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September 2014 Moms
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Stop buying clothes for my baby

BeccaOCBeccaOC member
in September 2014 Moms
Pardon my rant... welcoming any thoughts, advice or similar stories.

It's starting to bother me how much clothes I am receive as gifts for DD. Of course I should be grateful for everyone's generosity, but frankly I don't want to dress my baby in the ugly stuff you think is cute! I've received so many clothes, there's almost no point to buy any of my own.

Some have been coming from my parents friends, often people I don't even know, and I'm truly tired of writing them thank you notes for stuff I don't want. But at least some I can return... when they include receipts (which is not often). Especially when they won't be the right size/season to fit the kiddo at the right time.

Worse are the tons of outfits coming from my relatives who expect me to dress the baby in them and send pictures. For example today my baby had 3 different 1st Halloween outfits I had to rotate, take photos in, and post to Facebook! Did I mention I have a full time job? Did they ever consider I might want to chose my child's 1st Holiday outfit or costume?

Many of the clothes go all the way out to 12+ months, and my baby was very small so they may fit her up to 18 months. At what age can I start dressing my kid the way I want?

Weirdest part yet... A family member who has been graciously watching our daughter 2 days a week has been buying clothes just to put on her when there and take pictures for Facebook. She doesn't send her home with them, just plays dress up. Hope it doesn't cause an issue because the in-laws want to buy her frilly dresses and I've asked them not to, because I don't like them and then there she is on Facebook all dressed up in them!

In reality I know all these folks mean well and I am blessed to be so fortunate. So please don't give me some kind of guilt trip about this. Just venting and wondering if anyone else is experiencing baby clothes overload or has any advice or insight about when it will let up?
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Re: Stop buying clothes for my baby

  • jaime52005jaime52005 member
    Take them back without receipts u get store credit if u don't want them or as PP said..donate them
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  • BeccaOCBeccaOC member
    Really... thanks so much for everyone's support. :-S

    Like I don't know there are people who need clothes or food or help? I pointed out twice that I am obviously blessed and grateful. I always donate anything I have used and not used when I am done with it. I've served on active duty in our military for a decade and in my "spare" time regularly volunteer to help those less fortunate than I.

    Just because I have cynical feelings spurred by hormones, stress, sleeplessness and sarcasm, doesn't mean you need to be so harsh. I am actually embarrassed of the gifts because I feel they are excessive/unnecessary as I grew up fairly poor with a single parent, I don't place value in material things, and I would much prefer to give than receive.

    I was being pretty flip in this post but I did bring up an issue I was wondering if other new moms go through at all. If the answer is no, and I'm the only one feeling this way, then fine. But I'm a new working mom who needed somewhere to share some crazy, so that I don't say it to the wonderfully generous people who's feelings I wouldn't want to offend. Thanks again for your "understanding".
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  • neeno1neeno1 member
    I know exactly how you feel. It's tiring to sort through everything and make trips to donate and then keep it all straight to write thank you notes. Also, I have a strict policy with my family that they are not allowed to post photos without my permission.
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  • rose913rose913 member
    I can relate, though it is an unpopular opinion.

    Like you said I feel very blessed and gratefull but it is hard when we don't have much storage space and we are getting out of season clothes as far out at 24 months. My in-law's friends are all big spenders, who for some reason bought expensive out of season clothes, and it breaks my heart that she probably won't wear them. Especially the $86 designer snowsuit that will fit her in the spring/summer. (I don't even own any clothes that cost that much!)

