taking my first steps toward being a GC (boston area)

MamaFantastic · October 2014

hey all,

i posted here once earlier in the year with a small intro and details about my desire to become a GC for friends of ours who are 9 years and 2 failed IVF cycles into their journey toward parenthood. i'm now finally taking concrete steps toward figuring out whether i'd be a suitable carrier. i've had a few super early losses plus one ruptured ectopic loss, and two healthy full term children (one this past spring), so i'm a mixed bag of fertility history.

the hospital i'd use for this process is located in boston, and i am ready to send over my medical records so the doctors can assess my history and potential to be a suitable carrier. i have NOT given our friends any hint that i'm pursuing this. i want to do as much work on my own beforehand, as i want to avoid any potential for being rejected due to medical history after i disclose my willingness to be their carrier.

i've looked back through the post history and i see some people (@mama-bear) on the board are GCs, so i'm hoping to hear from those who have experienced the process and can give some advice for this very early stage in the game.

and on the opposite end of the spectrum, now that i'm faced with the possibility of having this very important and emotional conversation with our dear friends, i'd LOVE to hear from those who are on the opposite end and are using a carrier. what did you want to hear in those first conversations? what did you NOT want to hear? it's such a sensitive, highly charged topic and my offer will come out of the blue from their perspective, so i want to go into any potential future talks with some advice or help from those who have been there.

thanks!

Mama-Bear · October 2014

First I would check with your OB to make sure he/she would clear you for an additional pregnancy. Also, there's not much you can do without talking to your friends first, because it doesn't matter if you get approved but 10000 doctors, you need to be approved by THEIR doctor as a GC for THEM. You'll need to get all of your previous pregnancy and delivery records from your OB and hospital(s) where you delivered. That can take weeks. Once you have your records (be prepared to pay for them), you need to talk to your friends and if they're interested then you need to get your records to THEIR RE. The RE will look over your history and decide if he thinks that you're currently their best shot in having a baby. You may be disqualified for your losses or they may not be a big deal in your qualification since you've carried baby to term since then and had a successful live birth.

Also before saying anything, make sure your insurance will cover the pregnancy. You'll want to ask for you benefits and exclusions. In there you'll look under maternity AND infertility to see if there's anything that will exclude you from being covered. Be very careful of wording (and if you have Tricare, I can tell you now that it 100%, absolutely, without a doubt should NOT be used to cover a surrogate pregnancy - neither can medicaid).

lincoln79 · October 2014

I echo what Mama-Bear says. It is incredible that you are willing, but it may not work out through no fault of your own.

I wanted to hear the unadulterated truth in the first conversation. Fears, concerns, touchy questions. I knew it would only work if we could all be open and blunt with each other.

1220winterbride · October 2014

You are amazing!

My sister offered to be a surrogate for me and I was very touched and completely thrilled. We never got far along to screening, etc. but just the fact that she offered made me feel less isolated.

MamaFantastic · October 2014

girls, thank you so much for all of this helpful information! sorry it has taken me so long to circle back and respond, but i read each new message as it came in and it gave me great food for thought (and a productive to-do/research list as well!)

my insurance company will cover me for typical OB, delivery and postpartum care from the point at which i discover i'm pregnant. they will not cover any IVF procedures to get me pregnant with someone else's baby. that expense would need to be borne by our friends and/or their insurance company. an OB at my local practice reviewed my record and said she didn't see anything that would automatically preclude me from moving forward, so here we go!

we're going to visit them this weekend and talk to them. i'm nervous and excited. my husband and i have been talking about this for 2 years, so it feels like a long time coming and we hope the conversation is well received. i'll update next week with how things went.

IRR · October 2014

OMG what a blessing you will be for your friends. We had a family friend offer to be our surrogate Memorial Day and I have been crying ever since. Today was the egg retrieval so transfer will be taking place sometime between Sat-Monday. She lives in a compassionate only state and so we are not allowed to pay for anything for her. I will say it is a little weird for my DH since he has known our Surrogate since she was 10, but knowing C and her entire family leaves out any weirdness and no strangers are involved except our ED. GL with your conversation and expect a lot of tears.

Mama-Bear · October 2014

Good luck! Just an FYI, their insurance won't pay anything for YOUR side of the IVF. It very well might pay for SOME of their side (her drugs, maybe more), but everything on your side will be a cash pay. DON'T use your insurance until your first OB appointment.

lincoln79 · November 2014

Mama-Bear said:

Good luck! Just an FYI, their insurance won't pay anything for YOUR side of the IVF. It very well might pay for SOME of their side (her drugs, maybe more), but everything on your side will be a cash pay. DON'T use your insurance until your first OB appointment.

It depends. Our insurance paid for all medication/monitoring/transfer for our gestational surrogate (we had already done the IVF part and had two frozen embies), but I think we probably have exceptionally good insurance.

Mama-Bear · November 2014

lincoln79 said:

Mama-Bear said:

Good luck! Just an FYI, their insurance won't pay anything for YOUR side of the IVF. It very well might pay for SOME of their side (her drugs, maybe more), but everything on your side will be a cash pay. DON'T use your insurance until your first OB appointment.

It depends. Our insurance paid for all medication/monitoring/transfer for our gestational surrogate (we had already done the IVF part and had two frozen embies), but I think we probably have exceptionally good insurance.

Wow, I've NEVER heard of an insurance policy covering someone that's NOT on the policy. Am I misunderstanding and you bought a policy for your surro or was this a regular insurance policy for YOU through your employer.

Mama-Bear · November 2014

Any updates?

lincoln79 · November 2014

Mama-Bear said:

lincoln79 said:

Mama-Bear said:

Good luck! Just an FYI, their insurance won't pay anything for YOUR side of the IVF. It very well might pay for SOME of their side (her drugs, maybe more), but everything on your side will be a cash pay. DON'T use your insurance until your first OB appointment.

It depends. Our insurance paid for all medication/monitoring/transfer for our gestational surrogate (we had already done the IVF part and had two frozen embies), but I think we probably have exceptionally good insurance.

Wow, I've NEVER heard of an insurance policy covering someone that's NOT on the policy. Am I misunderstanding and you bought a policy for your surro or was this a regular insurance policy for YOU through your employer.

Nope, it was my policy. It is apparently fairly common in Illinois (I presume due to the coverage mandate). I know it is probably uncommon, but it never hurts to ask!

MamaFantastic · December 2014

They're going to take a step back and figure out next steps. It took them years to become comfortable with IUI and then IVF, so I shouldn't have expected them to make any fast decisions about such a significant and complicated scenario. For now we wait

They were surprised and grateful, though. It certainly brought us closer. Thanks everyone!

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