I hemmed and hawed about writing this because for me, it was an awful experience, but I feel it might be cathartic because I usually gloss over lots of detail when asked about my delivery.
My pregnancy had been a breeze, I had light constant nausea, but no aches, pains, swelling, hemorrhoids, etc... Everything was staying uneventful up until October 8th. That night as I was lying in bed I noticed that LO wasn't very active. I have a short torso and he was a bit large so I knew where he was and what he was doing at all times.
The next morning, I felt him move a bit, but it was still not normal. The last time I felt him was my drive to work at 9:30am. 3 hours later, I began to get a little anxious and I ran to the minimart and downed a chocolate muffin and some orange juice. 2 hours after that, I had still not felt movement and pushing on him didn't do much so I called my doctor. I waited 30 minutes for a callback and was told to head over to L&D for monitoring.
Unfortunately, I was working with 2 new employees who were not really in a position to be left by themselves. I told the boss's assistant I would be taking my lunch and heading to the hospital and that I would update when I got there.
My work and the hospital are a quick less than 10 minute ride on the streetcar so I tried to calmly walk to the stop. Part of me thought it would be okay, but part of me was thinking the worst, so I called DH, who was 20 minutes away and told him to meet me in L&D.
I was admitted around 3:30 and they popped a heart rate monitor on me, LO's heart was racing at 180. I had just had a checkup 5 days prior and everything had been perfect. I was trying not to panic. My cervix was checked and I was at a 4! I was given an ultrasound and everything become much more clear, he was running out of amniotic fluid. This was impossible, I said, I hadn't been leaking, what happened to his fluid? The OB (mine was nowhere near the hospital at all) immediately concluded an infection and had started talking about taking him out right then and there.
I was so relieved to see DH walk in at that moment, and the OB relayed everything that was happening, he looked at me and I was just nodding and tearing up. After briefing DH, I was rushed to the OR.
The anesthesiologist, was awful. They were trying to bend me over in order to get the spinal in, he failed the first time, the pain was so intense I started bawling, he blamed me for not bending far enough forward. Sorry, guy, there's a basketball in my way and I'm still processing having a baby 5 weeks early. One if the nurses is hugging me at this point and she helps pull me forward. He's able to place the spinal and I scream, at that moment, my water broke. They were testing my numbness and I noted spots I could still feel. They let DH in and he sat right next to me.
It was time to start cutting, everything was fine until they hit the last half inch on the left, I could feel everything there! It was a level of pain I had never imagined. I was screaming and crying and DH thought I was dying, he was trying to tell me things to calm me down, one of them was that his name would be Connor (DH was set on Ethan) everyone had become aware that I could feel, but there was nothing they could do.
Connor David was born at 4:34pm October 9th, at 34w6d. He weighed 6lbs 13oz and was 17 3/4". He whimpered which was great to hear. DH was brought over while they cleaned him up. They finished and he was rushed to the NICU in the hospital 5 minutes away.
I was wheeled into recovery where I had a panic attack due to not being able to feel or move my legs. I stayed overnight and DH never left my side. The next day, I was cleared to be transferred to the other hospital, only to be told DH couldn't drive me, I had to wait an hour for an ambulance, I broke down and started crying again. All I wanted to do was see Connor.
Over 24 hours postpartum, I was finally brought over to see my baby. He was breathing on his own, and I had instantly fallen in love. The OB's suspicion was correct, and Connor had contracted group b strep through my placenta. I know I shouldn't, but I couldn't help feeling like I had failed him. They had mentioned to me several times that he probably wouldn't have made it had I not come in when I did, I'm still plagued with what ifs to this day.
He stayed in the NICU for 11 days and I stayed with him, he took to BFing right away and was doing so well, he was removed from most his monitors and his antibiotic schedule was pushed up so he could be released a day early. Staying in the NICU and hearing other parent's stories, we feel so lucky to have had our outcome.
My incision is healing well, but the skin above is numb, whenever I touch it, I tear up a little. I had wanted a vaginal, unmedicated birth, I wanted to feel labor. In the end, I have my beautiful son in my arms, he's healthy and I would have taken any means to get him here.
Bonus photo from his photo shoot yesterday!