    And while I will definitely donate everything, and I know it will get used to help a family who really needs it, it is hard to see the money that was intended for my LO, that we really couldn't have used for her, go out the door. And I hate knowing how disappointed they will be that she didn't get to wear the clothes.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • SanRemoSanRemo member
    I have been thrilled and humbled by the amount of clothes my dd has received. This is my second girl and people are aware that we are ok financially or at least they can assume we are. People love to buy babies new clothes. I am grateful for all of it. This however is not stopping me from buying my own stuff even though I kept all of dd1's clothes. Mia just gets to wear 5-6 outfits a day right now. It is so much fun. Of course this will all change when I am released to go back to work and Mia has to go to daycare. She will only get 1-2 outfits a day. This is my first world problem.
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  • kateroniumkateronium member
    @tromboner can I get in on that popcorn?
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  • CUBBIESMAMA3CUBBIESMAMA3 member
    This is unbelievable. This is all I can say. Everyone else has already said it for me. You know, I had this "problem"when DS was born. I accepted the clothes, took pictures of him in the clothes that I didn't like, and then donated them. That way, everyone was happy and more people than just me benefited from the generosity of these people that my kids and I never see, but who still care enough to help us out.
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  • kleigh926kleigh926 member
    People giving us clothes for our children has meant that we've barely had to buy any clothes for them even with DD being almost 2 years old now. Have they been able to wear them all? No, some of them didn't fit or were the wrong season or were not my style. But I still accepted them with thanks. If they can't wear them, then I have and will donate them. We have very little storage space in our house as well, so I understand that struggle. But that doesn't mean you complain about people's generosity. Our family and friend's gifts and hand-me-downs have literally saved me hundreds of dollars. I can't imagine being upset about that. 
    PCOS with long, irregular cycles
    First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013 
    BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014

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  • str13str13 member
    Some of us get really really shitty awful gifts. DD1 got a used tube of skittles flavored lip balm from stepFIL after MIL helped her put some on. I had twenty heart attacks! I think that's worse than having to take pics of LO in hammie-downs or frilly gowns!!
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  • CUBBIESMAMA3CUBBIESMAMA3 member
    .
    kleigh926 said:

    People giving us clothes for our children has meant that we've barely had to buy any clothes for them even with DD being almost 2 years old now. Have they been able to wear them all? No, some of them didn't fit or were the wrong season or were not my style. But I still accepted them with thanks. If they can't wear them, then I have and will donate them. We have very little storage space in our house as well, so I understand that struggle. But that doesn't mean you complain about people's generosity. Our family and friend's gifts and hand-me-downs have literally saved me hundreds of dollars. I can't imagine being upset about that. 

    This. While I gave away a few pieces that were given to us for DS, anything that could halfway be construed as unisex, we are using for DD, so we are still saving money, thanks to these gifts and those great people, some of whom have passed away since DS was born four years ago


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  • JanisBaby14JanisBaby14 member
    @tromboner love the gif ... And that the dude is wearing a military-ish outfit. Snicker.

    We received many many gifts as clothes and nothing under 3mos ... At first I was like wth I can't use anything in like forever ... Well DS is a chunky monkey and turned 2mos yesterday and is fitting into 3mos!! But now I look at it that when he fits into the 6mos clothes I will def have some for a good start!

    No one has ever asked for a pic of DS in the outfit ... Are you assuming that's what they want or they are specifically asking? I send pics daily to family of just random outfits I put DS in ... Maybe better time management or a better system to keep in touch with people is needed.
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  • str13str13 member
    JanisBaby14 said:

    No one has ever asked for a pic of DS in the outfit ... Are you assuming that's what they want or they are specifically asking? I send pics daily to family of just random outfits I put DS in ... Maybe better time management or a better system to keep in touch with people is needed.

    And yeah. This! I honesty don't think anyone's asked me for a specific picture of something. Maybe you're stressing about something that people dont really mind? I mean if I buy someone a gift I guess I'd be nice to see their LO in it, but I certainly have never expected a pic of the kiddo in it. And if I never saw the outfit again I don't think it would phase me at all. When I get someone baby clothes I'm thinking about my kiddos being that little. And getting them things that I liked when my babies were squishies. I don't think that's bad. Sure I have some outfits that are super weird looking, like 1800 funeral garb weird. But it's just what g-ma wanted my aunt to wear I guess. Idk!
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  • SingleMom31SingleMom31 member
    Normally I agree with the regulars, but I kind of understand the OP. My sister is infamous for showing up with things that make me wince (my "favorite" was a belly shirt that resembled Daisy Duke's with cutoff shorts - to put it in prospective, it didn't meet the dress code requirements for daycare). She usually starts with, "I'm sure you won't like this, but *I* think it's adorable." I always hold it up, thank her, and then donate it... Someone else will surely enjoy it.

