handle this with my kids is. Kids are just so impressionable that I really want to be careful how religion/god is presented. I want them to choose what to believe for themselves, but I don't think kids are really capable of that until they're older, you know?

Minevato · November 2014

My husband and I are both agnostic. My grandparents however are SUPER Mormon, so this is going to be interesting because I know they will have things to say...

catmentzer21 · November 2014

I am a very stubborn person in general. So my family members who have problems with my decision on my children's religious freedom have all been told the same thing. If they are going to try and push their beliefs on my family then they will not have visits with the kids that my husband or myself are not their for. If that does not work for them they can stay away all together.

FreddyisReady · November 2014

abbalish said:
And like, what do you do about Santa Claus? Do you tell your kid it's a hoax but not to spoil it for the rest of their friends?

We will treat Santa Clause just like every other mythological figure: Easter bunny, tooth fairy, ghosts, monsters under the bed, etc. We will tell the background story, but not pretend like Santa is a real being who leaves gifts for kids. I believe we have a moral obligation to tell our children the truth as much as we can. Plenty of kids grow up not believing in Santa (Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim kids-more than half the world!).

And honestly, The whole idea of Santa is just too close to the idea of a god. He is all-knowing, judges you, and then either rewards or punishes you for your behavior. When children begin to doubt this myth and question it (how does Santa fly all over the world in one night? How does he fit in our chimney?), we make up even more lies and say that Santa has supernatural magical powers. It's like a creepy primer for religion later in life.

sarahchrismck · November 2014

FreddyisReady said:

And like, what do you do about Santa Claus? Do you tell your kid it's a hoax but not to spoil it for the rest of their friends?
We will treat Santa Clause just like every other mythological figure: Easter bunny, tooth fairy, ghosts, monsters under the bed, etc. We will tell the background story, but not pretend like Santa is a real being who leaves gifts for kids. I believe we have a moral obligation to tell our children the truth as much as we can. Plenty of kids grow up not believing in Santa (Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim kids-more than half the world!). And honestly, The whole idea of Santa is just too close to the idea of a god. He is all-knowing, judges you, and then either rewards or punishes you for your behavior. When children begin to doubt this myth and question it (how does Santa fly all over the world in one night? How does he fit in our chimney?), we make up even more lies and say that Santa has supernatural magical powers. It's like a creepy primer for religion later in life.

I feel the same way about Santa, Easter Bunny, etc. DH and I don't want to "be" any of these things for out children - but we will explain what they're all about. I have always felt knowingly lying to my children about this was uncomfortable, and I feel the same way about shoving religion on them.

tashad18 · November 2014

Exactly what @mermomo5‌ said. My husband is Athiest though. We both feel it is important for our children to learn to be good people and to decide on their religious preference when they can make an educated choice.

nutterswifey88 · November 2014

Over here! Nice to see other mamas/parents out there.

staccajaye · November 2014

*waving* G'day my ladies!!!
I was raised with no religion, same as SO. He is agnostic, I'm more atheist/ agnostic.
My parents let me decide what I wanted to believe in. I wanted to be a witch after watching The Craft (still would if I could hehe)
We won't be baptizing/christening our baby.
I feel quite normal after reading everyone posts. Yes!!!! I fit in \:D/

Pintobean39 · November 2014

I just wanted to share a little story about letting your children decide because regardless of your beliefs eventually they may decide to go down a different path. I raised both my boys the same. We went to church when they were younger they chose to be baptized when the time was right for them. I did send them to catholic schools for the education not the religion. I always taught them no religion is above any other and to always respect others beliefs regardless.

Now my oldest son is a bible beating baptist and my youngest is agnostic. I've never been neither of them. It's actually amusing when they debate, I love it. Especially because my youngest is pretty knowledgable on everyone's religion and no matter what my oldest son says my youngest has something to throw at him. Makes family dinners amusing.

sarahchrismck · November 2014

Pintobean39 said:

I just wanted to share a little story about letting your children decide because regardless of your beliefs eventually they may decide to go down a different path. I raised both my boys the same. We went to church when they were younger they chose to be baptized when the time was right for them. I did send them to catholic schools for the education not the religion. I always taught them no religion is above any other and to always respect others beliefs regardless. Now my oldest son is a bible beating baptist and my youngest is agnostic. I've never been neither of them. It's actually amusing when they debate, I love it. Especially because my youngest is pretty knowledgable on everyone's religion and no matter what my oldest son says my youngest has something to throw at him. Makes family dinners amusing.

@Pintobean39 ohhhh I love a good religious debate! As long as both sides are open and respectful, I find a good debate fascinating and stimulating. I'm just a nerd like that.

I'm not raising my kid(s) with a specific religion, but I understand that they are going to choose their own belief systems and I welcome that. I want them to choose and not have me dictate what they should/shouldn't believe.

stark01938209 · November 2014

This reminds me of an awesome quote from Orange is the New Black- Chapman: "I believe in science. I believe in evolution. I believe in Nate Silver and Neil deGrasse Tyson, and Christopher Hitchens. Although I do admit he could be a kind of an asshole. I cannot get behind some supreme being who weighs in on the Tony Awards while a million people get whacked with machetes. I don't believe a billion Indians are going to hell. I don't think we get cancer to learn life lessons, and I don't believe that people die young because God needs another angel. I think it's just bullshit, and on some level, I think we all know that, I mean, don't you?... Look I understand that religion makes it easier to deal with all of the random shitty things that happen to us. And I wish I could get on that ride, I'm sure I would be happier. But I can't . Feeling aren't enough. I need it to be real."

I'm agnostic and do believe in nature and science (somewhat Buddhist leaning). Raised conservative Christian. My husband was raised Catholic and is an atheist. Family and religion talks are super awkard. My mom and my grandma have cornered me on it the last couple holidays. Super awkward.

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