    The problem with that has been twofold: She asks why none of our pictures ever include her outfits (you can only fake so many poop explosions) and its caused some hurt feelings (like when she sent a dress for DD's first Easter and I had DD wear the outfit I had already bought instead). I finally asked my mom what to do since I feel bad that she's wasting money, and she pointed out that this wasn't about me - it's about my sister, who'll never have kids, and that it makes her happy to mentally play dress up. After that, I decided it's just better to not say anything and keep smiling and saying thank you.

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  • KATILLAC1KATILLAC1 member
    Hashtag first world problems. X_X
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  • str13str13 member
    @wrightpalomo this summer I bought DD1 baby soffee's they were hilarious!! She had just got to walking really well! It was so damn funny!! I just realized I'm a terrible mother... :/
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  • Kmack510Kmack510 member
    OP, I agree with some of what you've said. I was just packing up my son's 0-3 month clothes and realized that so many outfits were never worn because they weren't particularly my style or were overly complicated. (Confession: I still try to avoid putting anything over LO's head ...) We were also given a Halloween costume for him and while it was completely adorable, it is something that I did want to pick out on my own. I'll smile and say thank you and write the thank you notes and donate what I don't end up wanting, but I think I've silently ranted about the same thing before, followed by feeling horribly guilty at resenting other people's generosity. Deep down, however, I think part of my frustration at times has been that I can think of so many OTHER ways that friends and family could help me and baby. Three sets of neighbors gave us multiple outfits and stuffed animals, but asking me if we need a gallon of milk when they are heading to the store or offering to watch LO for 20 minutes while I take a shower or rake some leaves would be much more helpful. I wish that I as a new mom was more open about asking these people who obviously care for the help that would actually be most helpful. I think that since I'm not comfortable being honest when asked what we need, people resort to adorable baby clothes. Hopefully I'll remember this the next time a friend has a baby, since I have definitely purchased adorable baby outfits in the past (and got annoyed at my SIL when I never saw a picture of my nephew in the outfit!). I'm also pretty sure that if I'm not more honest, the problem - if you can call it that - will just continue with toys.
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  • pinklillies610pinklillies610 member
    I'm still getting hideous looking or out of season outfits that people think are cute but I saved the decent ones for messy times and donated the rest that I won't be putting LO in.i gave some to a friend in need and the rest to a local shelter. In no way am I bothered by it. I go to the shelter once a week to drop off and feel good about it. It also makes me feel good that so many people have come out of the woodworks to support DH and I and show love for the baby. Best feeling ever. I don't care if they gave me a lump of coal it's the thought that counts

    TTC since 2.11
    BFP #1: 3.15.11- c/p
    MTHFR Dx 6.13-Rx- folate and B12
    BFP #2: 11.9.13 -m/c Trisomy 4
    BFP #3 1.18.14 EDD 9.27.2014


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  • wieb67wieb67 member
    My mom bought a ton of girl clothes for my baby before we found out the gender because she was sooo positive...well turns out we were having a boy!! I still make fun of her for that all the time :) we got a bunch of similar Carter's outfits as gifts - I thought it was overkill until I experienced baby's first poop explosion. We ended up being sooo glad for all the extra clothes and actually had to buy more because he was such a pooper at the beginning. I never really felt like I had to take pics in specific outfits (and let's be real, unless they were especially ugly or cute I rarely remembered who bought what) other than a friend that bought him an outfit when she was in Germany and one that got him some socks in Paris. I thought it was so nice of them to do that.

    I have been even more grateful than I thought for all the clothes cuz I've had NO desire to take LO outfit shopping lol...and I found out recently that both my best friend and my little brother and his wife are having babies so I can pass on things I don't use (and possibly the girl clothes lol) to them.

    One thing I did notice is that a lot of people don't consider how old your baby will be during a particular season when they gift - we got a super cute North Face jacket as a gift but I think it'll be too big this year and too small next year! :( oh well I'll prob try to stuff him in it anyway.

    While I am grateful for everything I have now I am def guilty of not being appreciative during the first few weeks - my MIL came over to help constantly whether I wanted her to or not and she was driving me crazy. My husband and I just finally had to talk to her and we gained some perspective and had to relax our hold on the baby a bit. It's November now so I'm really trying to be thankful for everything, even my in laws haha.

    Sorry for the rambling post...got no sleep and just had coffee... :-P

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